Am I the only one who finds this hard??

[xkatyx]

hello everyone,

I have 12 week old identical twin girls!!

I'm finding them so difficult and today has been awful like most days if I'm honest!

They cry all the Time, I have been to the doctors and HV there on gaviacon I have made there feeds every 3 hours, I go out in the pushchair all day just walking around just for some peace and quiet but as soon as u stop they start off again :(

I'm exhausted from it I really really am, I can feel the tears building up as I write this.
I thought it would get easier the older they got but it's got worse as there awake more and web awake just cries cries cries. They only sleep for like 15 minutes at a time .. They have a routine which they have followed since birth at bed time the usual bath, milk bed.

I was walking up the school to pick up my other 2 dc and a mother who has twins (now 4) said to me god aren't twins easy her words exactly were "piece of p**s.
I said no not really I'm finding it a challenge an she just went on and on how she found it easy!

So what is wrong with me :( what am I doing wrong, I have 3 other dc and never had this :(

That other twin mum is either VERY forgetful or lying. Twins is Hard Work.

I can't type much now but will be back later, just couldn't leave your post unanswered. Twin patenting is hard anyway but it sounds like your two are giving you an especially hard time. What has dr's advice been, if any?

Hang in there, it is brutal but it will get easier.

They just said they are just cryers as there is nothing wrong with them!! I really have tried everything I can with them even letting them sleep in car seats just so I can sit down, Im honestly not lying web I say the only time I sit in the day is when I'm feeding the girls!!! My neck and back are killing me feeding them both.

:( very very hard day

I so hope it gets easier I just can't see away put of this missery.

Also wanted to say my dh is fab but works so much.

My mum drips two elder Kids to school for me in the morning and at 3:30 will held me feed one but then she goes home .. I don't feel I can ask for any help or should be as I should be grateful for that.

I also have a 14 month old so life is pretty much hectic all in all.

I'm sorry I didn't mean this thread to turn into a self pitty one

I just posted on your other thread but the gp response you put here reminded me of one of the twin books I got given (written in the 1980s but still good). It described this situation and the gp gave the same response. Anyway the family moved and got a different gp who did find something wrong and agreed it was not normal behaviour to cry like this. Why not see another gp if you have more than one in the practice or just go back with screaming babies and burst into tears too until you get some help? (Only flaw with this plan is that as soon as you get into the drs the babies will automatically stop crying as always happens)

Hi katy I really feel for you, dont listen to what other people say, that wo
mans children were probably angels!

I have a friend whose ds used to be a nonstop crier, until she took him to a cranial osteopath. It might not be your thing, but if gp keeps being useless it might be worth a try.

Don't listen to the stupid delusional woman. Of course twins are hard work! Although, I suspect things would be easier if you were lucky enough to get good sleepers- I believe this would have made a huge difference with us. We had colic and some reflux as well. Colic is, I imagine, bad enough when you only have one baby but with twins it's incredibly hard.

Mine are 10 months now and I still can't get them to sleep even part way through the night, unless they sleep in our bed. I was only saying to my husband the other day that I feel sad about the first few months as they are a total blur. Seriously. My Health Visitor says it's about survival Honestly, I bet you are doing a great job and everything you can to get you all through the day. I know it won't feel like it though, but things will improve at some point in the not so distant future. Sorry I can't offer any practical advice but you are definately not alone in finding it difficult x

Oh katy - have a hug. I found it really tough at about the 10-12 week mark - your energy reserves get lower and lower and I think our ability to cope with things reduces.

It WILL get easier, I promise you that. But for now, you need help. You're not doing ANYTHING wrong, it's just hard at this point. When you say they only sleep for 15 minutes, how long has that been going on for? What do you do when they cry? Were they feeding more regularly than every 3 hours, is that why you've reduced it, because of the reflux?

Some people might tell you just to take them to your bed and feed them whenever necessary, etc. I couldn't do that, I needed a routine. Is there any way you could get a maternity nurse for a week or two to help get them into a routine?

