If one more idiot says.......

[pophas2beans]

'oh no, twins, poor you' or 'what on earth will you do, how will you cope?' I swear to god I will scream abuse at them. I'm so happy to be having twins and some people's reactions are so negative. They've never had twins so how can they comment? I see myself as a very lucky and blessed person and wish that they would just be bloody happy for me.

I know exactly what you mean pophas2beans, people can be so rude. I always like to point out that they would have said something nice like congratulations if I'd told them I was expecting one baby, and that because I'm expecting two I deserve extra congratulations, not comiserations.

I'm not a twins mum but my nephew and his dw have 1yo G/B twins as well as a 3yo and 5yo. I must say I was taken aback at my sister's reaction when she heard of the twin pg. She said she didn't know what her ds and dw were thinking of (like they'd planned twins ) and had no idea how they'd manage. As it happens, nephew and dw are v organised, they wanted a large family and from what I've seen are very happy, so it's hard to see why anyone should feel it's a negative thing.

Having said which, the history of twins where I live in Nigeria has been very different. Twins are quite common amongst African peoples but at one time it was thought they were the result of a woman having sex with more than one man so sadly, twins were not allowed to survive. A missionary, Mary Slessor, did a lot to change that attitude thankfully.

Twins are always called by the names Taiwo and Kehinde, (in that order, because the story is that in the womb, Kehinde tells Taiwo to have a look outside, thus Taiwo is born first) and whether girls or boy. Mothers are supposed to have another baby within one year, also with a predetermined name, to stop the twins being spoilt by all the attention. Should another set of twins be born, they will also be called Taiwo and Kehinde, but with the Yoruba words for two added. The mum will still be expected to have another baby within one year, lol!

I have girl/boy twins and was asked last week if they'd 'become identical'. What do they teach in biology lessons these days???!! Get used to being stopped in the street, as once the babies are born you will become a local celebrity!! When people say 'Poor you - double trouble', we just say that they're double the fun and that usually shuts them up! Good luck. xx

Hey suedonim that is really interesting! I have heard that in some parts of Africs twins are more common, something to do with the hormones in yams or some other dietary thing??

My other funny story is a 6 yr old boy in a cafe who had been watching me for ages, being v well behaved but clearly curious, so he and his mum came over for a chat so he could get a closer look. He studied them very carefully and asked 'are they BOTH twins?'. I had to try very hard not to burst out laughing!!

I hadn't heard about the yam theory but that certainly could be a factor! Dd2 tells me there are twins in her class at school who have older triplet siblings. I'm not sure if the third triplet counts as the baby-born-within-a-year or not.

I recently met a woman here in Scotland with a set of twins followed by a singleton, another set of twins and then two singletons. At one point she had five under five. All were girls except the youngest singleton - he must feel a bit outnumbered!

I have girl/boy twins and was asked last week if they'd 'become identical'. What do they teach in biology lessons these days???!! Get used to being stopped in the street, as once the babies are born you will become a local celebrity!! When people say 'Poor you - double trouble', we just say that they're double the fun and that usually shuts them up! Good luck. xx

bedford girl - yes people are rather insistent about it aren't they? i often get asked 'are you SURE they are not identical?' and even when I say no, it's a boy and a girl, they still ask. And shake their heads and say 'well I think they are'. In my stroppier days I have considered pulling down their nappies as proof they are not identical!!! (they do look quite alike, I must admit)

another classic faux pas with twins is the hereditary aspect of it - the number of people who said to my mum "well I don't know why you've had twins, there's never been twins in the family before"

neatly countered with "oh well, i suppose twins is in your family isn't it" when discussing my bro's twins (also fraternal and as a result of IVF). The fact that natural fraternal twins is ENTIRELY due to the WOMAN releasing 2 eggs at the same time and so my bro could have no impact on this is clearly beyond their comprehension!
(when it is identical twins, I think it can go down either genetic line)

Actually you can have identical b/g DTs. When the egg is first fertilised it has XXY. If it splits early enough (ie before the extra chromosone is dropped) you get b/g DTs. It's rare but it does happen. That said my b/g DTs aren't id though they do look incredibly similar.

I can't remember if I said it on this thread but when people say "Is it twins?" The correct response is "No triplets. We left the one we don't like in the car!"

LOL Mars!

Love the stuff about twins in Nigeria Suedonim.

I have 12-week-old twins and feel sorry for people who have singletons - no one stops them in the street to look at their babies, no one makes such a fuss of them. It must be so boring (and what do they do with their days? ).

You are truly blessed.

It doesn't bother me when people say 'ooh you've got your hands full.. it makes me proud that I am being such a good mum in such extreme circumstances .

The only comment that has ever bothered me is when one person said 'Oh, I don't envy you having twins'. I thought 'you bloody well should envy me cos I am the luckiest person on the planet to have given birth to these two!!!'

Having twins is not as hard as everyone says it is anyway. You'll love it!

ID twins (split egg) can happen to anyone. It's a genetic anomaly. Fraternal twins are the ones that tend to go down a family line, but it is true that as a woman gets older she's more likely to release two eggs.

Love twins!

hiya pops. Take no notice of them hon, they are talking crap!!! i had a one year old whenm i had id twin boys and i then went on to have a fourth and the twins were a doddle compared to the girs!!!

