TTT.....

[AtLongLast]

OTT / self-indulgent I know, but Toddler Twin Tantrums..... aaargh! Just as well they're so cute too. Ds2 was v funny today wiggling his bum singing uh, uh Bobby' in response to me dancing round the kitchen to Bobby's girl'...

Chesti - well done on the hen do. I have only ever organised ONE, for my bessie mate. I hated it. Despite the fact most of them weren't/aren't short of cash, I had never had so many emails with people bickering over the cost of it. The actual wedding was in Italy, so I decided to keep the hen quite cheap but even then by god did everyone have an opinion re. what to do/how to organise it. I am not really into hen nights, for my own one I had male friends there too... not really into girlie things like that . tarti - bet your upcoming weddings are daunting in terms of cost, I do get to the point where I really start to resent how much money it's sometimes expected that you spend. Hen + gift + outfit + travel + accommodation + childcare etc can easily become several hundred quid. Which is fine sometimes when it's a really close friend not when it's That Annoying Cousin You've Never Liked.

Holiday getting marginally better, although I'm still struggling to cope with the girls being so grumpy. DH actually said he's a bit worried about me, that I'm not switching off, not dealing with them very well. I don't know why, but he's right - every little thing they do is setting me off, not like me at all. Wondering if I'm a bit depressed or something...

Sorry I haven't replied for a few days - just had a bit of a weird few days and weekend.
Its around 6 weeks since Emme had her PEG tube fitted, and it has just really affected me the last few days. When it was first fitted, we thought that that was it - it was over. She would be fine and we would get on as normal and pretend like nothing happened. Since friday night her feed has leaked everywhere in their bedroom - cot, carpet etc. Consultant appt yesterday, and he said that he wants to book her in to have a 'button' fitted - which will be easier than her PEG.. it obviously sounds like a brilliant thing to do, but its just made it so 'real'. I dont know, maybe I was expecting consultant to say that shes doing so well and can have her tube removed completely? I just feel like this condition is holding her back in so many ways, and I am just so gutted about it all that I've just had a little breakdown. It sounds so pathetic and stupid, but I just feel sick thinking back to how ill she was. I can't help thinking that this is going to rule her life for the next few years. We thought it would be so easy - that we would just 'plug her in' to her feed at night, and she would be back to normal in the morning.. but its just not. By having a button fitted, I can't help thinking that it will make it a more permanent thing; the way we saw it was that she would have it for a few months, at most, and then it would be taken out and she would be back to normal - but from what the consultant said yesterday, its going to be nothing like that.

Sorry if any of you have actually read this - I feel so ridiculous being so pathetic about this. I should be thankful that its nothing more serious; sorry for my whingeing.

Oh Kate. Please don't ever apologise for offloading on here, it could be any of us going through what you are dealing with and it's not pathetic in the least, just totally normal response to a horrible situation. Can imagine how much of a shock it's been to have had to face more medical intervention after a period of relative 'normality'. And so hard when you have to hold it together during the daytime for them all. Huge hugs to you and please come on and whinge away whenever you need to. I wish I had something more constructive to say. Can you talk to the consultant a bit more about the implications of the new button and what the chances are of it being long term versus medium term etc?

And Lottie big squeeze for you too. I would imagine (not knowing you at all...) that it's more just a case of the daily bloody grind of motherhood hitting home as it does from time to time. Whining children are deeply wearing (mine are bad at the moment too but they are fortunately in nursery 3 days a week so less relentless for me than for you) and I find for me personally holidays can actually be quite hard as subconsciously, part of me still expects a holiday to be, well, a holiday, whereas nowadays of course it is just normal life, with an extra toddler husband to factor in, and all normality disrupted etc. However, as my DH reminds me almost daily, I am a miserable sod and others may feel differently. Keep talking about how you feel, especially if you do feel you may be veering towards the big D (I know you don't need me to tell you this).

