Looking for support from women who lost their twins from acute twin to twin syndrome.

[Ella31]

Hi all, a week ago I posted here. 29 weeks pregnant with monochorionic twins. I experienced no movement and went to hospital. I unfortunately lost my little boy firs as he showed no heartbeat and ten minutes later I was rushed into surgery to save my other little boy. My beautiful surviving twin died 2 days ago. He was so ill. We had to let him go. I had a perfect pregnancy up until a week ago but this insidious condition hit us within hours. Because its acute , its fast and deadly but I'm so heartbroken. I feel robbed. Looking for support and other experiences. I don't feel like a mother. And at 32 now I'm wondering if I'll ever raise a healthy child.

Hiya lovely,

I saw your other post, and I can not offer experience, but I do send my love to you. I'm so sorry and I hope you're okay.

Be kind to yourself and rest x

I saw your previous post and have been praying for you. I had a miscarriage at 12 weeks and that turned my life upside down. I can't imagine what you must be going through. Lots of love.

Hi OP, I'm so sorry for your loss. I know someone who lost one twin in the pregnancy at 23 weeks but carried the other twin to full term. It was found early on in the pregnancy that she had twin to twin transfusion syndrome & she had laser surgery in hope to save the twin but he didn't survive sadly.

My baby was stillborn at 35 weeks 3 months ago. I had placental abruption, it was acute and I nearly died.

I have two living children but I know the urge of wanting another child, wanting to be pregnant again. It's because you've given birth and have no baby to care for. It's so unnatural, against nature almost or that's that it feels / felt like. It's also so so so very heart breaking. As mine almost took my life too, I'm not sure I can ever be pregnant again. I have my debrief tomorrow at the hospital.

I followed your other thread and have been thinking about you. I actually told your story today to someone in hope the other twin would be thriving. I'm so sorry. What a nightmare you're living right now and it's so raw still. Sending hugs x

I’m so sorry OP, I followed the other post, my heart is breaking for you, just sending you so much love and I hope you have support around you 💐

I'm so sorry both of your boys died. I saw your other thread but hadn't seen you had to let your other boy go.

My MCDA girls died in the second trimester. It wasn't the same circumstances, I just went into premature labour but they were born too early to survive. My first showed no signs of life but my second lived briefly.

I found the Twins Trust bereavement support really helpful. They have a closed private Facebook group and have befrienders that have all had experience of losing twins. I'll put the link here for their bereavement resources.
https://twinstrust.org/bereavement.html

I also found Sands very supportive. They have an online forum which I found particularly supportive when considering pregnancy after loss.

Please remember that you are a mum. You did everything you possibly could for your precious boys 💙💙

I'm so sorry for your loss. Its heartbreaking. Yes our gp is certain it was acute twin to twin as my scan a few days previously showed two perfect babies at 29 weeks. Everything changed in a matter of days and also my first little boy who died sleeping had all the physical signs.

I hope you have found some peace since your loss. Its horrifying how high risk MCDA twins actually are.

I‘m sorry for your loss.

They’ll be with you forever - https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2633676/
foetal cells migrate to the mother. All our pregnancies leave a legacy, whether or not we can have the babies.

Take care of yourself, this is a lot, it’s ok not to be ok.

I saw your other thread.

I don't have any experience but I just wanted to say my heart goes out to you and your family.

I will say a prayer for your two beautiful boys.

Please look after yourself.

💐

I saw your other thread. I am so sorry for your loss.

I hope your loved ones are rallying around you and your DH at this terribly sad time.

Absolutely heart breaking, so sorry for your loss 💐

Not myself but my lovely niece lost little girls at quite an advanced stage of PG with twin to twin syndrome. She went on to have two successful singleton pregnancies.

I followed your other post. I'm so sorry. There's no right or wrong way to deal with this.

I saw your other post and so sorry that twin two also passed away. Thinking of you

I'm so sorry to read this news @Ella31. Having been on your previous thread, I too was so saddened to hear the news about your little boy and had been thinking about you and your son. This is terrible. I wish you and your other half the strength to recover from this horrendous situation and, in time, the bravery to try again. Sending love.

Hi @Ella31 I am so sorry for your loss.
I had twin 2 twin on with my identical twins and had laser surgery at kings college with professor Kipros who I the most amazing man I have ever met. Sadly I lost one twin but forever grateful he saved my other daughter. Happy to chat if it would help you although my memory is a little hazy from the trauma.
Hope you are ok I went on to have two more single healthy pregnancies - don't give up hope xx

OP, what devastating news, I'm so sorry this was the outcome. Thinking of you, your partner and your two beautiful boys x

I’m so sorry to read this. I watched your other thread.
I have no experience of twin to twin, but my daughter was stillborn at 36 weeks when I was 36. I wanted to give up so often but at 38 I had my son who is now 4.5. You are not too old at all.
Your boys felt your warmth, your heartbeat was the noise that they went to sleep to in your belly, they only knew your love. They’ll always be your babies and you’ll always be their mother. Please give yourself time to grieve xx

Hi op
very sorry for the tragic loss of your boys. A lot of what I’ve read here rings so true. I lost a baby at 31 weeks to sudden placental failure of which I had no warning. I gave birth naturally and I was desperate to try again immediately (I was 38 and was terrified that was my only change of having kids)
I got pregnant again 2 months later which felt amazing and was such a healing experience - temporarily as I then miscarried which was horrendous as it left me feeling so despondent with life. I then suffered a serious medical issue which in hindsight was preventable had I looked after myself better but because I was so low at the time I didn’t care. Well I did care after I nearly died!

I then got pregnant again 3 months after that and had my baby girl. I got pregnant again 9 months after her birth and now have a baby boy (had them at 40 and 41 years old)

I know the feeling of wanting to get pregnant again immediately but try to remember that the ultimate goal is to have a healthy pregnancy, not just to be pregnant again. And 32 is still very young.

Sands offer a service where you can phone a helpline and you chat to someone, a befriender I think they’re called. These women have been through baby loss so have some understanding of the feelings involved. I used it a few times when I felt I couldn’t cope with my feelings and thought it was really great. I’d always come away feeling lighter. I found the best people to talk to were people who had been through similar but had come out the other side as it were. I found a lot of strength and resolve from these women.

You won’t believe it now but you’re going to be ok. More than ok. There will be a time where you feel genuinely happy again. And you will be having a healthy pregnancy. You will be back to enjoying life.

very best wishes to you xxx

Huge love you you and your boys, Ella ❤️

Would you want to share their names? Talk about who they looked like? Did you have a particular song you liked singing to them?

I’d love to hear about them, if you ever wanted to share 🤍