Why are there no threads about the sheer terror of finding out you are pregnant with twins? Is it just me?

[Pruners]

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Pruners, please come over and join MerryMarigold and I on the twins antenatal group. I have just this minute posted about how terrified I am about them as I'm nearly 37 wks. I think you've popped in once, but we're all in the same boat there. All I could do at the beginning was focus on the problems as you're doing now (and I found out at 17 weeks so it was a huge shock), eventually bit by bit I found a few little positives about the situation.

I cried for nearly a month when I found out. And took me until 28 weeks to start being a bit positive. I don't think you can force yourself to be positive, you've got to get through the grieving for what is lost, what will be lost - does that make sense? The single child you would have had, how 'easy' it would have been. Other people saying ' only those who can cope get twins' (WTF?) eventually washes over you. The funny thing was, when people (strangers generally) used to comment on 'how will you cope' and 'you poor thing' it made me so angry I ended up looking on the bright side, well gradually anyway.

In terms of help, you can get a Homestart volunteer for a few hours a week (free!), they're lining me up with one next week and seem great. You can look up your local office on the website, could be a godsend

Don't be too hard on yourself for feeling this upset, much easier if you go with it for a while.

Pruners - I know exactly where you coming from. I'm now 22 weeks with id twin girls and my hubby asked me last night if I felt different with this from when I was pregnant with dd...my response was just the fact that there are 2 babies in there instead of 1 still feels really really weird...

I sort of knew from about 6-7 weeks - I never felt so bad in my life, I literally felt like there was twice as many pregnancy hormones running through my body and I will admit that I suffered with awful sickness, bad hair, spots, tiredness. So when the 12 week scan said twins whilst I cried it was because I was right, rather than because I was shocked!
Hubby on the other hand, he had to sit down and put his head between his legs cos he really thought he was going to pass out...

As everyone else says - no one can "afford" a multiple birth (well you know what I mean!) but you will really come to see that money isn't everything, love is far more important to those children than money...

Congratulations! And look forward to seeing you on the multiples thread in antenatal!

Oh my goodness Pruners - congratulations! What a shocker!

I haven't been through this myself but have several friends with twins (4 sets). One of them breastfed exclusively until 1 year old (and had a DS aged 2 at the time...). Another gave birth naturally with no pain relief (albeit in hospital). etc etc, so it can be done.

At least you won't go through the aggro of wondering whether to go for DC3 as we currently are!

Good luck!

Hello Pruners
I (and my dp) felt exactly like you did- from the moment we found out we were expecting twins and then for the months after. We went to the local twin?s group expectant parent evenings and all the other couples were so thrilled to be expecting twins and said they felt like they had the winning lottery ticket. I couldn?t stop myself saying- ?I felt like I had the winning ticket, but then lost it at the scan?. There was a kind of embarrassed silence!! Now our little fellows are 7 months old. I am loving them and couldn?t imagine not having twins. Whilst it doesn?t feel like we?ve got the winning lottery ticket, as we are too broke to feel like that- it certainly feels like we got first prize in a pretty big raffle!!
You get by- somehow. And yes, it is daunting, and yes I don?t think we came out of the all consuming fog until about 3 months, but after just about 6 weeks into it, I realised I wouldn?t change it and it sounds corny, but having twins really is great (most of the time!!). But I wouldn?t have believed I was ever going to feel that way.
Good luck- and congratulations.

Know exactly how you feel, I'm 17 weeks with twins now and spent the first few weeks alternating between giggling like a loon and sobbing my heart out.

My dd will be 2 when the twins are due and the thought of a toddler,twin babies,five cats, dh and me crammed into a small cottage with no relatives nearby (nearest is 2 hours away).

I like to be quite organised so I'm dealing with it by planning as much as I can and tackling all the practical stuff - we've put the house on the market for example. And friends have been fab, we've had offers of loans of things like moses baskets and a couple of close friends regularly kidnap dd so I can go to hospital appointments or get some rest.

