Racial awareness

[Rustie]

My son is 4 years old. He's mixed race and has been aware of colour for some time. He used to say that he was white but he stopped saying it, which was a relief, but now he's started saying it again.
I'm black and very aware of all the issues surrounding race but don't really know how to broach the subject. I know he can only handle so much information but I don't want him to get a shock when someone (and they probably won't be polite about it), tells him that he isn't white?
Tried books, have talked to him about it, not really sure what to do next

ok. Will let you off but nastyMars makes a comeback after Christmas.

Busy, happy, tired, broke! Same old same old! Get my results for last year's courses any time from Friday. Not cacking myself at all!

Off to bed now. Long day (and evening) tomorrow. Kisses angelcake!

big kiss to your poor DD.

just wanted to say what a nice threada dn what a fab post (the mahoosively long one) that was marsy.

and to agree that kids see their parents as parents and not a lot else - i rmemebr my dad taking me to a judo competition i was in when i was about i dunno, 7? and he was giving the woman at the desk my details and said 1-8-0 rather than 180 for the door number of address and i asked him why he did that... he said it was coz people had a hard time understanding his accent. i was totally baffled - what did he mean, accent? he didnt have an accent... lol. he is from belfast and i grew up in hackney. i never noticed the (vastly different!) accent coz it was just my dad.

(and hi strawbs!)

hope your mums feeling better... and on the mend.

lol

x

Don't know if this is at all helpful, but...

We are white. The DSs (12 & 14) have friends who are white, black (Nigerian), Indian and mixed white/African.

They also have friends who are tall, short, wear glasses, have ginger hair, are good at sport, in a wheelchair, geeky, whatever...

I really don't think they take any more notice of racial characteristics than of any of the other things. It's important to have a sense of identity but decent people won't draw attention to it any more than they would call a child with glasses 'four eyes'.

REmember also, that children often want to be something they are not. I spent my childhood from 7-10 furious that I was a girl and wanting to be a boy, and telling my mother so. there was a political context - I am an ancient Mn-er and when I grew up I assumed I needed to be a man to do most of the things I thought i wanted to be. To a certian extent - but i also just wanted to be different from how I was - often made up different namkes for myself and wrote them in the front of my book etc.

The context that makes this (OP)issue matter is racism. It is uncomfortable to have a child who is directly or indirectly and unconsciously affected by racism...but at least some of the self-definition is likely to be about experimenting with diffrent verisions of themselves regardless of a colour / race context - and I don't think that is unhealthy or negative. DS wants to be Willy Wonka - and many of his white friends aspire to be black hip hop dancers...there is more to a role model than skin tone and / or race, and children identify with qualities a charatcter or person has, regardless of their colour - and that's how it should be - as long as the child does feel secure about who they are too.

My DTS are 3.5yo, I'm black and DH is white. Yesterday DTS both said that I had a black face. DH and I looked at each other because we did not know what to say. Then DT1 said that such and such a child at nursery was not nice (child is white) before continuing to read his book. DH then said to them, Mummy is beautiful isn't she and they replied yes! (Everybody say Ahhhhh!).

Afterwards, DH and I were discussing it because we know that one day the colour differences could become an issue, especially as DT1 is brown with brown eyes and DT2 is fair with blue eyes. We agreed that we should not make an issue out of it, especially at this age and teach them that the world is like a tube of smarties, full of people of different colours but undeneath, they are all the same.

Just wanted to say what a fab thread this is!

Marsy - some very insightful posts

Spokette - I love your 'tube of smarties' analogy!!

Funny you should make a food analogy. My son actually said that I was dark chocolate while he and his sister were light chocolate, as was dad. All this without prompting. I suppose this is progress.

PS. I'm new to this and have no idea what DS and DD, etc, means. Could somone fill me in. Cheers.

Hi Rustie. Just click on the 'acronym list' at the top of the page - they're all there.

Well I am asian and dh is white so our two are mixed race. Dd has just started school but tbh she and ds both look like they have an immensly good tan. Its obvious though looking at me that I am not white...lol. DD just accepts the fact that I am brown. She doesnt seem to see the colour difference. If I put my hand next to hers and ask what is different she will say things like nail polish and long fingers, never about the colour diff. DH always jokes about my asian background the the children laugh about it too. They know one set of grandparents are another colour from the other set.
We have never made an issue of it tbh, but then that stems from me never taking issue from being coloured. I was bullied when I was at primary school and I just shrugged it off. The bullies got bored eventually and moved on.
Also we live in a village where I am the only colored person there. Same with the school. There is only dd and one other family which are mixed race so its a minority.

I dont know if I have helped but I guess ours is a insight into Rural Norfolk Life