Newborn twins and a toddler - anyone else?

[Twinsandatoddler]

Hi I have 4 week old twins and an 18 month old and would like to hear from anyone else in the same boat.

I'm struggling with breast feeding the twins (finding it exhausting, painful, constant and they are not gaining enough weight) and am thinking of giving up. I hate that I have to let one of the twins cry (for up to an hour) while I struggle to feed the other.

I'm feeling so guilty about not being able to give my toddler the attention he needs. I can't even pick him up or cuddle him on my lap because my c-section still hurts.

I don't know how I'm going to get all 3 of them out of the house on my own. My toddler is too young to walk (in the direction I want him to go in!) or use a buggy board. I can't bear to get a triple buggy as can barely get the double in anywhere - including my house.

I'm going a bit stir-crazy and feel that I'm missing out on all the lovely times I was having with my toddler now that the twins have arrived. I know things will get easier but would be great to hear some reassuring (or realistic) words for others in a similar situation.

Do you have a friend or family member who could help you get out,maybe they push the twins and you push the toddler.

or put one baby in a carrier and the other baby and toddler in a twin pram..

my friend had triplets,and she was so organised,i think that was a good thing.

I wouldnt beat yourself up over the breastfeeding,its a shame one is crying for up to an hour,that must be so hard for you,could you maybe part bottle and part breast feed,you are not superwoman,and i really feel for you.

someone else should be along soon to offer better advice,just wanted to let you know i did read your message.

I did have a 20mth and a newborn,so sort of know how hard it can be...it does get easier,good luck.

Well I think youve done amazingly to breastfeed for this long. Well done.

If you want to give up, then do and dont feel guilty.

However, if you want to keep going how about expressing so you could bottle feed sometimes? Also could you get advice from your HV maybe on how you could feed them both at the same time? dont be afraid to ask for help, sometimes I find something really simple can make such a huge difference but in a sleep deprived fug I just hadnt thought of it.

I would put one baby in a sling and use the double.

Ok, one baby in a sling and the other 2 in the double?

Can you ask your HV for advice on feeding the twins both at the same time? You must be constantly feeding! I think youve done amazingly well.

Dont beat yourself up about things it really sounds like youre doing so so well.

Fwiw I have a 3 year old and 1 newborn, I feel very guilty / nostalgic about just having my 3 year old, not that I wouldnt want my wee one here, not at all, I love her to bits but I do feel like ds (3) is missing out on things now, almost like Ive betrayed him.

Oh sorry thought that 1st reply had been lost!

I had newborn twins when my DD was 2 years old so I know what you are going through. We used a buggy board as DD was older than your toddler, but try the sling/double pram combo suggested here for a while until you can use a buggy board. getting out of the house is hard but IMO vital. Being stuck at home somehow always made me feel worse. I fed my twins together and would advise you to get your HV/bfc round to show you how to do this comfortably. I found a dummy very useful when feeding at night (I did one baby at a time in the night) and sometimes the second one would wake for a feed son after I had latched on the first one! I found getting them both latched on at night difficult as it was tricky getting all the pillows etc arranged when i was half asleep. But if BF is too hard don't feel guilty about bottles. Mine were both on bottles by 3 months and it helped me be able to cope. Its so different having 3 tiny ones to care for and you are doing brilliantly I'm sure - you are probably just so tired its hard to think straight. Have you got some family/friends nearby to help you out? What about the local twins club- mine were very friendly. I also found a local mums/babes group with lovely people and another newborn twin mum with older children - we made great friends and that really helps. Just sitting in someone elses house drinking tea while the children play/lay on rug can be a support to you.
Good luck with it all- and congratualtions on your lovely family xx

Hi, congratulations on your twins! I just wanted to add that bottle feeding twins is difficult too. I never got the hang of bottlefeeding them both together so one would always be screaming. Plus, you have to boil the kettle, then let it cool etc etc.

