We Believe You: we're launching our rape awareness campaign today.

[KateMumsnet]

Today, we're very proud to be launching a new campaign. It's called 'We Believe You', and it's inspired by the many MNers who've asked us to speak out about the prevalence of rape and sexual assault in women's lives.

While we're at it, we're going to try to explode, once and for all, some pernicious myths about rape - about who does it, what it is, and whom it can happen to. These myths mean that many victims are denied justice: our survey confirmed that most don't report their rape or sexual assault, for fear of being disbelieved.

So the message of our campaign is in the title - we believe you. We hope MNers will get behind it, and spread that message far and wide - on Facebook, and on Twitter, using the hashtag #webelieveyou. And don't forget to let us know what you think here on this thread.

We're also giving a shout-out to Rape Crisis, the End Violence Against Women coalition, and Barnardo's - all of whom are supporting our campaign. They all work hard on sexual violence issues - either by supporting those who've experienced it, or campaigning for better prevention strategies - so do see if you can help them out.

MNHQ x

MNHQ, the link to the first reference on your campaign page isn't working, but the report can be found here. I'll report this post to flag it up to you.

By the way, I've started my craftivism campaign here.

Wow, dillytante! That's excellent :) You rock, truly

It's the very least I can do.

Dilly, I commented on your blog! Nice artwork! x

OG, I hope you (and your virtual life on-line) are ok.

DillyTante, brill . Well done, you. I hope you did not get a parking ticket...

I just saw this video on TV (Trigger warning) thisisabuse.direct.gov.uk/videos/view/11/if-you-could-see-youself

Am I over-sensitive or is this a crap video? To me, it perpetuates the "he got carried away" myth, the accidental rape. The decent guy who made a mistake.

Just saw that advert and was thinking along the same lines Mme. Having thought about it, I think it actually delivers the message - even if it may appear as this is a decent guy, it's still rape.
At least that's how I took it.

The #ididnotreport hashtag seems to be getting spammed by multiple posts of female to male rape (not that such a thing legally exists)

I also couldn't do the survey as it brought back a lot of bad memories for me.

I was sexually abused from aged 6months - 2years old by someone very close to me. I was questioned at length by police and social services from a very young age, I got to what this animal did to me but never named him so he got away with it.

I was then raped by my ex when I was 18 and pregnant with his baby. I was forced to tell the police that I was leing or he and his family would throw me over the bridge pregnant or not so to protect my unborn child I had to drop the charges and say I was leing and nothing happened. There was nothing I could do. The police and Social Services knew what I was going through with him but they would not help me at all. I ended up being raped and abused daily by him until I was 20 years old. The police was called 56 times in 3months, Not just by me but by the neighbours as they could hear my screams. The Police and Social Services would not help me get away from my ex so I was locked into him. Even my own "family" If I could call them that dissowned me. I had no-one.

When my ex finally did leave me I was heartbroken at the time as I knew I lost everything so I thought I would kill myself. I was lucky that my child was now adopted to a loving family even though I was missing my child.

When I got out of Phychiatrist hospital I was put in a hostile in a new town for a fresh start. This was a big mistake to make to me.

As soon as I "landed" in this new town I was targeted at by a 18year old female. who was one of the ring leaders of the town "gangs". This 18 year old made friends with me and introduced me to her friends. Little did I know what they were doing.

Withing 6weeks I was being raped by all of the men in the "gang", hit, threatened to be pushed in front trains, nearly got drowned. I was then forced into prostitution.

I was living in squats with these animals and other vunerable (sp) females. We were all forced into the same things, I was a lucky one I never got forced to move to another town or into drugs. This was mainly because one of the men I thought "loved me" and would protect me.

I arrested one night by the police for being a prostitute and the police took after a lot of questioning me to a Reguge to get me out of the place. I told them about the rapes, I even showed them all of the marks on my body (the marks of having my face, arm, neck slashed, ciggerettes put out on me, bite marks and lots of brusises) I had an examination and with my last "fake" (it was not fake I had to drop the charges as I was scared) it went against me. As the police were not taking things further I was sent from the Reguge to the men. I was told all of the marks did not count towards anything happening illegally. I apparantly allowed them or I slashed myself, the brusises (they were handprints) on my legs were not consistent with rape, the damage I had internally also was not consistent with rape. :(

I was once again Arrested a week later and went through the same (going to a refuge and sent back)

A week after that the same policeman took me to a new town (he risked his job for me) and he dropped me off with one of his friends who owned a Hostel. :)

Ever since then I have gone strenght to strength. 5 years down the line I am with a loving partner and a 3 year old little girl.
I am so gratefull to that policeman (I still see him sometimes) if it was not for him I would most liekly be dead now.

I am so pleased MN has done this campaign. I just wish I never dropped the charges the first time and maybe I would have been believed the 2nd time. If I was ever raped or sexually assaulted in the future, I would NEVER NEVER report it and jsut get over it in my own way.

so sorry, BPBP

BPBP

Dilly - I'm loving your work. Not just your craftiness, but your bravery in 'bombing' with them. And, oh, what a lovely husband you have!

Backpackbackpack, what an awful trauma for you :(

This campaign is great, but it's very much to do with after the fact. Does anyone know if there is any research into what sort of things can prevent rape in the first place? What sort of social structures need to be in place to reduce rape?

Dillytante, I think the main thing that needs to be done to reduce rape is to change the focus of campaigning. Most campaigns/posters, etc to date have focussed on the victims - don't drink too much, don't walk home alone, etc.

Fact is, you could be pissed as a fart, wearing a belt instead of a skirt, and walking home at 3am completely alone, and if the only men you meet AREN'T rapists, you won't get raped. Only rapists rape. Men don't BECOME rapists because a woman drinks or wears a short skirt. If you stay sober and walk home in a group, you may protect YOURSELF in that particular instance but the problem of rape doesn't go away - it just means someone more vulnerable is made a victim instead. Rape itself doesn't reduce.

