I want to have a moan about my toddler twins

[PeggyGuggenheim]

Ah, feck. it's so hard at the moment. They're just about to turn three. Every stage has had its difficulties but now their behaviour is bad and hard to counter, especially in public. People are quick to coo when they're sleeping in the pram, or call out cheerfully "You've got your hands full!" as I walk along with them, but then when the girls are rioting in the library or IN THE CAFE OF THE ROYAL MUSEUM OF SCOTLAND, the dirty, dirty looks I get. Can singelton mothers not take a moment to think, really think, about how hard it must be to guide and instruct two children of the same age? An example. Yesterday we were at a wildlife reserve (deserted thank God). When we got to the big pond and started walking across the boardwalk, twin 1 got down on her hands and knees to look over the side, into the water. Leaning rather dangerously far out, in my opinion. If I'd just had her, or her and an immobile baby, or her and an older child, I could have quietly and kindly shown her and helped her understand the danger, or at least restrained her and moved on. But when her sister runs off up the boardwalk, beyond us, and also kneels and then lurches perilously...I just find myself urgently yelling, in as "reasonable" way as I can, all the frigging time. It's all very well saying "praise good behaviour", but at the moment it feels like AT LEAST one of them is doing something dangerous or naughty. It's hellish hard just now. Sorry for the moan.

There's nothing like company in misery!! It's so nice to hear other mums finding it as hard as I am.

I'm planning to take mine to the park tomorrow, but after Mars & Egg's comments I think I'll take my mum along for moral support.

Can I join in with the moan? It does feel great doesn't it to get it all of your chest!! My twin girls have just turned 2, and are at the height of 'the terrible twos', which i feel started 6 months early from 18 months!! From being a totally calm, in control 'super mum' when they were babies - taking them out to shopping centres on my own, looking glamourous and immaculate (all 3 of us would you believe)?! etc...I have now also turned into an insane, highly strung 'mad woman' who looks permanently dishevelled ([my poor husband]!...who unfortunately works long hours & is hardly around...further compounding my insanity)!! When will I ever get my life back? When will I be able to breathe normally again!! Honestly, I feel exasperated all day when I am alone with them & they drive me insane to the point that they literally wont even let me go to the toilet (even when i'm bursting)...one just follows me everywhere & the other just wails hysterically every time I leave her sight! They attend a nursery 3 times a week (for mine & their sanity), but it's those two full days I'm alone with them I absolutely dread & often we just end up staying at home all day because contemplating anything else is such a headache! I agree that its the fact there are 2 children of the same age, at the same time with the same lack of understanding which is so difficult to reason with and if they are not kicking off together then they take it in turns so you never get any respite. Just the other day I went for a walk around the block...normally a 30 minute affair I'd say, but oh no this turned into a 3 hour battle!! First I had to get them both ready...not easy when they are running in opposite directions! & by the time i get one ready then the other one...I get back to the first and shes already pulled her shoes & socks off (urggghh)!! Then i get them settled into the buggy..with jackets, blankets, warm milk etc & we're off..thank God! For the first 100 yards I had peace..but that didn't last, then one ('Damien') started kicking & screaming & throwing her milk out...the other soon copied! Then the usually quiet, 'good one'...uncharacteristically decided to pull the other one's hair....repeatedly after much telling off!...so I had to keep hold of her hand whilst pushing the buggy! Anyway these kind of sagas continued until I got back home...finally a rest! but twin 2 ('Damien')had other ideas, she didnt want to go back in & ran around the back (when i got her out of the buggy) and wanted to explore the lovely garden...yes we kicked the football (with twin 1 under my arm)! then we sat in the gazebo, then we ran across the decking, then we bounced on the tramploine...meanwhile mummy was bursting for the loo (again) and along with twin 1...freezing!! As you can guess...it will be another long time before I brave taking the little terrors out again on my own! Someone out there...another 'twin mum' please tell us it gets easier at some point before their 'sweet sixteen'!!

