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New thread for all Chinese mothers

260 replies

wyls · 16/10/2005 20:56

I think this might work?!

OP posts:
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Pam70 · 21/11/2005 12:43

Here's the article.

Yingers - my mum did the whole red eggs thing too!

ARTICLE:

Yesterday I had to drive to Bondi Beach and so I thought to myself ‘What’s the best way to get there?’

The answer is that there are many ways to Bondi. From where I live, I headed towards the Eastern Suburbs via the Sydney Harbour tunnel, continuing through the Eastern Distributor and exiting at Moore Park Road. I continued travelling along Oxford Street then headed over Syd Einfield Drive until I arrived at Bondi Road where I enjoyed the crawl down to the beachfront on Campbell Parade. But there are many other routes I could have taken that would have led me to that part of Sydney as well. If I had asked myself ‘What’s the best way to Bondi?’ 70 years ago, I would probably have taken a ride on the iconic tram that would have avoided the congestion along Oxford Street. I would have taken the tram that reached Bondi via Curlewis Street. Trying to imagine what such a journey on a tram would have been like – the sights, the sounds, the rhythm of the tramcar – is a difficult one. I guess I could have asked granny what it’s like, as the last Bondi tram ‘shot through’ in February 1960, five years before I was born.

Bondi is a significant place for me. Besides being the Sydney suburb where I grew up, I have come to realise that Bondi is also a state of mind, it has shaped my perceptions of what being ‘Australian’ means. ‘Bondi’ is an aboriginal word that means ‘noise of water on breaking rocks’. Their description is indeed an accurate one as the noise of crashing waves could be heard from my paternal grandfather’s fruit and vegetable business in Hall Street, Bondi Beach.

Here’s the story of how Jenny Quan got to Bondi and was then able to find and fashion her own ‘Bondi’.

Grandpa Quan arrived in Australia in the 1890s from the southern Chinese province of Guangzhou, he was just seventeen and full of hope as any immigrant is. His ‘Bondi’ was very different to the Bondi the rest of my family would experience. My father adapted well into the Bondi way of life, while my Burmese-born, Chinese mother got her first experience of Bondi after marrying my father and agreeing to settle in Sydney to start their life together. My mother’s family – the Wongs grew up in Burma just before that country gained independence from the British in 1948. The Wong family were enormously proud of their Chinese heritage, they lived by Buddhist teachings, conversed in Cantonese and boiled herbal soups. My mother persevered with English – going to night school to sort out her ‘l’s and ‘r’s so she could confidently get her tongue around another Aboriginal word, ‘Woollahra’ – the suburb where her children were going to start school.

My brother Andrew and I attended a Catholic school in Woollahra. During my days at Holy Cross, I was treated like any of the other girls. I was well-liked and accepted and was able to mix readily with the other kids. I also had my share of the usual adolescent crises – being out of favour with the ‘in-group’ because I didn’t watch the television program ‘Charlies Angels’! I was growing up with a typical Western mindset, had a classic Chinese appearance and I was comfortable in my skin. There was no-one to compare myself to, as I was the only Chinese girl in my class until Year 9.

I recall times when I was made aware of my ‘Chinese-ness’ – the first occasion was at school in Year 9. A new girl, Veronica started in my year, she was from Singapore. My teacher thought that I would be the ideal person to befriend Veronica and help her settle in. It was a disaster almost sparking an international incident. Our teacher made the wrong choice, she did not realise that the only things Veronica and I had in common were skin deep – jet-black hair, big brown eyes and olive skin.

After finishing school, I was eager to earn money so I could start sampling some of the finer things in life that I had heard about as a child. During my nursing training at Royal North Shore Hospital in Sydney in the 1980s, I was one of three Chinese nursing students. Our royal blue nursing uniform, our white starched nurses caps, slate grey stockings and regulation black Halls-nursing shoes signified us as all belonging to the same group, as any uniform does. As nursing students we were all petrified of being shouted at by the head nurse of paediatrics and dreaded working on the spinal unit.

Another incident where my Chinese-ness surfaced was during my nursing training. I was invited to attend the Yass picnic races where I was really looking forward to sipping lots of champagne and enjoying country hospitality. There was much fun and fanfare associated with the races. The first mandatory engagement – was to enjoy drinks at the Allambie Club (a club for ladies and gentlemen). I was surprised when a friend told me I was the first Chinese person to be a guest at this club. I remember thinking to myself that I wasn’t really sure of the difference my friend was trying to highlight because I didn’t feel any different to others who had gathered to party.