I'm still have moments of pure terror when I want to run around the house screaming, but I heard the twins heartbeats for the first time yesterday and that gave me a boost.

Wishing you loads of lucky and sending you positive vibes!

sorry meant to say the thought of toddler, twin babies etc was enough to make me despair . Brain not in gear today.

first posting ever on mumsnet as your posting struck such a chord. Am mum to DD1 of almost 4 and DTS1 and DTD2 of 10 weeks. Found at 12 week scan was expecting twins - 3 days before xmas - absolutely no family history of twins. Promptly phoned in sick and went home to bed for the rest of the day - went between shock, excitement and sheer terror. Work full time an hour from home, travel extensively for work too and could see it all going down the toilet. Took 2 weeks following the scan to try and work it out in my own mind - no amount of well meaning advice made any difference. 2nd week of Jan went into practical overdrive, changed car - BTW Volvo XC90 fits 3 kids - 2 isofix and 1 built in booster seat on the back seat with a 2nd row to spare and doesnt look like it should have that many seats, 2nd hand out and about nipper - best push chair in the world, 2nd hand matching cotbed - sourced from the mumsnet classified - you can organise yourself through - you just need to do the 'getting your own head sorted' bit first - dont worry it will happen.
Me - i'm sleep deprived, with post natal high blood pressure and totally running on adrendalin but wouldnt have it any other way - it WILL all be worth it!!!

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Pruners, my sickness was dreadful too. Didn't get out my housecoat for months. Just got up, fed DD1, lay on the couch, gave her lunch (made me ill doing cooking), lay onthe couch, cried at how shit I felt, cried at what a shitty mum I felt, made her tea, did her a bath and tucked her in and went to bed. I had DP constantly in London and we had to move house. I was emotionally all over the place. Stay with us. Come to D'y ever....... we will hold tight onto you and see you well. We will visit if we're local, we will send things if we aren't, we will text if it helps, we won't speak if thats irritating. Gwan. X

I found out it was twins at around 16 weeks I think. I was beginning to feel better then. It slowly eased away and once it had gone I felt FAB! Great skin, horny day and night, I GLOWED. Hang on. Better will come x.

I had twins in a rented 2nd floor flat up a tall fire escape, one tiny bedroom, no car, no family in the city or friends who could help, no savings, low income.

Yeah, I thought we were completely doomed, but you do manage. You don't have a choice! laughs hystericallyahem

It actually wasn't nearly as bad as I thought it'd be. Really. Possibly because I thought it'd be so appalling that anything less seemed like a blessed relief, but it really was OK.

For a start I was lucky with the birth - vaginal birth for both, no tearing, no pain relief (almost no pain to relieve, in fact!) all over extremely fast. So it can happen! People talk about the horror stories with twin births, but it's not guaranteed.

And secondly... you really don't need as much stuff as you think. We actually came out ahead, financially, just 'cause people gave us lots of things, we got loads second hand, Freecycle, car boots, etc. And we got lots of money from things like SureStart grants, child tax credit, etc.

Yes, it's going to be exhausing and relentless for a bit, you can't avoid that one, but I CAN say that the twins ride has been fascinating and hilarious - I've laughed so much in the past year since they were born that it more than makes up for the time you spend sobbing at 3am. Promise.

pruners congrats - i am sure marslady will be v. helpful over on the twin thread.

i have older twins as you know and if you want to pick my small brian about anything just cat me

Hello was just reading your messages, i have twins, emily and ethan and they are 1 now, and i had all the same anxities that you are feeling, will i cope, can i afford 2 children, is my life now over !! And yes the first three months were diffcult, but once you come out of that you will be fine, you soon forget the sleepless nights, one word of advice, i think i was quite disclipined from about 4 months and them sticking to a consistent routine, and now they sleep through from about 6 till 6 most days, and probley getting more sleep now than ever, keep me posted.