Hi, just read through all your posts and experiences with your toddler twins! Well my girls are now 7 and I can hand on my heart say it gets easier!

I think from 2.5 - 3.5 was easily the hardest stage - in the sense that you needed 6 pairs of hands and eyes in the back of your head and the sides!!! I had a few scary escalator moments with my two, one was very scared and wouldn't get on so I had to carry her on and try to hold the other ones hand and guide her on! This was sometimes OK but while trying to struggle with shopping, it could be very precarious!

My two also just used to charge in different directions like heat seeking missiles and I used the wrist reins until they realised, they could walk freely if they stayed with me (well relatively close). Had some awful times though and just nipping to the shops became a saga and took me all day to work up to and accomplish. If I was taking them to farms, soft play or anything like that I did try to draft in another set of hands - MIL usually, which was such a help.

Anyway, since they were just over 3 they have been so good when we go out and the advantages of having twins really does out weigh all this. At just 7 now they are little darlings and play together so well. They are a pleasure to take out anywhere and now I actually look forward to taking them out on my own, we have such fun - it is still knackering being a twin mum but that is parenthood I think.

You are all doing so well, just hang in there - it does get easier. There is always a glass of wine at the end of a hard day too...

Thanks for that positive note

It's nice to know that there is light at the end of the tunnel...eventually at some point!

Right now I wish I could go out more with them, although it is tough I do wish that in general, peoples' attitudes could change towards young children in public places..the thing is yes I know it was my decision to have kids, but could I control the fact that I was having twins? Does it mean that I should not have a life now by default...why should we not be able to go out for dinner as a family without the 'dagger' stares when the kids kick off! And of course anyone who has kids of their own knows it is not always easy to control kids of a certain age!

We always end up getting a baby sitter for fear of being the cause of ruining someone elses night out! But if it is at a reasonable hour I dont see why it should be a big deal, however the problem is people can't tolerate one kid let alone 2 the same age getting up to the same stuff! Thus is the dilemma we have to face with twins, it seems a shame because if it was a singleton I dont think they would miss out eg. on dinners out as a family, but for twins I think they do miss out on such experiences as often, due to the fact their sibling is also there contributing their trouble to the mix!

So I guess the sometimes 'conveyer belt' of tantrums we have to experience as mothers of twins is here to stay for another year and a half at least!

My twins characters are so yin & yang they seem to be at complete opposite ends of the spectrum; they are both equally demanding but in different ways. Does anyone else find this amongst their twins? & how do you deal with this?

chocmonsterinc, I think if you go to a reasonably child friendly restaurant (if they have highchairs, then they're open to children!) at a reasonable time, there is no problem! We go out quite regularly (to avoid me cooking!) with our four - 6, 3 and 17 mo dts. Yes, it ends up being pretty frantic and noisy and one or more misbehaves but we leave a decent tip and keep a smile on our faces Don't let having twins stop you from going out, the more you take them out the more used to it they will become & better behaved. We've taken all our dc from newborns and aside from a few bad experiences (Bella Italia recently were awful to us = no tip!) we enjoy eating out with our kids.
Kind of jealous of your early glamour months btw! Don't think I've had a glamour moment in 6 yrs sigh.
I am not looking forward to the terrible twos, the older two were pretty ghastly for a while but ds3 has already started with the tantrums urggghh.

I am with you on this one too...

My DTs are 2.2 and DS1 is 3.10 - someone on MN kindly suggested wrist straps to me a while ago and i have been trying out all the combinations for the last six months (providing much entertainment for our neighbours ). The best method so far has been to fasten each twin to the nipper with a wrist strap (one either side). If they won't have the strap on or hold my hand then it's into the pram (cue staring and tutting etc). It is a nightmare when the pavement gets narrow and busy.

