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Original poster

Ex husband took DD and wouldn't return her

54 replies

MrsParker · 12/03/2009 23:33

My ex husband took our daughter who is 5 out Sunday 1st march. Said he'd return her at 5pm.
he called at 4.45pm to say that she was not coming home, that she wants to live with him. Very upset, begged him to bring her home but he wouldn't.
Called police and social services out of hours team, but as he has parental responsibility he could keep her. Police advised him to take her to school monday.
He took her to school monday, I was there waiting. He said he'd be picking her up later.
Went to solicitor, she advised me to collect daughter early from school, which i did. School said ex husband had been on phone, asking school to ask dd wh she wanted to collect her. As joint parental responsibility school say either of us can collect her, so they can't stop him.

I am going to court to get an interim residence order, dd has always lived with me since seperation in 2005. He took me to court for contact, i asked for a drug test, and he withdrew his application for contact. I have promoted supervised contact for the last few years at my home. I allowed unsupervised contact for the 1st time in Aug 2008. He has been very unreliable, and i suspect he still uses drugs. She had never stayed with him before. This was only the 3rd unsupervised outing they'd had. He argued with me before he took her as CSA have just started a dedustion of earnings and he's not happy.

My problem is that my solicitor says court date will be in 2 to 3 weeks. School can not stop him collecting her from school, or taking her out of school early.
She was off last week with a sore throat. Off this week with tonsillitus, saw doctor monday.
The school will not entertain home schooling as a temporary measure until i have an interim residence order and a prohibited steps order to stop him taking her from school.

They say she either comed to school, or i remove her from their register as home schooled?
Anyone got any idea what I can do? Solicitor said to talk to LEA. Which i did, said its down to school what they do.
Anything i can do legally to speed process up. Don't have ex-husbands address, need judge to get police to release it to my solicitor to serve papers.
Anything i can do about the school? I want to protect her, and if i send her to school he can take her
Will post in legal & lone parent section? Would you send your dd to school knowing this?

OP posts:
LauriefairycakeeatsCupid · 12/03/2009 23:40

No, I would keep her off with tonsillitis for these 2-3 weeks or maybe a short holiday.

Sorry I have no advice for you, sending you good thoughts though

scrooged · 12/03/2009 23:42

You can't send her to school for 24 hours with diarrhoea/ vomiting. Even if it's only 1 episode.

onebatmother · 12/03/2009 23:43

Bloody hell, no advice but huge sympathy and a bump. tempted to agree with longterm tonsillitis suggestion by laurie.

scrooged · 12/03/2009 23:44

They may ask for a doctors note for tonsilitis.

Original poster
MrsParker · 12/03/2009 23:48

I photocopied the prescription I got from the doctors on monday and took it in to school on tuesday morning with a letter. As doctor said they don't give doctors notes for school children, that the school should trust the parents when they say their ill

OP posts:
scrooged · 12/03/2009 23:50

Have you been in to see the head?

Original poster
MrsParker · 12/03/2009 23:56

I have been talking to the family liason officer, who has been talking to the head. She told me Monday that either daughter comes back to school or I remove her from register. She said they would not entertain any grey area, with temporary home schooling.

OP posts:
scrooged · 12/03/2009 23:58

Yes. Once a child has been removed for a specific period of time they are removed.
Will your solicitor not apply for an emergency residency order?

Original poster
MrsParker · 13/03/2009 00:00

She says the court will not consider an emergency iterim residence order as i have daughter back now. Need to serve him papers

OP posts:
onebatmother · 13/03/2009 00:00

can you go to the doctor tomorrow and talk about stress and unwillingness to go to school bcs of this issue? Try and get a sign-off which is directly related to the problem?

Sorry am probably talking out of my arse, hope someone comes along who doesnt'

It's quite late though - if you don't have any joy tonight do bump this tomorrow. Also perhaps put it in Relationships or somewhere? Might get more input.

Really good luck, signing off for tonight.

scrooged · 13/03/2009 00:01

I've just seen your other thread. Is it possible for you to find out how long she has to be away from school for then to withdraw the place, then take her for the morning before the limit?
It is Easter at the end of the month so she'll be off for 2 weeks then anyway. You can collect her very early on the one day she's there.

Original poster
MrsParker · 13/03/2009 00:03

I think if i keep her off, they will send an education welfare officer out. I may be fined, or prosecuted. Not sure about how long before this would happen, no specific time scales offered when i've been searching on internet, can't really ask the school!

OP posts:
scrooged · 13/03/2009 00:05

Can you home ed until it's all sorted out then find her another school? At least she'll be safe, it's not ideal but you'll know where she is.

Original poster
MrsParker · 13/03/2009 00:08

Yes I have been doing that. Its not ideal as i have a one year old as well. I worry that she may not get a place at a local school after all of this, and i'll have totally unsettled her.

OP posts:
onebatmother · 13/03/2009 00:09

I recently did an education appeal for a child who was off for SIX months. You won't be fined or prosecuted - the problem is that many schools do have a policy of removing the child from the roll if there is an unauthorised absence for a certain amount of time - often 2 weeks.

You could think about taking her in every few days in a random pattern? Can you not insist that the school informs you if exh turns up, if you have joint parental?

But really I'd advise a series of visits to the gp with exhaustion / stress.

AramintaAlice · 13/03/2009 00:10

The school won't entertain home schooling??

They have no right to tell you that, you can home school at any time, you don't need their permission.

I know, because I've done it.

HerBeatitudeLittleBella · 13/03/2009 00:12

I find it incredible that a school can be so unwilling to work together with a parent in such a difficult situation.

I think you should phone the Gingerbread helpline, who will be able to refer you to some decent legal advice.

helpline

HerBeatitudeLittleBella · 13/03/2009 00:12

She can home ed araminta but she can't send her child back to that particular school (though tbh why you would want to when they're being such a bunch of cunts is a moot point OP)

onebatmother · 13/03/2009 00:12

AA are they obliged to keep your child on the roll though?

scrooged · 13/03/2009 00:13

The LEA have to find somewhere for her when you ask them for a place. It's the law.

It will be unsettling for her, I don't doubt this but it's the only option unless someone comes up with something else. I do think you need to talk to the head and tell her what's going on rather then go through someone else though. I'd be tempted to throw the Children Act at them!!!

Did you not over ride his parental responsibility when he moved out? IIRC, if he's on the birth certificate then he's entitled to have a say where she's educated, injections etc but this doesn't give her father the right to take her without your consent.

These people are really useful www.childrenslegalcentre.com, they may be able to help you.

HerBeatitudeLittleBella · 13/03/2009 00:14

No they're not

Your child does have the right to education and the LEA has a legal duty to provide that if you want to access it (which most people do) But it doesn't have to be at a venue of your choice.

HerBeatitudeLittleBella · 13/03/2009 00:15

sorry crosspostedthat was to obm

KingCanuteIAm · 13/03/2009 00:18

Scrooged, if he has PR, he has pr, you can't override it or anything like that, he has the same rights as the mother.

The school cannot get involved unless they are given a reason such as contact from the Police explaining the situation. A solicitor letter may help but they will be in a difficult position.

scrooged · 13/03/2009 00:20

It's not the same rights as the primary carer though, he's allowed to have a say in how the child's brought up, medical treatment etc, but it's not the same as custody IIRC.

scrooged · 13/03/2009 00:25

www.direct.gov.uk/en/Parents/ParentsRights/DG_4002954 see, says nothing about collecting the child from school