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Original poster

How much "allowance" do you get at month?

70 replies

bellababe · 02/07/2005 22:07

This one's for SAHM's: what's your monthly allowance? Please specify no. of children and area lived in. Also what has to come out of this amount.

OP posts:

jampots · 03/07/2005 19:38

dh throws me the odd £20 and pays my life insurance !!!! He on the other hand takes about £50-80 a week in cash for himself!!!! Hence when I start work again, "the House" wont be so reliant on my money so will keep it all to myself

Blondeinlondon · 03/07/2005 20:20

No set allowance for me, I just stick it all on his credit card and he settles the bill each month. We have one child and live in London.
I'm sure DH would love the idea of an allowance but I'm not about to suggest it to him

AnnieQ · 03/07/2005 20:25

"Allowance" is a strange old-fashioned word to use, it makes it sound as if you're talking about being a kept woman, and dh "allowing" the little woman to have some of his hard-earned money to keep the household running. Everything goes into the current account and is taken out or paid out as and when. If dh was the sort of man who thought he could get away with paying me an "allowance" to keep the home running then I wouldn't be with him.

CarolinaMoon · 04/07/2005 08:57

the OP has already pointed out that she put the word allowance in quotes for that very reason.

geekgrrl · 04/07/2005 09:11

but whatever you call it, allowance, needle money or whatever, it's the same thing, isn't it? Money given to the woman by her husband so that she can keep the household running and maybe have some spending money to herself, preventing her from having access to all the money available.

Doesn't this imply that women are too ditzy to be trusted access to a shared account? That they'll go and blow the lot on cream cake lunches and facials? Why do your husbands feel that you should not have full access to funds coming into the family? I'm sorry, I am trying very hard to work out how this can be part of an equal relationship, but at the moment I still find it really demeaning. I discussed this thread with dh was shocked that anybody would put up with being given an allowance and asked whether it is 'performance related'.

fastasleep · 04/07/2005 09:12

I just use my child benefit... I'm so deprived. I have it in a little bank account all of my own so that I don't go and steal DH's.

AnnieQ · 04/07/2005 09:18

Carolinamoon, it doesn't matter one jot whether the word was in quotation marks or not; bellababe is still suggesting that SAHMs aren't considered equal in the eyes of their partners and are only to be trusted with enough money to keep the household going. I find that a very strange notion, as in my opinion running the household is a shared responsibility, and any money coming into the house belongs equally to the household not just to the man to dish out to his wife as he sees fit.

fastasleep · 04/07/2005 09:21

Some of us don't exactly run the household though... some of us are lazy and don't buy the groceries... lol!

beatie · 04/07/2005 09:26

We have a joint account. I'm free to take out what I need so long as we don't go overdrawn and we discuss big purchases in advance.

Sometimes I see how nice it would be to have a set amount of money that each of us had access to without the other knowing what it was spent on - especially when you're trying to buy your DH a birthday suprise!

But, in reality, I don't think DH really takes much notice of what I spend the money on. And it can backfire when money is 'shared out' in a fixed sum each month. When I first had DD and was on maternity leave, my income went down. DH took over paying the mortgage and bills from his salary then we each had our own money.

If I ended up grocery shopping without him and paying it out of 'my' money, I'd run out by the end of the month and have to ask him for more money. That did not feel good. Having a joint account works much better for us and if anything, I have got better with money because of it.

gigglinggoblin · 04/07/2005 09:30

ffs, when i was single i used to give myself a monthly allowance so i knew i wasnt spending the bill money. this is getting ridiculous! who cares how she phrased the question? like it or not, everyone has a monthly allowance (regardless of whom it is given by) or we would all be knee deep in debt.i never found it demeaning, and if dp is working the money will proabably be paid into his account and has to be drawn out to spend. some of us dont have joint accounts because we are too lazy to go to the bank and sort it out

beatie · 04/07/2005 09:31

I don't think it is demeaning if all the house hold expenses are taken care of and then the remaining money is split two ways... but it does seem a bit odd to me. I think we'd probably save less if that was our set-up. I like that we are both completely in the know about our financial situation and we know when to have a frugal month and when to have a frivilous month.