What I realise now is that during those years I was part of a minority group in the sense of a physical basis yet I felt very much like the majority in my own headspace. I was nudged about being Chinese while I lived in Sydney but my first experience of feeling ‘Chinese’ and being different occurred during the next phase of my life in 1994 when I was living in Singapore.

I arrived in Singapore as a bright-eyed expatriate employed as a journalist in the newsroom of Singapore Broadcasting Corporation, the local television station. My classic Chinese looks contributed to me securing the job; that coupled with my broad Australian accent became the talking point of the newsroom.

One day a Singaporean journalist bravely asked me ‘What is your nationality?’ Without hesitation I confidently replied, ‘Australian’. From the vexed and blank expression on my colleague’s face, it was immediately obvious that the answer I gave was not what she was expecting. This in turn left me very confused and I tapped into every available brain cell to understand what I was being asked. Suddenly the penny dropped. My colleague was inquiring about my racial origins. I quickly changed my answer and more demurely replied, ‘Chinese’, whatever that meant! From the knowing expression on my colleague’s face – this was the reply she wanted to hear. This got me thinking about why I was asked this question.

That was one of the most disconcerting questions I had ever been asked. I realised I was living in a country where my experience in an Australian home had been reversed. I sported the appearance of the majority yet felt part of a minority. I was only three weeks into a three-year contract and decided I would find the meaning behind what it means to BE Chinese.

It was in Singapore that I had a yearning to understand and appreciate how to be Chinese. My journey started as I embarked on my Chinese language studying with a private tutor. I moved out of my expatriate comfort zone and expanded my social network by making friends with Chinese Singaporeans. It was these friends who gave me the best lessons on ‘how to think like a Chinese person’.

I found myself asking lots of questions  questions where the answers were not immediately apparent. I scrutinised every facet of life. For Chinese New Year, I wondered why people cleaned their homes before Chinese New Year, why they have their hair cut before rather than after the New Year and why people are so religious about settling their debts before New Year’s Day. With Chinese weddings, I wanted to know why is it usually best to give money instead of a gift, how much money I should give, how I should give the money and the types of notes that are to be given. With every day living, I wanted to find out why the number 8 is considered lucky and why Chinese people don’t like living on the 4th floor. There were many questions and few answers. There was no ‘Guide to Being Chinese for Dummies’. I no longer felt comfortable hiding behind the term ‘being a banana’ – someone who is yellow (Chinese) on the outside and white (Western mindset) inside.

In Singapore my Chinese appearance ensured I looked like those around me yet my inability to deeply embrace my ‘Chinese-ness’ increasingly made me feel like I was peering through a window into a new culture.

So how does this all tie back into my trip to Bondi? Human identity is very complex. It is affected by things such as your racial background, your looks, your experience growing up, how people act and react to you and the things you see in the world around you. Bondi will always be there as a physical location, but my own memories and construction of Bondi are unique, as it is for everyone who grew up there.

Having grown up in Sydney and having lived in Singapore, I have now found my own way to ‘Bondi’ – I have inherited bits of Chinese traditions handed down and learnt from a Chinese past and used them in an Australian context. These selected fragments and new insights have been used to build my identity – one I now understand and feel comfortable with. Now I can really appreciate the richness of a ‘floating life’ – living with ease between two cultures.

Pam70 · 21/11/2005 12:44

hmmm... not sure what those numbers and ### are - probably some sort of formatting - must remember to preview before submitting!

Pam70 · 21/11/2005 13:02

Trying again....

Yesterday I had to drive to Bondi Beach and so I thought to myself "What's the best way to get there?"

The answer is that there are many ways to Bondi. From where I live, I headed towards the Eastern Suburbs via the Sydney Harbour tunnel, continuing through the Eastern Distributor and exiting at Moore Park Road. I continued travelling along Oxford Street then headed over Syd Einfield Drive until I arrived at Bondi Road where I enjoyed the crawl down to the beachfront on Campbell Parade. But there are many other routes I could have taken that would have led me to that part of Sydney as well. If I had asked myself "What's the best way to Bondi?" 70 years ago, I would probably have taken a ride on the iconic tram that would have avoided the congestion along Oxford Street. I would have taken the tram that reached Bondi via Curlewis Street. Trying to imagine what such a journey on a tram would have been like - the sights, the sounds, the rhythm of the tramcar - is a difficult one. I guess I could have asked granny what it's like, as the last Bondi tram "shot through" in February 1960, five years before I was born.

