How to minimise the damage already done?

[dearme]

Our dog bit ds's friend in our garden. the friend's parents were amazingly good about it though the bite needed stitches and the whole thing was awful. We felt terrible about it but the friend's parents were very good about it and did not blame us. The thing is, although the wounds have healed well, it may be that the friend will need something extra done, in a few years mainly for aesthetic reasons. The parents have suggested we sign some sort of document now to accept responsibility to cover any medical treatment in the future. My dh refuses point blank... but I feel sorry for the parents and understand that they would like some kind of assurance for the future. I don't beleive that these people would abuse our intention to help them out but my DH feels that they should just trust us to pay up if and when the kid needs or wants any work on his scars.

I really don't want to fall out with them over this especially as the two kids are still good friends and have been thru a very frightening experience.

Any one got any comments on my idea:

We suggest that the parents see a plastic surgeon now who could discuss what, if anything would need to be done, if and when it proves to be necessary. And how much roughly, at today's prices it would cost.

We then pay half of that cost, now, on the understanding that if the kid needs or wants nothing done they will repay it to us... and if he does we will pay the other half. That way we all have to trust each other.

I feel that might be the only way to assure the parents of our good intentions, I trust them by the way.. although we don't know each other well.

Or am I being naive and stupid?

What's the legal position on this in the country you're in?

Thanks for all advice so far. Will check in again later.

How is your son mcgbbd? That must also have been terrible.

As you had no way of knowing this time that there was a risk I would probably put it down to one of those things ie you're not responsible. However, if it happens again then, yes, you would be solely responsible and I doubt insurance would cover it as insurance is for unexpected things.

I think it's a good idea, the account one, but I think in English law it would almost certainly be seen as an admission of liability and so in effect would be the same as signing a document agreeing to pay for treatment. (NB I am not a lawyer! ) So it may not actually be a compromise, just a different way of doing what the parents of the bitten child want you to do.

dearme - He is still scared many years later and recently started having flash-backs. Please do not keep the dog. How would you feel if it attacked one of your own children?

I don't know what the legal situation is in this country, but I'm sure that the basic principles are the same.

pls don't misunderstand me, we know we are liable and we want to pay for any further treatment if the kids needs it. It's just that DH seems to think that by signing a piece of paper, it's like a blank cheque and open to abuse. I think he's being paranoid. But if he insists on being paranoid then maybe I should just get on and and pay something on account (based on a docs estimate of what might be needed) I think the kids parents would probably even be delighted with that, they have never asked for money up front. The idea was mine to solve this dilemma. Of course they can take us to court now or any time but I don't think they are remotely interested in that, they just need some assurance.

I am still worried about the dog, though I took some advice from a dog trainer at the time, however after reading all these posts.

Just wish I could turn back the clock.

It may not be too late to claim on your insurance. In this country you normally have a limited time - but from when you knew a claim was possible. So you (or the other family) would argue that they did not know a claim would be made until they knew that treatment would be required that would have to be paid for. Maybe you should agree to pay for the kid to see a plastic surgeon now, then if anything is likely to be needed they write to you requesting an agreement to pay and you submit a claim against your insurance.

I can understand your dh not wanting to sign a blank cheque. However you may not stay friends with these people and they shouldn't have to pay for something caused by your dog. If your insurance won't cover it - and I suspect you aren't legally liable if the dog hasn't bitten beofre - then you could offer to pay for reasonable medical expenses that may be needed. The reasonable should ensure it isn't a blank cheque.

If your dog bites again you certainly would be liable, your insurers probably wouldn't cover it because you knew the dog was dangerous. I'm afraid I'd at least find the dog a new home with people who were warned, in writing, of its history and who don't have kids. If I couldn't do that it would have to be put down.

Hi Dearme, slightly different scenario but I thought i'd tell you what happened to me

I had an accident when I was 2 which may have resulted in complications later in life (it did - years of dental work).

