Where to start preparing for twins, with a toddler?

[TheAnswerIsTea]

Hello,

I’m 13 weeks pregnant and I’ve just found out I’m having twins. My head is a bit all over the place at the moment so I’m trying to focus on the practicalities to make me feel like I’m doing something.

Approximately 3 weeks after my twins are born my DS will turn 2, so I really need a pram/buggy that will seat all 3. Please tell me there is something out there? My internet searches have not been successful.

Also what did mums of twins do about sleeping? I was going to have a next to me, by the bed, do I just have two? I think the twins will be more comforted being together, but a single next to me wouldn’t be big enough?

Need a new house. Husband is sorting the car.

Feeding twins I breastfed my eldest and would like to breastfeed my twins, but this seems like a mammoth task.

Any advice, suggestions, and humorous survival tips would be much appreciated!!

Thanks!

With the same age gap as you, I bought a triple buggy with a seat up the top - I could barely get through doorways and wouldn’t recommend it!

Then ended up with double mountain buggy and buggy board - my 2 year old rode along happily on it (even in the rain, with a good coat on!) and got surprisingly good at walking sensibly beside me, even while still only 2.

I can’t pretend those first few years were easy, but they have grown into such a close group, they are really there for each other ( when not bickering of course!)

If you can find a local twins club to attend, that will be a total lifesaver for you. With people who understand and who will always offer to hold a baby for you while you tend to the others.

Friends with single babies often don’t really get it, and can be hard to meet up with if you are struggling, as they seem not to notice what you are juggling - especially if they sit moaning about how tired they are 🙈

Slightly smaller age gap, we managed with a double buggy and buggy board or sling. Take any and all help offered. I managed to breastfeed the twins, assigned each twin a boob for the day and swapped every day. I had a next to me but ended up taking over our kingsize bed, babies in middle and went to the side of whoever needed fed.

My DS turned 2 6 weeks after DT were born. We had one cot in our bedroom with both in; then borrowed a small rocking cot thing when they started waking each other up; then bought a second cot off eBay (or free cycle? Can’t really remember!) and we moved downstairs (no room!) Like PP we just had double buggy; DS jumped on for the ride. I also had a sling so I could carry two at a time. EBF DS but DT we’re prem and never really sucked well enough so I pumped and bottle fed (formula too) from the start. It will be hard but you’ll find a way through. Find other twin mums where you can: they kept me sane. Good luck!

Similar age gap. I had a sling for one twin then toddler and twin in buggy. Then toddler took to scootering or buggy board. I just took the side of a cot and had that next to my bed. They lay across the for next to each other. I had a playpen downstairs for twins to sleep in or they loved their buggy so slept in there in the hallway or outside if we'd been out for a walk. Twins were a bit early so slept lots to start with so that eased us in.

Meant to say: both DTs mostly slept in our bed with us to begin with: adults on the edges, babies in the middle 😛

I mixed fed mine so hubby could do some, found breast feeding fine but couldn't be doing with expressing so did a mix.
Fed one after the other if out but did both together in the early days. Hospital gave me the ready mixed bottles in hospital which was super easy, not much milk in as early and midwives were amazed they latched on so well when I tried as they were 34 weeks, no scibu despite midwives being a bit nervous having us in the ward so soon after birth! Home after about 2 nights.
Brace yourself for comments from everyone!!!!!

Oooh I like the sound of being eased in with lots of sleep to start with! I’m going to hold onto that!

A cot at the side of the bed sounds like a great plan, but I don’t have the space, will check that on any houses we look at!! I’m just wishful thinking now…

Thanks

Can I ask which double buggy you had and if you liked it? I had an eye candy with my first one, total nightmare especially for the cost, so don’t want to be making that mistake again.

My older child was quite a bit older so no advice re a pram for three but my bugaboo donkey was magical. Pushed like a dream even when they were 3. I’ve had an icandy. The seat is too small by 8 or 9 months & it’s a dead weight. I’d avoid the double version of that like the plague. The bugaboo is also expensive but it’s in a different league than the Icandy.

I BF until they were almost 3. Until 7 months exclusively. It’s definitely wasn’t easy but not my hardest experience of BF. I was absolutely determined though because everyone assumed I wouldn’t be able to. Sheer defiance got me through that.
Each twin had their own breasts from start to finish. They would never swap. The advice I got was that it was a good idea to let each baby create their own supply. It worked for us.

Re sleeping, I didn’t find mine were comforted by each other at all. Not in the early days anyway. In fact they didn’t notice each other until around 5 months. They would lay side by side & still take no notice. One day they timed to each other and it they’ve been joined at the hip ever since but I didn’t feel the need to have them sleeping together. One would be in the side sleeper & the other in bed or both sideways on the sleeper. Didn’t really matter. I wouldn’t overly worry about that for now of space is short.

Congratulatuons! Massive shock but a huge blessing. You’ll be fine. I think you’ll find the hardest part all the unsolicited advice from people who have worked out what they would do in the imaginary scenario of then having twins or what their neighbour’s son’s aunty’s friend did with hers in 1982 🤣

Thanks @Daydreamsinsantafe!