Thanks Tarti - I just feel a bit stupid saying this to anyone in 'real life' (you know what I mean!). DH said that he knew this would happen as I took it all so well, and at some point I had to 'come back down to earth', and he is totally right - I wanted to be happy that everything was 'sorted' finally, but really its not. Consultant is brilliant, but just very blunt - I guess thats why he is such a brilliant DR, Emme wouldn't be here unless he had insisted on emergency op. But when we asked how long we think she would need to have it, we got 'Well, however long it takes of course'. You're so right, I try to hold it all in in the daytime - and make her PEG a really exciting 'cool' thing to have, when really we both know that she hates it. I go on and on about how 'special' E is to have her PEG, but then end up feeling guilty when other DTri's ask whether they are special too - and E doesn't even want to be special! I think the main thing is that I've finally realized that this is a bigger deal than we first thought - I just to give myself a kick up the arse! Just hate offloading all my shit as it makes everyone else feel down too!

Sorry Lottie in all my breakdowning, I completely missed your post! We can all feel like this sometimes - often I sit down after bathing DD's and feel like such a horrible mother as I've felt like I've just told them off all day long, and whinged about everything. I envy carefree mothers that just brush off dinner being dropped on the floor, or my tea being knocked over by an excited toddler - I end up just getting frustrated. Its mostly DD2 who is 4, but 5 in Sep, and I feel so guilty that I know I do it - but I can't help constantly thinking 'she should know better' and that I shouldn't have to keep telling her off. I have one friend in specific - I don't think I've ever heard her say that she was 'absolutely fuming' with her DS's, or even cross - she just seems to be constantly upbeat and happy; even if her DS's are dancing around with something and spill it everywhere, or break something, she will just reassure them that its absolutely fine and accidents happen - but when my DD's do something, I can't help telling them off for 'dancing around with their drink' and thats why they've done it. I will rarely have to get seriously cross with DD's, its just little things like that that frustrate me, and I feel like Im constantly niggling at things. I find it helps me to make targets for the day - sounds silly, but I will say that for tomorrow Im going to try, in particular, with DD2 and trying to keep her busy and happy tomorrow - if she starts being silly (v.hyper) then I might try a different technique to calm her down. Will remind myself all day that Im trying to be 'carefree' ( yeah right!) and normally it works. Either that or I imagine that there is a camera with friends watching my parenting, and it really helps me to stay calm. Hope you're feeling better soon lottie

Big hugs to both kate and lottie. Sorry you are both feeling so low. I partly blame the time of year too, fingers crossed that the clocks going forward at the weekend will make it a bit more like summer time. all round.

kate I'm really sorry to hear that dtrip is not doing as well as you had hoped. I hope the button makes it easier, even if it feels more long term. Kids are amazingly resilient and things can change for the better really quicky. Just keep on taking it a week at a time. I personally think you must be a superwoman just to cope with 5 girls never mind deal with health problems too. Please feel free to vent here, it's the least I can do to listen.

Lottie, you are also free to vent. You've had a really stressful year moving not just house but country. And holidays are stressful things too. I hope the girls get past the whingy stage soon.

Hen night wise, I feel bad complaining about the organising as it was just an evening. Invited everyone here for champagne, (so had to clean the house ) then limo to restaurant, then to a local bar for cocktails. However 50% of the people wanted to drive and meet us there (runining the limo surprise) so had to persuade them to come to mine first and car share home. I decorated the house with helium balloons (a right faff), couldn't find a veil for the bride (the only dressing up I did on her) so spent an afternoon going round charity shops and ended up having to drive a 50 mile round trip on sat morning to a joke shop to buy one. The restuarant needed us to preorder as there were 12 of us so had to get that info out of everyone. And finally there was the "book" which required getting photos (and then sorting the printer so I could print them!) and anecdotes out of all her friends. Pre -children all this would have been a breeze, but I just didn't have the energy/time to do it properly. But the bride really appreciated it though so probably all worth it.

Wedding (local) in 3 weeks time. DH has the stag (edinburgh) this weekend, then the week after the wedding he has another stag (brighton) and then a fortnight after that we have another wedding (birmingham). Lovely, but expensive and exhausting.

kate I completely understand where you are coming from. 4 year olds are hard. H is driving us up the wall at the moment!

Chesti my DH's stag do this weekend is in Edinburgh too! God help him, think he is dreading it a bit (clearly not as desperate as I am for a night away as I would gladly get on board with fancy dress and go-karting if it meant time away!)