In parks I usually take a deep breath and let them run around, but more often than not one heads for the gate and the other is off towards the ditch . Most people just sit and watch me running round after them. I can't remember anyone helping me other than a teenage boy who went bright red when I yelled desperately "please stop her for me". Someone at pre-school said to me the other day "I thought you were a childminder you have so many of them" . Blimey, I've only got 3 - it just looks like more when they're all tangled up in a ball of arms and legs!!! .

As cute as they are, some evenings I am so tired but I put off going to sleep for as long as I can (because if I sleep I will wake up in the morning and it will all start all over again!). But then they make you laugh or do something cute and you feel so very lucky...

I have no right to post as a singleton mum, but believe me, what you are getting is NOT dirty looks - they are looks of sheer awe, and looks to see if there is something, anything that we could possibly do to help (only we are clueless, so probably not). And the mutters under the breath are 'By God I don't know I'm born here'.

HTH though I doubt it.

I agree with choosyfloosy!

Also, I have a (nearly) 5yo, a 3.7yo and a 22mo and when they were 3yrs, 2yrs and newborn it was a nightmare...that year was so hard and I could do nothing!!! They got up to so much mischief and were so exhausting.

It is SO much better now but still a lot of work at times!

6YO DTs here. I remember the following them round all the time stage very well.

Twins are such hard work all the time at that age. I envied my friend with DD of similar age, she always seemed to have a whole list of activites I just couldn't do, baby massage (actually I thought that was a bit rubbish), swimming, gym tots, anything even vaguely organised.

Eviltwins - OMG exactly the same thing happened to me - although I tried to run backwards down the escalator holding the other one. A very lovely lady picked him up and carried him (He then obvioulsy started kicking and screaming cos he didn't know her!)

Yikes - I'm reading this thread now filled with mild panic as I await the arrival of my triplets, and I already have a 2 year old DD1. GULP.

Please in the name of all things decent and fair let Mumsnet still exist when my tribe are all toddlers!

Oh dear Lord. I've just had an escalator memory moment. I had completely blanked it out. Travelling nicely up the escalator, WW2 decided to turn and go back... fell, grabbed by a man who held on to him till the top. Oh dear Lord... I need vodka!

I am there with you Peggy - mine turn three this month and it is bloody hard and ds1 is 6 and ds3 is 13mths.

I am shattered and the whining and tantrums from dt1 and the shouting and stropping from dt2 are nearly unbearable

They egg each other on and if you only have one, they are angels

Hello, just wanted to join in really, have 2.9 yr old DTs, so totally sympathise with you all! I have sussed out a few 'easy' places I can go with them and let them run around (a local park with only one entrance!) and also some cafes that are amenable to two kids. I nearly always go in the late afternoon when it is quiet, so it doesn't annoy others, and they have a treat of a milkshake or something. Sometimes it is truly awful and I end up walking out after about 5 mins and come home and cry, but sometimes it's really enjoyable!

Chocmonster, was sad to read your post! We have had some lovely meals out with our two. It does involve going to the same old places (mostly italian restaurants, they seem to tolerate kids, and my two adore pasta and ice cream!) and not exactly relaxing for us, but we try and go out at least once a week (even if just to the garden centre cafe!) so they are getting used to it. I also try and pack a few little books/toys (little animal figures currently popular) so they have something to do while waiting. And only ever with DH around!! Did have a lovely meal few weeks ago with niece and nephew there to entertain the kids.....

Oh, and I would recommend getting whatever help you can. I 'borrowed' someone else's nanny for a few hours a week (while her usual charge was at school) and used that time to visit places and do things that you need extra hands for!

