Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Mumsnet campaigns

For more information on Mumsnet Campaigns, check our our Campaigns hub.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

MNHQ

We Believe You: we're launching our rape awareness campaign today.

530 replies

KateMumsnet · 09/03/2012 15:56

Today, we're very proud to be launching a new campaign. It's called 'We Believe You', and it's inspired by the many MNers who've asked us to speak out about the prevalence of rape and sexual assault in women's lives.

While we're at it, we're going to try to explode, once and for all, some pernicious myths about rape - about who does it, what it is, and whom it can happen to. These myths mean that many victims are denied justice: our survey confirmed that most don't report their rape or sexual assault, for fear of being disbelieved.

So the message of our campaign is in the title - we believe you. We hope MNers will get behind it, and spread that message far and wide - on Facebook, and on Twitter, using the hashtag #webelieveyou. And don't forget to let us know what you think here on this thread.

We're also giving a shout-out to Rape Crisis, the End Violence Against Women coalition, and Barnardo's - all of whom are supporting our campaign. They all work hard on sexual violence issues - either by supporting those who've experienced it, or campaigning for better prevention strategies - so do see if you can help them out.

MNHQ x

OP posts:
cityhobgoblin · 15/03/2012 09:58

Another one thanking GentleOtter,dogsparadise and others bravely telling their stories ... think you may be right Nyac about police forces wanting to keep their crime figures downAngry

After reading your account ,dogparadise, I think we're all very concerned for your safety .Thank you so much for the details of the investigation & trial as they have exposed new dimensions of the maltreatment of women who have been -repeatedly - attacked

DillyTante · 15/03/2012 10:23

Is the main aim of this campaign to get information out there? I'm working on a yarn bomb with the #webelieveyou twitter hash tag, but I could also stitch up some little craftivist banners like these. The problem is between work and the kids I'd struggle to get very far to get many out. Would anyone like me to send them one that they can 'deposit' somewhere?

What sort of things could they say (short things!)?

LucindaE · 15/03/2012 10:28

Just coming on to say what a great thing it is that this campaign is underway.
Much needed. Well done!

LineRunner · 15/03/2012 10:32

DillyTante, that's a great offer.

Have you got your own suggestion for a banner message?

PacificDogwood · 15/03/2012 10:45

I have only this morning read back most of the thread I missed yesterday.

So, so sorry to read more horrendous stories Sad.
You are amazing strong women, all of you, to still be standing. And to share your experiences.

BIWI · 15/03/2012 10:47

I believe you

How horrible to be treated by the exact same authorities who should be there to support you. This is unbelievable and it makes me very Angry as well as Sad

Nyac · 15/03/2012 10:49

Why are they telling women who have been raped to come forward when this is how some of them will be treated?

PacificDogwood · 15/03/2012 10:57

Yarn bombing - I love it Grin and have just learnt something, too.

Banner messages: 'No means No'
'Fuck the Patriarchy' - perennial favourite of mine
Or less controversial 'Do upon others etc'

Nyac, one can only live in hope that if every sexual attack were reported that the shere numbers would force a change in attitude? Having said that, I don't know where/whether I'd find the strength to put myself through what some of the posters here have been through and are still going through after an assault that shakes the very person that you are to the core.

LucyManga · 15/03/2012 11:07

Nyac, this is the (huge) problem with campaigns that urge rape victims to 'come forward'.

I know two women (personally) who have 'come forward' - both women were actually treated quite well by the police, but dragged through the courts and humiliated in the worst way by the legal system. Neither rapist was convicted (both were men known to them, btw).

I know another woman who was gang raped by a group of male 'friends' on a drunken night out. A police officer told her 'off the record' that because she was drunk when the attack happened and had been accused of being promiscuous by one of the lads (who she had previously had a casual sexual relationship with), the case would likely not stand up in court and there was little point in pursuing it. These beasts raped her for hours and hurt her very badly. How could it be that they walk free? That even the police didn't think it was worth following up? Sad

I find this so depressing.

I know that when I was raped the first time, the furthest thing form my mind was going to the police. I had been drinking and taken some drugs om the night it happened (this was years ago - I was young and a bit wild) and the rapist was my boyfriend. I had no idea how I would 'make the case' to people I knew - let alone to the police - that I had been viciously raped - yet I knew in my heart of hearts this is what had happened.

justalittleinsane · 15/03/2012 11:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LucyManga · 15/03/2012 11:15

I wasnt meaning to criticise MN's campaign, btw...the rape myths thing is great.

StewieGriffinsMom · 15/03/2012 11:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Nyac · 15/03/2012 11:24

I don't think anybody said that the Mumsnet campaign was about telling women to come forward.

But the authorities, including Keir Starmer, who was on a web chat about this, are telling women they can report their rapes. Then some of them will get prosecuted rather than the rapists going to jail.

