I want to have a moan about my toddler twins

[PeggyGuggenheim]

Ah, feck. it's so hard at the moment. They're just about to turn three. Every stage has had its difficulties but now their behaviour is bad and hard to counter, especially in public. People are quick to coo when they're sleeping in the pram, or call out cheerfully "You've got your hands full!" as I walk along with them, but then when the girls are rioting in the library or IN THE CAFE OF THE ROYAL MUSEUM OF SCOTLAND, the dirty, dirty looks I get. Can singelton mothers not take a moment to think, really think, about how hard it must be to guide and instruct two children of the same age? An example. Yesterday we were at a wildlife reserve (deserted thank God). When we got to the big pond and started walking across the boardwalk, twin 1 got down on her hands and knees to look over the side, into the water. Leaning rather dangerously far out, in my opinion. If I'd just had her, or her and an immobile baby, or her and an older child, I could have quietly and kindly shown her and helped her understand the danger, or at least restrained her and moved on. But when her sister runs off up the boardwalk, beyond us, and also kneels and then lurches perilously...I just find myself urgently yelling, in as "reasonable" way as I can, all the frigging time. It's all very well saying "praise good behaviour", but at the moment it feels like AT LEAST one of them is doing something dangerous or naughty. It's hellish hard just now. Sorry for the moan.

Can you go to more enclosed spaces just for now like toddler groups, where hopefully there will be some kind helpful old people

Yeah, I do, and my group is really nice. But it's only once a week, and yesterday was the first gorgeous sunny day and I wanted to be outside. Anyway, thinking about it, the Library and museum are enclosed, and they cause merry hell there, too. It's not strictly speaking a safety thing, it's a discipline thing. It's just really hard to explain and reason with two toddlers at once. I believe if I just had the one, I'd be quite firm but fair, like other mums I know who have rules that their kids FOLLOW (mostly.)

Things that may help, are reigns, or arm straps, or the back packs that have the handy reign on the back.

NOT IN ANY WAY AM I COMPARING, but i work in a nursery with 2-3 year olds, we go out an about at a ratio of 1 adult 2 children, so it is similar to you. What we often say to the children is that you can walk by your self, (no reigns just visual guidance) but you need to listen to the adult, they get one chance e.g if they don't stop when asked they get a warning that they will have to hold a hand or have reigns put on. Then the 2nd time they don't listen they are restrained by an adult (by said hand holding or reigns).

I am only using caps to point out that i am only offering advice from my point of view

God, I wouldn't attack! Always looking for tips, that's why I posted. And nursery nurses are heroes - you guys don't even get to SHRIEK to let off steam! I do have reigns, will have to reinstate them. Might be good actually, as they grew "out" of them a while ago, so would find it a mortifying thing to be put back into them.

I know what you mean PeggyGuggenheim, although my twin girls are only 21 months. It's so much easier to keep control & discipline 1 child. Looking back, my oldest DD (now 4) was a doddle compared. The trouble with mine is they've got a partner in crime, so if one of them finds something particularly naughty to do they both think it's great fun & I end up tearing my hair out trying to get them to stop.

Mine have only just started walking and I thought it would be really nice to walk up our lane with them. I used reigns but I couldn't go too far in case they got tired (I didn't want to end up carrying them both). Only when I tried to turn back to go home one of them threw a massive paddy, so I ended up struggling with one twin under my arm (who is quite heavy by the way) whilst trying to coax the other twin to turn around & come back. It wasn't very enjoyable and it put me off going out with them on my own for a while. It can be blimmin' hard work with 2 of them sometimes.

Sorry to moan along with you & provide very little advice. Tbh I thought it would get easier by the time they were 3!!

Cookielove's advice seems pretty sound though.

ok phew, am pleased

No advice, just huge amounts of respect and sympathy. My DS is only 18 months, and I have a friend with twin DSs the same age. I am in awe of her everytime we all go out.

With you on this, my two are 21 months, and it is so much harder than with one - the scenario you described made a lump come to my throat because so many times I would let them get out of the pram or whatever if there was just one, but with two of the same age it is so much more tricky..... My older dd got so much more freedom!

I was kind of hoping it would get better by 3 too! Drat. Mine are 17 months. I have 3yo as well although he's the angelic, stay close to home kind thank god. I think cookie's advice would work well. If they can't behave in public, then there are consequences. Nearly 3 is old enough to understand that although will take some beating into them! Treating them like babies (with reins) might be enough to get them to behave. t might help to establish ground rules before you go somewhere when it's quiet and you can be sure they're listening. Rather than reason with them once they're rioting iyswim.
TBH when I had one I wasn't firm or fair, I just used to yell too!

Thanks you guys. I was hoping there would be some empathetic moans along the lines of "yes I'm finding it hard too" - I'm only sorry to have shattered your dreams of it being easier by 3. I should add that there are HUGE pay-offs to them being 3 - like the fact that they can play together for anything up to an hour at a time, letting me get on with stuff or just lie on my bed with the paper! We do have a lot of fun when we're all on form, and yes, today I feel better than when I posted yesterday, which also goes to show! This morning we walked to the park, without the pram, and this afternoon we walked to buy ice-creams , and there were no dramas. So take heart........

mine have just turned 2 at at the moment I feel like I am a recluse, they are a total nightmare everytime we go out. We live in a built up area so when we go anywhere its always in the buggy and now my DD has decided that she wants to walk everywhere so I have to hold her hand/reins whilst pushing her heavier twin brother in the double buggy which is a nightmare to push because the weight is uneven. They seem to have huge tantrums which mean that lots of 'lovely' mums with one child glance at me, roll their eyes and mutter under their breath. I am considering getting a single buggy and a buggy board and seeing how we get on with that because my poor DS is always left in the buggy and he is getting more and more unhappy about this, it was so much easier when they were little and co-operative!!!!!!

