I am at my wits end - how the hell do you bottle feed both twins at the same time

[Ewemoo]

My dts are now a month old and have turned into babies from hell. They are by no means placid and when they wake up they immediately scream for food or just pure frustration who knows?? After many attempts at staggering feeding they still seem to wake up at the same time both screaming. How do you manage warming two bottles and keeping the babies calm? I am sure it's not possible but it is doing my head in at the moment. Also how do you manage this situation in the night when your dh needs to sleep and can't help you?

I can second twinmam's view that things get better when they turn one. And a lot more fun.

Mine turned one at the weekend.

I have sectioned off a large part of the living room with a room divider and they just hang out there most of the day with all their toys and just amuse themselves and each other with little attention needed from me. They are going through a giggling phase where they just take turns giggling at each as if they are having a conversation.

Nappy changes have become less frequent (though harder cos they resist more).

Still on bottles but no sterilising (stopped at 6 months).

Feeding is no longer so urgent and immediate and so the routine is more relaxed.

The only thing that is harder is going out to restaurants and other peoples houses etc. When they were younger they would happily just stay in their stroller or lie on the floor - now thet want to get out and crawl about. And so its a bit stressful keeping them safe and entertained out in public.

But it is so much fun now. They can understand quite alot of what I say.

Sullwah - our DTs are almost the same age - mine turned one on 11th Feb. Where has the last year gone?! So agree with all you say - we too have a DT 'section' in our sitting room and it has been so much easier! Also agree on how much fun they are now. DD2 often crawls really quickly away from DD1, looking over her shoulder, then DD1 chases her after which they collapse in huge fits giggles. So adorable. I also love that they know what I mean when I say 'no' and shake my head/ finger at them. Of course, they ignore it most of the time or shake their heads and fingers at me then continue in whatever it was they were doing. I do love the feeling that we are communicating more and more though.

Oh Ewemoo .... I was there but without the added complication of an older DC to contend with as well as the DTs. I really feel for you, you poor love. I felt that exact same sense of resentment - in fact I posted on a thread called Do you resent the fact that you had twins fairly frequently. I got lots of support and lots of people telling me it will get better which did help and I am now in that place where each day doesn't feel like an impossible struggle. You will get your life back, or rather an even better life (honestly, please believe me!) but I can understand how it feels as if that is a long way off. It can seem like such a steep hill to climb and it is just horrid when every day feels like a struggle.

If you want to go through the whole hassle of switching formula again we found Aptamil Easy Digest to be v good (tho doesn't come in those handy little packets, just powder).
Or will it just take a bit more time for the Cow and Gate to bring about improvement? Likewise the Gaviscon? Are they both refluxy babies? If they are colicky have you tried Infacol? Of course am forgetting you are not a first time mum like I was but we did try just about every 'solution' for every baby related prob so can tell you the pros and cons of nearly everything on the market!

Have you tried Homestart - apparently multiple mums qualify for 2 hours of volunteer time per week. Do you have any family members who could help out just by giving you some space one afternoon?

I can also v much remember that all the singleton mums I knew passed that magic six weeks mark and everything seemed so much easier for them whilst I was still struggling which seemed so unfair! Your DTs are only tiny and I am sure you will find things easier when they are 3 months and then even easier as they get bigger etc. I know it is hard to find the light at the end of the tunnel but it is there, believe me. Things change so quickly with babies and the thing that you are worrying about/ struggling with one week will be gone in another. Again, you know this, I am sure, from your experiences with DD1.

please do keep on letting us know how you are getting on and remember that we have all been there and survived x

Thanks Twinmam

Neenztwins, for me there was a big turn when they turned 1 but in a more subtle way, like twinmam said about not sterilizing the bottles etc and I seemed to relax a little more. I also couldn?t wait for my 2 to crawl and walk and like you my friends thought I were mad, with 2 running about the place but when you have 2 babies screaming and demanding it just seems easier that they can follow you around or get up and do what they please and for me it was... the best thing ever was when they started to crawl. Yes they get into all sorts but that?s half the fun lol.

