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Original poster

Twin baby sleepover

34 replies

cduffs · 23/07/2021 10:01

Hi I'm looking for advice.

My OH booked a night away for us this Saturday but made the arrangements with a babysitter before I knew. My mum always watches the babies if we have something to do as she has practically raised them with me. Don't get me wrong his mum is great too but always works so doesn't have a lot of experience with them so it's making me not want to go away in fear she will struggle as they are a handful. I've tried to say to my OH that she can take them all day and my mum will collect them and they will spend the night with her, meaning she gets the full day with them without the nightmare of bedtime but I'm being controlling and taking it away from his mum? Surely my opinion on who watches my children should mean more than his mum having a sleepover no? Am I wrong for wanting this

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MiddleParking · 23/07/2021 10:03

I think it’s totally natural to be nervous if it’s her first time having them, but the only way she’ll get experience with them overnight is by having them overnight. You’ll benefit from having more than one option for a babysitter in the longer term.

Original poster
cduffs · 23/07/2021 10:06

Yes I completely understand this, she'll be on her own and they are only 10 months who are very demanding. Surely her having them all day and then my mum taking them for the night is good enough especially as I still live at home? Any time we have tried to stay down they haven't settled and that's when I'm there, I don't want my children to be distressed when going to bed is that wrong of me

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ineedaholidaynow · 23/07/2021 10:07

How old are they? How often does your mum see them compared with MIL?

Original poster
cduffs · 23/07/2021 10:08

@ineedaholidaynow they are 10 months old and yes we still live at home with my mother

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MiddleParking · 23/07/2021 10:11

It’s not wrong of you, but I can see why your partner and his mum might be hurt by it, and it’s as much his decision as yours. Plus again I think it will benefit you in the long run to have a couple of options for people for them to stay with as needed.

BiggerBoat1 · 23/07/2021 10:12

Your MIL obviously feels confident to do it, so you need to let her. Your babies will be safe and loved and she's doing you a favour.
I totally get your anxiety - I was the same when my twins were babies, but with the benefit of hindsight I can tell you that it is ok to give over control.

Original poster
cduffs · 23/07/2021 10:13

@MiddleParking I'm only a bit apprehensive as anytime me my partner and my children call down on the hard days she says id rather have your pictures, now this is with 3 adults so I can only imagine what she'll be like on her own, I'm literally trying to just do what's best for my children and her even if she doesn't see it now I'm not taking away any bonding time as she'll have the full day but just come home at night

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Yummymummy2020 · 23/07/2021 10:15

I hear you and although I agree with others points on it being good to have more people to mind them I know I would be the exact same!!!

Original poster
cduffs · 23/07/2021 10:16

@BiggerBoat1 don't take offence but I don't this I need to let her, she's taking on a big task especially as she doesn't spend as much time with them as I would like due to her working which is no fault of her own, I have every confidence in her with the day time I would just feel better knowing they are in their own bed at night especially as one of them have a medical condition

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SinkGirl · 23/07/2021 10:19

I have twins and they’ve never spent overnight with anyone - my mum died before I got pregnant and MIL lives a few hours away and we don’t see her often. By 10 months we hadn’t left them with anyone at all, so I think you’re very fortunate to have two involved grandparents who want to help!

It doesn’t have to be a big deal - I would speak to your MIL and say you so appreciate her being willing to take care of the babies overnight but you know how much of a handful they are and you want to make sure she feels comfortable handling it. Tell her that your mum is more than willing to have them for the overnight bit if she would be happier with that. You don’t have to say you don’t trust her or you think she can’t do it.

If she wants to give it a go then I would let her. Could your mum be on call if things get too much?

MiddleParking · 23/07/2021 10:21

If you’re sure your reasoning is sound and you don’t need to let her then surely that’s the end of the discussion and no further input needed!

Original poster
cduffs · 23/07/2021 10:23

@SinkGirl how amazing I wish you all the best.