Just a quickie, thanks for the support gals. Has been another horrid horrid day :( culminating with us deciding to take the girls OUT to eat somewhere else. They were good for about 10 minutes with crayons/colouring books but as soon as the food turned up refused to eat almost all of it, fighting over who got which coloured straw () and spilling juice everywhere. Just at that point DH had a hypo (is T1 diabetic) and I had to run into the kitchen pleading with the staff to bring us sugar sachets ASAP because it looked like he was going to have a full on attack and he had his head slumped on the table. (While said twins were running riot/crying/etc.) THEN to top it all off J proclaimed she'd done a poo, took her off to the toilets to change her to find she had made it up to get attention, and then on the way back to the table whilst carrying her I fell over in front of the whole restaurant, landing really terribly as I tried to avoid her head hitting the ground (which it did anyway) and doing my knees in completely. I burst into tears as soon as I got back to the table and just thought OMG I just so cannot do this. :(

Kate - please never apologise for whingeing here. We all do it, particularly me and for far smaller worries. You seem to be coping brilliantly and as tarti I think said, I bet you're holding it together for everyone in the daytime but your feelings have to come out somewhere. I know just what you mean about trying to frame it for your Dtri so that she feels special but the guilt never goes away does it? You make her feel special and then worry that the others don't feel special, when all you're trying to do is make her not feel different in a bad way. Big hug to you xx

Chesti I think its that 'inbetweeny' stage - DD is a september baby, and is sooo ready for school. She loves to be kept busy. But then other time I think that she still gets very hyper and excitable over little things, whereas other 4YO's same age don't act like this. Just like if we go for a walk and swing DD2 between me and DH, she just takes it too far and ends up gripping onto DH and climbing up him like some kind of chimp.. Feel like we can never do certain things as we know that its 'too much' for DD2, and she will get all over excited...
What is your 4YO like? DD1 was so different to DD2, so maybe I'm comparing them too much.

Too tired to post much but just wanted to give out big hugs all round, it's too bloody tough isn't it!!!!!

Virtual for everyone and sleep tight, let's hope tomorrow is a better day for all of us!

Oh God Lottie what a nightmare meal out. I try to think that in a few 10 years time we will look back on all this and laugh, but at the moment it is just overwhelming and exhausting. I hope DH is ok, and you too. Send the twins off to childcare tomorrow morning and then go back to bed and indulge yourself in sleep. More sleep is always good.

Kate H is quite a shy 4 year old. Not amongst people she knows/in her own home, but does a lot of watching when we are out at baby groups/nursery school. She was a good baby, a nightmare from 2-3. Then she was lovely from 3-4 (the twins arrived at 2.5). But since she is 4 she has been a whingy moany nightmare. A horrible thing to say about your child, but at the moment is just being really trying. She is actually regressing. Every other sibling pair I know the older sibling brings the younger one on really quickly (speech etc) but with H she is being brought back by the boys and has started pointing and grunting a lot . She complains about EVERYTHING. If you say black she says white. I asked her tonight why she is moaning so much and she sais she does it because it is fun and upsets mummy and daddy. I know it's all to do with attention and we should just ignore it, but it is so bloody infuriating.

DH and I were discussing the other day how all of our children would be better off as lone children. DH takes J to speech therapy once a week and he says on his own he is a different child. Utterly charming and revels in the attention. When the others are around he is very quiet and takes himself off to play quietly on his own, until D turns up and steals his toys that is. H is the same, the few times we get her on her own she is lovely. I wish I had a time machine!

Bloomin heck Lottie! Tomorrow has to be better, surely? How are you now? & dh? Nothing really useful to add other than my sympathies. & possibly the suggestion of car picnics for the rest of the week... I did smile at dh's comment about you not switching off. Surely for you it's more a case of `same crap, different location'

& Kate, I'm sorry. I keep meaning to ask how Emme is doing but post before remembering and have an embarrassing frequency of posts at times so promise myself I'll remember next time. I totally get that you feel others might have it worse but glad you're allowing yourself to acknowledge it is hard for you all.

Go you Chesti! Sometimes being social inadequates works nicely in my/dps favour so we tend not to have the hassle (or expense!) of organisIng stuff.

We're still having screeching joy. Both want `carries' constantly. Ds2 is OK as he's realised he doesn't get his way by wailing. Ds2 is provoking ds1 at every opportunity (prodding him, threatening to spoil his game/tower, or just being in his space) but ds1 is responding in such an ott way. Ds1 is also going through a bit of an attatchment phase - not content with being nudey himself, he's now not happy if his sheet is on his cot. Sorted it for a few days by putting a fitted sheet on, but then he realised it was there so gets uber-frustrated if he can't get it off. And then needs to bring it downstairs with him & sniggle under it. & both have eaten v little at dinner today as they were more interested in throwing cutlery / pushing plates around.

