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Multicultural families

Here's where to share your experience of raising a child or growing up in a multicultural family.

Original poster

mums with nigerian partners

41 replies

chiklicx · 06/03/2008 00:33

hi, would like to chat with mums who have nigerian partners or are nigerian, have 2 boys 8 yrs and 6 months.

OP posts:
3timer · 03/05/2009 11:35

So sorry to hear about your situation.......unfortunately, I think there is alot of unhappy marriages out there, Nigerian men seem quiet hard to live with!

All I can say is that at least you are free now. You can go on and enjoy the life you deserve.
Perhaps it would be better for him to disappear back to Nigeria, rather than intermittently seeing your son, I dont think that is fair on children. He either plays his part or just let you guys be...

To be honest, I would prefer if my dh would leave, but with the kids and money it is not as easy as that....

I hope you will be ok...I think most of us know how you feel! x

pleonna · 22/05/2009 14:23

Hi like abibatousmum my partner is Gambian but i thought id say hi anyway

FlyMeToDunoon · 22/05/2009 14:43

Hi, not sure if it's at all relevant but my mum was married to a Nigerian man way back in the fifties. Yoruba.
They had three daughters, no Nigerian names as far as I know.No naming ceremony. No pierced ears. I think he was pretty laid back as to how they were brought up BUT he treated my mother appallingly-beat her, kept her short of money and had affairs left right and all around the place.
They separated and she went back home to stay with her mother but was only allowed to take one of the girls with her
The other two went to Nigeria with their father and my mother hardly saw them again. They suffered two step mothers and more mistresses.

Tryharder · 23/05/2009 01:51

Hi, my partner is Gambian - it's not easy being married to a West African - there are so many cultural differences - and most marriages/partnerships I know between English women and West African men break down. My husband and I are the only ones out of the mixed-race couples I know who are still together - scary!!

So DH and I are still together but with a lot of give on my part and a lot of putting up with crap that other women wouldn't tolerate.

Anyway, "hi" to Pleonna and Abibatousmum if you are still out there. I hardly look at this thread anymore as it's hidden from main view and I forget about it...

lovemybabyboy · 13/06/2009 23:58

Hi, im irish and my DP is also Gambian, we have been together for nearly 3 and half years and we have a six month old DS.
We do have our disagreements and our fair share of arguments but when we are not arguing we are so happy together...lol...

Champersonice · 23/10/2010 19:49

I know this is OLD but just looking over old threads to find something about this exact topic!

Having major problems within my marriage and not sure if cos we are just 'different' or if it is based on our cultural differences.

Oh the pain!

suburbophobe · 26/10/2010 15:09

Hi

Nice to read all the posts on this thread, where did you all go??!

Re Gambia, I was there about 6 times I think, lovely country and people, a friend of mine has a house there and still goes every winter. Plan to go again some time.

know a few women here that are or have been in relationships and have children with Gambians, sadly not many long-term success stories!
When I was there I had a boyfriend who was from Guinea but lived in Gambia, played in a band that did the hotel rounds at night, it was fun tagging along! :o

But I was married - divorced now, thank God! - to a man I met while travelling in Mali, he couldn't hack it in the West, so went back.
What started out as a great relationship radically changed when I married him, think he saw me as his possession! Beat me too! Angry

I have an absolutely lovely son from him, he's 19 now, both his names (christian/sur)are African.

Sad to hear you are having a hard time, Champersonice (great name! :o), which country is your man from?

Champersonice · 26/10/2010 20:55

Hi! Thanks for your message suburbophobe.

My husband is like the thread says, Nigerian. I don't think he can hack it in the West either, tbh. It's a very difficult, rocky road and not so sure we are going to make it. He is not physically violent towards me or our DD but that is not to say the other way he behaves sometimes is ok!!

A bit immature, naive and inexperienced when it comes to women - especially a confident, independent Westener Smile as I am!

I don't want to give up but how many times can I try to make it work?

Champersonice · 26/10/2010 20:56

And yeah, where did everyone go??

chickieno1 · 30/10/2010 08:17

Hi ladies

I m nigerian married to an irish man and we have a newborn son who is gorgeous! The differences/cultural expectations work both ways and its not always easy!
Unfortunately some nigerian men are terribel but just like men in general! My father and brother are nigerian men and you wouldn't meet more loving men out there from any country!
I sympathise with all those with marital difficulties.......dont put up with their abuse verbal or physical. Some of them think they can get away with anything and can be very spoilt/immature.
hugs

Chattermatter · 23/11/2010 16:21

My husband is of Nigerian descent (born here but spent most of school years in Nigeria)Smithda, I was very interested in doing that as I taught English but DH doesnt wnat to move back to Nigeria!
We have a one year old daughter. :)

Chattermatter · 23/11/2010 16:24

Chmpers before I met my DH I was in a very rocky,scary relationship with another Nigerian (long story).....if you want to chat let me know. Have been to Nigeria a few times.

lovemybabyboy · 25/11/2010 21:47

Hi just checking in (a year and a half later) still with my dp (gambian) (me-irish) and our little boy turns 2 next week. there can be problems when it comes to cultural differences but it goes both ways! we both need to make compromises and for the whole are very happy together and still very much in love, we are currently ttc dc number 2. hope everyone is ok. Smile xxx

Rev084 · 01/12/2010 00:20

I'm with a Nigerian man though we're engaged, not yet married, with a two yr old daughter. His family originate from the Edo tribe in Benin. Currently pregnant with number two, so he is busy thinking up Edo first name, english second name.

The cultural differences can cause friction, but he hasn't put me under any pressure about ear piercing or naming ceremonies. I was very ill having my daughter so it wouldn't have been possible to host any ceremony! I love cooking nigerian food and can do good 'stew' or 'soup', jolof rice and beans or moy moy. He prefers my cooking to his anyway, but he is lazy.

We're very happy together, hes the light of the family, has a great sense of humour and is very loving and affectionate. He's very laidback and relaxed as are his family who live in nigeria and various other parts of the world. He's very westernised too, lived here a while and in europe before I met him, but obviously a nigerian at heart. We've had our problems but no more than any other family, and our daughter is a very strong-willed child so times can be hard.

Just to say hi to the other few on here though!

Champersonice · 08/12/2010 13:59

Hi Chattermatter - sorry only just come online after a break. Would be great to chat but perhaps my story has come to an end already.

ItLookHardToStartNewLife · 13/05/2011 14:04

am married to Nigerian....but it will end soon..
long story, cheater and liar and VERY confuse man!..:(

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