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Multiple births

When do you start showing with twins? What is life with twins like? Join the conversation on our Multiple Births forum.

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Original poster

Are people nosy about how you conceived?

29 replies

lipslave · 29/04/2011 14:34

I am pregnant with twins, but not gone public yet as only 9 weeks.

When you announced to people, did you frequently get asked by virtual strangers if they were IVF? Mine are, and nothing wrong with that, but I do think it's a very a very rude and intrusive question. I can feel my hackles rising already.

What is the best way of responding? (without saying bog off and mind your own business

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

A2363 · 29/04/2011 14:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

sunchild77 · 29/04/2011 14:55

My friend got pregnant accidently with twins at age 17 and was asked by the sonographer at her scan if they were IVF ! er.. not likely!!

Stupid woman!

Doesnt answer your question though... I think I'd probably say "Does it matter?" without actually saying if they were IVF or not..

Original poster

lipslave · 29/04/2011 14:59

Thanks A2363. I feared that was the answer would get I guess I will get used to it.

I can't think of any way of not answering the q without sounding a bit defensive and huffy. Maybe I am?

And I agree, I might wonder, but would never ask the question.

OP posts:

Original poster

lipslave · 29/04/2011 15:02

Sunchild77 ... I like 'does it matter?', maybe still a tad huffy, but puts one on the moral highground I think :)

OP posts:

sunchild77 · 29/04/2011 15:06

You could say it with a big smile on your face :) Only be huffy if you are feeling huffy :)

Good luck!

YesWhat · 29/04/2011 15:06

"Why do you ask?"

Original poster

lipslave · 29/04/2011 15:12

That's good too yeswhat. Am glad I stated this thread :)

OP posts:

TheVisitor · 29/04/2011 15:14

That's one of my most hated question. It's akin to someone asking which position you used to get pregnant. "I'm sorry, that's a very personal question that I am not going to answer." usually does the trick.

Original poster

lipslave · 29/04/2011 15:21

Exactly theVisitor! Did you actually use that?

I predict that despite having lined up my responses I will just end up answering the question out of social expectation, and then feeling cross with myself (and them) for doing so...

OP posts:

chutneypig · 29/04/2011 15:29

Virtually everyone tackled this with the 'do twins run in the family?' route. Because they do they've never pressed further.

I think I've only ever had one person be more direct and ask 'are they natural'. I'd like to think I responded that they weren't cyborgs but I can't say for sure! That was a response I've had recommended in the past from other multiple mums.

TheVisitor · 29/04/2011 18:37

I have said "no, they're silicone" before. Lipslave, yes, I have used that, many, many times. People tend to apologise and realise just how personal a question it is.

AtLongLast · 29/04/2011 20:24

Haha yes, and not just when announced. Once they've arrived the Q is still asked frequently in one guise or another. It depends on my mood / the person asking / how mean I'm feeling as to how I answer. Sometimes (yesterday in the supermarket!) a chirpy 'actually, they're ivf' results in a satisfyingly flustered and embarrassed questioner . Probably just making small talk and didn't really want to know. I figure I'll never see them again so doesn't matter to me if they know but perhaps will make them think twice next time. Some days I just choose to claim a family history of multiples though.

MamaChocoholic · 29/04/2011 22:15

I lie randomly - ie sometimes tell the truth, sometimes not, depending on my mood/the weather.

Playing twin bingo helps.

But I like "why do you ask", "does it matter" and "they're silicone", abd will give them a run next week in the supermarket (yes, I do get asked at least once each supermarket trip).

Congratulations btw

aswellasyou · 29/04/2011 23:03

I'm a twin and we and my parents have had all these questions and comments our whole lives. The funniest thing is that, since my twin sister and I had baby girls a week apart 7 months ago, we now get twin questions about them.
People assume they're twins and assume they're boy/girl because they're not dressed the same .
They ask how the birth was/how hard it is/etc.
But when they're told they're not twins they just can't cope with the confusion. Sometimes people don't believe us or seem to think we're mistaken. I think I'd notice if they were both mine.
The funniest/most disgusting comments have been along the lines of "Do they have the same Dad?"!!!! Er, what sort of weird place do you come from?!
More and more often we just pretend they are twins so we don't have to speak to them more than necessary.

harrygracejessica · 29/04/2011 23:05

I always get asked especialy as ive just had my 2nd set in 2.5 years!! They are natural conception and with no twins in my family but every child is special no matter if natural or IVF. I dont know why people get so hung up on needing to know the ins and outs of conception - pisses me off if i get asked if i had them naturally!

SuchProspects · 30/04/2011 15:44

I get the "do twins run in your family?" question a lot, but rarely directly "was it IVF?". I don't think you are obliged to answer or tell the truth. I toggle between evasion ("no? why should they?" or "They run everywhere!" ) and being open depending on my mood.

I think the curiosity is kind of understandable though so I don't begrudge people asking (but I don't feel obliged to sate their curiosity). IVF and twins have become so much more common in the last decade and society is coming to grips with it. People are wonder about the impact on real lives and they feel they get a better idea about it by connecting it with real people they meet.

kingfix · 30/04/2011 15:54

Do you think the 'do twins run in the family?' is a veiled question about IVF, then? I've always taken it to mean 'how much of a shock was it when you found out?'.

PrincessScrumpy · 30/04/2011 17:13

I get the "do twins run in your family?" one but then I end up giving a speach like a biology teacher as mine are ID twins which aren't hereditary, but I had an ID twin so that explodes people's minds. I don't wan't to ignore my sister's existence and not mention it but at the same time it's hard work once you do mention it! We were the first twins in our family as far as we know.

Not been asked about IVF yet. Look forward to that

SuchProspects · 30/04/2011 18:28

kingfix - I always thought that's what people were getting at. But maybe that's just me projecting.

twinmumplus1inthetum · 30/04/2011 19:44

It used to drive me bananas and still does........mine are ID, so like Princess Scrumpy I usually launch into a biology teacher speech. Once I said 'no, are your children IVF?' just to make a point.
When I was pregnant I took to lecturing people about how rude it was to ask....

LargeGlassofRed · 30/04/2011 19:53

Yes get this question, mainly when they were very little.
The weirdest one I get now is
'do you cut that ones hair, so you can tell them apart?'

lol they are non identical boys but different hair which totally confuses people, I'm often asked
'but why is their hair different lengths?

Maryz · 30/04/2011 20:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Geepers · 30/04/2011 20:07

I have had two sets of twins and never been asked it. I am often asked if they run in my family but don't assume that is a veiled IVF question.

ByThePowerOfGreyskull · 30/04/2011 20:10

Gosh I didn't realise some people would ask!
we have friends who have triplet boys.
I know they had 8 pregnancies that sadly ended in miscarriage before 12 weeks
then there was a gap, and then triplets, I have thoughts in my head but it is never mentioned and I would NEVER ask.

they were very early and totally precious and fabulous. IVF or not doesn't make any difference!

SuzysZoo · 30/04/2011 21:16

If someone asks if they are IVF I read once that you could say "oh - what's IVF?" and then once they have explained say "Oh have you had that then as you seem to know a lot about it?". That turns the tables on the questioner... Never actually used that myself though, I just say, yes they were IVF or no, as I fancy since the too long and boring answer is that it was IVF that went wrong as I only produced 3 eggs and so we switched to IUI and bingo, twins!

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