Good to know about the breastfeeding and keeping the same sides, I hadn’t thought about it in terms of supply. I have a determined sheer bloody minded streak that will hopefully see me through!

Yes from PP’s I think I’m going to need to grow a thick skin. Maybe I’ll practice saying “thanks, now kindly sod off” with a lovely smile

Gosh the typos on my last post! You got the drift though...

I forgot to mention the feeding cushion I had. I don’t bother with them for a single baby but the one I had with the twins was a life saver. It was firm, wrapped around my from and resembled a big magnet! I fed them with heads at the front and legs behind me. I’d say feeding them together is your best bet. For me that meant feeding time was the same as it would have been with one baby. They’d ask to be fed separately now & again as they got older but for the most part it was a tandem feed.
I’m sure you will be absolutely fine feeding them. If your body can make two it can feed two!

I had 4 different buggy’s before finding “the one” Ended up with the double out n about nipper. Only because we were given one to use on holiday and I couldn’t believe how light and easy to turn it was, and fitted through doorways whilst being roomy for the kids - I loved it!

The "next to me" you want the arm's reach universal co-sleeper. We did loads of research, biggest one on the market. Picked ours up for £40 from eBay.

DTwins were in there together until 4mths as we chose to put them in their own room by then, but could have easily stayed in there until maybe 7-8mths.

Twin feeding cushion, definitely.

And I can't tell you how brilliant twins are. Congratulations!

Eldest was 3y 4m when twins arrived. Bought a second hand silver cross wave travel system and extra car seats & adapters when they were tiny. Attached a buggy board for eldest. Moved out of this by 6/7 months as twins got too heavy for the removable seats, they are big boys. Now using Joie spin seats from eldest & out n about double nipper. Eldest now 4 so can manage short walks. I don’t take them all on my own on very long walks, if DH is with us he can put eldest on shoulders.

To start with they slept together in a Chicco next to me. About 4-6 weeks in outgrew it so we put them in a cot bed with the side down next to the bed. By 6m outgrew that and rolled onto each other so now one is in the cot bed, the other sleeps next to me on a double mattress on the floor. I skipped the cots stage because they wake a lot and need resettling in the night and I can’t be bothered getting in and out of my bed!

DH and I take turns in having the twins or DD overnight so no-one gets burnt out.

Unfortunately I didn’t succeed with BF the twins despite a long BF journey with my first. I decided not to EBF but try and mixed feed so I could still have 1-1 time with my eldest. However my supply went right down, littlest twin couldn’t latch and I was done in trying to express and dealing with all the bottle feeding admin, so just moved to formula only after the first 4-6 weeks. I felt sad at the time but it was absolutely the right choice for us and the boys are thriving. But there are some great support groups out there for BF twins, and I know some multiple mums who have managed it.

I had some crappy comments, mostly when I was pregnant, but a lot of the time people are delighted to see the boys and it brings joy to them, so overall I’ve had mostly positive interactions.

Mine are coming up to 10m now and I remember the anxiety of twin pregnancy and worrying about coping! We have actually managed better than I thought.

We had out'n about double as we had the single with our first and loved it. It was also v good value! Another twin mum loves her mountain buggy. I tried to feed at similar times otherwise you end up with a small gap between winding/ stating the next but I was quite relaxed and they were generally in sync. Everyone knows someone/ a story about twins it tells how 'you've got your hands full!"!! 🙄
I did rugby ball tandem feeding I think it's called - legs tucked round under my arms to my back, with a bug feeding cushion.
Don't set yourself up with too many ideals/goals - it's hard going at some points, so just do what works for you, everyone is full of advice.....
Ours are identical so maybe we just get more attention....

Congratulations!

Once ours were about 12 weeks we worked really hard to get them napping at the same time, partly for our sanity and also so i could spend time with dd1 who was just 3. Our day went something like:
Get up, feed babies/have breakfast etc
About 9 am babies in pram for nap while dd1 walked alongside to the park or somewhere. She liked this as she got to talk/play with me.
Back and do another feed then make lunch for dd1 and me while twins were content.
After lunch get them down for another nap - top tip, settle the easier one first then you can rock the other or whatever to get them to sleep.
Played games etc with dd1 while they napped.
Feed babies and play with them
They has another short nap about 4pm which was usually in the pram again as it was easier.
Then dh would come home from work and we were all pleased to see him!

A friend of mine who teaches nursery suggested setting up some activities for dd1 to get on with on her own every night before we went to bed and swap it round a bit ever day or 2 so she didn't get bored. This was BRILLIANT advice so I would set up crayons and paper or play dough or something on the kitchen table, duplo in one corner of the living room, blocks or puzzles etc in another. So long as it is something they can do without help and won't swallow this meant they could get on with something if I had to deal with a nappy explosion or similar.
If any relatives etc came to visit and offered to help I used to get them to take the dts out in the pram while I did something nice with dd1 so she was getting some nice attention.