Car is costing us a fortune to fix & prob delaying our trip at the weekend (so now prob doing Fri - Tues am Tarti - will let you know). Works OK though as got a hospital appt through today to get dd's birthmark checked - for Thursday! On the plus side, I made swiss roll (boys turned noses up and lemon drizzle cake today. Yummy

Oh dear, virtual hugs and chocolate cake all round. Sounds as though everyone's got some hard stuff to deal with at the moment.

Kate I feel especially sorry for you and FWIW it all makes total sense that you feel like this - after a period of coping with everything I think the pressure has to come out eventually. You've not only had these 6 weeks of getting used to the peg (and that's extra stress that no mum of multiples needs to fit into her day) but a long period before that of Emme being quite seriously ill, with all the strain that that brings into a household, and now an open-ended stretch ahead of uncertainty and non-normality. Sorry if that just rehearses the reasons why you felt down, but my point is to show that you've had a tonne of hard things to do on top of just running a household, being a mum of 5 etc etc. Many, many people could not do "the basics" of your life without huge amounts of help (or couldn't do it full stop), and you have extra portions on top.

So there's nothing wrong with feeling blue. I wonder if Tamba have some support for you and in particular might have some tips on how to manage the differences between your children without having to feel that you are a cheerleader for feeding tubes? Or perhaps on here there is a forum that can help. I can only imagine how difficult it is trying to make sure everyone feels OK about it while also getting to grips with what it means for Emme's long term health and your family life. Chesti very rightly said you mustn't feel bad about offloading on here. Maybe at the moment you should do a lot of it to help sort these thoughts through in your mind.

And Lottie I really sympathise on your night out. So sorry that the holiday isn't very relaxing so far but I think there's a lot of truth in the idea that holidays are more for dads than anyone else! For mums, it's just all the same stuff as normal to fit in, while in a less convenient, familiar and well set-up environment! I haven't found our holidays at all relaxing so far, though have appreciated a change of scene a bit. Mostly I just find myself thinking everything is less efficient than it would be at home what a tedious robot I am.

I reckon some time off from the girls would do you the power of good, and maybe someone else would knock the odd corner off them too. Do explore the idea of nursery, it sounds like a great idea to buy you all space apart and maybe make you glad to see them again!

Will try to get back on here later but better go and make sure I've got my shit together for the day. Just wanted to say something to you both as my heart was going out to you both last night catching up on things!

Tomorrow is not a better day here, been vomited on twice so far, at 4am and just now. It's the first day that Florence seems to be better after 6 days of illness, now Vivienne is Ill too

Kate you are doing an amazing job! Poor Emme, keep offloading here, it's incredibly cathartic we all do it very regularly

LL I often question if I'm depressed, but find that after 7pm my depression lifts , so think it's just that children are so bloody exhausting, and a part of me still hankers after my youthful carefree years. I've given up the diet, chocolate and wine are all that's keeping me sane at the moment.

Agree with everyone's holiday coMments, we are currently planning a Summer drive to Italy

Sorry that you've got tag team ill ones LVB. Hope V's bout is short lived and mild - is it tummy bugs or colds or what? Something about vomiting is really soul destroying. I think it's that you have just enough energy to get through the whole day and none to spare for scrubbing carpet and changing clothes/bedding etc. Or that's how I see it anyway.

On which subject, I have also questioned my mental state lately (perhaps there's something in the air?) I have a real knee jerk reaction to the idea that I could be depressed - maybe you all do too - but a conversation with my GP did make me question it to myself. I told her I have no energy and feel very responsible for everything (meaning that if I'm not well, no one is really there to take the burden for me. My DH is wonderful but work doesn't really allow him to step in, and I've got no family nearby). When I've had some time to feel hard done by, I'll usually be alright again. So all this waffling is to say I have concluded I'm not depressed, but it's not an easy question and on some days you'd get a very different answer. Worth seeing your GP Lottie?

Good news about C's appointment, ALL, but v v bad news about the car. It's always the same with cars, as with plumbing - if something needs doing it's never cheap. Any sign of the pox Chesti?

