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Original poster

Are child support and petrol money the same thing?

33 replies

Pawslikepaddington · 14/03/2009 19:20

I drive dd to her dad's every two weeks, and he gives me the petrol money for it. It is a big trip, so it costs £60 in petrol.

The CSA have (finally, after 5 fecking years!!) made a decision and said that dd's dad should be paying £30 a week maintenance. He says the petrol money is the maintenance money, but I am really strapped at the mo so need the money as money IYSWIM.

He owes 5 years of backpay, but for 3 of them I was on income support as I was studying towards getting onto a degree course. The CSA have said that if we don't sort out the financial side between the two of us, they will only pursue him for arrears from now on (i.e. he will always be 5 years behind), and the money will go straight to IS, so I will get nothing. Is this a normal payment situation? I am at a loss!

OP posts:
ScorpiowithabigS · 14/03/2009 19:22

NO petrol money is extra on visiting parents part

he can applpy for reduction to CSA to include fuel, it will work on a sliding scale.

madwomanintheattic · 14/03/2009 19:22

ask him to pick her up? and pay the maintenance.

ScorpiowithabigS · 14/03/2009 19:24

otherwise he is paying for fuel and NOTHING for her day-to-day at all.

DH lives 300 miles from his son and we pay all fuel on top of weekly amount.

GypsyMoth · 14/03/2009 19:24

god no!!! He's trying to pull a fast one here! Why are you doing the journeys??

MsBump · 14/03/2009 19:25

you need to speak to the CAB. They will set you straight on what is considered normal for your situation.
I think he is taking the P to say the petrol is maintenance! You are doing HIM a fav by driving your DD there to see him.

I hope you get this sorted soon

Good luck.

Tortington · 14/03/2009 19:27

i think hes a cheeky fucker - does he love them at all?

in your situation - i would tell him to come for them - and if he didn't - well it's his loss

Ivykaty44 · 14/03/2009 19:28

Erh no, he needs to be paying the money each week and he needs to be collecting his daughter and you picking up, or meeting half way and he can claim for petrol money if the csa deem it a long enough trip.

The csa want you to sort it out as it helps there numbers I excpect and makes it a closed case, so want you to go this way.

Just tell them no, you have come this far, in another year your IS and csa money will change and you will get more of the money he is paying. You will get now £10 per week regardless of IS money so £40 a month, this may well go to £20-£30 per week you can keep when on IS

So my advice would be

stick with it and tell them to collect the money for you. If you stop now, then you will have to go back to the begining and start all over again if your ex doesn't pay up. The fact that he hasn't paid until now you know he isn't going to, the csa know he isn't going to and this is why they want you two to sort it out as it is a headache for them!

Original poster
Pawslikepaddington · 14/03/2009 19:28

If I don't do the journey's he won't see her, and she really loves him. Also his parents live v nearby, and I have no parents, so it is the only way she gets grandparent contact. What shall I say to the CSA then? I'm worried I will end up with no maintenance and no petrol money if they take it all in arrears. I am totally flat broke-I can't afford my rent or electric for another 6 weeks until my student loan comes in, and even then I am still in my overdraft. I understand that he has rent to pay etc too, but I am getting to the point where I am struggling to feed us.

OP posts:
Original poster
Pawslikepaddington · 14/03/2009 19:30

I'm not on IS now, I'm on a student loan, so should (theoretically) be getting the full maintenance. Urgh, this is so annoying-I am sick to the back teeth of fighting him all the time about this, and fighting the CSA too-why are they always on his side?!!

OP posts:
GypsyMoth · 14/03/2009 19:31

Why? Trains and buses if he can't drive......

ScorpiowithabigS · 14/03/2009 19:31

it's really odd they are saying this you know, have you actually heard it from them and not via your ex?

Tortington · 14/03/2009 19:32

he cant be arsed, and his parents can't be arsed? what a wanker.

you are a better person than i becuase if i knew that my childs dad didn't love her enough to give a shit - i wouldnt do it.

LooptheLoop · 14/03/2009 19:33

What does he think you feed your DD on - petrol fumes??

I'd pursue him for the child support and then it's up to him to also stump up the petrol money (assuming you remain kind enough to do him the favour of all the driving).

No clue re the benefits side sorry.

Ivykaty44 · 14/03/2009 19:34

Contact your MP as effectivley they are saying they will not chase him for arrears but they will chase you for those samearreas.

