New twin Mum struggling.

[Mummytomylittlegirl]

Hello,

I’ve posted quite a bit before about my pregnancy!

Now twins are just over 3 weeks old..

I am really struggling with the change and the lack of sleep. Even though, they are actually easier than my DD was (now 3), I just find the constantly feeding/ nappies so relentless with two.

I absolutely adore them and I’m obsessed with my beautiful babies. Wouldn’t have it any other way. But I do think how easy life would be if I didn’t have twins, and what an absolute walk in the park it would be if I’d just had one baby the second time around.

I guess I am just feeling overwhelmed at the responsibility of going from 1-3. I feel like I’m missing out a lot on activities with my 3 year old.

Oh and my body looks completely ruined from my twin pregnancy (c section), I’m feeling pretty low about that too. I also feel crap that breastfeeding hasn’t really worked out and they’re pretty much having 90% formula now. I can’t be bothered to express much more and they don’t get much milk when they latch on, I might just give up completely but can’t seem to let go of the fact I will never breastfeed again.

Just wondering if anyone can relate?

I remember the early days feeling over whelmed quite often. Hopefully knowing it’s normal will help and it does get better. I had Dd1 like you and it was just utterly constant. We’re way down the line now - 10 years in Dd1 is 13 and dtds 10. Dd1 currently asleep and twins are downstairs playing and getting their own breakfast. They also empty the dishwasher and fill my house with so much laughter. Just remember to set really small daily goals, CBeebies is fine for older dc (mine is very academic despite spending age 3-4 watching tv a lot) and your babies are all loved so you’re doing great. Try to get a routine but sometimes it won’t go right so restart the next day.

It was many years ago for me,I still remember how I felt in the early days it’s relentless and honestly a bit dull It doesn’t help that it’s the holidays so all baby groups are shut! I would advocate trying to get into a routine with feeding It helps a lot with two and allows you to regain control Don’t beat yourself up about feeding them yourself you are doing great as is and expressing is blooming hard when you are looking after 2 babies and a three year old. Things do change quickly when they sleep longer so it gets better fairly quickly once they grow and sleep longer

I don’t have multiples so no advice but just wanted to say
Give yourself a f*ing break!
You gave birth to 2 humans Less than a month ago. Your body will return, sleep will return- you are doing phenomenal to even be able to string sentences together for this post.

I felt just the same when my two were newborns. I promise it gets easier.

You need to give yourself a break, having multiples is absolutely brutal on your body/sleep/life. Just do whatever it takes to get through the tough early days. Don’t beat yourself up about breastfeeding, it’s really hard with two and relentless on your body. So helpful if someone else can give a bottle.

Do you have family/friends that can lend a hand? Take any offers of help

I only have my DTs so no older child to worry about, but it is absolutely brutal. Mine are 3 now and very spirited, so I can’t imagine having one and newborn twins. You’re doing amazingly!

I didn’t fit back into non maternity clothes until they were 6 weeks and I bought a size up. BF didn’t work for me, I didn’t make much milk so was expressing and stopped around 6/8 weeks which I felt so awful about but it was best for us - feeding them bottles every 3 hours 24/7 then expressing after each feed meant I was just exhausting myself further to produce a feed a day each. Utterly pointless for me because by the time I gave up they were drinking more per feed than I could make for one a day!

Mine started to sleep for longer stretches of 5 hours or so by 8/10 weeks once they’d gone in to their own beds, which was amazing. I was amazed at around 8 weeks that I’d not died from sleep deprivation, my body was literally amazing as my brain said you’re dead but the body kept on going.

Basically, in the nicest possible way, give yourself a break and be kind to yourself. Take any offers of help that come your way, ask for it if you need it, drop your standards as low as you can and focus on survival for now. Feed by feed, day by day.

PS. You’re also not alone in thinking about how much easier it would be with just one baby, I often think that and can be found muttering to myself occasionally that this is why humans tend to have children one by one rather than litters

Wouldn’t change it for the world, but it’s hard.