Another quickie as am shattered. Just back from lovely evening out after lovely day out. It's our anniversary today and DH surprised me with a meal in Padstow @ Rick Stein's restaurant. Earlier today we met his cousin who lives nearby and went to the Eden Project with her. Bizarrely it took a day of spending time with the girls and enjoying the good bits of them to make me appreciate them again. It does help that they are recuperating big time and are far less grizzly, but to see DH's cousin (who is lovely) cooing over them and seeing them at their magical best made me fall in love with them all over again. Back tomorrow but do now feel as though the holiday has turned a corner, and as it turned out I didn't need less time with my girls, but more.

Glad the holiday got better LL. Sounds like you had a lovely final day.

No pox here yet so we seem to have got away with it again. Though the grumpy behaviour continues. Why do they continually squable over the same toy? Even when there are 2 identical toys they still both want the same one

cerubina how are the twins getting on at nursery now?

What a relief you had a lovely day Lottie! What did the girls make of the Eden Project? I've done detailed study of all the refreshment facilites it a few times so good job I've had a break for a few years. Last time we went around the biomes in the opposite direction - surprising what extra stuff we saw doing that!

We seem to have had a bit of an improvement here, probably correlating to boys getting over whatever the latest bug has been. They're still testing & winding one another up, but in manageable chunks now. I was woken at 6.30am by ds1 having the screaming heebie jeebies. Turned out he couldn't get the final two corners of the fitted sheet off the mattress . Thought I could con him by putting a flat sheet over the fitted sheet, but no, he saw thorugh my plan. They were rolling around giggling earlier & that was a joy to see again. Hopefully it'll last while we're up seeing the family this weekend.

Car fixed & yup Cerubina twas bloody expensive. It's at that point where I'm losing faith with it but we've spent so much on it lately we can't just get rid. I can be a little smug though as my aged go-cart car which dp hates flew through it's MOT a couple of weeks ago & our mechanic said what a fab car it is .

How are the girls now Lavita? A summer drive to Italy - that will be lovely....!

We're back! Drove home today and after all my dramatic moaning earlier in the week, have to say have had a splendid couple of days and now wishing we could have stayed longer. Yesterday and today we went to fantastic beaches, girls barefoot in the sand and loving every moment. I really have learnt something this holiday, which is that the best times were had whilst we were all together and next time I think we'll choose somewhere which is a bit more focussed on that, albeit possibly with childcare options available for the odd morning/afternoon when you really do feel like having a total break from being a parent.

It did help that by the end of the week my grizzling girls had transformed back into their usual only mildly bickering selves, with people cooing over them a bit rather than shooting us pitying glances which always get my back up, with me defensively assuming they're thinking 'poor them, having twins'. I do feel a bit like I'm waiting for people to think that twins are a nightmare and perhaps put too much pressure on us all to be a good advert for twins.

LVB - have to say I completely swooned for Cornwall in general, not sure I'll bother thinking about going elsewhere for family holidays for the foreseeable. I know you can't guarantee the weather, and we were lucky this time, but the fact we could just get in the car and drive for 4/5 hours and be somewhere so lovely... pretty hard to beat. :)

Sorry now caught up with posts

ALL - we loved the Eden Project, although I do think it'll get better and better as the girls get bigger. £23 per adult to get in though! I LOVED the set up of the cafe/restaurant though, so chilled out and relaxed system of payment... the whole place seemed very well run. Like many other things there though, I thought it would be very different (and perhaps nowhere near as nice) in high season.

Cerubina - it's interesting how many of us have thought at some point about depression. I always think back to some Tamba statistic or other which I read about whilst pregnant, suggesting that a multiple mum would be much more likely to suffer from it. I'm not sure I think that's necessarily the case - surely mums of 2/3/however many siblings have different but similar stresses - but it has meant I've kept an eye on how I've felt, particularly in the first year after they were born. I feel so much better today than I did a few days ago, and still can't put my finger on exactly WHY things felt so difficult. Although you all raised excellent points re. 'same shit different location', and the pressure to have a nice time on holiday which obviously in my case was counter productive.

Hope everyone's illnesses are lifting. I know so many families who have been ill in the past 2-3 weeks, it sounds as though a particularly nasty virus has been doing the rounds.