Yes my mum is on hand, however my MIL is a very proud woman and I think she wouldn't ask for help seeing as it is her first time. I think I would be happier if she took them for the first full day and then next time we go away let her have the night also so she knows what to expect rather than throwing her in at the deep end. I trust her whole heartedly but I wouldn't do this to my mother so I don't think it's fair that it's getting done to her, I don't want her to be put off watching them overnight because they do play up if you know what I mean. Also she's on her own where as my house is full of hands so that's why I don't mind leaving them here saying that I've only ever been away from them for one night. My mum sends me updates to put me at ease but MIL never answers when she has them

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Original poster
cduffs · 23/07/2021 10:26

@MiddleParking do you have multiples ? If not then I'd rather hear from twin mums as they know how I'm feeling and understand my situation more. No need to be rude, I'm 23 and just trying to make the best decisions for myself and my children

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Iggii · 23/07/2021 10:26

I do think the return to your mum will feel like she is handing them over to "the expert" at the end of the day. Why can't she keep them, knowing that your mum is available if it all gets too much?
I think you probably feel this has all been sprung on you a bit.

Iggii · 23/07/2021 10:29

I don't think the issues you raise are specific to having twins tbh, even though that increases the challenge. But so would looking after several siblings, which gps might agree to do as well. It's great you have your mum on hand but the children will want relationships with as many loving relatives as possible.

Original poster
cduffs · 23/07/2021 10:29

@Iggii I've known for a while but this heat is making them more cranky than usual plus their is two of them and one of her. They don't have cots or nothing in her house so I don't really want co sleeping neither. I just wouldn't enjoy my night thinking she is struggling if you know what I mean I would hate it done on me wouldn't like it happening to her either she's a lovely woman I love her to death I just don't want her having a bad day

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Original poster
cduffs · 23/07/2021 10:32

@Iggii I don't stop the relationship though. I don't think you are understand she is on her own. No help just her with this heat and two cranky babies it's going to be a hard day as the last week has been so I'm trying to look out for her. I live ay home with my mum, their beds are here. They don't settle anywhere else.

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MiddleParking · 23/07/2021 10:37

No I don’t have multiples, but your partner does, try him?

Original poster
cduffs · 23/07/2021 10:40

@MiddleParking remove yourself from my thread

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MiddleParking · 23/07/2021 10:44
Hmm
Authenticcelestialmusic · 23/07/2021 10:48

I have twins and I would let her give it a go. Let her know your mum can take them overnight and maybe suggest she makes the decision on the day. ‘Let my mum know after dinner if they are staying the night or going home, no problem either way’. Take their overnight bags just in case.

You may find the get out of jail free card is used if the day is hectic. Or she may embrace and enjoy it. I had an amazing relationship with my grandparents and I’m really pleased I stayed over night with them regularly from being a baby.

Original poster
cduffs · 23/07/2021 10:51

@Authenticcelestialmusic this is such good advice thank you. I really appreciate it, it's giving her the option isn't it I am only thinking on her

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Heartofglass12345 · 23/07/2021 11:07

Where has she said they will sleep, does she have a travel cot?
I can see why you're in two minds about it, I'm not sure I could enjoy myself knowing she might be struggling, although at least she could take them back to your house if she does struggle

Original poster
cduffs · 23/07/2021 11:12

@Heartofglass12345 see that's the only thing I'm worried about it her struggling with them she's a lovely woman and very good so I would hate to just leave her in a pickle. I'll give her the option of leaving them home but she's a proud woman so I think she'll just batter on which I'm scared about

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30degreesandmeltinghere · 23/07/2021 11:16

Let her have them op. Maybe she won't offer again!!
My now ex ils never even invited the dc(x4) for tea never mind a sleepover.. And we lived 3 streets away. She hardly saw them as was her choice... Not the same but a year between my 2 youngest and she never offered to give me a hand!
Bite the bullet and give it /her a chance!