Ewemoo, huni, I was exactly the same, I thought I?d made the biggest mistake of my life having these babies, I hated my life and hated my dh for going to work.... actually I hated everybody for having a better life then me and I hated people with one baby and wished I had only had one. Please believe me it does get better. For me though I needed abit of help as I did suffer post-natal depression and was on anti d?s for a while. At 3 months old I changed my boys milk from prem milk to cow & gate comfort... oh my god they started sleeping and started feeling full. I take my hat off to you having another child, not sure how I would have coped with that.... but do you know what... you will [wink}

It seems like such a long way away, it did for me but seriously it quickly passes and you wonder where the time went

Keep us updated and let us know if you need anymore advise with anything
x

Ewemoo, I feel slightly nervous about posting this for fear of being flamed (and I only have one DS so no experience of twins) but my DS was an instant screamer when it came to food and I found the best solution was to make up all my bottles in advance and store them in the fridge.

I know this is against current guidelines, etc, but I've been doing it since DS was 7 mths, am scrupulous about sterlising and making up with water at 70 degrees, etc and it works for me.

It may slightly relieve the stress if you just have to grab the bottles out of the fridge and go.

If this doesn't work for you, feel free to ignore, as I say I only have one baby so not much help but I see so many women on here talking about struggling to make up feed with screaming babies and it must be so hard.

I hope things start to improve soon.

oops, since DS was 2 wks, not 7 mths!

ewemoo
my twins are 4 months old now.
i put the boiled water in the bottles, add formula. cool one down, and put the other in a cup with boiling water.
i have tried with bouncy chairs but they cannot support their own heads yet. (they were 9 weeks prem)
whilst feeding one and the other one is crying, you do tend to get used to the other one crying. yes it can drive you mad, but they get used to it and so do you - it does get easier - especially when they start to recognise that there is another baby in the room who needs mummys attention!!!
you could always feed one about 100ml, and then feed the other one 100ml, etc until they have both drank their mil, just have a cup of boiling water on standby.
hope this helps

Ellac, do you mean this sort of bouncy chair? They shouldn't need to support their own heads in them - they were a lifesaver for me when my DTs were tiny. They were only 3weeks prem but I think they were in their bouncy chairs from about 3wks old.

We had another awful night last night. They were both really unsettled from 7pm until we tried to put them down after their feed at 11.30pm. They were both screaming in their cot and the only way any of us was going to get any sleep was to put them in our bed. I hate doing this as I know it's not particularly safe (especially as dh has a habit of flinging his arm across the bed) and I feel like a failure for giving in and letting them win. So, this morning we woke up feeling like shit and another day was starting for me. Luckily dd1 has gone with a friend bowling and won't be back until 6pm so at least I can concentrate on the dts.

ewemoo - I haven't read the thread (and expressing so typing worse than normal!!!)

my dts are now 22 mths (I'm expressing for new baby) I sat in middle of sofa with a twin either side of me with their heads on my thighs and their legs out, a bottle in each hand. I couln't do it in the bouncy chairs as it was uncomfortable

Ewemoo - do you want to post details of your daily routine and I can try and think back 10 months (its amazing who quickly you forget ) and think of what I would do.

I am sure others will have suggestions too.

Please don't feel a failure - the first 6 months with twins you just need to do what you need to do to stay sane.

I have not read the whole thread but I quickly found a way to feed my DTs:

I would sit on the floor with my knees propped up in front of me.

I would put one twin on my legs, so their feet on my bits, their head on my knees. I would feed that twin with my left hand.

The other twin would effectively be in my arms so head in the crook of my left elbow, bottom/legs on my tummy. I would feed this twin with the right hand.

It worked a bloody treat! Sorry if someone else has already suggested this!

Another bloody awful night last night. I actually fell asleep whilst feeding dt1 I was that exhausted. Dh was tired too after staying up a few nights till 1am feeding them and giving me a break so I told him to go to bed at 10pm and get some sleep. The dts didn't settle and by 2am I was so knackered I put them in the bed again. By 4am I begged dh to help me feed one as the thought of sitting up for another hour and a bit made me feel sick. He did and then they settled till 6.15am when the alarm went off for dh to get up. I am completely wiped out today and have dd1 to entertain and my parents coming to stay for tonight (they are not the sorts to help out much and will expect dinner, etc) I'm looking forward to taking dd1 for her swimming lesson on Saturday and then I'm taking her to see Fifi at the local theatre. I never thought that that would seem like heaven.

I don't have any older children but when the DTs were newborns I used to think how hard it must be when you have an older child too. Do the twins nap at any set time during the day Ewemoo? If so could you arrange for someone to take DD1 at that time so you can sleep? You HAVE to get some rest during the day or you will not be able to cope with the nights.

