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Original poster

Need birthday present help from mums of multiples!!!

58 replies

QueenOfQuotes · 15/09/2005 00:06

DS1 was today invited to a birthday party for triplets who are in the same year as him at school. 2 girls and a boy, who'll be 5 at the weekend.

None of my friends, now, or in the past, have had twins, never mind triplets, and I'm not sure what to do about presents.

Should I buy each one a small present (I don't know them very well as they only started school last week) or would a 'joint' present be acceptable.

And if the latter, what sort of thing should I buy . I'm on a tight budget so can't afford a lot, but I've got no idea what I should buy for (effectively) a 'group' of 5 year olds, (boy, and 2 girls) as I've only ever had to think about presents for 'single' children.

thanks

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ThePrisoner · 15/09/2005 00:38

I hated my twins being given a joint present - they hated it even more. I would have preferred to have cheaper but individual presents. And no joint birthday cards either!!

If they were invited to parties, they would also take a gift each (not one present from both of them).

I also think that you have to not think of them as "triplets", but as "single children who happen to be the same age"!!!

Original poster
QueenOfQuotes · 15/09/2005 00:45

Thanks Prisoner, see I've already put my foot in it talking about "triplets" rather than 3 single children who happen to be the same age .

I guess I'll be taking £5-10 out of my £20 that I've got to organise DS1's birthday party (also this weekend ) to buy seperate cards and presents then - eek!

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ThePrisoner · 15/09/2005 00:57

That's why we have multiple births, just to get more presents!

Original poster
QueenOfQuotes · 15/09/2005 00:59

LOL. I bet

On the other hand I may politely decline the invitation . I've already spent £5 of my £20 budget for DS1's party and I don't think I could get everything else I need for £5

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ThePrisoner · 15/09/2005 01:02

Oops ... just thought of something else, but not sure if this is peculiar to our family or not ... we also hated the children being given identical presents! Our are no longer technically children (but they certainly act like it), and it is still something they hate. PIL are the worst offenders!

Hope somebody else posts in agreement ???

Original poster
QueenOfQuotes · 15/09/2005 01:05

eeek - in that case it'll definitely be a polite decline tomorrow when I see them I was thinking 'books' - as I know Morrisons (and Wilkinsons) do special offers on some of their books - but I guess even' different' books, but from the same 'series' type thing would still be a no no.

  • I'll figure out what to DS1 later

Damn it's cr*p having no money [frown]

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ThePrisoner · 15/09/2005 01:07

You could be "busy" on the party day but you could invite them round after school to play another day ...

Original poster
QueenOfQuotes · 15/09/2005 01:08

I suppose - but when they invited DS today (after I gave them an invite - well the boy actually as DS1 had only mentioned their DS - they've only been in reception one week LOL - and then when I realised I said that all three could come) I told them it would be fine - which of course DS1 heard

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ThePrisoner · 15/09/2005 01:12

Actually, I think books are a nice idea!

My MIL used to bug me by buying part of a set of something for one dd, and buying another part of same set for other dd. They would need both bits to play.

She would also see something that she knew one of them would like, and would then actively seek out something similar for other dd (even if it was something she wouldn't particularly like)!

Original poster
QueenOfQuotes · 15/09/2005 01:19

hmmm I'll wait to see what some of the other wise mum's of multiples have to say tomorrow before I make a final decision.

I know for a fact that DS wouldn't have got an invite for this party if we hadn't given them one today - as it was obviously already arranged and invited given out etc etc (presumably to friends they had from nursery, and other places).

Their party is being held at a "Wacky Warehouse" type place (it's not actually a wacky - but that sort of idea). While ours is being held in my house, with about 10 4/5yr olds, pin the nose on the clown, pass the parcel, musical statues, and a few (mostly homemade) cakes, sandwiches, jelly etc etc.

I really don't want to make an idiot of myself by doing something which would 'irritate' their parents - as they both seemed like really lovely people - and they're a mixed race family like us - except the 'opposite' way round with the parents races so there's that little 'extra' in common (and the mum is one of the few mum's in the playground who actually bothers to try to talk to other mums).

Oh goodness I'm waffling now. - Think it's about my bedtime.

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ThePrisoner · 15/09/2005 01:20

Did your ds want to invite just the boy to his party? If you've ended up inviting all three children to the party, I hope your ds doesn't mind (maybe get more pressies?!!) Perhaps you could talk to his mummy and see how the land lies.

I used to have a real problem with this when my girls were younger. People always felt that they had to invite both of them to parties, even though only one of them would be the playmate of the birthday child. I ended up being quite (nicely) assertive, and explained that they were not obliged to assume that my children came as a package! I'm never really sure whether other multiple mummies feel the same way.

ThePrisoner · 15/09/2005 01:22

Think I should go to bed too, am posting almost simultaneously and not seeing your post before doing mine (not sure if that made sense, it's too late!!) Nighty night!

Original poster
QueenOfQuotes · 15/09/2005 01:26

Well it took me a week to find out the names of just 4 of the people he's been playing with since he started school. When he came out with the names, I had in the back of my head that one of them may well have been one of the triplets (there's 2 reception classes, and the boy and one girl in one class, and the other girl in the other class). So was prepared to invite them all (especially as there was only one girl he'd mentioned (and as it happens the girls (triplets) know the girl who DS mentioned from their nursery so she won't feel so 'on her own').