He gets aways with out paying 5 years of maintenence and yet you have to pay back the money he didn't pay you to IS?

ScorpiowithabigS · 14/03/2009 19:35

if he wants to see her its up to him to pay for that and do it - bus, train, walk!

Re more money - can you apply to Uni fund, learners hardship fund?

Original poster
Pawslikepaddington · 14/03/2009 19:37

Because he is lazy-he just will not do the journey. It is still quite rare in our circle to be an sp, or those that are have v good ex's who pick the dc's up every weekend, so I feel huge pressure to keep her in contact with her dad. He does all the things I am not good at-I won't let her watch tv very much, don't put high school musical/camp rock/scooby doo type things on if we do, and spend a lot of time outdoors with her playing tig/collecting sticks, or drawing/making etc.

At her dad's she has hannah montana pictures, duvet covers, dvd's, cd's, plays computer games, eats mcdonalds, drinks coca cola, so I feel she needs both sides of the childhood IYSWIM (as long as it literally is 4 days a month!!)

OP posts:
Original poster
Pawslikepaddington · 14/03/2009 19:42

Have applied to funds, and the reason I am having such problems is a genuine one, so I should get 100% of what I have asked for (yippee!), but it takes 4 weeks to assess, and another half a term for the money to come through, but am going to see the bursar on Monday. Childcare forms finally sorted though, so should get oct-march's childcare payment's as money for the household, as have already paid the childcare (double yippee!).

I hate hearing that he doesn't love her, as she is such a lovely little girl I am worried she will find out somehow. I like to think he does love her, but has problems expressing it (I am weird, I know!)

OP posts:
Tortington · 14/03/2009 19:43

he doesn't give a shit - clearly

Original poster
Pawslikepaddington · 14/03/2009 19:47

He is very good with her when he has her, so it isn't like he doesn't want to be around her when she is there, it is just the effort of getting her to his.

I tried the not taking her option, and it resulted in her sobbing hysterically on me when she saw her friend with his dad, and asking why her daddy didn't want her, and I couldn't keep doing it to her. She does need to spend time with her dad (as long as he is looking after her properly) to help her develop emotionally, no matter what a faff it is journey-wise. I didn't have a dad and am an emotional disaster around men!

OP posts:
Original poster
Pawslikepaddington · 14/03/2009 19:51

Not saying it is always the case, but we are a totally female household, so it is the only male interaction she gets, and the same went for me and I am still pretty scared of guys!!

OP posts:
Tortington · 14/03/2009 19:52

what ltr car do you have - because i have a one ltr and can do 283 miles on £30 ish - so you must be doing a hell of a journey.

my dad died when i was little and many kids don't have dads - its the way you parent that makes the difference.

i think you are doing this becuase of your oiwn insecurities and she is picking up on them.

you can't even afford the basics - i mean its ridiculous really that you have to even ask this question.

Haribosmummy · 14/03/2009 19:54

We pay CS, maintenence and do all the driving.

I think this is standard for NCPs.

I don't think petrol money can be classed as child support - esp. when it's simply money so HE can see her.

Original poster
Pawslikepaddington · 14/03/2009 19:59

I have a 1 ltr too (I love it!)-it is a 400 mile round trip (got back at 5.30 this morning-I had to have a 2 hour kip in a service station as was falling asleep!!!!), but it also includes the snacks and drinks for dd in the back of the car. I know many children don't have dad's, but I feel that as she does she should have contact with him IYSWIM. She is a fabby little girl, and I am firm when needs be and fun for the rest of the time, so she won't turn in to a bad child or anything, but feel she needs contact with her dad too if it is available.

OP posts:
Original poster
Pawslikepaddington · 14/03/2009 20:01

But will my level of CS then go down to 0 as he is paying the £30 a week for petrol? He has £200 a week net coming in, so they calculate that he cannot afford more than £30 a week. Sorry I am having such a moan, but I was so happy on Wed as I though I was finally getting somewhere (originally he refused to pay petrol-he said he would only pay for the half he should be driving, as he is doing me a favour by having her!!!!)

OP posts:
Haribosmummy · 14/03/2009 20:02

CAn I ask why you are doing all the driving?

I don't think you should be, and I don't think the CSA should be expecting you to (but I don't know if the CSA get involved with anything like that?)

if this went to court, no way would a judge make YOU drive all the time... At most 50:50 and then probably only if you'd moved away. If he moved, then it would be up to him 100% of the time.