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MNHQ

We Believe You: we're launching our rape awareness campaign today.

530 replies

KateMumsnet · 09/03/2012 15:56

Today, we're very proud to be launching a new campaign. It's called 'We Believe You', and it's inspired by the many MNers who've asked us to speak out about the prevalence of rape and sexual assault in women's lives.

While we're at it, we're going to try to explode, once and for all, some pernicious myths about rape - about who does it, what it is, and whom it can happen to. These myths mean that many victims are denied justice: our survey confirmed that most don't report their rape or sexual assault, for fear of being disbelieved.

So the message of our campaign is in the title - we believe you. We hope MNers will get behind it, and spread that message far and wide - on Facebook, and on Twitter, using the hashtag #webelieveyou. And don't forget to let us know what you think here on this thread.

We're also giving a shout-out to Rape Crisis, the End Violence Against Women coalition, and Barnardo's - all of whom are supporting our campaign. They all work hard on sexual violence issues - either by supporting those who've experienced it, or campaigning for better prevention strategies - so do see if you can help them out.

MNHQ x

OP posts:
runningforthebusinheels · 12/03/2012 22:59

Hi MN, could you take another look at your FB page please? There are a few posts on there that are perpetuating the very myths that MN is campaigning against. Thanks.

Darleneconnor · 13/03/2012 00:39

Yes the fb page is undermining the campaign.

justalittleinsane · 13/03/2012 00:50

Having just read the FB page, I dont think the debate can be stiffled, so best to let it stand and allow individuals to provide answers, I think the posters there are doing really well at non aggressively tackling the myths being perpetuated.

Wildchocolate · 13/03/2012 07:15

Well done Mumsnet. The Rape and Sexual Abuse Support Centre (RASASC) in Guildford, Surrey I know is delighted that you are taking such a public stand.

If we can all change the myths and stereotype ideas that everyone has, talk about it and make rape and sexual abuse completely unacceptable to any person, then the world will be a better place.

I know the Surrey RASASC answered +3,000 helpline callers last year and sees 50 people every week for face to face counselling. It is a huge problem and people prefer to ignor it. Check out www.rasasc-guildford.org

StewieGriffinsMom · 13/03/2012 07:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BIWI · 13/03/2012 07:58

I agree. Also makes it look like MN never bother with the FB page.

justalittleinsane · 13/03/2012 08:37

I agree with sgm re Mumsnet respOnding to comments - simply deleting them will lead to a lot of criticism though.

Howdo · 13/03/2012 08:49

Well done for doing this.

I am an older Mnetter and was raped by my first husband. This was in the late 1980's when the law pretty much let a man rape his wife with no comeback. I can't remember when the law was changed. He is still regarded by all as a sucessful professional. Whereas I have struggled to trust men ever since.

lolaflores · 13/03/2012 09:14

am struggling with a rape of 13 years ago by a man I knew. i go through cycles of forgetting and burying, only for it to make up for lost time when it remerges. The ongoing impact from a 15 minute event is breath taking sometimes. it has taken m e this long to even tell someone and I feel ready and it would seem that this campaign to me is a harbinger of a light to swim for.
Many thanks to MN for doing this. For the women who are lost and looking for a way to peace

Mouseface · 13/03/2012 10:46

Oh Lola Sad

I know for many that this campaign will trigger feelings of fear and loathing that have long been buried. I'm struggling today if the truth be told. The FB page is upsetting me so much that I'm not going back to read it.

Last night was hard, I dreamt about my XP as I often do but last night was somehow different in the fact that we were married, we had children, we lived together and the rapes had never taken place.

I woke this morning shaking and scared, it took a few moments for me to remember where I was, who I was.

I wondered if others had the same? I wondered if there are women out there who also dream of a change of event. I know that when I was with my ex, I thought I could change him, love him enough so that he's no longer hurt me, rape me, punch me. I thought I'd be the one who would stop his pain.

I blamed myself for not loving him enough, not caring enough. I blamed myself for being weak and feeble. I didn't tell a soul and those who asked about my weight loss, were lied to. Those who asked why I was limping, were lied to.

After all, it was my fault. I wasn't good enough for him. He had money, a nice house, a great job with a huge blue chip company, a flash car, holidays abroad......

I know that it was all a web of lies and deceit. Like a spider with a web, waiting for the fly to land. He just completely took over my life and my own self worth. The power and control that he had over me was so intense.

I suppose that's why I still have days where I wait for him to knock on the door, and doing this campaign did make me wonder if he'd be able to track me down.

The thing is, I know that is he did ever find me, if he did ever come looking for me, he can not hurt me any more. He has no power over me. He no longer has control over me.

I hate him, he is an ugly, pathetic man. He's small and weak and has no right to be in my life. He will never be able to hurt me again. I know that the dreams will subside and they are getting further apart.

