Twins (15wks) crying all the time when awake. How do I cope?

[Ewemoo]

My dts have never been 'easy' but I've had enough now tbh. If they are not asleep they're screaming (even after feeds) and aren't even happy when held or sang to, rocked etc. After already having had a 'difficult' baby with my dd1 I thought I might be spared this nightmare again. Why are they so bad? I have changed their formula 3 times and dr refuses to acknowledge how bad they are so is no help. Any advice/tips for how to get through this would be greatly appreciated.

Hi first of all could you take some time even in the kitchen or something to have a cup of tea for 5 minutes really does sound like you could use it.

My mum has twins and even thogh they were little angels just the fact there is 2 makes it seem hard enough never mind when they cried.

My DS was a little terror as a baby sounds like your twins, the only thing that seemed to help was a walk in the pram, might sound obvious but really was one of few things that worked.

Walks in the pram, if your really desperate and it sounds awful but the CBeebies CD or the channel the colours used to amaze him for 10 minutes and his play gym he loved that I got one with a moving bird thing on it that was a godsend too. Oh and baby massage!!! Cannot recommend that highly enough I attended the class with my mum when I was pg to help with the twins (8 months of a difference between them and DS) and they loved it as did DS.

Could you get a friend or family member to go with you to one of these? They are normally free through your HV will have details, if no friends etc can help the leader might use one of them to demonstrate techniques leaving you to concentrate on one, they lasted 4 weeks with us and my mum and I used to switch babies every week so they both got the benefit of mum doing it.

How many times have you seen the doctor? Does not sound right that he is so dismissive. I would contact your HV and ask them there is clearly a problem could just be colic or wind or something but still you need your sanity too!

Trya dn get a few hours off to yourself even once a week worked wonders for me just getting out to see my friends, mum or just chilling in teh bath with a book was great and don't forget it's early days yet things will get better!

I'd try cranial osteopathy they could have been very squished.

They do have a growth spurt at about this age, so even though they've just been fed, might they still be hungry?

I would recommend walks in the buggy too. We used to go out as soon as they woke up and have a wander round the shops, or park, or go to the baby group. Twins Clubs are great too, because the other Mums really understand your predicament and are very willing to pick one up if both start going at the same time!!

Hello, sorry to hear you are having such a rough time of it. I think both screaming all the time when awake doesnt sound normal. Change doctors and demand second opinion to rule out any health issues. Other than that, best investment we made for the early stage was a musical swing. If they were both screaming, i'd pick one up and put the other in swing, worked really well.

How much help do you get-to-day? Is it possible to enlist more people to give you hand?
Where abouts are you?

Sorry to hear that you're having such a difficult time. I agree with cargirl that cranial osteopathy would be a good idea. I know so many people who say it has helped with constant crying. There is a fantastic clinic in London and one in Manchester too, there is a link here. I've taken 2 of my children to the one in London and they've been treated by excellent osteopaths.

It has been awful today. They have both been sick and not settling at all till tonight. We have decided to put them back on SMA LF even though dr thought there was no reason for them to be on it. However, this last week having been back on SMA Gold they have regressed and been awful. All the dr goes on about is getting my friends to help out more and seems to think that because my dh has his own business he is neglecting his dcs. Babies crying all the time is not normal no matter what the dr thinks. I think a 2nd opinion is needed as I always felt like I let my dd1 down by not persuing what could have been wrong with her. I am in North Wales btw. Day to day I tbh hardly get out other than taking dd1 to school. I tried baby massage but they both screamed all the way through the session and disturbed the other babies. I felt like bursting into tears there and then and haven't been back. My parents live 2 hours away and my inlaws who are half an hour away work in the family business and are too busy.

You sound so completely exhausted and worn down, I wish I had some advice or was close enough to lend an ear/hand.

I gave the one that cried all the time and could go back cranial oseopathy and infacol. He's now my beloved and lovely DT just like his sister.

I also swapped the SMA to Aptimel and that helped. Other things that have helped us are baby massage, warm baths, lots of body contact (I carry them in sling whenever possible) I go to twin club, the insanity there helps keep me sane!

Persist with the massage, if they complain then they are the wrong group for you. Babies cry and that's that and the benefits of massage outweigh a disturbed group.

