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Do your dcs have a lower standard of living than you had as a child?

80 replies

Podrick · 07/10/2009 20:54

If so what is your take on this?

OP posts:
perdu · 07/10/2009 21:03

think my DCs have a much higher standard than I had.

I mean in terms of quality parent time, home comforts and entertainments, extra curricular activities, music lessons, pets, decent clothes....

This is not necessarily because I lavish money on them but 'things' are more affordable and accessible now...I think

halfcut · 07/10/2009 21:07

My dcs have a much higher standard of living then I had ..we had no heating,outside toilet,no phone,all things my dcs take for granted

ChasingSquirrels · 07/10/2009 21:07

much higher

overmydeadbody · 07/10/2009 21:07

No.

Differnet, but definately not lower.

I lived in a place where we didn't always have running water, where there just wasn't much to buy or any possibility of extra curricular activites etc, but we also had staff at various points, my parents did loads with us and where dedicated parents, and we experienced many rich and varied things that I look back on in awe to be honest.

DS has more than I had in the way of toys and clothes, but overall I'd say his standard of living is pretty comparable with mine.

JeMenFous · 07/10/2009 21:10

mine have a lower in terms of money matters but much higher in terms of love - I know what I value as better

randomtask · 07/10/2009 21:13

Well, my parents struggled to feed us when I was little so I'd say DSS has a higher standard of living. DSS also has piano lessons (I didn't do any out of school activities that cost money) and more clothes/toys than he knows what to do with. House wise, ours is probably just a bit nicer but the same size.

Having said all of that, he's an only child, has 3 sets of grandparents and his birth mother died so lots of people like to buy him gifts, often people he doesn't know. We don't buy him loads, but as I was the 3rd child, I got less presents than say the eldest would.

Emotionally, I would say I was luckier as my Mum was a SAHM and DH and both work but, DH didn't work from when his first wife died when DSS was 3 until last year when DSS was 7 so in some ways we've both benefitted from time and definitely both had love.

When I'm panicking about money, I remember that it was the free or cheap things I enjoyed the most and that unless we struggle to feed DSS, he's luckier than I was and I survived quite happily.

shinyshoes · 07/10/2009 21:13

Much higher

overmydeadbody · 07/10/2009 21:16

DS will never havw to check his shoes for scorpions or cockroaches before putting them on like I did.

He will probably never have baboons jumping on the school bus making the African ladies scream as we bumped along the uneven road on the 45 minute ride to school every morning.

He will probably never see an old beggar eating out of the rubbish bin as he comes out of macdonalds with a happy meal.

He will probably never have to check for cockroaches before stepping foot in the bathroom for middle-of the night loo trips

And equally, I never had a lot of the experiences he is getting and taking for granted in his childhood.

But in terms of love and security and having our primary needs met, I think we are pretty much equal.

TheFallenMadonna · 07/10/2009 21:18

We have more money than my parents had, if that's what you mean. But my standard of living was perfectly fine. My children get a camping holiday once a year, whereas I went away on holiday with my parents three times only. But in terms of everything else, it's pretty similar.

CarGirl · 07/10/2009 21:19

actually my dc have a lower standard of living, they've not been on holidays, we live in a much smaller house in a "worse" area but other than that fairly comparable.

LynetteScavo · 07/10/2009 21:21

I'd say similar....my mother chose not to spend a lot of money on me, but it wasn't becuase she didn't have the money. (Maybe DM and I have different priorities)

Both my parents worked full time, where as I only work part time, which is probably the main difference.

Although my child hood home was largish, the garden was tiny. I really think my DC's benefit from having a decent sized garden.

expatinscotland · 07/10/2009 21:22

mine have a lower standard.

i don't have a take on it. it is what it is.

Hulababy · 07/10/2009 21:26

NO. DD is growing up in a very fortunate position, with a lot of opportunities available to her because of our household income. We are not massively rich but we are very comfortable. She is a lucky little girl. Fortunately she is also growing up very settled, happy and "normal" with no signs of greed and selfishness at present.

I grew up in different financial circumstances, but the love and happiness was still there. My parents cared deeply about giving us the support with education, which has enabled me to go to university and get a degree to get a good job.

DH grew up ina comfortable middle class background, again withina very settled and happy family, and again with a value of education. This enabled him to go to university again, gain a good degree and get a very well paid job.