Yes, first few months are brutal and not helped by the fact that a multiple birth takes quite a toll on the body, let alone the lack of sleep. If you can breast feed fine but don't beat yourself up about it. I ended up alternating for the first three months as I never managed to feed them together. Then I went on to bottle feeding completely. Take all the help you can and do the bare minimum of everything else. My mother in law was an angel, doing all the other stuff while I fed and looked after the babies. This allowed me to catch up on sleep as I was not very well coming out of hospital.
The consolation in having twins is that it really does get better as they get older and they are great company for one another.

Thank you all so much. So good to talk to other twin Mums.

Unfortunately we relocated so I have no family or friends, DH is great and we share the nights but with him at work the days are long. DD is still in nursery 3 full days, which I feel horrendously guilty about. I want to cuddle the babies and enjoy this time as much as possible but need to make time for her too.

How long until you can get a routine going? With DD I just BF, went with the flow and let her sleep on me/ cuddled her all day/ put her in the sling. I’m a bit sad that I can’t do that style of parenting with 2 (+my toddler). I am enjoying the freedom of formula though which I didn’t think I would (I was quite anti formula and I feel silly now). I’m getting more sleep than the first time around at least.

Also how long till your stomach goes down… I honestly can’t remember. I definitely wasn’t this stretched the first time. Considering starting to save for a tummy tuck.. I know this is the least on my worries but it looks horrendous!!

6 weeks for my tummy, that was the earliest I was able to wear a proper waistband! At just over 2 weeks I had someone say to me to take it easy on the ice as they didn’t want me to go into labour 😱

I don’t really know about getting into a routine, mine came with their own really. I had a twin mum midwife visit who recommended doing everything twice, so if one baby woke for food, wake the other which I did and the babies seemed to roll quite nicely with it. Worked out to every 3 hours they’d need a feed/change. I felt awful because I couldn’t do all the snuggling that you’re supposed to do with little babies because I had two, it just wasn’t possible. I also felt horribly guilty because it was a case of caring for the one most in need first whilst leaving the other. Still is to a degree!

If you’re new to the area, I really recommend seeing if you’ve got a twin group locally. Mine was an absolute lifesaver, it’s lovely being around others who just get it. It was the only group I wasn’t nervous about going in to as we were insta friends due to the crazy twin thing.

Don’t feel guilty about nursery, you’ve got a load on your plate and I’m guessing that your DD enjoys it?

Getting into a routine takes time as not all twins will cooperate, e.g. re. waking up to feed. My daughter was very slow at feeding and would constantly fall asleep, while her brother could demolish a bottle in a flash. The magic moment for me was when they were able to sit in bouncy chairs which allowed me to sit between them and feed.

I wish we had a twin group. There is a children centre in the village but it’s only small, hopefully when I eventually go I might run into some other twin Mums.

When did you all start leaving the house? Like does it ever happen? Do you have to force yourself?

Been a hard relentless day today. Feeling low and a bit trapped. I adore my babies but the hard work has really begun and I’m not sure I can handle it (not that I have a choice!). Definitely lowering my stands, survival mode like a PP has said. On the plus side we’ve just had a lovely ocado delivery with some nice treats to see us through the week.

Honestly, the first 6 months with mine were a blur and they’re my only children so hats off to you for handling 3! It’s hard, no question but make things as easy as you can for yourself. Changing station upstairs and downstairs, have drinks for you ready along with snacks and get your other half to make you lunch before he leaves for work so there’s something ready for you in the fridge. Feed them at the same time where you can and walk… I walked them for miles so they would sleep and I lost some early baby weight too. It gets easier. You’re doing an amazing job!

Oh huge hugs to you @Mummytomylittlegirl it really is so hard and relentless. I found it awful and just went feed by feed, day by day to get through at that stage.