My DH rarely spends money on himself anyway... if we both had a set allowance, mine would all get spent and DH would end up saving his and spending it on the family.

PeachyClair · 04/07/2005 09:35

I get about £80 a month which has to cover weight watchers, jo jingles and other activities the kids might want, tax credits, child allownace go into hubbies account. If I want more, I have to ask 9though occasionally I nick a tenner from his account if I really need it.

If I want a haircut, I have to ask and am often refused, as dh doesnt think it's a priority (last done April. Other 'feminine' essentials have to be asked for too, if you know what I mean.

DH thinks I am rubbish with money, I have an account but he overdrew it on my behalf. DH far more rubbish with money but doesnt believe it. When I had access to cash, was forever bailing him out, he thinks reason we struggle now is coz I overspend (how exactly?), but it is because I cannot secretly build up emergency reserves.

I'm a student at moment, did work, was breadwinner for quite a while.

[blush

starrynight · 04/07/2005 09:46

Peachy that sounds like an F-ing nightmare! How do you keep your sanity????

My DH tried all this bullshit 'asking for money' when I had our 1st but it didn't last long - it takes the mickey. Like yours, my DH is the worse with money but doesn't believe it. (and we are knee deep in debt!)

starrynight · 04/07/2005 09:47

I'm afraid if I were you I would put my foot down - this is a ridiculous situation for an adult woman with children to be in.

MamaMaiasaura · 04/07/2005 09:50

Peachy.. so understand where you are coming from in lots of ways. Am a student too. Do you think it might be part of them not being able to deal with the fact we are students?

gigglinggoblin · 04/07/2005 09:52

i dont think i could live like that peachy. having an allowance and being treated like a child are different things. i assumed bellababe meant how much to spend on bills and stuff, not are you allowed access to family finances

PeachyClair · 04/07/2005 11:47

Oh, the money I have is mine to spend as I choose- JoJingles etc is MY choice!

I do sell some of my handmade cards which in tuen covers my cardmaking hobby outlays.

Don't think dh is trying to be mean at all, in his head at least he thinks he is protecting us from financial probs we have ahd before.

Please dont think he is mean, and he certainly doesnt thinkof me as a child- I get a lot of respect- he's just got no idea of how little £80 actually is, or how much things cost!

slug · 04/07/2005 12:09

DH is a SAHD. We work it thus....money for bills, shopping etc placed in joint account every month. The rest split between the two of us. Dh's is referred to as his 'beer money', it works out at about £200 per month. He uses this for beer, outings, CD's and occasional luxuries to make the trials of looking after small and smelly less onerous. (I'm talking the occasional dressed crab in the 'reduced to clear' section of Tesco's here, nothing illegal)

Having a small amout of financial independance means there is no resentment if either of us go on a spending spree. And we don't necessarily know how much is being spent onpresents for each other

TwinSetAndPearls · 04/07/2005 20:19

During my very short marriage when dd was a baby and I had no money coming in I just had a credit card that I would run up and he would pay off when he got paid, I would also get about £200 a month cash so i would have some cash as well. I hated it to be honest as it felt like an allowance.

Now I am with my new parter I have my maintenance and money from part time work child benefit and tax credit. ( I work six hours a week so am almost a SAHM) . Out of that I pay gas, electric, phone bill,OU fees, council tax, nursery fees, clothes and treats for dd and I and fresh fruit and veg during the week - dp does the big shop, pay mortgage and other bills. I would guess I would have about £200 a week left that is for clothes and my personal use. I probably have less money than I did when I was married and on an "allowance" but I prefer having my own money rather than having to ask or rely on someone to put money in my account.

TwinSetAndPearls · 04/07/2005 20:20

Oh and I sell on ebay so we can afford to have dirty weekends away!

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