It used to be common for my DTs not to settle until 3am (or sometimes even 5am). I used to dread the nights.

My DH used to look after them from 10pm till 1am and I would go to sleep, then I would get up at 1am and he would go to sleep. I could cope with that.

How were the DTs born? I only ask cos my DS was a forceps delivery and he always struggled to settle at night, until I took him to an osteopath. After two sessions he was like a different baby (and his gunky eye cleared up really quick) - he had been put a bit out of line when he was yanked out and the osteo made such a lot of difference. Might be worth considering. Where in the country are you? If London or Manchester use these people. That's who I went to.

Are you trying to get them to settle themselves? My mantra when the DTs were young was 'I'll just give them 10 minutes and see what they do' ie just put them in their cot awake and leave them for 10 minutes. They would cry but often within that 10 mins they would fall asleep on their own. If you can teach them to self-settle then your work is going to be much easier in the long run. Before his osteo, I had to put DS on my chest for 30mins after feeding to get him into a deep enough sleep that he would go down in the cot. Any less than 30mins and he would wake up! So I know it is not as easy as just 'letting them self-settle' but maybe give it a try?

How do they nap in the day? Do they have any sort of routine? Mine used to be great sleepers in the day then turn into horrors at night!

Also, are they warm enough? That might be why they like it more in your bed. I know it is hard what with the SIDS risk to know how much they should be wrapped up but it does get cold at night. I would say they should have at least a babygro and 2.5tog sleeping bag, if not a vest as well. I am no expert on SIDS so I would not like to say.

Gina Ford's Contented House With Twins really helped me. I could never get them into the routine exactly but it was helpful.

Ooohh Gina Fords Contented House with Twins scared the sh*t out of me lol....

Ewemoo, I slept with my 2 for months and months because I needed the sleep and that's what was required to get my sleep. I was lucky that nobody challenged me on it and thought I was doing the best for me.

I slept on the sofa with one and dh in bed with one... not ideal I know but 'rules' were not made by somebody with twins pmsl....

Hun, stick with it, just get through the next few weeks and it will change.

What milk are they on now?

x

Only 2 hours sleep last night. Great. We always put dts down to sleep when they're awake but often they need to lie on one of ours chests for quite a while before dropping off (to sleep not our chests!) Last night though this didn't work and it was 1.30am and still they hadn't gone to sleep. I put both of them in the bed and got 2 hours of light sleep before feeding again. They do sleep quite well in the day which is something I suppose. However I find it difficult to sleep in the day as there always seems to be something else to get done like washing and making bottles, etc. They have been on Cow & Gate comfort formula since last Saturday to no effect so far. I have GF's book but it scares me shitless when it talks about keeping the dts awake in the day for 2 hours. How the hell do you do this when they always scream when they're awake?

GF was useful to me because it provided an initial framework - I didn't and couldn't follow her exactly.

I started off with 7am to 7pm day and then fed them at the intervals they dictated and in a few days we had a routine (if one wanted feeding then I would feed the other two so we would keep in sync). We never got to 4 hours - but that was fine - at least I could predict the day. I never managed to get a predictable nap routine until they were 9 months - but I was fine with that - I just let them sleep when they wanted to in between the feeds. So dont worry about following the nap routine - they will just drop off when they want to. I tried to tank them up as much as possible during the day so that they would sleep through the night with the just the one middle of the night feed. In IMO the feeding routines in GF much more important that the nap routine. I found that I relaxed more when I realised that you cant dictate everything for your DTs and that I would just follow feeding routine.

If you don't want to be co-sleeping - you need to get them to learn to sleep independently from you. I found the Baby Whisperer book good for advice on this - less rigid then GF.

Ewemoo, follow some of these girls advice about routines etc, I'm not saying my way was the right way but it certainly was for me at the time as I think I would have cracked up but I seriously had to live with the consequences....

It seems an impossible task but do try a routine, get family/friends around to help for a couple of days, it will be better in the long run.

My 2 cried/screamed alot in the beginning and I was always petrified there was something wrong with them, I was a very naive mum in the beginning, but please believe that it does get better and things will change.

xxxxxxxxx

Do they go in bouncy chairs during the day? Have you tried putting CBeebies on (no I am not kidding - you have twins so you can get away with anything ). When mine were that young they loved to look at the TV, they were transfixed by all the colours. They used to sit in their bouncy chairs all day long, and used to love the vibrate on them too.