Probably started leaving the house a little more when they were about a 6 weeks old. Just for little walks or sometimes to a cafe. Don’t do anything you don’t feel ready for and do whatever is easiest to get through the days.

Can you find out via social media if there’s any twin groups nearby? They were an absolute lifeline to find people in the same boat.

My older one was at nursery a lot too. I felt guilty but also relieved as it was way more fun for her there as there was no way I could be entertaining her while the babies were so time consuming.

Getting out can be quite the adventure. I remember twins first health centre visit at 6 weeks, it took my mother - in- law and I 2 full hours just to get out of the door.

Hi OP, our twins are two weeks old today and o am totally overwhelmed by how much work it is. I spend all day feeding, burping or changing them and as soon as I'm finished it seems it's time to start again. Just to let you know you are not alone, it's incredibly hard work and you are doing a great job!

to all you new twin mums. It gets better, honest.

Thank you all it’s been a hard day as DH is back late tonight. The twins are only 4 weeks old but somehow hardly sleep during the day. They aren’t difficult babies there is just too many of them! I have all 3 by myself today. My living room is absolute carnage.

Also they want to feed constantly. Is that normal with formula? I thought one of the benefits was 3 hourly feeds! It takes so much time to burp etc. then it’s time for another feed again as they want little and often. Might as well have stuck with breastfeeding!

@alwaystired01

Hi OP, our twins are two weeks old today and o am totally overwhelmed by how much work it is. I spend all day feeding, burping or changing them and as soon as I'm finished it seems it's time to start again. Just to let you know you are not alone, it's incredibly hard work and you are doing a great job!

Yes this is my life too! Congrats on your babies. Please feel free to PM me if you want to complain. I want to enjoy the cuddles but it’s all nappies, feeding and putting them down so I can look after everyone at the same time! I knew it would be hard work but oh my gosh.

Oh you poor thing you really are in the thick of it. I remember those horrifying days well. It honestly will get easier although it doesn’t feel like it at the time. I wanted to run away sometimes. Even harder if your husband is working late 😩 Just relentless

The bloody washing up and sterilising all the time is soul destroying too. Can you get some of those mini ready made bottles of formula for the night time. We did that as hated having to get up and mess around. Do you have a perfect prep for other times? That makes everything much easier too.

Yes the too many babies thing occurred to me often, as well as how flipping easy just the one would’ve been. A total doddle!

I found ready prepared formula served straight from fridge ( HV tip) really helped save time. More expensive but worth it even for a few weeks.

My older child was 4 when my twins were born earlier this year - plus I had to homeschool my older child due to lockdown with 2 newborns 😬

It does feel like you are just on autopilot 24/7 - feed, change, sleep and repeat! I didn't have any help from DH really as he works a very early morning shift so couldn't help with night feeds

I did feel sad that I didn't have the same newborn experience I had with DD - no co sleeping no afternoon snoozes together (twins don't nap at the same time!) no walks with baby in a sling (twin slings are soooo expensive!) but now they are 6 months it's absolutely wonderful in different ways and I'm loving everything about having twins. I had to go back to work full time when they Were 20 weeks so that's incredibly hard trying to work on zero sleep but honestly I just feel so incredibly blessed that I just can't believe my luck (lost 6 babies before the twins) that even the bad days so seem so bad - just keep going - you're doing a fantastic job!

My twins are coming up to 4 months now and I could have written your post. I also have a 3 yo in preschool 3 days and I am finding it utterly relentless. I also feel “cheated” of that easy newborn experience second time around and guilty that I can’t attachment parent the twins like I did DD.

I also combi fed for the first month but then moved fully onto formula after that. I had to express for one twin who wouldn’t latch and I just ran out of time to express. In the end they were getting so little breastmilk it wasn’t worth the effort. I felt sad but it was a liberating decision.

I didn’t go out until about 6/8 weeks and that was only taking the twins round the block for a walk. I still haven’t taken all 3 out alone.

