Why are there no threads about the sheer terror of finding out you are pregnant with twins? Is it just me?

[Pruners]

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oooh, congratualtions"!

with extra punctualtion an dpoor spelling!"()*%WE) apparently.

ahem.

I think GAAAAAAH! is a normal reaction to a twin pregnancy.

double buggies fold down
and you can get them on the bus
you're only buying 1-2 sets of new clothes, there'll be hand me downs from dc1
get some advice on bf from gurus on here and TAMBA
you may manage a twin homebirth - may not necessarily be super-techno birth even if in hospital

as for the work....well there's no getting away from that with children, is there.

Congratulations spelt properly!

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Say GAAAAAAAH til it's out of your system.
You need the 'd'you ever' threads in multiple bursts births.

pruni - twins !!!

Woweee

What Fabio said, and

Omg I remember the feeling very well even though it was 9 and a half years ago

My twins are now 9 year old pains in the arses but worth all the freaking out and terror I promise xx

Yes it's hard but you get 2 first smiles and 2 first steps and 2 first words and its fantastic.

I know it is just one little part of your worry, but have you seen how many offers to knit you baby clothes there are currently on Ravelry?

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Never actually happened to me but remember having the fantasy and feeling the fear!
Congratulations! You've got time to prepare and as others have said get lots of support on here. Good luck

It's terrifying and wonderful too. You'll manage because well, there isn't a plan B. It will be fine.

I looked like this when I foound out. And 7 years later, still do tbh

Oh darn it! Me and my premature posting. Meant to say CONGRATULATIONS! It's fab and you will wonder every day how on earth you could have been so clever. When they both jump in bed with you (four freezing feet) and cover you with kisses. There's nothing like it

Oh god I was terrified throughout my whole pregnancy. Still am sometimes and the DTs are 3 .

Re the birth...I had a CS, but know of plenty of twin mums who didn't - not sure about home births, but others will be able to advise on that.

Re the breastfeeding...I managed 5 weeks , after managing 9 months with DD1. But had I known Mars and HoochieMomma (from here) then I would have managed a whole lot longer. It is possible to b/f twins exclusively - Momma is at a year and counting and I think I'm right in saying Mars managed 18 months.

Re the work...not going to lie, it is a lot of work. But it is also amazing, fantastic and rewarding .

Re the cost...beg, borrow or steal what you can . You'll know from having a child already that there are many 'essentials' which certainly aren't 'essential'! There are lots of multiple mums on here who might have stuff you might be interested in.

Re help...speak to your local colleges and ask if they do childcare courses. If so, they often want to send their students out on placements and love twin families as it means their students get lots of hands on experience. You obviously wouldn't leave the babies with someone so young and inexperienced, but they can help you go to the park or go swimming maybe, or even just keep an eye on them while you lie down in another room.

And when people offer help, ask them for practical help, like hoovering when they come round to see you and the babies, making you a meal. And don't let anyone sit down till they've made you a cup of tea.

Finally, come and join us [here] - it's where we off-load all our joys and woes...lots of support and advice there. And I will point the others in this direction as well.

And finally, finally - congratulations .

Sorry, got the link wrong, we are here

Pruners... you know where we are darling! We're full of advice, money saving tips, alcohol and the sheer terror and joy that comes with parenting twins.

Of the birth - I am a homebirthy kind of person and everything points to me having to give birth in a fecking operating theatre with all sorts of nonsense. * Well that depends my darling. If you want a homebirth you can still have one. You would probably need an independent mw and some of them will work cheaply dependent on your circumstances. I have the number of a recent twin mum who gave birth at home if you'd like to talk to someone who's been through it.

Of breastfeeding - didn't manage to bf my first though I now know why and could have done things differently - but now twins, everyone says you just feed for three months straight then wake up from a daze. I'm scared of that.... * honeysuckle.. you haven't spoken to me yet. Don't be scared I'll help you through it!

Of the work - nuff said. Come over to d'y ever. Lots of tips there.

Of the cost - we aren't well-off, we do ok but when I think of the future and how to feed and clothe three children I am scared.
Everything really. We don't have a car. Space for a double buggy. We don't have loads of friends living near us. We can't afford to get a cleaner or a postnatal doula. * there are ways and means my lovely and I'm happy to help you sort out the options.

If you email me on mars at mammydoula dot co dot uk I'll give you my number and if you want we can talk. I know it's scary but once you get through that having twins is so completely exciting and wonderful. But first... let's get you through the pregnancy.

oh pruners..

what mars said basically. how lucky are we all to have teh twin guru here
get all your family and friends to club together to buy you doula vouchers via doula uk instead of millions of babygros and plastic toys

and again, congratulations

FWIW, i am a twin and my mum was terrified/ horrified and quite traumatised by the whole thing. there are 6 years between us and my brother for that reason. did that help at all!! basically, you are not alon ein feeling liek this, and i thik most women go through some feelings of terror regardless of how many babies they are carrying

people rarely talk about the negative sides of pregnancy and birth, as you know, but does not mean you are alone in feeling this

x

Where are you based Pruners?

Hey pruners. You are doing well to 'connect' with reality so early on and get through this stage. There's many stages of emotions! (I don't remember having so many with ds1). I just felt wildly excited for ages (it all hit me a bit late when I read a book) and then freaked out until....ooooh now! I have Chronic Fatigue Syndrome so just wondered, "Why me?". Out of all my friends, I am the least in a position to cope with 2 babies, 1 was very hard going. But I know I will, somehow, and if some things have to give way, like my sanity for a couple of years then it's not that long in the big scheme of life!! I TRY to fluctuate between taking it one day at a time. Today, I am still pregnant, let's not worry about after. Or looking long term: It will be great when they are 2 and can play with each other. I even manage moments of being excited about the baby stage too, seeing other baby twins or babies helps. And being excited about other people's babies helps me feel more positive about these.