Mars is that true about having B/G id twins? we know ours aren't identical, despite looking similar (separate placentas etc) but I read somewhere BG twins could be identical, then somewhere else that they couldn't. So am v intrigued to know. Perhaps those questions aren't so dumb after all, and in fact all the passers-by in my neighbourhood have a much better grasp of biology than me!!!

(I will use your triplet response. I like it very much.)

Yes it's true. Will find the info for you later (taking DS1 shopping).

My consultant was the first to tell me. It's not that the neighbours have a better grasp... they are actually thick and just assume that all twins are id.

Penona, one can have genetically id B/G twins. One method is that the one egg splits after being fertilised by one sperm. This egg splits into what will become two male babies but during the splitting process, one of the eggs loses its Y chromosomes (males are XY, female XX) and becomes a girl. Unfortunately, with only one set of X chromosomes, the girl will suffer from Turner Syndrome

Another method is called polar body twinning. This occurs when an unfertilized egg splits into two parts and each part is fertilized by a different sperm. The twins would then share one-half of their gene set (from their mother). The father's DNA determines the sex (ie he provides the X or Y chromosome)so consequently the twins can be either same-sex or male/female.

Fascinating stuff.

I have non-ID boy twins.

Love the triplet response - will be sure to use that this afternoon when I'll inevitably be stopped by approx 10 people while on my way round town!

I also agree that having twins isn't as hard as singleton parents imagine, but wouldn't tell any of them that. Don't want to ruin their impression of me as some kind of super-human, multi-tasking wondermum, would I!

So glad there's a thread about this!
I'm 17 weeks pregnant with twins and 99% of people who find out tell me they feel sorry for me...and it really winds me up!

Eventually found out this morning that they are identical which I am pleased with, although of course healthy and happy is all we really wish for isn't it!

Slighty confused about the b/g identical, cos I've been told that you can't have them. If they are identical then apparently they have to be the same sex, split egg and 1 sperm equals same sex.
Which I know contradicts what has been said up there! (Where's the confused smilie??)

Anyway, hello to all!

Congrats poorbuthappy how exciting for you! Do you know what sex they are yet?

Sometimes I quite like people feeling sorry for me (when having a bad day) but mostly I just feel very very lucky indeed to have two healthy babies for the price of one!

Bedfordgirl - please have your post deleted. we don't want singleton mummies knowing that, do we?! (I think most of the psychological stuff that is hard about being a mum is the same no matter how many you have. it's the practical stuff which is more trying with twins!)

Neenztwinz, your comment brought a tear to my eye! You are truly blessed with twins.

It is when they are born that you really get the odd comments:

(Middle aged bottle-blond peering in the buggy at dts - then only a few weeks old) "Which one is the bad one?"

I also got asked a few times if I'd had IVF, by complete strangers - erm, no it isn't your beeswax if I had.

Or the smile inducing - "Look two twins" as apposed to the three or four?

"Are they identical?" Well, take a look, what do you think? Answer is actually, technically no but they do look very alike.

It will also take you a good hour and a half longer to do the shopping as people coo over your lovely babies. Then another half hour to get your compliment-swollen head out of the place Positive comments will outweigh the bad.

I'd love another set of twins, not possible now I'm on my own but there you go. It is more fun than it is stress!

Yams contain a follicle stimulating hormone and that is why African and Caribbean nations have a higher propensity for twins. My family has lots of twins but it was still a shock for me when I found out that I was expecting my twin boys.

I sympathise with original poster because after the umpteenth time of being stopped, you just want to be left alone. My DTS are now 4yo and even now, I still get comments, mainly because one is brown with brown hair and brown eyes and the other is fair with fair hair and blue eyes. (I'm black and DH is white).

People stand staring at them and then ask me "are they twins?" to which I reply "yep". The more audacious onlookers will then ask me "are they both yours? to which I just answer deadpan "of course".

Thank you for that explanation, Spokette, it's so interesting. Does that mean the incidence of twins amongst people of African origin reduces if they live in the UK/USA and eat a non-yam diet?

Wrt the identical aspect of twins, I saw twin girls aged about 8/9 recently. They looked absolutely identical but one had blonde hair, the other red. Are they likely to be identical or frat twins?

Finally, I'm shocked and that people regard twins as being a negative thing. Maybe it's because a family friend had gorgeous twins when I was about 10yo, but I've always thought twins to be a blessing.

Chances are they are fraternal because normally identical twins have the same genotype which would be reflected in their phenotype if they have the same upbringing but I'm not a genetist, just a humble chemist (lol).

Good question about the yams. I suspect there are other factors at play but diet does have a huge influence.

Interestingly, the first thing my obstetrician asked me was if I ate yams!!

And do/did you eat yams? Leading on from the yam aspect, most African-origin twins must be frat twins then? DD says 4/5 of the twins are her school are non-identical. At her primary school there was an average of one set of twins per 20-child class!

About the red/blonde twins. They were as alike as the proverbial peas in a pod but on reflection I suppose it's possible that non-twin siblings are also like peas-in-pods at the same age, it's just that we don't notice it because of the time lapse. I know that I now have difficulty telling who's who in my 2 dd's baby photos, even though there's 9yrs between them and my mum and I look identical in primary school photos.