I'd better go, we have E upstairs who is STILL suffering regularly from constipation, and has now not been for 4 days and has tummy ache. It's so awful, she is phobic about it and also refuses to eat any vegetables or other kinds of food which might help. So every 3-4 days we have a huge drama, sometimes for a whole day before she builds up the courage to actually do it. Have been to doctors who prescribed Lactulose, she's been taking it for 2-3 months now and things aren't really improving. Need to go back, obviously. GP's tactic last time was to sternly tell her that unless she ate her veg she'd have the doctor to answer to, and wouldn't be allowed any pudding. I just can't do that kind of carrot/stick thing when it comes to their meals, it makes every mealtime a non-stop wail and unbelievably stressful. Also don't really believe in rewarding things with pudding. What to do, what to do...

Glad the holiday ended up good Lottie. We are also on minimal holidays at the moment. Had considered a holiday in a villa abroad and then though about the constant stress of keeping 3 kids away from the pool (never mind the cost) so have ended up in a residential caravan in Eyemouth. . glamorous. But it is right on an amazing beach so hopefully should be fine.

Food is turning into a nightmare in our house. DH is normallyreally laid back but the kids not eating just maddens him. He shouts and threatens and turns mealtimes into a drama. I'm getting at a loss what to so about it. I really don't want the kids to have food issues (I'm a comfort eater) and don't want them to eat if they are not hungry, and certainly don't want to reward finishing their main course with getting a pudding (making sweet things a reward and therefore good). But at the same time I so want them to eat the food that is put in front of them and al least try it and not be fussy. I also want them to eat so they sleep through the night! And not refuse a meal and then 30 minutes later complain of being hungry. Tis all a bit of a stressful mess at the moment. No consisency. I know DH and I need to discuss and come up with a plan, but at the moment with him being the main carer and having such strong views on eating what is front of you/clearing your plate, it's difficult.

Just back from sheffield and only skim read, but would like to echo the concern about how to handle food issues (will come back and ramble more on this later!) and also say am glad Lottie that your week ended well, and that ALL I'm sorry we haven't managed to hook up this weekend, but hopefully will the next time you are up this way. Hope you've had a nice time seeing family and journeys were ok. I've just devised a very interesting system for straight-jacketing mine into their car seats, which they can now climb out of (makes journeys pretty hair raising since our child locks don't work and they have clocked on to this!). Anyway it involves strapping them in and then doing up their coats/cardis/body warmers over the top. Idiot/toddler proof!

Sympathy to you (and your DH) Chesti - re. the food issue. I have started this post about 5 times but when talking about food re. the girls I don't know where to start with moaning about it all. I am at the point where if it was possible to pay someone to come and sort it out and tell me what to cook each day and what to do I WOULD GLADLY PAY IT. I honestly struggle to think of ONE meal I can make which they will both eat. I have:

J - eats veg, some fruit, carbs in general, very fussy about meat, refuses fish, won't eat anything in a gravy or sauce.
E - refuses all veg unless blended VERY small. Will occasionally suffer through a couple of tbsp of tomato soup. Eats lots of meat and fish. Occasional fruit. Very occasional carbs such as potato but no pasta or rice.
Both love bog-standard things such as toast and jam, cereal, ice cream and lollipops They won't touch things like spaghetti hoops and baked beans.

Because DH is diabetic I steer away from making things like pasta and risotto as he tries to eat a low-carb diet. I also try to eat a fairly low carb diet otherwise I put on weight.

The things that work best I have found are 'dry' meals such as roast chicken served with potato and veg. So bloody boring! And because the only person who really eats the potato bit is Juliet (if I'm lucky) I'm loathe to go to much effort with it, but at the same time trying to resist giving her chips too much. She won't eat mash, for example. But at least the meat and veg the rest of us will eat. Another route I've tried going down is to give them something completely separate to us (which means making them two different things) and then we eat later, but I don't like doing that because DH often isn't home to eat until 8pm. God this whole subject drives me utterly utterly insane.

So V had D&V for 3 days, then F, now this morning I've been sick. It's so nice out and I feel bloody awful

So bored of it all!

Hugs to you LVB. Hope it passes asap for you.

We had our settling in day (the first) at nursery yesterday. I turned up this morning for the second one and the whole place was closed due to a flood. Nice to have been alerted before dragging us all over there!