Also older child liked to help e.g. getting wipes or nappies which kept her busy as well as actually being quite helpful.

@Escargooooooo thanks! This is exactly the advice I need, knowing arms reach Co sleeper is the biggest out there is a great help!

Also great to hear twins are brilliant

@HumbugWhale thank-you! Loads of awesome advice in there. One of my worries has been that DS wouldn’t get enough attention from me so it’s nice to hear you manage to carve out time for your eldest too.

Just thought of something else... by the time ours were crawling dd1 was quite into things like jigsaws and duplo which they would break. We got a room divider and sectioned off an area for dd1 to play with things like that while they had the rest of the room to crawl around. This was also useful to out the Christmas tree in so it didn't get pulled over!

Also there will be times when both babies cry, sometimes all 3 dcs will cry. All you can do is your best. Reading aloud or singing to them means they can all hear your voice and they will eventually calm down/fall asleep.

The flip side of all this hard work is that when they are bigger they always have someone to play with their own age. It then gets a lot easier!

[quote TheAnswerIsTea]@Escargooooooo thanks! This is exactly the advice I need, knowing arms reach Co sleeper is the biggest out there is a great help!

Also great to hear twins are brilliant [/quote]
No worries

It's fellow twin mums who will be your greatest resource. The other two things I can't recommend enough, are:

1. these rock themselves swinging chair things, I think ours were Joie and something stupid like £300 each new, again, FB market place (and a twin mum who couldn't wait to help is out) and we had both for £60. These are a lifesaver, as they reclined 95% flat, and you need somewhere for them both to sleep downstairs, otherwise you're upstairs putting them in the co-sleeper every time they want a nap, and continually checking on them.

2. for much older, but our HV who also had twins said "omg why on earth did I not get one of these?!" If you look on Amazon, there are these big grey and white playpens, with grey and white foam mat floors. Huge things. And DTwins could be placed in there with tonnes of room and loads of toys and I could essentially get on with my day unhindered, from the age they could sit stable, unaided, until just under 18mths. Need the loo? In the pen. Doorbell goes? In the pen. Need to mop the floors? In the pen. Just want a cup of tea in peace and knowing they are safe in there? In the pen. Game changer.

@BananaPlants

If you can find a local twins club to attend, that will be a total lifesaver for you. With people who understand and who will always offer to hold a baby for you while you tend to the others.

Friends with single babies often don’t really get it, and can be hard to meet up with if you are struggling, as they seem not to notice what you are juggling - especially if they sit moaning about how tired they are 🙈

couldn't agree with this more.

The amount of times I went into a "regular" playgroup, I had one of my girls in a carrier on my front, the other one on my hip, as well as carrying the changing bag with me and literally everyone just sat there looking at me. You go to a twins group, and they just come to your aid straight away, they know what you're going through, don't even really ask just get stuck in. I wish there were more twin groups about, the one that I used to go to was an hours drive so didn't manage to go too often.

My twin sister had twins and her eldest was 13 months when the twins arrived. She had a mountain buggy duet and an out and about nipper, she preferred the out and about, she also had a buggy board and always carried a connecta sling with her. Sleeping arrangements were 1 cot for both till they got too big. She also managed to fully breastfeed for 10 weeks and then started introducing formula for some feeds to free up her time. She did attend a multiples club that was a life saver and ha d me downs were always available.

@TheAnswerIsTea congratulations! What sort of twins are you having? I'm in almost exactly the same situation except a little ahead, almost 20 weeks now with DCDA twins and my dc will be turning 2 pretty much just before or as they are born (bday is at 37 weeks).

I think we are going to get the mountain buggy and buggy board. Also use slings for the little ones a bit when we are both together. Friend who had twins had the Mountain buggy and I remember her twins moving out of the bassinet really early on compared to most buggies as it's so narrow. Obviously there are draw backs to this too but does mean that once you're in the normal seats should be able to interchange a bit between twin/toddler in the buggy. Other on buggy board / sling. First year is going to be a juggle for sure but I think will improve a lot after that?!

I'm thinking of getting an IKEA gulliver cot and taking the side off and using as a next to me for them to share

Bf I'm just gonna see how it goes but I had to mix feed dc due to tongue tie anyway so I'm pretty chilled about doing that again.

House and car - ditto for us

Is your child in nursery atm? That's the one thing that I'm very relieved about - ours is and will be staying there during my mat leave!!

@whatcangowrong congratulations to you too! Nice to know someone is going through the same thing :)

We’re having MCDA twins, but we don’t know if they’re boys are girls yet are you finding out or going for a surprise?

My plan is currently to get my son a scooter for his birthday and hope he loves it! And then like you, double buggy, sling, board etc

Yes my son is in nursery 3 days a week and loves it. He’ll keep going while I’m on maternity leave. Not sure how we’ll manage we three in nursery from a fees perspective but that’s future me’s problem!

Have the hospital talked to you about your birth plan? I have my appointment the week after next but I just want all the information so I can start thinking about my options. I had a rough time of it first time around so I’m hoping for a better experience this time but they’re already talking induction, which I don’t want again.