I'm not sure on exactly what happened but my parents sued the person who was responsible and they were made to pay a small amount which was held for me in a trust fund until I was 18, this was to compensate any future problems I may have.

If I were you I wouldn't sign anything as it would always be hanging over you, if they decide to take it further then hopefully it will be amicable and settled through the courts - then you can forget about it.

I think there is a time limit for claiming compensation though - ie they can't wait 10 years and then come and ask you for x amount, I think that's why my parents went via the legal route as it was difficult to tell what the future damage would be - they needed a fair decision at the time.

Sorry to waffle on x

In defense of the dog, as a child I was bitten by our family dog (a spaniel). The reason? I was play fighting with my mother and the dog was protecting her. He never bit again and I have 2 faint fang marks on my wrist.

Were your son and his friend fighting? If they were, under those circumstances I would not get rid of the dog. Under any other, I would.

As far as signing something, I would do it - you were responsible. I would ensure that it was carefully worded so that both sides are very clear of what happened and as wellas you signing to agree to pay for an (or a proportion of) necessary cosmetic treatment, the other party would sign absolving you of all other responsibility etc. If possible I would get a "quote" done to estimate the cost and peg the maximum amount payable to that amount plus a reasonable increase per year. But I have no legal qualifications, this is just what I would be happy with.

Soupdragon's advice sounds good, but I really would get the whole thing drawn up by solicitors so that both parties are protected.

Dearme, In the UK, you would definitely be expected to put the dog down. Dangerous Dogs Act may require it, does any one know? That's why people can't believe you've kept the dog, they aren't over-reacting, most British people would expect the dog to be put down or at very very least given away to a childless household.

In the USA (where i'm from) the dog would live, but you might very well get your bottom sued off for all damages.

Sorry that doesn't help your original query, but might help you understand why people have focused on keeping the dog or not.

with SD on the dog front - our two are the exact same with play fighting they like to get in amongst it all and protect the one who's being 'attacked' also this normally involved a lot of whining and licking of the person's face so major hardship there. my thoughts are that perhaps the dog thought the other boy was harming your child and in that respect doing as he thought right by protecting ur child. would perhaps suggest some form of obedience training for the dog just so he knows what's acceptable around the children, at 2 the dog's still in puppy mode and althou it's no excuse will be wanting to play. possibly in future if ur child/ his friends choose to play fight keep the dog inside/out of the room?

on the money side i'm with ur DH as well. where was the boy bitten? has the boy now got a fear of dogs? I don't think u should pay over any money now, if u do choose to do that thou I'd def get some form of legal agreement drawn up to safe guard all partys.

possibly write into the agreement thatud pay for half of the treatment up to X amount of say £2500 or what ever you deem reasonable, thaht would put a cap on it so to speak for ur DH.

Thanks for all your advice.

Yes, we think, and the dog trainer thinks that the dog was thinking he was protecting "his kids"

• the kids were rolling around on top of each other on the grass. My reaction would be the same as many of you, to put the dog down. More difficult when you're in the middle of it all. The whole thing is heartbreaking. And the kid is still best friendswith mine. I don't want anyone to suffer any more than they have.

re reaching a solution with the parents, I really appreciate your ideas. In a hurry now will check back in later.

Not sure if you have already said, but how long ago did it happen?

It happened a month ago. The bite was on the side of the face, the kid is strong and brave and doesn't blame anyone, it would be even worse if we, the parents, were to fall out over this, since the two kids are such good friends. I am certain that the cause of the bite was the mock fighting theywere doing, though that doesn't take away any of the horror and guilt I feel. It was not the children's fault, only ours as the adults who are supposed to take care of them.

We are building a run where he will be shut up whenever any visitors are here or when my kids are outside.

I think we will probably try to sort something out now as most of you suggest with an estimate for the likely cost and an agreement to try to cap the ceiling. Maybe then all of us can start to put this behind us, including the poor parents.