Could you breastfeed them together with an E-Z-2-nurse cushion? Meanwhile, put tv/dvd on for your toddler? My 3 yo watched an awful lot of tv whilst I breastfed!

If you do decide that breastfeeding is becoming too much you could always just do mornings and last thing at night, you don't have to give up totally. Good luck xx

If you want to bottle feed then try putting them in 2 bouncy chairs, you sit in between, facing them, sitting your back against a wall or sofa on the floor. this worked very well for us.
I really enjoyed breastfeeding my twins,it felt very special because I knew they would be my last babies. Do try and get some support with it because it can be done with two. Good luck.
Talk to some of the new twin mums on mumsnet, they will have lots of helpful advice.

I've got a toddler (2.5 yo) and 19 week twin boys. It's tough. I wanted to breastfeed the boys, but one really wouldn't/couldn't - it turns out he has a cleft palate. I then decided to breast feed one and express and feed the other. The doctor (I was in SCBU at the time) just looked at me and said "you'll be on your knees in a week" Harsh but with hindsight probably the best advice. So they are now bottle/formula fed. Not ideal but they are happy healthy boys. I think you have done extremely well getting to 4 weeks with the breastfeeding, perhaps you should try combination feeding. Bottle feed one formula at one feed and breast feed the other, and then swap at the next feed. This would mean others could help a lot more with the feeding. Bottle feeding is also a bit faster ( at least in the early days). The problem with expressing is it takes twice as long. You have to express it all off, and then feed it all into the baby. Twice as much work!

As for your toddler, I'm afraid it is really hard. Try if you can to spend a little time with him, perhaps when the twins are sleeping (Ha, if they are like mine they never sleep at the same time!) And make a special fuss of him at normal times where the twins are not involved. Eg mealtimes each at the same time as him, and bathtimes. Maybe let him stand in the shower cubicle with you, splashing in the water. Let him know this is mummy and him time.

My toddler is a little older than yours and she sits on the front of my out and about nipper twin buggy. PRbably a bit precarious for a 18 month old. Do you have a car? I use that a lot, to be able to get out with all 3. Load them all in. Park close to where you are going, use reins on the toddler, twins in pram. WAlk short distance to mother and baby group. Bask in the comments of all the people who stop you to admire them. Tumble into the baby group. Get loads of admiring comments from other mothers. Feel refreshed by just leaving the house!

Hope this helps a little. Like LondonLottie says there are a few others on the "life with twins..." thread. At least one who is sucessfully breastfeeding twins and has a toddler under 2

Get some help with breastfeeding before you give up. It shouldnt be painful so it sounds like the latch isnt perfect. Also, you can tandem feed which means you don't have to leave one crying, plus its all over and done with twice as fast! Phone the National Breastfeeding Helpline 0300 100 0212 and see if there's any local help near you

hi there and congratulations. You are doing so well to get this far and be persisting with the b/f . DS1 was b/f for 12 mths, but my twins only got 4 weeks and I didn't regret it at all - you do what is best for you and nobody can tell you otherwise.

I too have twins and an older toddler (with a gap of 20mths - twins are now 2.5) and no family to help, plus DH working a lot. I slept in the same room as twins but in a different room from my husband for the first few months. My husband looked after DS1 at night if he woke and it usually meant that only one of us was really knackered in the day time (we swapped on saturdays). I went to bed really early with the twins in the first months. I kept empty sterilised bottles in the bedroom along with cartons of ready to use milk. didn't warm milk up - just fed at room temp from the start.

I fed the twins in bouncy chairs and started the fastest drinker first so that I could burp that one first whilst the second was still drinking. In an emergency I would keep a rolled up muslin handy to hold up the bottle (like a sling tucked behind baby's shoulders) - never unattended obviously . I always saved DS1 a favourite activity for these busy times. You can achieve decent feeding positions on a sofa with pillows if you stay right next to them both and be ready to rescue/burp/adjust.