He's really not bothered who he has there - he's just excited about having a party - there's only 2 of his nursery friends we've stayed in touch with over the holidays, and I added an extra child into the invites (from school) as I know that DS1 has chatted to him while waiting to go in.

They're all 'relative' strangers with each other (apart from a small group who attended the 'posh' nursery on the other side of town ) so there's no real issue of "who did DS1 actually want".

  • although I'm sure next year - for his 6th birthday he'll know exactly who he does and doesnt' want LOL.
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ScummyMummy · 15/09/2005 01:28

Aw QoQ- seems a shame not to go at all... Can't you just go for a cheap option and joint if necessary? A big pack of new felt tips and a pad of paper so they can do loads of drawing would only be a couple of quid from Woolies or Poundland and would keep them going for yonks. I have twins and do agree with ThePrisoner that separate small gifts are the optimum but I'd far rather my boys' friends came to their party than didn't, whether with v mini gifts, a joint gift or even no gift.

Original poster
QueenOfQuotes · 15/09/2005 01:34

Of course it doesn't help that now, when we've got no money, and every penny has to be watched, that DS starts school and makes friends with the kids who's mums all drive the flashest cars, wear the designer clothes and talk about their trips to MK shopping (oh and not to mention some I heard discussing NEXT YEARS summer holiday).

I'm absolutely certain that some (if not all) of them are really lovely people, but he could have picked a few friends whos mum's drive the older cars, and come dressed a little bit more casually for the school run - I guess he's already aspiring to great things

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Original poster
QueenOfQuotes · 15/09/2005 11:33

any other comments from other mum's of multiples??

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daisy1999 · 15/09/2005 11:39

definately individual presents - it's the same as if two or more friends had a joint party.
If money's tight how about girly hair stuff (for the girls obviously ), or packs of beads to make jewellery. ASDA have nice hair stuff and good value packs of beads, books, colouring stuff etc.

MarsLady · 15/09/2005 11:43

Hi QoQ, just seen this.

Deffo small pressie each. I'm sure you can pick up something at Woolies. To be honest just remember the kinds of things that your DS' would like (excluding the mega huge things advertised on telly lol).

Um.... The boy could have a cheap football, the girls some hair accessories.

Dunno. I tend to buy when I see things (and have some cash) and put it away in my pressie box. I have a stock of books from the Book People that I give. Craft sets from Woolies. Maximum I spend is £5 per child. In one go I'd look for those BOGOF deals.

hth

Chandra · 15/09/2005 11:45

We were not triplets but my sisters and I have all birthdays in August with less than a week difference so, we normally had a single party for the three of us. It was great if we received different gifts, or if we got a gift for each of us comming from the same person, but TBH we would be sharing the gifts anyway. So if we had 1 tea set or 3 identical ones, it wouldn't make a difference (we wouldn't play with any of them anyway )

It would have been rude to expect my mother to organise three different parties, in the same way I believe that it's rude to expect a family to spend in three different gifts. IMO the important thing is that your children have a good time together in the party, gifts are additional extrasou can't afford the expense at the moment (but you feel bad about not bringing a gift) get something that the three of them can play with together, ie a game that requires several participants etc.

Chandra · 15/09/2005 12:02

Appologies... have I killed this thread? sorry

Kelly1978 · 15/09/2005 12:12

I suppose a game wouldn't be a bad thing if it is soemthign that is to be played with by several people.

I have to admit though, I would prefer seperate presents. My dd and ds share the same birthday, but nobody dreams of buying them joint presents -so why should multiples share presents? I must admit tho, I would be miffed if one dt was invited without the other, but I would send two presents too.

I think mars had some good suggestions.

Original poster
QueenOfQuotes · 15/09/2005 13:18

Right I'll pop into town tomorrow - have cut DS1's birthday party budget down from £20 to £10, so I've got £10 to buy seperate cards and presents

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TwinSetAndPearls · 15/09/2005 14:02

I know people have said that twins/ triplets like to have individual presents but I am sure that if money is tight no one would like to see you slash your budget for your own child's party. It is not as if the children's happiness relies soley on your present, they will be getting others. How about one of the games from early learning centre are they not a fiver each and forget the cards - or make a card each for the children - that way it is free!

ThePrisoner · 15/09/2005 19:00

Chandra - was interested that you said it would have been rude for your mum to have 3 separate parties for 3 siblings in one month.

When my dts reached the age where they understood more about birthdays and parties, we had separate parties for them! They would choose how to organise the dates - sometimes there would be one on a Saturday and one on a Sunday on one weekend, or they might be a week apart. They were that determined not to have to share everything in their lives, other than my womb!

I guess it was hard work for me, but I was so determined not to have identically-dressed, identically-treated identical twins (which is what lots of friends and family thought would be sweet!!)

Plenty of their friends were not rolling in money, and it was always understood that any presents were just a "token gift" and certainly not expensive. And we all made home-made cards.

jamboure · 15/09/2005 19:09

Agree I hate people buying my twins 1 present.

I aint selfish in any way and dont expect them to be bought for

BUt

Please remember although there will be 3 pressies these are 3 individuals imagine how you would feel if someone bought 1 gift for you to share with a sibling (hope that didnt sound cheeky)