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When do you start showing with twins? What is life with twins like? Join the conversation on our Multiple Births forum.

Original poster

Newborn twins are HARD

69 replies

PollyDarton2 · 28/04/2022 09:25

There’s two of them!!!!!!!!

Are there any twin mums out there who’d care to share any nuggets of advice or tell me about their experiences or just nod and agree with me?

I was warned that people “just don’t get it” and that’s definitely how I’m feeling. People are being plenty supportive and/or sympathetic. But that’s not the same as having someone know what you’re going through.

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Dinneronmybfpillow · 28/04/2022 09:30

No advice - I'm only 13 days in myself - but sending some camaraderie . I've been really lucky in that DH has a decent paternity courtesy of gaining a few extra days at Easter weekend. Feeling much better now physically which is a real help too.

Congrats on your twinnies - apparently it gets better in a few years 🤣

lightand · 28/04/2022 09:32

I said ye to anyone who offered me help! Any sort of help.

Ihatethenewlook · 28/04/2022 09:32

Do you have much help? Don’t feel ashamed about taking people up on offers and definitely don’t martyr yourself. Accept any help that’s offered!

lightand · 28/04/2022 09:32

yes not ye, but ye would do just as well!

Ihatethenewlook · 28/04/2022 09:33

lightand · 28/04/2022 09:32

I said ye to anyone who offered me help! Any sort of help.

Cross posted :)

lightand · 28/04/2022 09:34

Great minds!

NeedAHoliday2021 · 28/04/2022 09:36

Mine are 10 and although I loved the baby stage I wouldn’t go back there. They help with the washing up (dishwasher is broken) and can help out etc. I got a cleaner when they were tiny as I didn’t want help with the babies I wanted to spend time with them without the other stuff. Finances were tight but I prioritised a cleaner over other luxuries like wine etc. kept me sane.

BigSandyBalls2015 · 28/04/2022 09:40

It’s very hard and I remember the early days very clearly despite mine now being 21.

Accept any help you can get. It does get easier, they play together and entertain each other when they get a bit older.

it’s also rather special having two at once.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 28/04/2022 09:43

My friend said when her twins were babies she used to do a lot of visiting people. She'd get a cuppa and a second set of hands, they'd get time with the babies and a friend visiting.

Dinneronmybfpillow · 28/04/2022 09:53

Have you got a local multiples group? Mine have meet ups every week and I'll be heading there as soon as I feel confident leaving the house. The meets are for all multiple parents (recently changed from being split by age range) which will be invaluable as a new twin mum as there will be an experienced hive to tap into.

Heyduggee123 · 28/04/2022 11:14

I have 3 year old twins, the shock of how hard it is can be difficult to get your head around. Can you DH help with feeding? If you can, get a cleaner, accept any help where offered. If someone offers help but isn't specific, ask them to make you some meals for you to put in the freezer. Me & DH literally survived on coffee & chocolate in the early days.

But more importantly, babies at this age are incorruptible, so use the time to you when feeding, or in between feeding, to not stress, watch netflix, catch up on any shows you might want to watch. This is a hard phase but it's also a very short amount of time when they aren't moving and making life even harder for you lol!

As said up thread, try and find a local twins group on facebook or even better one where you can attend. And remember the mantra, if your friends don't have twins they don't understand.

Jesus wait until they're toddlers 😂 lots of fun but in another league of hard

Twins are absolutely awesome 😍😍

Original poster
PollyDarton2 · 28/04/2022 15:04

Congrats @Dinneronmybfpillow!
We are day 20 today. DH had three weeks off but we lost a week in hospital waiting to be induced, he was back this to work this week. They have both screamed every single time they’ve been put down today. And it doesn’t help that my 2 year old is poorly. Luckily I’ve had help today!

The mantra about friends not understanding is so right. I’ve already had a few comments which have raised and eyebrow.

My son was such an easy newborn, I don’t think that helps (comparisons aren’t helpful!). Also don’t think I realised what an undertaking breastfeeding two of them would be.

Thank you everyone for your replies, just conversing with other twin mums is helpful. There are women out there who know what it’s like. And are surviving!

I know this bit is a blip, and the bits where they aren’t screaming are lovely, the newborn bubble is great. But the hard moments are just another level! They risk pushing a sleep deprived woman over the edge!

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Original poster
PollyDarton2 · 28/04/2022 15:05

Oh and crikey… the amount of people that have come out of here there and everywhere asking to come and meet them. They’re just twins, not some sort of rate mythical creatures!