I am still carrying a fair bit of baby weight due to not breastfeeding (and eating carbs to combat the sleep deprivation) but I’ve embarked on calorie counting to start getting the weight off and it’s starting to take effect. I am feeling better in myself for taking this step but at your early stage PP I would just concentrate on recovering and tackle the weight later when you’re back up to strength.

It is good to read the positive comments from twin mums with older children about it getting easier. I can see that once the boys are able to sit up it will feel a bit easier as at the moment they’re very alert but need constant attention/sitting up etc and it’s hard.

The things I do to make it easier: I wash, sterilise and prepare bottles in advance. Have a change of clothes and nappies etc all downstairs. I bathe them in the downstairs wc sink and do them separately rather than trying to do both together. I have a cleaner who comes twice a month. My parents take older DD for half a day on one of the days she’s at home so she gets some one on one attention.

I hate to wish the time away but I can’t wait for them to be a bit older and more independent.

@TheMagicDeckchair your situation sounds identical to mine, right down to the experience breastfeeding twins! That’s great you are getting out with them- Id honestly be so proud of myself if I managed a walk around the block. I do genuinely worry that I am becoming a bit scared to leave the house in general, I didn’t really take DD out alone when pregnant because I could barely move and I worried she would run off! I’m going to have to push myself to get my independence back. It’s such a weird bubble to be in when you have two newborns. I’m going to take your advice about recovering before tackling weight loss. I don’t think I’m in the right mindset and need the comfort of nice food.

I think we will definitely get a cleaner! Sleeping arrangements are a bit odd at the moment, we share half the night sleeping downstairs with the twins. As they wake too frequently to bother bringing them upstairs and they are still in the Moses baskets which we can’t be bothered to bring upstairs/ downstairs each night and morning. I’m hoping we can move them into their own rooms/ cots when they are sleeping for longer stretches.

It’s actually been an okay day today.. one of those sleepy baby days. Probably means they will be up most of the night though…

@twinningatlife (love the name) newborns and homeschooling you sound like super woman. I would have really struggled doing all the night feeds, that sounds so hard. I didn’t know twin sling were really a thing? I would be prepared to spend a bit of money on one but I imagine that would feel quite heavy carrying both! Might do a bit of research. I think 6 months is definitely a turning point for babies as much as I don’t want to wish it away!

@HermioneKipper and @334bu thank you! Yep formula is definitely a lot of work. Considering getting another perfect prep machine for upstairs, as it’s going to be used for another year (probably more!) and I figure you can sell them on afterwards. And yep never thought I’d say it but absolutely a 3 year old and ONE newborn would be sooo easy. Couldn’t be without either of them though, they are pretty adorable.

Thanks! 😊
You can get twin slings from American websites - or occasionally on Facebook marketplace- my twins were totally different sizes - my boy twin being almost twice the size of his sister so I would have felt really lopsided with them in a sling 🤣

Can you fit a bed in the twins room? Mine shared a cot for the first couple of months and then I slept in their room for 6 months as we can fit a bed in there

Weight loss don't worry too much - having twins is the best diet I've ever been on - I literally don't have time to sit down (or eat!) so was back to pre pregnancy weight thanks to breastfeeding within a few weeks and then all the running round since then and lots Of walks is helping to lose a bit more/make up for the chocolate binges I go on to give me enough energy to keep going! X

Hey, I'm a twin mum too. Congratulations. As other posters have said, give yourself a break. It's different from one baby and obviously harder to get out and about but it's not impossible. I went to all the baby groups from 4 months. There was nothing we couldn't do, other than swimming but if you have someone to come with you, you can do that too.

Twins are a blessing (you get two to love at once).

Re. Your body - they're only 3 weeks. Relax and try to remember you made 2 humans at once.

Mine are 3.5 now and I barely remember the newborn days. It goes by in a flash, then they go to school and you cry 🙈😂.