Bondi is a significant place for me. Besides being the Sydney suburb where I grew up, I have come to realise that Bondi is also a state of mind, it has shaped my perceptions of what being "Australian" means. "Bondi" is an aboriginal word that means "noise of water on breaking rocks". Their description is indeed an accurate one as the noise of crashing waves could be heard from my paternal grandfather's fruit and vegetable business in Hall Street, Bondi Beach.

Here's the story of how Jenny Quan got to Bondi and was then able to find and fashion her own "Bondi".

Grandpa Quan arrived in Australia in the 1890s from the southern Chinese province of Guangzhou, he was just seventeen and full of hope as any immigrant is. His "Bondi" was very different to the Bondi the rest of my family would experience. My father adapted well into the Bondi way of life, while my Burmese-born, Chinese mother got her first experience of Bondi after marrying my father and agreeing to settle in Sydney to start their life together. My mother's family - the Wongs grew up in Burma just before that country gained independence from the British in 1948. The Wong family were enormously proud of their Chinese heritage, they lived by Buddhist teachings, conversed in Cantonese and boiled herbal soups. My mother persevered with English - going to night school to sort out her "l"s and "r"s so she could confidently get her tongue around another Aboriginal word, "Woollahra" - the suburb where her children were going to start school.

My brother Andrew and I attended a Catholic school in Woollahra. During my days at Holy Cross, I was treated like any of the other girls. I was well-liked and accepted and was able to mix readily with the other kids. I also had my share of the usual adolescent crises - being out of favour with the "in-group" because I didn't watch the television program "Charlies Angels"! I was growing up with a typical Western mindset, had a classic Chinese appearance and I was comfortable in my skin. There was no-one to compare myself to, as I was the only Chinese girl in my class until Year 9.

I recall times when I was made aware of my "Chinese-ness" - the first occasion was at school in Year 9. A new girl, Veronica started in my year, she was from Singapore. My teacher thought that I would be the ideal person to befriend Veronica and help her settle in. It was a disaster almost sparking an international incident. Our teacher made the wrong choice, she did not realise that the only things Veronica and I had in common were skin deep - jet-black hair, big brown eyes and olive skin.

After finishing school, I was eager to earn money so I could start sampling some of the finer things in life that I had heard about as a child. During my nursing training at Royal North Shore Hospital in Sydney in the 1980s, I was one of three Chinese nursing students. Our royal blue nursing uniform, our white starched nurses caps, slate grey stockings and regulation black Halls-nursing shoes signified us as all belonging to the same group, as any uniform does. As nursing students we were all petrified of being shouted at by the head nurse of paediatrics and dreaded working on the spinal unit.

Another incident where my Chinese-ness surfaced was during my nursing training. I was invited to attend the Yass picnic races where I was really looking forward to sipping lots of champagne and enjoying country hospitality. There was much fun and fanfare associated with the races. The first mandatory engagement - was to enjoy drinks at the Allambie Club (a club for ladies and gentlemen). I was surprised when a friend told me I was the first Chinese person to be a guest at this club. I remember thinking to myself that I wasn't really sure of the difference my friend was trying to highlight because I didn't feel any different to others who had gathered to party.

What I realise now is that during those years I was part of a minority group in the sense of a physical basis yet I felt very much like the majority in my own headspace. I was nudged about being Chinese while I lived in Sydney but my first experience of feeling "Chinese" and being different occurred during the next phase of my life in 1994 when I was living in Singapore.

I arrived in Singapore as a bright-eyed expatriate employed as a journalist in the newsroom of Singapore Broadcasting Corporation, the local television station. My classic Chinese looks contributed to me securing the job; that coupled with my broad Australian accent became the talking point of the newsroom.

One day a Singaporean journalist bravely asked me "What is your nationality?" Without hesitation I confidently replied, "Australian". From the vexed and blank expression on my colleague’s face, it was immediately obvious that the answer I gave was not what she was expecting. This in turn left me very confused and I tapped into every available brain cell to understand what I was being asked. Suddenly the penny dropped. My colleague was inquiring about my racial origins. I quickly changed my answer and more demurely replied, "Chinese", whatever that meant! From the knowing expression on my colleague’s face – this was the reply she wanted to hear. This got me thinking about why I was asked this question.