I would definitely try an osteopath - the link I posted... the treatments are 'free' (they ask for a donation of £30 but you just pay what you can afford)

Ewemoo are you in a bedtime routine? Reason I ask is because my 2 are 12 weeks next Tuesday (6 weeks prem), and when they got to official full term and the nights started getting really hard we decided to do the proper bedtime routine thing.
7.30 / 8pm I go upstairs with 1 and bath and change into clean nappy and clothes. Back downstairs with no 1 hand to dad. Take no 2 upstairs for bath whilst dad warms bottle 1 and brings her upstairs into the nursery with the light off. Feed whilst I finish bath and dress. Get bottle and sit on my bed with dd (4) and feed in near darkness whilst trying to read the story to dd!
Make sure all wind is up. Even the slightest indication of more wind, keep winding.

Put them down when you are happy they are happy.
If they cry as soon as you put them down, then obviously check there isn't a burp hiding somewhere.
If they stop crying as soon as you pick them up then they are looking for comfort only, so a few shushs and then put them back down.

Like me, you will probably find yourself picking 1 up and putting them down, picking the other 1 up and putting them down.
For the first few nights it took more than hour to get them settle...

But - now they are getting really good at going to sleep now. And only 1 night feed at between 3 and 4. Both done in 30 mins and back to bed.

Also (and I know i'm going to get shot for this) I make up bottles in batches and fridge them. I did the same thing with my eldest now 4 and she survived!
However I really am a bad mother cos I also use a microwave to warm the bottles up...

SOrry to witter on, and obviously feel free to ignore my ramblings, but this routine has worked well for us!

take care love!

ewemoo a great time saver in general for twins is don't sterilise anything, don't heat anything up. Then the rigmarole with the bottle hell dissipates quite quickly. I juwst wash them in really hot, soapy water, fill them with tap water to the right level and leave half of bottles in the kitchen and half in the bedroom for night feeds.
Also have yo tried letting them sleep on their tummies? I know the trend is for babies to sleep on their backs with SIDS and stuff but you can get those kind of wedges(or just use towels and muslins) to prop them on their side if you don't fancy putting them on their backs. My babies scream for Britain indefinitely when I put them to bed after their 6pm feed but they tend to calm down quicker when they are on their tummies. I know thesse 2 bits of advice go against lots of current guidelines but they work for us - I did the same with my son who is 2 and he is in the rudest of health.
I know it's not for evryone and i know when you are exhausted it's really difficult to enforce but strict feeding routines and strict, loving, softly softly bedtime routrines are absolute winners for babies.I totally agree with Sullwah - nap routines aren't vital and to be honest they will probably find their own nap routine based around their feeding routine.
For what it is worth, every twin mummy reading your post would feel nothing but solidarity for your situation. It sounds like you are doing staggeringly well under the circs and at the risk of repeating everything everyone has said, it really will change and suddenly you'll feel more connected to them, have longer stretches of sleep, they'll become predictable. Don't forget that lots of mums seriously struggle with the demands of 1 child and you have 2 babies and another child.
Also tell your family that their tea is available from pizza hut.
Do you have any close friends without children who could come and stay on a Saturday night, sleep on the sofa with the babies in a travelcot with them in the living room while you and your husband have a cuddle and a sleep for a blissful 10 hours?

jennyroper, don't mean to be rude but tap water!!

Ewemoo, not sure whereabouts you are but if you were in my area I would help you out. No charge

I'm doing a GF type routine with some flexibility with the twins I am looking after. It is easier when there are two of you and you don't have other children to consider.

Nothing to add Ewemoo and think there is some fantastic advice already on here. Wow poshtottie - what a lovely offer. If you ever fancy a trip to the North East... I just really wanted to say that I'm thinking of you, Ewemoo, and hope that the visit from your parents went well. Please keep letting us know how you are and how things are going with trying out some of the suggestions on here. At my lowest I always felt that if at least I was trying something, even if it wasn't working, I had some element of control in a situation where I usually felt helpless and desperate! Where do you live Ewemoo? I bet there is someone here who can suggest a twins club nearby/ help/ volunteers etc....

Oh and also you are not in any way a failure. You do what you have to to get through this really difficult patch and please remember that however low you feel, this is not a permanent state of affairs - it really will get better, I promise you.