I had a baby swing from Ebay for hard to nap times. I got the twins used to napping in noisy conditions early on. I used a playpen with a babygym inside it for a safe place away from toddler fingers.

I did have a pram with a toddler seat on it for six months but it was so expensive - I actually wish I had just used a Nipper instead. I have one now and you can easily get three loaded up - an 18 mth old can comfortably rest on the hood without the pram tipping (if you don't already have one you could get a used one?). When I went shopping I put the lightest twin in a sling.

Also, if you have a car you can find child friendly places to go where you can park close to the swings/park where your toddler can run around without having to walk too far.

Hope some of these things are of help to you. Best of luck - it really does get easier and everyone will adore your 3. Get ready for lots of adoring people saying "ooh, haven't you got your hands full"

With a bit of luck you will be getting some decent sleep again in just a few weeks - it won't be long . if you are having a bad moment, just remember how much you have achieved and what a special mum you are - maybe put a nice picture of you all together on the wall where you can see yourself with them.

Get in contact with homestart, they may be able to provide a volunteer to help you get out and about.

Double buggy and sling?

As for the breastfeeding, it must be tough. Can you try and feed your babies at the same time - rugby ball style?

Good luck, it will get easier.

Congratulations on your lovely family. And I had three little ones but not quite your small gaps!

I know it might not solve all your problems, but have you considered a buggy like this: adventurebuggycompany.com/triplebuggy.htm

They do come up on eBay now and then.

And don't be afraid to ask for help. You'll be surprised at how many people will be sympathetic, even people you don't know that well. Perhaps your toddler has a toddler friend whose mum might come round for a coffee, whilst you wash your hair etc?

And boss your DH/DP around as much as you need to!

You are doing incredibly well, you know. All power to you!

I think there is a case for compromising on your feeding methods. Yes, try tandem feeding. I know that it is technically possible to exclusively breastfeed twins and look after an 18 month old, but it makes me feel faint just to think of it (sorry if that sounds negative ... this is supposed to be sympathy!). I think I would be considering a bit of back up, maybe? It's tricky: I'm so pro breastfeeding, but you are dealing with an awful lot and I wonder if life could be a bit easier with a few bottles. Is anyone else available to help you?

My perspective: I saw my SIL cope with twins and a toddler (14 months old when twins born). She moved the twins onto bottles when they were about a month old and found it a big help (just because someone else could then feed them). It freed her up to play with the older one. She did find keeping up with the cleaning and preparation of bottles (and the cost of formula) a real bind, though.

I had a second baby when my first was 3 and, whilst I did manage to breastfeed no.2, it was only just do-able (for me). If I'd have had twins, or a younger toddler, I think I'd have reverted to formula for some feeds. Although, like I say, I am devilishly pro breast and tended to make myself a martyr over it, so would have probably dragged us all through it somehow. But my sanity would have been left behind.

Best of luck to you.

Sorry if I came across as saying you should carry on breastfeeding. I know I couldn't do it and

Where do you live? I would be happy to give you a helping hand for a few hours a week if you are local to me.

Hi twinsandatoddler, I was in exactly the same position as you, 17 month dd when twins arrived by emcs. All I can say is I know how you feel and what worked for me. It does get easier, I'm sure you are doing really well. How is your ds with the babies? Can you get him to help? Bring nappies etc? Cbeebies should be your friend right now!

I introduced ff for the evening feeds so dp could help and I could get to bed earlier. I also had some cartons of milk and pre-sterilised disposable bottles for emergencies (there was times when I was bf'ing one dt and ff'ing the other in the bouncy chair!). I did find ff a big problem in getting out of the house, all the stuff you need to take etc so bf'ing was easier for me when out and for the night feeds. It does get easier, especially after the 6 wk growth spurt. Honest!
Feeding lying down is less painful for your c/s scar if thats possible at any point in the day?