That was one of the most disconcerting questions I had ever been asked. I realised I was living in a country where my experience in an Australian home had been reversed. I sported the appearance of the majority yet felt part of a minority. I was only three weeks into a three-year contract and decided I would find the meaning behind what it means to BE Chinese.

It was in Singapore that I had a yearning to understand and appreciate how to be Chinese. My journey started as I embarked on my Chinese language studying with a private tutor. I moved out of my expatriate comfort zone and expanded my social network by making friends with Chinese Singaporeans. It was these friends who gave me the best lessons on "how to think like a Chinese person".

I found myself asking lots of questions - questions where the answers were not immediately apparent. I scrutinised every facet of life. For Chinese New Year, I wondered why people cleaned their homes before Chinese New Year, why they have their hair cut before rather than after the New Year and why people are so religious about settling their debts before New Year's Day. With Chinese weddings, I wanted to know why is it usually best to give money instead of a gift, how much money I should give, how I should give the money and the types of notes that are to be given. With every day living, I wanted to find out why the number 8 is considered lucky and why Chinese people don't like living on the 4th floor. There were many questions and few answers. There was no "Guide to Being Chinese for Dummies". I no longer felt comfortable hiding behind the term "being a banana" - someone who is yellow (Chinese) on the outside and white (Western mindset) inside.

In Singapore my Chinese appearance ensured I looked like those around me yet my inability to deeply embrace my "Chinese-ness" increasingly made me feel like I was peering through a window into a new culture.

So how does this all tie back into my trip to Bondi? Human identity is very complex. It is affected by things such as your racial background, your looks, your experience growing up, how people act and react to you and the things you see in the world around you. Bondi will always be there as a physical location, but my own memories and construction of Bondi are unique, as it is for everyone who grew up there.

Having grown up in Sydney and having lived in Singapore, I have now found my own way to "Bondi" - I have inherited bits of Chinese traditions handed down and learnt from a Chinese past and used them in an Australian context. These selected fragments and new insights have been used to build my identity - one I now understand and feel comfortable with. Now I can really appreciate the richness of a "floating life" - living with ease between two cultures.

smorg · 22/11/2005 22:04

Hi everyone

Have not long discovered this site and only just seen this thread!

Am glad that I am not alone in this world in sometimes feeling alienated! Am BBC married to non chinese and have 2 year old twins DS and DD.

Hard work but twice the fun!

yingers74 · 23/11/2005 09:37

welcome smorag! Wow twins, what was it like whena they were newborns? I have just had dd2 and am finding lack of sleep hard, can't even imagine doing it with two! I am also a bbc married to an english bloke. Where abouts are u based?

Just a quick look in, have not read article yet, but I will!

Blossom etc where are u guys?

smorg · 23/11/2005 13:03

Hi yingers, was born in Liverpool but now based in Wallasey where DH is from. Was very lucky when DS and DD born as MIL came everyday to help with feeding and changing. Also have 3 SIL who did a lot of night feeds for us! It wasn't too bad with the two, you seem to get in routine quickly. I think you have to or you'd go mad!

Congrats on your new arrival. Have been following the thread all the way back and was sorry to hear your previous bad news.

Any mothers from the North West out there?!

wyls · 23/11/2005 21:11

Hi smorg, welcome.

I cant believe you are from wallasey, my best friend lives in wallasey and we went to visit not long ago. Do you know where manor mews is?

Thanks Pam for the article. I am not sure if I can relate to it. I am saying that cos I was born in HK and came over to the UK when I was 16 so I never thought that I was British/english.

I can see that my DS will have issues with his race and etc, especially when he's half chinese and half english.

In HK, we call someone who's half chinese and half european, an Eurasian. It's not a term that I hear in this country, but i think that's what i am going tell my ds when he starts to question me about his origins and etc.

Just want to share this cos I think it's funny. My sister is half engish and half chinese and sometimes she will refer herself as a mongrel as a joke. Anyway, when I went for my 6 weeks check at my GPs, my doc actually call my DS a "mongrel". I didnt really think anything of it cos apparently my GP had a car accident 3 years ago and she's losing it a bit. She's Indian herself so I dont think it's a racist thing ... I think she was just trying to find a correct word to desribe my DS and the only word that she could think of was "mongrel".

