Moving back to the UK - how to keep our daughters 2nd language?

[sel2223]

Currently living overseas in my husbands country with my husband and our 4 year old DD1. We've lived here all her life and she is completely fluent in both English and my husbands language.

Where we currently live, English is very widely spoken and my husband is fluent so we tend to speak 99% English at home. My language skills are basic to moderate at best, certainly not fluent, and it's more often my daughter correcting me now than me teaching her anything.

The only reason my daughter can speak her second language is because she attends a local nursery full time where the only language spoken is my husbands. We don't live near his family and she maybe facetimes with them twice a month, max. She'll also have the odd conversation when meeting people out and about or playing with other kids in the park etc but her preferred language is definitely English.

We are all moving to the UK in the next 6 weeks and already have a place for DD1 in a British school.

My question is how do I keep up with her second language as I really do not want her to lose this skill? I've asked my husband to make sure he speaks to her in his language but I know he'll revert to English every single time unless prompted. What else can I be doing? DD1 only wants to watch tv in English, her tablet is set to English, she only wants English bedtime stories etc and i know changes to these will come with a battle. Her second language isn't a common one in the UK and not taught in schools- maybe a private tutor is the way to go just to keep up the conversions?

I'm also pregnant with DD2 and wondering where to begin to teach her the second language when she won't be living there and immersed in it like DD1 was?

It seems to be far more important to me to embrace the culture and language of their father and that half of their family than it is to their father who is more happy that they will grow up in the UK and just sees English as the priority for their future.

Any advice will be much appreciated, thank you.

Where are you moving to and what’s the language?

You are more likely to find a community that speaks the second language in a city. That community will hopefully have other families who would happily have playdates in that language (the natural way for kids to practice ) or Saturday school to keep up the language side.

Have you thought about changing the tablet language etc ? Or putting her favourite programmes on in the local language ?

I’ve lived in a third country and my kids picked up a lot of grammar from tv and the local accent from kids at kindergarten.

We have a similar issue and you have to take one of two approaches:

Either you have to really push it eg it doesn't matter if DD 'doesn't like' cartoons in the other language, in the morning we can only watch tv in X language. You're speaking English? I'm sorry I don't understand you etc. For me this involves studying the language myself so I can speak it to them (not well, but better than nothing!)

Or, as some friends have, you have to accept that the 'source' of the culture (their father) isn't that invested and leave it to him

It's really really hard to keep a second language going anyway, let alone when you're not the native speaker, so good luck!

Really push your husband to keep speaking his language in to her.
Our DGC has only just turned two so not really talking much sense yet. Her dad speaks only in his native language to her and she understands him as well as she understands us

Your DH needs to speak in his language in all his interactions with DC. This is not one that you can fix, sadly - and if he doesn’t care to do it, it’s going to be much harder.

Sorry to be pessimistic about this but at 4, dd1 is too young to care about retaining it and dd2 will probably never learn it.

I have many bilingual friends, who have children with a partner and it rarely works out so that the child becomes/stays fluent in the non-community language.

Things that I noticed help: regular and long trips back to where the other language is spoken, finding a community, speaking other language at home.

The hardest and most damaging thing to overcome will be your husband's attitude. I know - i went through the same with dd. Father's language disappeared almost overnight. She only re-learnt it when we moved back to his country and she went to school in the language.

I know the usual model is OPOL but some families do different languages on different days.

So as English is going to be dominant make it the minority language at home, two or three days you all speak English, the rest of the time you use the other language. Everything on the other days is in DH's language, books, TV, calendar on the wall, internet etc.

Is DD1 reading yet? You can get bilingual books, and obviously you can get books in different languages.

I have heard a lot of bilingual people will read a favourite book in more than one language. It might be an idea to get any books in both languages.

Good luck.

It needs to come from DH.
I'd switch the tablet language and TV language when you move, but ultimately, DH needs to make the effort to provide as much of the language as possible.

I take it you are currently living in a country where the language is DHs? Stock up on books - for her current age, and the next stage, before you leave.

Agree with the above, this has to come from your DH. It's HIS culture, and if he's not proactive or engaged enough to pass it on then.. That's on him.

Your dh js best placed to ensure his dc can speak his home language. He doesn't sound very bothered though. Why?

Books, cartoons etc in dh home language will help, but won't replace her being able to have a conversation with her dad.

Thanks all for the replies, I absolutely do know that the only way this is going to work is to have DH committed to helping her.

Who knows. I may be doing him a disservice and he might actually be more on board with it once we get to the UK but, at the moment with us uprooting our lives. relocating and me being pregnant etc it just doesn't seem like he's interested.

He hasn't said he won't, but since DD1 was born he's always spoke mostly English at home. Even when I prompt him or remind him, it lasts 5 mins then straight back to English. I honestly don't think she'd have picked it up at all if it wasn't for nursery so I haven't got a lot of faith that he'll do it consistently.