QuintessentialShadowsOfDoom · 07/10/2009 21:27

lower. I did not have much in terms of new clothes or toys. But my parents had a big nice house, a country cottage a boat, and at some point also a campervan. We didnt go abroad for holidays, but holidayed near home using said luxuries mentioned above. The main purpose of the boat was to fill the freezer with fish. The main purpose of the cottage (which had no electricity, no running water, no indoor toilet) was to go salmon fishing and berry picking in the mountains. But my childhood was filled with experiences in nature which enriched my life.

mollythetortoise · 07/10/2009 21:28

I'm not sure. lower i think. I grew up in a 4 bed detached house, 2 holidays a year and sahm.
My dc's live in a 3 bed terrace, we prob go on hols every other year and we both work.
I don't remember ever being told I couldn't have something because of money reasons but i say that to dd quite a lot!
But I am as good a mum as my mum was, my dc's do clubs etc and they eat well and we have lots of good family time together and lots of laughs.
They also see more of their dad than i did as he works 4 days a week as do I.

overmydeadbody · 07/10/2009 21:31

My standard of living when I was growing up was never static though, it changed a great deal. Sometimes we where rich, sometimes poor.

I assume it will be the same for DS.

jemart · 07/10/2009 21:37

Very similar really, except our house is smaller.

pooka · 07/10/2009 21:52

DC have way more material stuff than I ever had as a child. But I'm not convinced this is a good thing. I was a 70s child with a mother who made all our clothes and we didn't really have many toys. And boy did we appreciate presents, with things only really being bought for us at Christmas and birthdays.

My childhood was brilliant though, and there was never really a time when my mother was pestered for things to be bought - we implicitly understood the status quo. So that was one less hot spot for arguments.

DH's parents in contrast were much richer. He went to private school, had massive house, car bought for him for 18th birthday and so on. He was happy too though, and his parents had a similar "ask and you won't get" approach to my mother, although in my mother's case it was from economy rather than as a life lesson.

We live now in my childhood home, which is not huge, but is not small. But every bit of work that my parents did to the place was done very cheaply, by themselves referring to the readers digest DIY manual. My mother was a SAHM, my father had a well paid job. But they ought the house just as mortgage rates went up to 13 percent. And my mother being a SAHM was a conscious decision on her part, and she serviced that decision financially by living very frugally.

IN terms of quality parent time, I think my children have different parent time. More emphasis on treats and fun than on just being together and being involved in the day to day "chores".

TheFoosa · 07/10/2009 21:59

I was a 70's kid growing up with a single parent in a poor Northern town

my dd is growing up in a stable family in (sometimes) sunny lovely Devon

no comparison

colditz · 07/10/2009 22:01

Waayyyyyyy lower. I was raised in a 4 bed victoian semi, with a good income and music lessons. My kids are being raised in a Ha rabbit hutch, with a very low income.

I try not to angst about it, tbh. You have to weigh up the things that are in your control and the things that are out of your control - i have judged this to be temporarily out of my control, and therefore I'm not going to beat myself up about it.

MollieO · 07/10/2009 22:03

Hard to say. Ds is far more widely travelled but then travel is so affordable compared to when I was a child. Education wise I reckon about the same only now I have to pay for ds to get the type of education I had for free.

mumblechum · 07/10/2009 22:06

Much much higher. We weren't poor poor, lived in a 3 bed semi but had no heating, no foreign holidays, I didn't do any formal activities & was working after school from 13.

DS has a ridiculously high standard of living compared to both dh & my childhood but not sure it's any happier. DH was pretty feral, in & out of care & foster homes. DS lives in Happy Valley by comparison.

MarthaFarquhar · 07/10/2009 22:10

No. I grew up in a rented council house on a large estate. there was not enough money for essentials. Father absent at Her Majesty's Pleasure for several stretches.

DD lives in a small but comfortable house in a quiet residential area of a large city. We have enough money for essentials, plus a few luxuries, including a holiday each year. Most importantly she has 2 parents around, even if () I do work part-time.

I really hope that I can help her understand what a lucky girl she is, without turning into one of Monty Python's Yorkshiremen.

AnyFuleKno · 07/10/2009 22:20

Actually, it's only now that I have dd that I realise what I thought was an impoverished upbringing was actually far from it...my mum did a lot for us with not much and only now do I realise how difficult it must have been for her. Little things like weekly library visits and going to the cafe (nearest town was 30 miles away), baking together, making sure we had holidays etc. We have more money than my parents have but the things that made my childhood good didn't cost much.

ABetaDad · 07/10/2009 22:23

Our children have a much higher standard of living. They are very lucky and I don't think they know that really but then it is unfair to expect them to. Both me and DW were very poor when young as both sets of parents faced bankruptcy.

I look around though at friends and altough they are not poor I know a fair few that had very comfortable lives as children, living in big houses, private eductaion, nice clothes but who now struggle to send their kids to private school and have a massive mortgage on a much smaller house than they grew up in and totally dependent on parental wealth to subsidise them. It is due entirely to very high house prices. They cannot afford with their two salaries now, what their parents bought with one salary 40 years ago.