Am going to think more about this and write again later. There are some days which are bloody hard with twins. You've done amazingly well, don't feel bad for having days where you don't cope - I don't believe anyone who says they didn't have those days with twins. Although I met a woman the other day who said her SIL has had twins (her only children) and even though they're 6 months old she's never been on her own with them because she's terrified she won't be able to cope!!! Made me feel good about the fact that I wasn't like that!

Thank you all so so so much.

In the day there sleep in awful at night not too bad, I must praise them for that, they do really well.

There routine is :-
6:00pm warm bath, followed my massage in dim room then milk then bed.

10:30pm they always stir, I pit dummy in.
11:30 stir I put dummy in.

2:00am milk

5:00am always cry what ever time they are fed.
Pit dummy in,cuddle etc!!

6:30am they go back to sleep

8:00am milk
9:00am washed dressed play for bit.

9:30am nap

10;30 wake screaming won't settle

11:00am feed

Play until about 12:30

12:30ish - nap

Cry on and off till 3pm

3:00pm milk

Play forloudene while

Then constant crying till bath time

Hi Katy. I have 17wo twins, and it is very tough whatever that woman says!

I am sure you have already tried this, but is there any reason why you don't feed them at 1030/11pm ish ie a dreamfeed? They seem to be going a good 8 hr stretch from 6pm till 2am, but presumably you would prefer this to be from 11pm to 7am?

Also, perhaps go for a walk about 430 so they get a nap to stop them being overtired (you may already be doing this from the sounds of it). You could give a split feed part before bath and part after if they are cranky.

Other than that, your routine is almost identical to ours!

Come and join us on the twins under 1 year thread here!

Oh and also bouncy chairs, swings are great if you don't already have them, my two would cry all afternon if I didn't put them in their chairs or in the pram. i think its called the witching hour from 5pm onwards!

I have tried all the above but if I feed that at that time they don't want it and still wake at 2am. Little monkeys!!!

I wish I could get out for a walk at that time (love walking) but I have. 14 month old (who's too lazy to walk) who ha her dinner and bath etc round those times too. She goes to bed at 5:45.
God my house is so regimented because of I don't stick to times I'll have 3 screaming babies and two hungry/tired elder children.

My dh had a day off Tom and I can not wait, just help feeding will be a massive help, I miss the lovely bonding time you have when feeding just one.

They had there injections today which makes th sleep loads so today has been a good day and knowing dh is off Tom has put me in a fantastic mood.

Also about the swings I had two and they screamed there heads off in them all the time so I ended up selling them last week as they just made them worse.

Thank u I will head over to that thread, it's so nice talking to other mums who have twins I feel like a alien!

They will get there xkatyx, I am pretty sure our routine was the same as yours at that age - although it's all a blur now. The bonding and spending 1.1 time gets easier as they get older. I always worried about our bond aswell as it tends to be a bit of a conveyor belt process at feeding times no time for cuddles and gazing at them in wonderment etc. Hope you enjoy your day with DH x

I've got one older one and six month twins and I have found it really, really tough, so I admire you for what you are managing. Have you asked your health visitor about some extra support? Up here there's a scheme called Home Start where some families can have a volunteer who comes into help and apparently some childcare training courses can be short of placements for students and might be a source of an extra pair of hands. You won't need it forever, but if it eases the next three months it might be worth asking.

Hi, I'm just wondering if they are picking up on you being upset at all and it's turning into a seemingly never ending circle.

Have you tried to change the feed times at all? I read you have other children so this might not fit in too well for everyone else. Are you ff or bf? Has reflux or colic been looked for?

I'm going to risk everyone else's wrath now by me being able to agree with the mum of the 4 yr olds. My two are 4 but this was not me as mine are not at school yet. We don't have any other children to compare them to either and I think there's an element of luck too.

Our two are very easy to us but we can remember when he was a little so and so for some days of yelling for no discernible reason no matter what I did.

The last couple of days it has all seamed o have calmed down alot!!

You are very lucky that you found your twins easy, it must just depend on the personalty of the baby maybe?!

I do very much most of the days on my own and I really enjoy being a mum and being busy, it's just the crying because I feel so helpless
But thing seam a lot better at the moment, so thank you all for being there for me when I needed it x

Hey, just saw this and it took me back 6 years to when mine were very young. It was pretty much relentlessly hard for 6 months (in fact I can remember very little about those months looking back). It felt like I tried lots of things but the crying just went on and on. They did have reflux but not much seemed to help. In the end they grew out of it.