For each day I walk forward, he takes a step away from me.

FirstLastEverything · 13/03/2012 11:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mouseface · 13/03/2012 11:19

The other thing I found out once I'd left, is that XP used to 'brag' about it to his friends. He'd tell them all about his conquests, he was sleeping around as well as abusing me.

He got his XP pregnant when we were together and she kept the baby. He made me terminate our child saying that he'd kick it out of my if I didn't.

The initial article that I wrote for the Independent was pages long but they took the really important points and printed them, the full 'story' builds a much better picture as I'm sure a lot of you can relate to.

The fact that I knew my abuser. He didn't start off that way, no at all, far from it in fact.

Again, I can imagine that there are a lot of victims out there (men and women) who know the person who assaults them before the event even takes place and therefore, when that is the case, I think the fact that the abuser is known makes it harder for others to believe you/me/us.

sinisterisland · 13/03/2012 12:10

i'm proud to be a mumsnetter at times like these, TBH i started to piece together my own history from reading many threads over the years here on MN that struck a chord and I've never posted about my own self even though i've come to realise that my first time, tricked into a bush just 13 by an 18 year old who wouldn't stop when i pleaded for him to was actually rape. simply because he knew it was, even if i didn't..
thankfully as a mother of girls i'm acutely aware now of the significance of this as it sent me hurtling along a path of submissively having sex with whoever wanted me to... which has had many profound effects on my life in the short and longterm and it's only through the collective wisdom and experience shared on MN that I have been able to admit to myself what has happened throughout my life.
i recently found a diary i wrote at the time of the first rape. i only mentioned that i'd sex, i was surprised after when i realised that's what it had been..my mum read my diary and teased me relentlessly for a long time about the guy, he told many people and of course it makes sense now years later why i was constantly pursued by lowlifes wanting to have sex with me..duh! at that age i had no idea he told them that's what i was there for. i also became hated by girls as i was a 'slag' so was even more easy to abuse
i think there is a typical story here, i wasn't savagely abused but i was used for sex systematically at a young age when i was unaware, by people who were old enough to know what they were doing and enjoyed it
i even cheated on my lovely husband as i was still in a mindset of automatically having sex with people who tried to
i didn't understand my own actions/ passivity more clearly
now at nearly 40 i have come to an understanding of the fuller picture and at leat feel armed with knowledge to protect my girls from similar abusive situations. thankyou MN collectively a group of wise sisters/ aunts/ mums

AitchTwoOhOneTwo · 13/03/2012 12:42

bloody well done all of you involved in this. LOVE the myths page and am fbing it for all i am worth.

AitchTwoOhOneTwo · 13/03/2012 12:45

sinister, well done also to you and the other women who are speaking up about what has happened to them and educating their sons and daughters to behave differently.

TunipTheVegemal · 13/03/2012 12:51

I really like the way you have done the 'we believe you' words underneath the Mumsnet logo.

Hullygully · 13/03/2012 15:03

jolly good show

farrowandballs · 13/03/2012 15:29

Thank you mumsnet.

justalittleinsane · 13/03/2012 15:36

I was thinking about this today - perhaps mumsnetters could boycott solicitors who have specialist solicitors dedicated to getting these scumbags off. I'm going look around for a firm that doesn't.

lolaflores · 13/03/2012 15:47

all are innocent in the eyes of the law, the scumbags are allowed representation too and as we have cockroaches we also have solicitors who handle the low lifes. sad but true.

PacificDogwood · 13/03/2012 15:57

I occasionally deal with peopel who have survived all kinds of abusive relationships and it is staggering how pernicious sexual violance can be years and years after the attack happened. I have absoutely no desire to downplay how awful and dangerous physical abuse in general is, but there is an added dimension of visciousness when the violence is directed sexually Sad.

Please, MNHQ, can you add something 'official' to the FB page?

SerialKipper · 13/03/2012 16:00

It's also entirely possible to be wrongly prosecuted for rape where the identity of the rapist is unknown - especially when forensics cock up the DNA.

Cases where one's not quite sure have to be allowed to go to trial to thrash it out. At which point there's the man in the dock is innocent and the rapist is still out there.

SerialKipper · 13/03/2012 16:01

there's a chance the

PacificDogwood · 13/03/2012 16:02

people, doh

lolaflores · 13/03/2012 16:05

having said all that, we have a disgusting level of actual succesful prosecution for rape. i believe it gets worse every year. is it the process? is it a mind set? PacificDogwood that is the terrible terrible legacy of rape. it just keeps giving, it destroys utterly in so many ways that are difficult to put a shape on. it never stops hurting. a solicitor can walk away, a rapist can walk away, but a victim well, they are in there for ever. I speak from personal experience and it is with me like a scar

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