Thank you for the advice about buying books in the next few stages before we leave, that's a great idea.
I'm also going to fight the battle in our new home and switch the language on the TV so at least that's something (not sure if I can on the tablet but will try)

Do you have a set amount of time you allow on the tablet? If so, why not allow extra time on the tablet but only for the second language, so she still gets her 20 mins in English but as 20 mins of 2nd language. At 4 you could be a bit sneaky and slowly adjust the ratio of one language to the other and she probably wouldn't realise. Eg, 30 mins of English, reduce to 25 mins even before you go ( but don't tell her) and slowly reduce to 20 mins etc.

For your TV, if you can get it speaking in second language but with English subtitles that would be helpful as she learns to read

You’ve not said the language but what we do is put our DD in her second (mother’s) language kindergarten for part of the week, along with weekend school. We read to her in the second language and have audiobooks / TV in second language too. It isn’t perfect and MIL complains she doesn’t have a big enough grasp but she’s doing very well in my opinion.

She also listens to audio and I sometimes read to her in my second language, her third. But the focus is English + her second language. And I would say, despite my relative inaction on third language as I’m not overly fussed if she learns or not. No-else speaks it in the family anymore so no connection really needed. She has picked it up better than I could ever hope. I suspect by keeping the second language, the third has become easier for her to absorb.

If your DH doesn’t keep it up, it’ll become harder. The default in our house is English, and I sometimes have to remind my OH to do second language with DD but it works. I’m hoping DD will be able to spend extended holidays back in OH home country to really learn the language and culture of her mother’s family.

Basically, kindergarten in second language with active input from native parent otherwise, it probably won’t stick.

I’ve been told having second language and English subtitles can be more harmful to development of the second language. So you should only have the same language as subtitle (English sub with English audio and Russian sub with Russian audio for example). I’m not sure how accurate it is but something I’m aware of and try to keep on top of.

The single best way to keep your DD speaking your DH's language and to get your second DC speaking that language is to operate one parent one language at home. So you speak English and your DH speaks his language. It works. Many dual language families do it. But your DH will have to be on board with it. Nothing else will really fill that gap, if not. I have friends whose kids go to Greek or Chinese school on a Saturday morning, but 2-3 hours per week is not the same as total immersion with one parent.

The best way this works is by speaking your DH's language at all times inside your home. You will just need to immerse yourself and get up to speed!!

It's mostly up to your husband actually, you can make all the effort you want but at the end of the day if he's not speaking to the child in his language it's not going to become "normal" and the child will stop speaking it even if they understand a lot.

Tv programmes/ movies/books are all good options but they come second to normal conversation.

Just to add your DC is 4, they can't call all the shots sometimes you can say "no we're having this story tonight"

You could also find if there are any societies/clubs from your DHs country nearby that you could go to occasionally, to be able to speak to other people and hopefully children in his language.

The best way is one parent one language. So your husband needs to speak to her only in his language and you speak in English

OPOL seems to work best based on current understanding OP, but you need to step up your own fluency in the DH language.

If its a "small language" such as Dutch or Danish and a country where English is near universal as a second language then it will be really hard to stop English drowning it out - even when visiting DH's home country. You may need to supplement it by speaking the language more yourself as they grow.

Try speaking in DH's language as much as possible when the DC are not around or when you are on the phone/texting etc just to practice or finding a language based discussion forum - anything really just to step up your own skills.

Hi Everyone, thank you for the comments and advice. I'm well aware that there is no better option than DH speaking to her daughter in his native language and that OPOL is very effective but this post was more about what I can be doing if that doesn't happen as much as I'd like.

Although I'm not fluent in the language myself I do have multiple daily conversations with DD in that language and we often learn new words and phrases together (although that happens less and less now as she has far surpassed where i am with learning it). DH also does speak to her in his language, I just really don't think he will do it regularly as in every single day and not without promoting from me (just my current thoughts, maybe I'll be proven wrong).

I am definitely open to finding other children from the same culture and maybe a community centre or club near where we will live that she can attend.

TV, books, tablet etc all good advice - she actually had tablet time tonight and i caught get watching videos in her second language which is very unusual so I was very happy with that!

Your DC is 4, they can't call all the shots sometimes you can say "no we're having this story tonight" that goes with out saying but my preference in this instance would be to get her to actively engage and want to continue with the language rather than have me force it on her and her end up hating it.

Would have been helpful to state what the language was.

Why?

Because there might be suitable language clubs/saturday school/youth clubs/online resources

Is it your husband’s native language? He is going to need to carry on speaking it to her. No other practical way unless it’s a widely spoken language in the UK which you say it isn’t

Thank you but It's just general advice I'm looking for which could apply to any bilingual child keeping up a second language. I can look for specific clubs etc in the local area myself.

It's not that it's some great secret, i just try not to share anything too outing or personal on these forums.