Congrats BTW.

The day my mum went for her first scan with her 'baby' she told the consultant to stop lying then left the hospital phoned me and said 'actually no I can't speak so here's your dad' LOL

It's perfectly normal of course it is you hear about everyone having A baby not that twins are unusual but in a pregnant womans mind it's like oh wait there are 2 in there LOL.

Congratulations. I am 20 weeks pregnant with id twins, and found out after I had some bleeding at 7 weeks. I posted something along the lines of pregnant with id twins and slightly freaking and got some replies back, particularly a link to an ante-natal multiple mums club. Look at www.mumsnet.com/Talk/2290/453417 Come join us! I was really shocked and worried and the situation sounds similar - had DS1 at home and have been told at King's because they're monochorionic it's almost certain they'll be a c-section, we live in a flat on the first floor and are panicking about double buggies, 3 car seats in our current car, money, bringing up twins, the disappearance of my career, not to mention heftier worries re them getting ttts etc. I too, struggled with bfeeding DS1, may head to marslady for advice on that one and on doula etc. Suffice to say, all the things that seem insurmountable I'm sure won't be, and although we're trying to sell in what has to be the worst time in years, feel sure that something in the nature of accommodation will turn up. Plus as the pregnancy progresses and the boys seem to be doing well, allowing myself to get excited. Think being shocked and overawed is normal. Feeling a bit blessed and special will hopefully follow, but don't feel at all guilty for your initial reaction. It's a big old deal.

Pruners
I am 29 wks preg with monochorionic diamniotic twins and have a homebirth planned. i had one first time round with my 2 yrt old son. Have been told nearly everywhere i go I shouldn't have one but no one can pin point exactly why without saying vaugue things like 'it's too risky', 'it's dangerous for the 2d twin'. I looked into it, did masses of reading from medical journals and spoke to numerous midwives who had delivered twins. I feel now that I have a good understanding of the different kinds of risks of having a homebirth as well as those associated with having the baby in hospital or c-section. Have found a midwife who is happy to deliver them at home if I go beyond 37 wks and they are both head down. She is an older lady who has delivered thousands of babies including lots of twins, some at home. I like her because she isn't on a 'homebirth forsaking all other forms of delivery' crusade but she is realistic and experienced.
One thing I have learnt about reading threads on the multiples section of mumsnet is not to assume that all midwives/doctors/surgeons have loads of experience with twins. It sounds obvious but I didn't click immediately.
By the way I really admire you being so honest about how you feel about having twins. It's good that you are realistic about it and not head in the clouds. We worried an awful lot about the cost when we found out but actually when we go through everything I think it's going to be a lot less expensive initially than we thought.
Fingers crossed!

I just found out Friday that I'm expecting twins. So far I've been on an emotional roller-coaster. My husband is away on business until Tuesday and I'm panicking about it all. My other children are five and three. We live in a three bedroomed house - it's going to be like a dormitory!

Is anybody out there who's expecting twins and has had time to get used to the idea?

Hi Mumof2, there's lots of us over here, come and join us - and congratulations!

Yes, do come over, we're very friendly! I've got 10 week old dt's, a 5 year old and a 2 year old in a 3 bed house, not as bad as I expected by half. Really !

I was 6 months pregnant before I found out I was having twins, at the time I had a 14 month old toddler, when they were born he was only 16 months. I was glad I was in hospital when delivering the twins as everything stopped when the first one was born, my system tried to shut down, my body thought it was all over and done with, I ended up with drips and injections to set me off again, in the delivery room were 2 doctors, 2 midwives, 2 registras, 6 student midwives and my husband... strangely this helped. 18 years on all I can say is it's worth it.

i laughed hysterically for about two hours, kept repeating " twins".strangely terrifying and funny at the same time!.my twins are 3 now..... and i still find myself laughing hystericaly...(usually down to what they get up too.)