So sorry to hear what's been going on for you, Ewemoo. Are they throwing up a lot as well? As Ds3 (dt1) was like this until 5 months, seems it was reflux. The fact that the (thicker?) formula helps suggests it may well be reflux. If they're not throwing up much, could be silent reflux. But if your dr is not even prepared to think about different formula I guess you won't get far with him/her. Can you request a paeds referral?

DS3 is 6 months and on infant gaviscon, but there are stronger drugs like ranitidine which can be used to control it. He is, btw, now a happy, contented little baby who smiles all day because nothing's hurting him anymore. Any dr who thinks it's normal for a baby to cry all day is just wrong wrong wrong. My gp could instantly see that ds was miserable and was happy to go along with my suggestion of gaviscon as I'd read up on it. If you can't get a paeds referral quickly, can you go to another gp in the surgery?

How was it today, how are you feeling? Hope things were better.

Not a good day again. Because weather was good we all went to the park. The dts spent the entire hour and a half screaming in their buggy which completely drained me. I thought buggy plus fresh air meant zonked out babies? Not for me it seems! Tbh I'm finding I am ignoring their crying at home a lot as I would go mad if I picked them up every time. Is this wrong or the only way to cope? (I am checking on them every 10 mins)

Poor you I don't have twins and can't possibly imagine what it is like for you but just checking on a crying baby every 10 minutes isn't ideal for them. It sounds like you need more support and some better advice on their diet than you are getting from the GP. My DS1 is dairy intolerant and it made a huge difference to him when he had some. Some babies are intolerant/allergic to the protein in the cow's milk rather than the lactose so it is possible your twins are too. What are their symptoms (apart from crying, obviously)?

There is an organisation for parents of twins - someone here will tell you what it is - maybe they could put you in touch with some support? I really feel for you, one screaming baby is more than enough let alone two.

Oh Ewemoo, have been wondering how you were getting on. I'm so sorry it's still so tough. It is certainly NOT wrong to ignore their crying some of the time - I think survival techniques like that are perfectly justified with twins. Checking them every 10 mins is fine and you have to do what you can to cope. I used to sit and sob some evenings thinking I had been a 'bad' mother as I hadn't fulfilled my babies' needs but this kind of self-blame and punishment gets you nowhere. If it's support you're after, you have it here I think we have all been there and it can be just desperate. If it's practical suggestions, things that either I did and that helped or that I wish I'd known about at the time are

1. Aptamil - we got on a lot better with this than SMA GOld as did a lot of friends. We moved onto Easy DIgest when they had probs with constipation but ED is harder to get hold of in my area (Boots stocked it but Tesco didnt) and also doesnt come in those handy little ready made cartons that are great for going out.
2. Infacol. Never was that sure how much difference it made but it helped to feel like I was doing something. A friend got on v well with colief but that did seem like a hassle to have to prepare. 3)Have you tried Homestart? You sound like an ideal candidate for their help. Maybe a volunteer could accompany you to baby massage?
3. Make an appointment with a different GP at your practice just to set your mind at rest with a second opinion because you are obviously worried.
4. Trawl through ebay for baby swings etc. I used to find that just putting one of them in a different place used to provide some distraction and again it's that feeling of doing something.
5. I know and sympathise with the situation with your family. In fact we moved 250 miles largely so that we could be nearer to family. Not suggesting this is an option but do know how hard it is and how isolated you feel when all you want is someone just to help you/ give you a break. Please talk to your DH. Could he and your in laws between them commit to a time, even just amounting to a few hours a week to give you the space and the rest that you need? You are at breaking point - if you do decide to run away and join the circus (perfectly understandable) then they'll have to manage the childcare ALL the time so this would be by far the better option. I know they're not being unsupportive and I understand the issues of being self-employed but as much as the company needs them, so do you, even just for a few hours.
6. Equally could your funds stretch to putting the babies into nursery/ a childminder for, say, one morning a week? You may feel reluctant as they are so young but again you NEED a break.
7. Try to say to yourself at least once every day 'This WILL get better'. It will, Ewemoo, I really do promise you. This is such a dark and difficult time but it will improve. I used to find myself saying 'I can't do this' over and over again but then we got to the stage where instead of every day being a struggle, it was every other day and then before we knew it there were more good than bad days.
8. Is there a local Twin club? If so please join it - people who are prepared to pick up your screaming baby so you can deal with the other one are a godsend and you will find them at a multiple club as well as sympathy, support and understanding.
9. TRY to get out of the house once every day. It is hard but force yourself. If they are screaming in the pram just keep on walking (difficult I know). As long as they are fed, changed, winded etc then they have their needs met and are fine and safe. I really hope that you start to see the light at the end of the tunnel Ewemoo. I promise you it is there and life will become easier and happier for you.