I am so glad to find this board and webiste and know I am not the only one ! I am trying so hard to control my nearly three twin boys , where we live they really frown on reins and you get lots of comments so back to enforced buggy .... They always run off in different directions and usually when someone is talking to me and they do not seem to pause for breath when they see they have run off , I feel like screaming ...cant you see my boys have just dissapeared and I have to go ...but obviously I don't...sorry ..quite an outburst but just relieved to know they are others who love their children but struggle to keep them in check

barolo I know what you mean about trying to hold a conversation with someone while your twins are playing havoc - it's virtually impossible. It's weird people are disapproving of reins where you live. I mean, how else are you supposed to look after 2 toddlers at once?

Chocmonster, I'm going to brave taking the twins out for lunch next week. Mind you, my parents are coming & it is a very child friendly pub with kids toys/high chairs etc, so hopefully they won't mind the little monsters darlings creating havoc playing nicely.

OMG - it's not just me

I am SO pleased I found this thread as have been having an awful time with my DTs who are 2.1.

I was starting to think I had this twin parenting thing cracked because things weren't as hard as they used to be and I thought I was doing a pretty good job until recently. In fact I was really enjoying my girls in a way I don't think I really had previously. And then, evil twins came along and replaced my lovely twins.

Have been laughing and crying along with all of your stories of trips out ruined by double tantrums.

I've been there, carrying a screaming DD under one arm whilst trying to drag the other one back to the car as our walk has had to be curtailed due to DT2's tantrum (thus causing a tantrum for DT1).

I've had the both in danger moments (am loving the 'save the one who allowed me to sleep the night before' idea )

I haven't had any escalator moments but that's only because the very idea of going on an escalator with my two horrors fills me with panic.

DD1 is currently immersed in the terrible twos and has tantrums roughly every few minutes (or it seems like it) and is super clingy so I can't leave a room without her becoming hysterical. Oh and won't go to bed despite having been a fab sleeper previously. Sigh.

DD2 takes great pleasure in attacking DD1 as often as she can, hitting, hair pulling, biting, etc. So then I'm trying to discipline DD2 and simultaneously comfort DD1.

I generally avoid going places on my own with them because I actually feel unable to control them although we are doing more toddler groups and things and have found some lovely people there who are helpful and non-judgey.

Oh and the pushchair - they have always hated it and I think I've let them get away with it by not enforcing it and now getting them to stay in it is horrendous and means much screaming.

It has become, tbh, a total nightmare and I've been wondering what I'm doing wrong and feeling that whole twin-resentment thing again, ie if I just had one toddler I could do X, Y and Z.

I'm second guessing myself all the time and really don't know what to do about all of these toddler issues that have raised their heads! Like the sleep thing - have been putting DD1 to bed and then returning and putting her back into bed etc but of course then she wakes DD2 so I end up bringing DD1 in with me as one baby in our bed is preferable to two howling babies.

There have been times recently when both DH and I have just looked at one another and I know we're both thinking what have we done? We love our girls enormously but it's just so hard. I never thought it would be easy but it really is so very hard and relentless sometimes!

Sorry to go on at such length

Anyhow, thanks to all for sharing as am feeling so much less alone and desperate than I have been and also less of a failure. Thanks also to those of you with older DTs who can give me light at the end of a tunnel (albeit a bloody LONG tunnel - 3 is the hardest age?!! Oh dear.....)

Mine are 2.2. I have bookmarked this thread......... < face of resigned fear.

My daughter's twin boys have just turned 3 and although we love them to bits they can be monsters - hitting, kicking, biting, snatching, whingeing, bawling, running off, throwing tantrums and toys and food and poo!! You name it - when the mood takes them they do it - and it drives their Mommy to distraction. But today I found a fab place to take them - we went to IKEA where they had the creche all to themselves while I indulged in a bit of retail therapy. After 45 minutes of them wreaking havoc for someone else to clear up I felt brave enough to take them for lunch in the restaurant - and they behaved almost perfectly. If any of you Mommies of toddler twins or triplets live near an IKEA I'd really recommend it - even if you just go for a cuppa and 45 mins of peace and quiet. How I wish we lived closer - I'd take our boys EVERY DAY :O)