Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Multicultural families

Here's where to share your experience of raising a child or growing up in a multicultural family.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

Starting a good pakistani Muslim family... Advice...

43 replies

Nateyo · 04/11/2006 22:11

I'm 18 and pregnant with my 1st child EDD May 07.

I am half white and half pakistani living with my white mum and siblings.

My partner of 2 1/2 years is 3/4 pakistani and 1/4 english.

Over the past 4 years I have tried very hard to learn as much as I can about the side of my life I have not experienced and I follow Islam with passion.

Anyway thats the background to my story, I am looking to get a home with my partner after the birth and would greatly appreciate and advice about starting my happy family.

My partner was raised as a british muslim in a pakistani household and thinks i will do it naturally. I just want to do everything right because I am so happy I have been given this oppurtunity.

I'd like any advice or similar stories so I dont feel so alone!

Thanx x

OP posts:

SherlockLGJ · 04/11/2006 22:17

I can not give you any advice for your family unit, but I would urge you not to be insular and look to the wider community.

I have a Muslim school Mum friend who was very insular in her community, then she decided to send her DD to our local Catholic school and she says she really loves coming out with us for dinner as she gets a different perspective on things.

Hope this makes sense.

Original poster

Nateyo · 04/11/2006 22:23

hi,

I didnt mean to come across like that sorry! I only have english family and help, my younger siblings and my muslim friends children all go to a catholic school.

I have alot of knowledge but not alot in the asian side of things thats all.

I dont intend to become excluded from everything else at all.

hope this makes sense now!!

OP posts:

SherlockLGJ · 04/11/2006 22:26

Hope I have not offended you.

But the difference in S, since she started coming out with us, and it is only pizza and a glass or two of wine a few times a year,is amazing.

Take care.

saadia · 04/11/2006 22:31

Sorry to be dense but there are some things I don't understand from your post.

You say you "follow Islam with a passion" - does this mean you practise Islam or you are interested in it?

Also I don't understand why you live with mum and siblings if you are pg with partner (husband's?) child.

The main thing I would say you have to be aware of is that most probably your partner's family will want to be very involved in your family and you will be expected to accommodate them.

PrettyCandles · 04/11/2006 22:35

Are there any community centres, local mosque maybe, where you could get a start meeting other Pakistani Muslim mums?

Make sure that your partner knows about your concerns, because otherwise he will make assumptions and you will not know about them, and you may end up disappointed in each other.

How do you get on with your dp's family? Would his mum or sisters help you learn how to create a Muslim home? OTOH, would you want them to become too involved (I know I wouldn't want my in-laws to 'advise' me on how to run my home!)

Original poster

Nateyo · 04/11/2006 22:45

sorry if I was unclear. I follow islam as a way of life but it is not easy living with non muslims.

Me and my partner are not married however have discussed it for the near future.

His family is very large and they do not have enough space to accomodate us. He has discussed everything with them and they want us to be independent as we are both full time workers and they would be happier.

However he does not want me to take advice from his mother or sister for personal reasons, breifly , he is not happy with decisions his sister has made which his mother has condemed.

I find it very dificult to get help or advice at the mosque as people are very judgemental here and I struggle with time for the groups as they are during the day and i work full time.

OP posts:

ameli · 05/11/2006 00:45

Hello,

unfortunately there is no magic formula to happy home. I think all you need to do is you best as mother, daughter in law and wife. When you read the in laws threads you will find this can sometimes be impossible and very hard on all the relationships. You both have some common ground whcich is a good start. I Will say when it comes to islam..it's important to make a distinction between culture and religion. Alot of Pakistani famillies are quite traditional, i think that you should just try to be able to maintain a balance . Be careful which religious groups you become envolved in and keep an open mind. You are still young and you will come to learn that in laws etc are very very hardork . Although it sounds like you have a positive outlook on life and that shoulld help you in your relationships. where arey ou from?

ameli · 05/11/2006 00:46

mean hard work!

Original poster

Nateyo · 05/11/2006 01:11

thank you. i'm from derby and you? yes I really hope I can do my best. I realise there is a thin line between religion and culture but a huge difference. My dp's family are not very 'muslim' at all an d dont even hold the religious values I do. This is why I find it diffult with them. However I realise we need to get on. They are happy for us to live our way because I have done an awful lot for their son as he has for me and me are very very close. I also udnerstand what u say about groups etc. I find many here are judgemental,corupt and do not want to be part of them. This is another reason I struggle as I do not have much support other than from my partner.

OP posts:

ameli · 05/11/2006 13:23

im from derby too!!

Original poster

Nateyo · 05/11/2006 13:26

realy! thats nice to no, i dont no anybody who's pregnant or has young kiddies or anyone who understands my situation here!

OP posts:

ameli · 05/11/2006 13:28

actually i live in london now, mum lives in burton

ameli · 05/11/2006 13:29

what is your real name

ameli · 05/11/2006 13:29

go up threr quite often

Original poster

Nateyo · 05/11/2006 13:35

yasmeen x

OP posts:

ameli · 05/11/2006 13:36

do you know any asian girls in derby?

ameli · 05/11/2006 13:37

do you work or anything

Original poster

Nateyo · 05/11/2006 13:38

i no of quite alot but i dont mix with any.

OP posts:

Original poster

Nateyo · 05/11/2006 13:38

yh i work for a bank

OP posts:

ameli · 05/11/2006 13:39

we can chat on msn, my adress is [email protected]

ameli · 05/11/2006 13:40

thats good then, at least you are keeping youself busy ...try not to worry too much. You are in a difficult situation but if you partner is supportive i think it will all work out

Original poster

Nateyo · 05/11/2006 13:41

thanx and iv just added you

OP posts:

ameli · 05/11/2006 13:41

hows your relationship with his mum ? I met mu hubby at uni and we have a son who is two in dec.

ameli · 05/11/2006 13:42

can you come on msn now?

Original poster

Nateyo · 05/11/2006 13:44

its nothing special. but then nether is his with her either. theyv had a lot of personal problems which have affected them

OP posts:

Flip

1 2