Tamba helpline 0800 138 0509 x

Thankfully only one of mine screamed all day yesterday but it was enough.

Also I thought about dummies and music. Didn't use a dummy with my eldest, hate the things, using them with the DT's though as it stops one of them from crying. Strangely the boy likes it when I sing Korn songs to him.

Been thinking of you but sadly at other end of country so can't offer any practicle help. Agree with twinmum though, get out and about find twin groups. Took mine to the aquarium and parked the buggy right up against the tank, they are only 18 weeks but they sat there for ages quietly, calmly and watched the fishes.

Got out again today and dts were the same. They literally screamed from the moment we got out of the car till we got back in and the motion sent them eventually to sleep. I felt like everyone was looking at us and there was nothing I could do to stop them crying. Twinmam - I have wondered about Aptamil, it being one we haven't tried yet. Is it a thicker formula? Thank you for your kind and encouraging words. It helps to hear that it does get better. I know of course that it will but at the moment every day feels like a year. There are no twin groups around here - I have asked hv. I just feel like there's no point going out if they're just going to scream. I have a homestart volunteer who is brilliant but is only here 2 hours a week.

There is so much help available in my area for mums of twins, have you told your HV how you are struggling? Are you in contact with your local Surestart and Twins club? How about contacting a college and offering work experience to reliable 16+ teens?

Have you thought about employing someone to help? I realise there aren't many families who can afford this, but a mother's help 2-3 mornings a week could give you the help and adult chat you need to see you through.

Do you have baby swings? Can you afford to buy one or two if not? My babies loved the rocking motion and I could often switch it to a higher speed to gain an extra five minutes doing something.

I do hope you find a solution soon.

Have you changed their bottles? Perhaps that would help, Mam are supposed to be very good.

Oh Ewemoo, I do feel for you I'm glad you have help from homestart and think geepers suggestion about student helpers or even a paid helper is a great idea - is this possible? Likewise PLEASE try and organise something within your family - your DH and inlaws - that will give you a break, maybe every sat afternoon or something where you are completely off duty. Think there are some very resourceful people on here who have done similar in terms of childcare students - maybe Tamba could help make some suggestions? I'd also ask them rather than your HV about twins clubs as she may well not be aware of one that could be, say, in the next county but a short drive away - mine is in a totally different health authority but is 30 mins drive.
I'm glad that knowing others have been there is of some comfort. I really was exactly where you are and your 'every day feels like a year' really does remind me of some awful times although I used to find it SO hard to admit to anyone that I was struggling! Please just keep on reminding yourself it won't always be like this, for every difficult moment you have tell yourself this and have your 'it WILL get better' mantra ready to repeat!!
Re. Aptamil, the Easy Digest is thicker and also doesn't come pre-mixed which is a pain if you like the handy little cartons. The 'ordinary' Aptamil isn't thicker (I don't think) but a lot of my friends found it much better than the SMA as did we but then we ended up moving on to Easy Digest because of constipation. Re. bottles, we moved to Dr Brown bottles and they did seem to help too although they are a) expensive and b) fiddly - lots of different bits to sterilise and a pain in the arse to fit together when you have two screaming hungry babies to contend with. I think they did make a difference to the colicky bit though as did INfacol.
Please don't feel there is no point going out. There is, even if they scream. If they're going to scream wherever they are (little tykes!) then you may as well be out getting fresh air as stuck in the house every day. So what if people are looking at you? They always look at twins anyway and they are probably thinking 'look at that poor woman - she is coping so well - goodness knows how anyone could cope with twins' I can guarantee they are NOT thinking 'what a dreadful mother'! If the car sends them to sleep then take them out for drives. Mine used to kick off big style in the car - once rang poor DH in hysterics as their crying sent me so crazy I got lost after dropping him at work, a journey I'd done countless times. There was a point, sitting there in that layby, when it crossed my mind that I could get out of that car and walk into the very busy road. Have never told anyone that (again, so hard to admit to struggling) and I was most probably suffering PND. Thankfully I didn't jump in front of a car! Instead I calmed myself down, got back in my car with my 2 screaming horrors and drove them home and put them to bed. And we went on and the next day wasn't so bad. There are some very desperate times. It sounds as if you're not enjoying your babies at the moment and that is OK, it really is alright to feel like this. I didn't enjoy mine at all at various points and yet I had been so desperate to get them home from SCBU and have them as 'really mine' so felt such a failure when I couldn't cope. Not really sure where this is going other than to just keep on reassuring you that it won't always be this shit! Please hang in there, keep coming here to let us know how you are and get our sympathy even if we can't do anything practical to help you. And do ring Tamba as they might be able to give you some good advice.