Not to mention the fact that only 1 in 9 rapes are stranger rapes - the vast majority are committed by people known to the victim - quite often a partner or ex-partner.

So let's focus the campaign on the perpetrators. Let's get the conviction rate up for rape so that rapists really do fear getting sent to prison. Right now, despite the level of false allegations being somewhere between 3 and 6% (meaning that some 94-97% of accusations are TRUE), the conviction rate stands at 6%. That's appalling.

More rape awareness courses made mandatory for juries and judges and a strong myth-busting rape awareness campaign for the general public could do a lot here.

More needs to be done about consent. All too often, the accepted default position is that a woman is up for it unless she says no. The default position needs to be no unless a woman makes it absolutely, unequivocally clear that she means yes.

Personally, I find campaigns against rape inextricable from feminism. The whole notion of women having equal rights and autonomy over their own bodies is central to the idea of removing the male sense of entitlement over access to a woman's body. Even today the talk boards are full of women who have sex with their partners not because they want to but because they've internalised the idea of conjugal rights and believe their marriage may suffer if they don't have sex. A wife has sex to avoid upsetting her husband. It never occurs to her that perhaps her husband should stop pressuring her for sex so that the marriage doesn't suffer because she is upset.

Backpack, I'm so sorry what happened to you. Thank goodness for that policeman acting like a human being and reaching out to help you.

Backpack (and other who have talked about what happened to them), I am really, really horrified by what you've been through. I don't know what to say that doesn't sound hopelessly inadequate TBH, but I definitely believe you 100%.

What I mean sunshine is that instances of rape (however they are measure) must differ between countries. I wonder if there is research into what the differences are among these countries that might explain these differences? Probably easiest to compare would be European rates.

Thanks for the support btw the way BIWI, and yes my DH is lovely - you've met him actually. I was at the MN party with him (name changed - usually B U M P E R).

I know - I remember you both well. Those shoes ...

Excellent article in yesterday's Times by David Aaronovitch, referencing this campaign link here (but only if you're a subscriber I'm afraid).

To summarise for those of you who don't wish to enrich Mr Murdoch any further, he recounts the experiences of three women he knew when he was younger who told him they had been raped and not reported it. Now that he has three daughters of his own, he'd hoped things had changed, but the Mumsnet survey shows that they haven't.

He acknowledges that the MN survey isn't statistically valid, being based on a self-selecting sample, but notes that the British Crime Survey (a much more credible source) has the same finding - that one in ten British women have been raped. He also mentions the #ibelieveyou and #ididnotreport threads on Twitter.

He predicts that there will be a wave of responses saying that women lie about rape - and makes reference to Ian Martin, who lost a sex discrimination case against the LSE this week, who claimed in a debate that "50 to 90 per cent of rape claims are made up".

Quoting his last two paragraphs directly:

"Some men ? men we must know personally, men on buses and in offices ? are pretty rapey or pretty gropey, after all these years of progress. They still conveniently confuse ?no? with ambivalence. They take what they want. Theirs is the ultimate entitlement ? to a woman?s love, a woman?s attention, a woman?s flesh. After all, when you announce your son?s birth with a card warning friends to ?lock up your daughters? (oh the yohoho of it) what are you really threatening the world with? ?Lock up your bloody son,? one wants to retort, but actually it?s the parents who need locking up.

The Rape Crisis Centres in Britain say they receive more than 170,000 contacts every year. There isn?t much money and the number they can help is limited, leaving plenty of right-now Suzies to be hurt and unheard. The shame of it."

(Suzie was the pseudonym of one of the three women he referred to at the beginning of the article).

I believe all of you and I am so sorry for all that you've been through.

So sorry for all those terrible experiences you've been through backpack

Makes you realise even more how awful child abuse can be as it seems that things often go from bad to worse in women's lives after such a difficult childhood

I'm not necessarily happy though with the emphasis on women not reporting rape and particularly sexual abuse. I think it's at least as important that women are looked after and counseled, and supported on their journey to be survivors.

Women should do what is in their own best interests after these horrific incidents. If society wants women to report it had better "believe us" & support us in becoming strong survivors, otherwise surely many women will continue to make the very reasonable decision not to report.

very timely as have just served on a jury on such a case! I couldn't reiterate more how important it is for women to come forward and report it as soon as it happens as it not only helps provide peace of mind that they are doing something positive about it, but it is more likely to be believed by the jury if it comes down to 'his word against hers'. As most rapes happen behind closed doors with people that we think we know, it is imperative that positive action is taken quickly otherwise they could easily do it again.

I have to say when I went to the police they were absolutely excellent and really supportive - I know some on here had really poor experiences but I did want to say that sometimes they can be fab, and mine was a historical case which can be really difficult.

I believe you all and hate how many women have suffered through this trauma!

Oh BackPack, I'm so, so sorry that you went through all of that. There are no words to make it better. I'm just glad that you are finally safe. x

My 7 year old daughter arrived home from school very upset one day. eventually she told me that a boy she knew had put his hand down her trousers. when i reported it to her form teacher she said they would talk to the boy. i had no further update so i asked what had happened she said it was my daughters word against the boys. So there were no consequences for him. don't think this is an issue restricted to teenage girls unfortunately.

I am blown away by this thread.

I have no experience of rape, either personally, or through friends.

But this is the most empowering thing I have ever read.

All of you are baring your soles, talking about secrets you have kept, facing your demons, confronting what was done to you.

To other women who have also been through it.

My god, sometimes technology is so amazing.

How would you all have come together, to stand side by side, without a site like this.

I am, as I said, just blown away.

You are all amazing...............................x