I don't have twins but mine are 14 months apart so felt like it. When they were 2 and 3 I just stopped taking them to anywhere that wasn't child friendly. Farm parks, country parks, soft play, local parks and bizzarly the most child friendly place of all our local national trust house( cue no other children and a billion elderly ladies desperate to let out their grannying sides'. When they got to a more 'controllable age' about age 4 we resumed normal life. Now I know that all sounds extreme but it was soooooooooooo less stressful, no one batted an eye lid at there toddler behaviour and I didn't feel under constant strain to get them to conform to an adult world.

I remember letting mine 'off the lead' in the park after giving them bracelets with bells on. They were briefly out of sight but I could hear the jingling!

It definately gets easier as they get older, imo, and you can reason with them.

Your post makes you sound as if you're nearly there, but just slightly not in control - and that's exactly how I was! Had a few near-misses, such as DS falling off the bed while I was about 2 feet away with DD, but he was fine. It's one of the things that's horrible about having two babies at once, not having that second pair of hands.

On the positive side, they often had a right laugh together. They are 16 now!!

i remember that age and shudder ..... it does get easier hang on in there. when they get to nursery you will be able to get a much needed 5 minutes for a cup of tea now and then.
with mine ,its a bit different to your situation as dd4 (twin two) has SN, so i got away with using the buggy for longer.
Singleton mums dont have a clue about how hard it is.(i can say this as i have singles too , before i had twins)

Darling girl. I feel your pain. The relief I felt when my wee weapons got into school... They are 6 now. It does get easier, but then different challenges arise. What was hardest was staying calm in front of the people who were waiting for me to trip up with the DTs. The ones who from pregnancy said..."oh it's going to be difficult. Oh your hands will be full. Oh I wouldn't want to have twins etc ect.." But I'm sure you remember those comments.

What I used to do on the rare occasions we made it to the park: WW1 would head for the slide, the large slide, so that she could jump off the top. WW2 would head for the swings. I think he was aiming for decapitation... sigh... I would save the one that let me sleep the night before. It seemed the fairest compromise.

You're doing well. It does get easier. Remember the mantra

This too shall pass...
This too shall pass...

I only have one DC but your thread title caught my eye. Personally I have nothing but respect for anyone who has to cope with more than one toddler at a time. I don't know why anyone feels the need to give dirty looks to parents struggling with young children.

All I can say is I feel your pain. DTs are 25 months. DS1 just turned 4. I tend to prefer to not take them to enclosed spaces as often find these worse. Open park seems easiest most of the time.

Mars , your post made me laugh. Mine do that too! One will leg it to fast moving busy swings while other will either climb up precarious ladder on big slide or run out of one of the two unlockable gates (one at either end of playground).

So many things are easier now they are a bit older, but some things are getting way harder!

Peggy "hellish" is one word I have used many times lately!

Totally sympathise! My twins are just 2 and it's almost impossible to take them out without the pushchair on my own - and certainly never anywhere near water. They're sweetness and light when we're walking on the pavement near where we live, but as soon as i try and make them hold my hand to cross the road all hell breaks loose. They scream, drag their feet and would lay prostrate on the road if I didn't physically drag them to the other side of the street. As you rightly say, if you only had one child to chaperone it would be an absolute doddle, but I also find myself yelling at them as I often can't get to both of them at the same time if they're both in dangerous situations. Frankly, it is sometimes so stressful that I can't imagine going out without the buggy until they're at least 13! Please, someone with older twins, tell us it gets easier....

Yes it gets easier.

Peggy, really sorry that I didn't empathise more with my original post I'm in denial a bit about it all I think. I can't even face taking them out on the cul de sac on my own at the moment, it's outside my front door!
Mars, you do make me laugh

I was in the Co-op a while back & two little twins ran along past me. A voice called from behind: "Don't go round the corner or I'll put your reins back on". I was close enough to hear him say to her "Let's go round the corner!" and off they went.

The place was nearly empty & all the way round I could hear their Ma trying to catch the little monkeys.

I think that two together have a confidence that one on their own would never have - this can be good, and not so good!

My twins are 7 now but I remember 3 was the hardest age. Many times I felt the way you describe. Things will get easier soon though!

I totally sympathise. My twins are 3.5 now and our worst moment (about 4 months ago) was in our local shopping centre, when one got on the escalator and the other refused. She didn't refuse vocally, though, just yanked her hand away from me, and remained at the bottom, as I was half way up with DT1. Vague panic - do I force DT1 to run, comedy style, down the up escalator? Or leave DT2 there on her own? Obviously I did the only sensible thing - shrieked "STAY EXACTLY WHERE YOU ARE!" at DT2, with them intention of going straight back down for her. Luckily, a woman took her by the hand and brought her up for me. Unluckily, she was the disapproving type, and tutted loudly as she handed DT2 over and again as I thanked her. Grrrr.

I can say, though OP, that we've had nothing like that since, and it is now much MUCH easier to take them out. Fingers crossed, I can do it with confidence now, so don't worry - it WILL get better, and soon.

They are always hard. Mine came after 3 other children and I think having a 3 year old, 1 year old and a baby was much much harder than twins who are at the same age and stage but I had had practice.

I agree Xenia. Mine were the last of 5. How shocked was I to realise it was a completely different ballgame. lol