Have also had many contradictory emotions, "I can't cope with 2 babies" and "I can't cope if I lose one." Have felt a lot more fear full stop - about coping and about losing them. I'm sure it's normal but that's not much comfort really. I'm on 31 weeks now only have a month or so to go now and they are both fine. It's a bit of an emotional rollercoaster, much more than my first pg and that was my first pg, I thought I would be calm this time.

We do have a teeny bit of money to get a cleaner (£9 a week...but I am not fussy about having an immaculate house, she will do the basics) and have been offered so much in terms of clothes, cots, even a double buggy. Someone from TAMBA is sending me a free bouncy chair! My parents gave us some early 'inheritance' and got us a car...lots of unexpected but wonderful things.

Sorry,forgot to add that people just go a bit crazy about you having twins and that's why these unexpected but lovely things happen. So don't mean to sound too neagtive - early on in post - or too smug at the end. I'm sure lots of lovely things you never expected will happen for you...

first of all, congratulations it is special and eventually you will get your head round it (she says, hoping that she herself will do so soon )

I do sympathise with how you're feeling and I think one reason for no thread is because noone really wants to let on! My first reaction to finding out I was expecting twins was all about the practicalities - the cost (they were our first and last, so no hand-downs, no other grandchildren in my family either) working, etc as you say, also no experience of bf as no other dcs so assumed I'd manage it fine, had no idea hospital would force formula on me and now I wish I'd known about mn back then as it would have been a massive help.

Mine have just started reception, they are lovely girls and I feel honoured to have them, now but it has taken a while and I often wonder what it would be like to have had a singleton (not enough to find out though, my friend with 2 sets of twins under 3 put me off that ) You will adjust, find a twins group, get your head round it and joind the loonies here - good luck

Hi Pruners, I haven't been here for about a year because I'm just coming up to the DTs 2nd birthday and it's been a little busy...

I cried and cried when I first found out I was expecting twins. And then I found MN and FG and Mars and Kelly and Leo and all the other multiple mums here and some more locally and I felt so much more in control and able to face it. There are some fab books out there (Elizabeth Noble is a really good one for more natural birthers), and they were a bit of lifeline too.

I still wish I hadn't had two together, but I do love them so very much and they wouldn't be the same if they hadn't arrived together. The worst bit is having so little time for DD, but even that's got better recently. I felt so guilty for having twins, but she's coped with it really well. Lots of preparation though!

Anyway, I am now quite proud of having two really fun boys, and their very cool big sister. It has been hell, but also fun, and I've made lots of very good new friends because of the boys.

BTW, I breastfed until the boys were a year old (just), and Mars was a godsend and a grounder!

Good luck and look forward to the fun stuff.

xx

Hi Pruners - ditto ditto ditto. Just saw your post & you could be me, just add a DH who lives between here & Oz.Oz at moment. Am off to see what words of reassurance & sage advice follow your post.

Pruners, a friend of mine has twins and here are some positives from here. You can have a natural birth, she was really worried about having a c section too, but managed to deliver them herself with only an epidural. Homebirths - nothing is guaranteed even with one, I really wanted a homebirth but had to do a hellish last-minute transfer as ds' heart slowed down. Breast-feeding is definitely do-able apparently rugby hold, using a breast-feeding cushion is best and for prams a phil and teds is ideal as you can actually get through doors and folds up really well. Everyone will give you heaps of stuff too she says.

Best of luck, can totally understand your trepidation.

FWIW - my sister sobbed for about three days when she found out it was twins. She coped though and now has two beautiful DDs.

When I was told I was carrying to my trio, I didn't stop crying once it sank in. I remember it hitting me while I was cooking the tea for dh and I and getting 2 plates out and looking in the cupboard and realizing I would soon have to have 5 plates on the table. I felt the blood drain from my face and I just sank down to the floor and sobbed, rocking back and forth looking like a true loony! I don't think I stopped for at least 2 hours, and the tea burned and the smoke alarms went off, and I just sobbed! I cursed and screamed!

Then a dr asked, "Do you want to selectively reduce the fetuses?"

"Do I buggery!" Was my horrified reply!

Lol

3 years later, I was told I was carrying twins. Guess what? I sobbed and screamed and cursed again even though I know just how amazing it is to have multiples!

So no...you're not on your own!

I can assure you, in those first few weeks of either pregnancy, if I had known mumsnet, I would have been posting non-stop about my sheer terror at the prospect of either triplets or twins! Actually, even now, I hardly restrain myself!! And my trio are 4 and the twins are 8 months! I wouldn't have it any other way though.

With my twins, I had a natural birth, without any painkillers! It can be done sweetie. I was in hospital, but as others have said, homebirths are achievable.

Breastfeeding... Mars is the person to talk to! I'm breastfeeding the twins still and yes, it was bloody hard work in the beginning, now way around that, but it does get easier.

The work... oh yes the work! I found having triplets and twins a great excuse to get away from the work! I concentrated on the kids and nobody dared comment on the state of the house. You put things on hold that don't need doing and things that do need doing can be made quicker and easier. How old is you dc? If they're old enough, you could get them to help out. Great practice for uni I say . It can help if you develop tunnel vision in the first few months so you don't see the mess!

The cost... these things have a way of working themselves out. You get discount for certain things with twins which can help out, and you just need to cut back on things which aren't essential.

One step at a time, you'll get there. Take it one day at a time, and when things get really tough, just focus on getting from one second to the next. We'll be here to help you through everything and at least one mum on here will have advice for your situation.

Oh, and CONGRATULATIONS!!