Finding it really hard to manage Afro hair - Help pls

[Diamondt]

Hi my DD is 12yrs old & refuses to have anything but a mid high pony tail for the last 2 years. At the same time it has become so thick and even dryer than it was before. (Don't know if it's a result of this.)
For the first 10 yrs I learnt how to cornrow, braid and always styled her hair as she liked it like that. Well not the styling part but once it was done lol.
Anyway this last year I am at the point of wanting to shave it off ( I wouldn't) because it is so thick and she hates it being brushed, which takes a good hr or more and it hurts her head so much.
I have changed products a few times but nothing works, one made it thicker!
I've been looking on line and I don't know what number letter type high low etc etc etc her hair is, I'm really confused.
Please help I have no one to ask, I'm too shy to ask a hairdresser. I did once any she wasn't very helpful.
Oh btw I am white asian and her dad is Jamaican.
Sorry about the essay & Thank you in advance x

Keeping her hair moisturised will make it easier to style.

Try the Shea moisture products. I use those on my hair (4b curls) and it always leaves it soft.

Comb / detangle in small sections while it is damp and with a bit of conditioner or shea detangler in it.

Wash it in sections as well, it helps with tangling.

On a daily basis, for conditioning, I just spritz some water on and run oil through it on my hands.

Her love for her hair and herself will come from you so it's great you're looking to understand it, hopefully you can teach her.

The cantu detangler just use as much as you need, I make sure my hair is fully coated if need be, my hair has been in a sorry state recently due to having a newborn and little time and I can honestly say it's a wonderful product. Coconut oil is the same you'd use in cooking just not in the sun (I'm sure you're aware of that anyway), you can use extra virgin or even a small jar of ktc to see how it goes, just melt it first as lumps can tangle the hair.

If she's suggesting getting it thinned she could mean a relaxer (straight perm) or thinning or with scissors, which does work. I only ever get my hair straightened by blow drying and thinning with scissors does have an effect. Any relaxer or keratin treatment will change her hair so it will not be her natural hair until the new growth comes in and hair has fully grown out so roots will be natural and the rest treated iyswim, a lot of people then end up going for a big chop for their natural hair to come through as it once was or constantly treating it which is a big commitment and can be a big expenditure.

Sorry I have not replied, I've been so busy. Really appreciate everyone's comments
I am trying different suggestions and will update later when I have some free time.
Sorry have to run. Will msg back soon xxxxx

Diamondt Hope it's going well!

I’ve just found this thread and wanted to jump on it, I have a 13 year old DD who I’m having a nightmare with at the moment. Her hair is very Afro like and has never dropped, it’s frizzy and has never curled. It has never even grown to her shoulders. I’ve tried every method and product over the years, we’re currently using cantu which seems the best so far.

Since the summer though she has had it braided with extensions every 4-6 weeks, this is mainly to avoid the arguments over it. I’ve tried to get her to become more responsible for her hair (I washed, treated and combed it out, whilst she managed it daily), but it just did not work as she left it to get matted and it always just ended in tears. She has ADHD so the battle is even more extreme.

When she does it have it natural it’s just like a big bush and gets matted within minutes. I’m going to use some of these techniques on here and effectively start again with her hair in the new year! I think I need to admit defeat though myself as I don’t think she’s ready to manage it herself yet.

@Pou I don't think I managed my natural hair until I was about 19! Before that my DM reluctantly let me get it relaxed and then I had weaves on and off. I think people with afro hair do go through phases of experimenting and acceptance of their hair. Just to let you know, be careful with extensions, they are known to cause traction alopecia over time as the weight (especially very long and/or thick extensions) puts a strain on the hair roots at the scalp so eventually it'll do more harm than good.

I love cantu but I remembered, you may find some Jamaican Black Castor oil helps good growth and easing frizz and dryness although it does smell a bit burnt.

I’m so sorry I didn’t not reply to everyone’s help. I’m not sure why I didn’t, sorry.
We tried so many different ways and in the end December she decided she wanted straight hair. So now I’m doing that at home as I can’t afford to go to the hairdressers all the time. She can now wash her hair her self, which she loves lol then I spray, blow dry and straighten with straightners. I’m going to search/start a thread to help keep her hair healthy while doing this as don’t want to damage it etc.
Again thank you and sorry xx