Twinmam - your words are so empathic. I too desperately wanted my dts out of SCBU. They seemed like such perfect babies in there - 4 hourly routine, went back to sleep easily etc and then once they came home it was hell on earth. I don't enjoy my babies at the moment and I feel like I'm just getting through each day. My twins also scream in the car. Every day when I take my dd1 to school they scream all the way there and all the way back. I just can't understand why they can't just lie there and be happy. Fair enough babies cry when there is obviously wrong but when you've just fed, changed and winded a baby surely there should be some degree of contentedness? They must waste so much energy screaming - I'd be exhausted if I cried that much! We have been using Dr Brown's since they were 2 weeks old and whether this has helped is impossible to tell.

Not really empathy so much as remembering so very vividly what it was like! But I made it to the other side and I'm here waiting for you, cheering you on. It doesn't get easy (or hasn't so far) but it gets easier and a LOT more fun. You will enjoy them, you are just too exhausted to feel that anything is fun at the moment. You know from your DD1 how thankless a task looking after small babies can be and two of them, well...! As they grow and develop having two just gets better and better and there are lots of really special moments that honestly do make it all worthwhile, I promise you.

Sorry - no real advice, only sympathy. One of mine is like this but thankfully DT2 is a contented wee thing. Still with a DD of 22 months (& DH overseas) I find it relentless due to DT1's almost constant screaming & refusal to settle, wanting to be in my arms all the time etc. So much so that my parents have taken DT1 for the night tonight & I have had the most peaceful evening in 3 months. I know you said your folks were a couple of hours away but is it an option to take one or other over a night or weekend?

My DT got slightly better on infant Gaviscon, she was very pukey & very hard to settle after a feed & this has improved but no miracle I'm afraid. The only other thing that will quieten her down sometimes is a Baby Einstein DVD. Gives me 10 mins peace.

Feel for you.

How is today going Ewemoo?

Hi I know exactly what you're going through, my twins are now 8 months and those 8 months have been hell. They have always been crying babies and have never settled in between feeds. I have found myself crying continuously every day on the phone to my husband and that has been with the help of my mum. I've felt like such a bad mum, just that I couldn't seem to cope at all. I got so wound up that I just couldn't get them to drink their milk and the continuous winding just was killing me as they were getting heavier and heavier. We did change their milk from Cow and Gate to the Cow and Gate Comfort which is thicker and is supposed to help settle their stomaches. At first it was magic and they seemed to increase their milk intake double. But them they got colds and we seemed to just slip back to where we were. They are now seeing a paediatric at hospital to try and find out what is wrong. They have been given gaviscon which I can't use because it's too thick in their milk, it won't come out of the bottles. and a couple of other medicines, then if that doesn't work going to try some different milk that doesn't contain cows milk. Hopefully something will help. To be honest it does feel better at the moment because their on solids now and I don't worry about them taking so much milk. They don't take anything like their supposed to. But I've given up, I'm too tired, 8 months of struggling is long enough. I'm sure they will survive. Anyway I hope that this helps knowing that there are other people out there going through similar position. I have felt so alone, even though I've had people all around me. Good Luck Jo