Bouncy chairs, if you don't already have some, I will be happy to send you my 2. Sitting feeding one dt whilst bouncing the other with my foot was how I managed to ease some of the tears.

Getting out of the house, I also would reccommend the sling/double buggy combo but also have a buggy board (my dd sits on hers if she's tired of standing!) and reins as dd1 now wants to walk everywhere. Have you a park near you? Somewhere you can let your ds run around? Get you some fresh air? Playgroups are great - always someone happy to hold a baby and your ds can burn off some energy running around so you can relax for an hr! Keep some crayons/paper/books/treats in your bag for your ds so it can keep him occupied if you need to feed whilst out. I ended up planning my days out around where had the best feeding rooms, took a lot of trips to John lewis!

Can you sit on the floor to feed? I did a lot of feeds sat on the floor playing puzzles/blocks/reading books one handed with dd sat with me.

Take any help offered- even if you think they are offering to be polite! If they don't mean it they shouldn't offer, and no-one should leave without a basket of washing to do for you or arrive without a meal for your freezer! I had very little help and wish I took advantage of the little there was.

It will get easier, mine are now 9 months and I get to drink my coffee while its still hot..... sometimes! They play together and with my dd1, it's lovely to see them interact in a way that my dd1 never got to do.

Hello
Not much to add to what other people have said - but well done you! Having a toddler and newborn twins was certainly the hardest thing I've ever done, and it will get easier.
I breastfed mine together on and EZ 2 nurse pillow which worked really well for me. They had one bottle a day so I could put DD to bed sometimes and one night a week DH did the night feed and I slept in a different room, which really helped.
I went for the sling and double buggy combo while they were small enough and had DD walking by the time they were too big. It meant we couldn't walk too long distances, but generally we could get out and not go too stir crazy inside. Going out does get easier, and is well worth it (also worth getting the hang of it now before you're doing battle with all the winter clothing too!).
I'd second the taking any help too - we were always very reluctant to accept it, now we have twins we accept anything we're offered and it does make a difference. Very few people have been in the situation you're in and it is really hard work.
My DD is 3 1/2 and twins have just turned 2 now and it's still hard work but amazing fun too. Watching them develop their relationships is incredibly rewarding, and you do start to feel the benefits of your children being close in age surprisingly early. I found it got incrementally easier right from the fist few weeks, and then quite a bit easier once they were on solids and then improved enormously again once they were around 1 and started to walk.
I know it's hard to feel that you're not doing everything you were able to do with your eldest, but your DS will see the benefits over the long term. It's a huge change for all of you going from 1 to 3, and I still sometimes feel bad that I didn't really enjoy my twins that much as babies, certainly compared with DD, but they have all the fun of being part of a little gang that she never had too.
I'm rambling a bit, but I really just wanted to wish you luck and say it will get better. Just a thought - should your C section still be hurting after 4 weeks? I don't know, but might be worth speaking to your HV/GP and checking too.
take care

I completely forgot...I saw someone with a buggy board that had a built in seat. A quick google and found 2 a 'Hitchhiker' and another called 'Kid Sit'.

Hello Twinsandatoddler

snap! Ds was 18 months when twin daughters were born 4 wks ago tomorrow. Can't believe we've made it this far and can still type...WELL DONE YOU TOO!

Am trying to bf dds but it's absolute murder. It's a crazy impossible equation, isn't it? You bf the twins, but are then tied to feeding them at all godawful inconvenient times/places, so you can't play with toddler. You give toddler proper Mummy time, but then you have to delegate feeding the twins to someone else sometimes. I hate the feeling of being torn in so many directions. As well as the tiredness...

...so yes there are more of us out there! You are not alone. Sorry if this is not very practically helpful but was really moved by your post and wanted to sent solidarity and sympathy. Try to hold on to the fact that soon they will all be playing together while you put your feet up?