I have 2 friends with twins: 1 had a very easy time and the other was like me. I have to say though that from about age 3 they were easier than a singleton as they are best mates and entertain each other.

Probably not much help but on the bad days try to remember that it WILL pass.

Thats great news xkatyx. The 2 lots of endless crying is hard to deal with, but sounds like things have turned a corner now. My 2 are 20 months now and I am bracing myself for the "terrible twos" x 2.

The terrible twos might not happen ;)
Katy, since I never had other children to compare it to, I might have found it easier to an extent. I do know of another who has twins after a 3 year gap to a singleton and she seems to find it a lot harder than I have but I've never had the experience of one child at a time for more than a couple of hours. Having just one of them about is so much easier than the pair together so I can understand where you are coming from.
It will pass and you will feel better after getting more sleep too.

There is always something to dread isn't there haha, teething? Moving about (trying to kill them selves whilst exploring!) terrible twos, teenage years!!!
:)

katy hang on in there!

I was in a terrible state through lack of sleep at 12 weeks and I didn't have 3 older children (seriously I take my hat off to you).

My two both had terrible colic until 14& 16 weeks respectively and then it settled down. Everything got easier by steps at 6 months, 12 months, 18 months etc.

We didn't have as hard a time at terrible twos as most other parents we know (phew) and they are the most fantastic and fun little people now at four yo.

Some days are just awful, grit your teeth , hang on in there and accept any help you are offered!

I found our local twins club brilliant in all sorts of ways. It was sometimes hard to get out the house but worth it. TAMBA website will give you details of your nearest group.

Hopefully you will have a local group, I had nothing!

Hi Katy, mine were grizzly up until I'd say 13/14 weeks. The chances are that with twins one of them is grizzling! It does get easier honestly.
I have help from my local college. They run a child care course and one of the requirements is that they have to complete a placement. My HV got in touch with the college, then they paid me a visit. I now have a lovely girl who comes round twice a week for 6 hours. She's a godsend

Can I just add that as soon as you mentioned the word reflux, it explained to me why you are having a hard time. I can't imagine having two refluxers at once - having two in two years was bad enough. I take my hat off to you and would urge you to go back to the GP and cry lots until you get the more effective meds that might make things manageable. People with easy babies (singletons/twins etc..) are extremely lucky not to have experienced a refluxer. I don't think it is possible to understand the impact that reflux can have unless you've been there. Have a look over on the reflux support thread for ideas on how to limit the effects of it/get some support about it. It's in the feeding topic. Good luck and I'm very glad you've had a couple of better days.

There are much better treatments for reflux than gaviscon. I know of several twin mums whose children had it and I think it was ranitidine and / or another thing. Gaviscon is cheap, that's why doctors chuck it at us first.

XKatyx - well done for hanging in. That woman must have serious denial issues to tell you its easy.

I'm no expert but if it is either colic, reflux or high need babies, things do get better. From my experience:
Colic went at about 14 weeks and they settled ok at 7 with less drama late afternoon.
Reflux needs medical help. My GP had a low opinion of Gaviscon and prescribed ranitidine. It worked ok but I know of more severe cases that were referred to a paediatrician. Its not fair of your GP say some babies scream- if they are in pain they should be helped (and so do you).
If they are both high need babies you may need to get some help but it will improve. DT2 needed 121 care from me. That wasn't possible so we had to muddle through as best we could but the crying can be very hard to deal with at times. You are obviously finding ways to calm them and what timings suit them best. Mine sorted out their routines over time although DT2 has struggled either with naps or nighttime sleep or both.

Is it worth having a chat to your mum about helping more for the next few weeks? From your other posts you sound like a coper and she may not want to tread on your toes by helping too much. For a few weeks could she be around at teatime as that sounds like particularly hard work? If not, I hope your HV can contact home start or another organisation.

Not sure if any of that is any use but hope it helps to know you aren't alone.

So should you - be helped that is if they have reflux. Sorry poor typing.