Nyac · 15/03/2012 11:25

He came across as very corporate in the webchat.

LucyManga · 15/03/2012 11:26

The rape conviction rate is so piss poor, what is the point really of coming forward?

I am wholeheartedly behind the MN campaign, but i think the biggest problem is within the institutions who deal with rape and rapists - the police and courts.

justalittleinsane · 15/03/2012 11:34

Ladies, I need to leave the thread now.

Too much I want to say but can't.

I am going to ask for my last post to be deleted if no-one minds, I over shared for the moment.

My last comment is to say, to those who have posted, have yet to post, or are holding their pain inside and not telling anyone.

I believe you, each and everyone of you. You are all brave and wonderful, women, girls, men and boys (I have no doubt both genders are reading this thread).

Good luck and much love to you all.

TunipTheVegemal · 15/03/2012 11:36

all the best Justalittle x

doggiesuefromStroud · 15/03/2012 11:43

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet.

StewieGriffinsMom · 15/03/2012 12:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

sherbetpips · 15/03/2012 13:22

dogparadise The police didn't protect you when they should have done, so they turned on you. What a load of pathetic cowards, that there isn't one, amongst those who really know what happened (and there will sadly be women in that group) that cannot now stand up and say - we got it wrong is pathetic. I hope the evil little sod is scared now that there are literally thousands of women who would like to apply there own level of justice, where the legal route so clearly failed.

LucyManga · 15/03/2012 13:23

I wasnt criticising the campaign, please read my comments again!

I was just highlighting that the 'dont be afraid to report rape' strategy employed by the government, police etc has failed.

LearningDisabilityMums · 15/03/2012 13:30

Hi I think our message got lost in the general mumsnet chitchat. We are new to this. LearningDisabilityMums represents parents with learning disabilities at CHANGE who campaign for the right support to keep their children. We just wanted to say that we like your 'We beleive you' campaign but would like to ask that you please don?t forget women with learning disabilities who are doubly discriminated against.

More than 9 in 10 people with a learning disability are sexually abused at some point in their lives. Half will experience 10 or more abusive incidents. Women with learning disabilities who have been sexually abused are even less likely to report to the police or access any kind of support. Services are hard to access because information about them is not accessible or the services themselves are not aware of how to support someone with a learning disability appropriately. Women who report rape are less likely to have their testimonies beleived.

Many women with learning disabilities are abused by partners, but keep quiet because without them there is a very real danger that their children will be removed, because ?Mum is not deemed capable of looking after her children alone?. Those who are brave enough to go it alone often have their children taken away from them because it is beleived that they will 'fail to protect' their children. These women struggle to access mainstream services that might support them to care for their children, like family centres, mums and toddlers groups, or just the mums at the school gates group. Many have tried but felt unwelcome and so they have withdrawn leading to allegations that they are unable to support their childs social inclusion and development.

"We went on a day trip with Sure Start and nobody spoke to us all day".

So next time you see a mum who seems a little withdrawn please make an effort to make her feel welcome. CHANGE is a national organisation campaigning for equal rights for people with learning disabilities. We are currently working to support Rape Crisis services to be more accessible to women with learning disabilities. www.changepeople.co.uk

MirandaGoshawk · 15/03/2012 13:45

Interesting quote from the Telegraph, in an interview with a woman called Kathryn Bolkovac who exposed a sex trafficking ring in Bosnia. Her story is being made into a film with Rachel Weisz, called The Whistleblower.

Anyway, the quote: "Bolkovac, 51, was [previously] a police officer in Nebraska. She specialised in Sex crimes. Was nicknamed Xena Warrior Princess, and had a 95 per cent conviction rate... I tell her that in Britain the rape conviction rate is more like 6 per cent. She laughs, amazed. "You have to get confessions. That's the trick - knowing how to interview people."

Mouseface · 15/03/2012 13:55

Mme - I have read the guest blog you linked to, and I'm sat here in tears, nodding my head in recognition at the events as they unfold. It's heartbreaking to read.

It sounds so similar to my abuser, so similar to the full version of my abuse. Everything about her abuser rings bells with me. The lies, the cocooning, the cutting off her social life, friends, family. The way that he convinced her he was all that she ever needed.

My heart is hurting, physically hurting reading all of the posts on here, all of the pain and abuse that the women on here, who have been so very brave to post their experiences.

There are no words to ever take away the pain. There are no ways to let it go, it stays with you, it's almost like a physical scar, you wear it where you hope no-one can see but you know that it's there.

It's ingrained into your mind, into your heart. The shame stays. No matter what is said or even not said, the shame of an attack or attacks stays.

I just hope with all my heart that this campaign takes the tiny voices that are brave enough to speak and make them the LOUDEST EVER.

Keep posting brave ladies xx

GentleOtter · 15/03/2012 14:06

My personal emails have just been hacked and some sent out to places where they should not have gone.