Oh also - check out the Tamba website for help and contacts and info. Also call Twinline number, free to phone, for people in dire straits just like us. 10 am-1 pm, 7-10 pm, 0800 1380509. I was in tears to a woman there and she was just so helpful and kind.

Hug and whatever drink you fancy :)

Twinsandtoddler, Congratulations, Just to say I has twins (now 3- eek) when DS was 2.5yrs so slightly older. Agreed with Sling option - had a cloth one and enabled me to hug all three children and read a DS book without dropping them! Only BF 5 weeks and believe I deserve an OBE - any BF with twins is AWESOME and you are doing so well.
I suggest a Baby door bouncer, I was lent one, when they are older as this entertains one for hours.
Bottlefeeding and use of two babychairs.Feed both at once or as I prefered feed one in your arms and jiggle other with foot. I always fed the same baby first as Twin2 was more patient and would wait. The other was and still is motivated by food!!
Husband and I went to bed at 7pm and then utilised the frequent feeds to watch TV then!! I don't normally have a tv in bedroom but helped pass the early feeding hours and also entertained DS at morning feed and when I had to get twins fed and DS dressed alone first thing in time for pre-sch.
Hope any of the above helps. Do whatever keeps you sane and happy.Good luck J:)
PS - Gin always helps!!!;)

Hi Twinsandtoddler
Congratulations on your twins.
I have a 2 year old and 6 month old twins. My daughter was 20 months old when my twins arrived.
Well done on the breastfeeding too, i gave it ago in the hospital but just thought there is no way i could do it at home with my DD running about, I take my hat off to you.

I tried at the beginning to feed DT's together in a bouncy chair and it failed as one would puke all their milk up before i could get to winding them. So i feed one after the other. They are on their own routines in a way.

With getting out and about, at first i had the lightest twin in a baby bjorn and my DD and other DT in the pushchair. I got quite a bit of attention. Now my DD likes to walk but does have a tendency to run off, and i did not want to be left in a position where she would go and i'd have to leave the pushchair. So i got a wrist strap and she loves it. She puts hers on and i put mine on.
I have also got her a buggy board but at the moment she refuses to use it! i bought a second hand double buggy so i could have one. lol

I try and spend as much time with my dd as possible although not always easy and the TV has become a bit of a baby sitter which i really need to get out of. Hopefully when we move later this month i can change all that.

I will be moving to Lincolnshire, are you local to here?

Twins and toddler I am going to be in the same boat in 12 weeks time. I looked at those buggy boards and they look fab! Definitely will get one. I think I will go straight to bottle feeding as I failed dismally with my DS and I think the added stress of it is too much for me so well done on getting to 4 weeks! I have signed up to Tamba who have a 'twinsline' for parents in need of advice which might be worth a call. Also definitely go to your local twins club (again find out where on TAMBA website www.tamba.org.uk/) as I think it'll be a lifeline to me with lots of friendly people in the same boat! Good luck hun

Hey there Twins&Toddler. How are you doing? Have been thinking of you lots. It's all MENTAL, this 3-under-20-months lark. What are we DOING?

Best pep chat so far was a lovely lady at the swings who said "I had that gap, hang in there, in 2 years time they will all be playing together and it will be lovely". Here's hoping. Off to feed the twins again now but many many thoughts to you and hope you are doing ok.

I am based in Edinburgh, by the way...

Hi there, reading your post took me right back to last christmas when we had 18 month old and 4 week old twins at home! Good luck it isnt easy and for the first while its just about getting through the day.
I didnt use a sling as i have bad back but i have phil and teds side by side and our toddler (he is big for his age) can sit comfortably on the front foot bar and has done for last 11 months. You can go up and down pavements with them on the front and the raincover can go over all 3. We also let him walk wearing reins, he soon got used to longer distances.
I breastfed to begin with and like you found it utterly exhausting, we switched to bottles and found the routine helpful.

10 months on and life is easier, having a good routine helped us and also accepting any help at all.