he does play with other mixed race children at nursery, but he's said some things (about not liking so-and-so because they have a black face).
Children state the obvious. It won't necessarily be a racial thing. It's just something to identify that child... like "I don't like him he has glasses".
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I've asked him if he feels the same way about me, or his grandma, or my friends, or his relatives in Jamaica and he says no, so there is some major confusion going on.
It's not so much confusion as their way of recognition. DS1 (now 15) was 5 when he realised that I was black. I remember an African children's choir had come to his school and he came home, told me all about it and then told me that they had gone home to Africa. After that every time he saw someone black he'd say "That man/woman is from Africa." After a while (because I took it in the same vein as "He's a man so he has a willy. She's a woman and she only has a bum bum" - gotta love kids) I said..."What about me?" He looked at me and said... "But you're Mummy" He didn't recognise that I was black, simply that I was his mum. I'm not saying I had encouraged racial/colour blindness, simply that it's not that complicated for children. When he realised that I was black (several months before his best friend - who was white realised the same thing) he asked if I used to live in Africa. I told him that I was Jamaican. I also told him that white people can be born in those countries and black people here. It was simple and he understood.
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I have encountered some confusion amongst mixed race adults. Some have overcompensated for not being fully black, as it were, and some have denied their black heritage completely.
Yes, that's quite sad but actually, think back to when they were growing up - when we were growing up. Black History month was not about, awareness of black people as equals (I mean in a more holistic sense - work, beauty, intelligence.... iyswim) has improved greatly. There are more black people on television, in film, in magazines etc. It is "okay" to celebrate your blackness/heritage in a way it never was before. I remember being told how well I spoke for a black person. On different occasions I was told I was quite good looking for a black person. So with the "improvements" in society (and yes we can all think of other ways that things can improve) having a mixed heritage is not so readily seen as a bad thing. My hope is that when our children reach our age they will be happy in their skin and with what they have taken from both mother and father.
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That's a long way off for my son but I know that these problems with identity start early.
We help them with that. Not society! Us! Do we celebrate them because of the colour of their skin? Or do we celebrate the wonder that is our child? I truly believe that if we do our job right and make our children feel loved, valued and esteemed it almost doesn't matter what anyone else thinks or says to them. They will know who they are.
So... the choice is yours really. Is it such a big deal at this age? Is it something that needs to be watched? What messages are we giving to our children? Celebrated for who or what they are or are not?
I don't doubt that you love your child dearly and want him to embrace and celebrate his whole self and others. My eldest is 15 and my two youngest are 3.10yrs. The world has changed from when DS1 was a baby but I still expect to hear the twins try to understand why their father and I are different colours. My fondest memory is DD1 (now 13). She said... "I'm brown, DS1's brown, Mummy's brown... poor Daddy is just white". She gave him an extra cuddle to be sure that he didn't feel left out because he was "different"!
I do hope that that has helped a little.