OP posts:
smorg · 24/11/2005 08:46

hi wyls. We are in sheen rd, which i think is not v far from manor mews. its right by a school i think isn't it? just imagine, our paths may have already crossed! BTW my DH 's name is Donal, although it is his grandparents who are Irish.

With regards to the mongrel story, My DH refers to DS and DD as half rice and half chips sometimes!!Cheeky

suzywong · 24/11/2005 08:53

very interesting article thanks

wyls · 24/11/2005 19:28

hi smorg, manor mews is just by the school. Oh my gof, you live very close to my best mate. Small world.

I like the half rice and half chips. How funny!!!

OP posts:
soyabean · 24/11/2005 21:24

thanks for the article

csa · 25/11/2005 11:30

hi wyls, in singapore, we also use the term eurasian. LOL half rice half chips :0

Pam70 · 25/11/2005 11:33

csa

how was first week back at work?

We use Eurasian in Malaysia too but in Belfast, half caste is common ...

csa · 25/11/2005 11:39

half caste sounds rude somehow. one thing that really puzzled me when i first moved here was the term asians. for me, it would refer to all from the asia part of the world but here, only india and pakistan?

first week back was so-so. (thanks for asking pam) didn't really enjoy it but hoping it gets better soon. had yesterday and today off to ease in. but was feeling really ill yesterday and this morning i woke up to the world spinning. luckily dh managed to get in late for work and send the boys to nursery first. have spent most of the morning in bed. now trying to motivate myself to get up from in front of the computer to go do the pile of washing up and find some lunch.

Pam70 · 25/11/2005 11:50

csa - for you. I find it quite difficult juggling two and full time work. Can you get a cleaner in to help out?

I made the decision that if I had to go back and work fulltime, I would use the spare funds to make my life a bit more comfortable, hence cleaner twice a week who is a real god send.

I'm the same with you here on the term Asian. However my best friend who is Indian and living in Australia emailed me the other day saying that in Australia, the term Asian generally refers to Chinese / Japanese / Koreans, so she was feeling the way I feel here about the term Asians being shorthand for Indians!

csa · 25/11/2005 12:10

pam, i already have a cleaner
took me about 6 years to convince dh and finally wore him down by being a grouchy monster every saturday morning as i zoom through the house trying to get everything tidy (and also him getting a few red reminders for unpaid bills cos i tidied away papers that have been left lying round for more than a week ) she comes in once a week for 2 hours and you are right, a true godsend!

are you at work at the moment?

Pam70 · 25/11/2005 12:19

YES!!! I do my MN while at work cos it's just too hectic after work and I'm too poop-ed by the time the kids are in bed....

SnowMum · 26/11/2005 23:58

Thanks for the article, Pam.

Good luck to all those back at work, I'm pooped just looking after DD at home. Have decided to take the full year away from work, so can delay the difficult decision of whether to go back or not, til later.

Pam70 · 28/11/2005 10:53

Snowmum - I took a year off too and I can say that yes - it is difficult to go back after a year but a week at work and you'll feel like you've never been away!

yingers74 · 28/11/2005 13:24

I want a cleaner, now just need the money for one!!!!!

I have to say I relate a lot to the article posted. In hong kong, my family consider me to be english or chinese with an english soul and over here I am chinese (although this depends on the group I am with). often people of my age esp if they are ethnic as well, don't have a problem with the fact that I am chinese and yet british whereas others persist with that question 'where are you from?'.

Pam70 · 30/11/2005 11:37

Yes I think Jen's point in the artice was that she always considered herself Australian but it was others around her who made her aware of her Chinese-ness or her difference to themselves.

yingers74 · 08/12/2005 15:50

where is everyone? what are u all doing for xmas and new year?

wyls · 08/12/2005 19:41

Hiya, I was just about to say the same thing, where is everyone??

We are spending xmas with my parents this year and then going up to see my best mate in Sutton Coldfield for the New Year.

We usually go away but this year I think we will just have a quiet one.

How about you, Yingers? How's your DD1 and DD2?

Snowmum, how are you getting on with weaning?

OP posts:
csa · 08/12/2005 21:11

still here and realising that it is probably time to start thinking about doing some christmas shopping, especially since last posting date to singapore is probably last week

yingers74 · 09/12/2005 13:54

both dds are doing well although dd2 is of course not sleeping and I am very tired but ok. Also what routine do you guys, with two, follow? At the moment dd2 has to fit around dd1 but chaos still reigns in this household!