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MissSmiley · 28/04/2022 15:16

Newborn twins and a two year old are especially hard! Mine were my third and fourth babies, after being very baby led with the first two I found a strict routine worked best for my twins (and everyone else really) I only breast fed them for a week before switching to formula and I would make up the bottles with water in the fridge and add the powder when needed, on the advice of the HV. All bottles were numbered so I knew which ones were in there the longest. I actually found my twins first year not too bad after we got the routine established, I wasn't as tired as I wasn't producing breast milk. We fed them at the same time (flat feeding pillow), they had naps at the same time. I would put them in the pram downstairs and cot upstairs while I dealt with the older two (2 and 4).

I did have lots of help though. Mine are nearly 15 now, non identical and I almost forget they are twins most of the time as they are just brothers that share the same birthday.

doodlejump1980 · 28/04/2022 15:21

Hi! Congratulations! Mine are 7 now and I remember the baby stage very well.
have you got bouncy chairs or are they still a bit wee?
I remember waking one of mine to feed so that when the other was just starting to kick off then one was done already.
I didn’t manage to breastfeed though so well done for managing that! You know you’re doing amazing right? It does get easier!
(we also had two mantras…1. Everyone fed, no-one dead! And 2. At least it wasn’t triplets!!)

Original poster
PollyDarton2 · 28/04/2022 15:24

@MissSmiley how did you handle winding them when feeding at the same time? I think lack of effective winding is the crux of todays screaming. I can tandem feed them but I can’t wind them very well at the same time.

I got told off by the midwife on day 7 because they hadn’t regained any of their lost weight so I’ve been conscious to make sure I’m feeding them enough. But might have to move from on demand to a schedule soon. (The midwife was a dick, and they’ve since put on lots of weight so no concerns there!)

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Original poster
PollyDarton2 · 28/04/2022 15:26

Thanks @doodlejump1980 😭😭 that means a lot coming from an experienced twin mum.

Your two mantras are 👌 will now be repeating “at least its not triplets” multiple times a day!

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Candleabra · 28/04/2022 15:27

omg and you have a toddler too? Wow.
what sort of person makes comments to a mum of newborn twins? I remember how hard one baby was, I can’t even imagine two.
No words of wisdom, but ignore the comments! I swear people have an opinion about everything, mostly things they know nothing about,

LovelyLovelyWarmCoffee · 28/04/2022 15:30

Oh yes the first year is hard, mine are 8yo now.
My advice is to get help, family, friends or even paid help. For the first 3m I always had someone with me, even MIL which I don’t usually like that much but I was so glad to have her there at the time.

When one baby wants milk, wake the other baby and feed him as well. This way they are in synch.

Make friends with other twin mums with babies born at the same time. Maybe your area has a local twins club? This is a huge source of moral
support.

Lastly, take shortcuts. If you want to give formula or wean on ready meals don’t worry, you have twice the work, no need to be a martyr!

Potatomashed · 28/04/2022 15:30

Sending strength. I was a night nanny for newborn twins for a while and it was very difficult as they had very different birth weights and fed on opposing schedules when baby led. Could a temporary or part time night nanny be an option to take some pressure off you?

glasshalfsomething · 28/04/2022 15:32

all Of the above is excellent advise. I don’t have much to add except it’s true that no-one understands unless they have twins themselves!

you’ll get there!

Frazzlerock · 28/04/2022 15:34

I cannot even imagine. I had my third baby 18 months ago and Oh My Actual God. He has not stopped crying, whinging and moaning since the day he was born. I have never felt so exhausted. It's been the most difficult time of my entire life (my first two were not like this). Now when I see people with two or more, I just think HOW!??? Why are you not rocking in a corner somewhere?
Massive props to you all!

Carriemac · 28/04/2022 15:35

When people offer to help, don't give them a baby . Ask them to peg out washing or fold it or bring over a meal. I also had twins and a two year old and paid a sitter( she has just finished GCSEs ) 4 hours a day to come and help for the first 6 months With the 2 year old and make up and sterilise all the bottles and do the baby laundry .
It was a godsend . We had our fist holiday abroad at 6 months and survived! Two weeks in Majorca

Sjhegsb · 28/04/2022 15:42

Have you got a home start in your area? They will provide a volunteer to visit you at home every week and be a pair of hands to help out.

LovelyLovelyWarmCoffee · 28/04/2022 15:43

Carriemac · 28/04/2022 15:35

When people offer to help, don't give them a baby . Ask them to peg out washing or fold it or bring over a meal. I also had twins and a two year old and paid a sitter( she has just finished GCSEs ) 4 hours a day to come and help for the first 6 months With the 2 year old and make up and sterilise all the bottles and do the baby laundry .
It was a godsend . We had our fist holiday abroad at 6 months and survived! Two weeks in Majorca

Exactly, any help is great, you basically need a pair of arms and someone you don’t care being half dressed in front of.