DIVORCE HELP

[anyoneoutthere]

My husband and i were married in South Africa and are seperated. He has been living in South African for the last 20 months. Ive decided i want a divorce and need advice on the cheapest way to do this

Anyone got any tips

Is this purely a formality or are there issus to sort out regarding assets, maintenance, contact? Preusmably ex-dh will consent?

Ita a formailty - no real issues

If you are domiciled (living in) the UK and have been for the last 12 months and he consents to the divorce it should be quite straightforward and you could potentially act in person in relation to the divorce.
The grounds on which you could issue proceedings immediately are his adultery or his unreasonable behaviour however if you have been separated for in excess of 2 years (and he will consent) then you could go ahead on the basis of 2 years separation. As you say he has been living in SA for 20 months you may well have already been separated for 2 years but if not, it may be worth waiting the extra few months and then petitioning on that basis rather than having to find fault with him, ie adultery or behaviour.
If you are going to petition in a UK court you will need the original marriage certificate so hopefully that is not a problem. If you don't have it, it may be possible to obtain a certified copy from where you married which may take a while. It would probably be sensible to discuss matters with your husband to see whether he would consent as you will need his co-operation in the signing of the acknowledgement of service form which would be sent to him together with the divorce papers. Once you know if he is happy to Consent you would then be able to issue the divorce papers (once you have your marriage cetificate) in your local County Court

Ok thanks for that. We havent lived together for 20 months buti went to see him last summer. So does the 2 years start from summer or when he moved out?

Somebody told me that because we were married in South Africa that the petition would have to be made there.

It would depend on what basis you 'saw him' last summer. It is actually possible to have the two years separation whilst under the same roof (many people just simply can't afford to move to separate properties) but you need to satisfy the Court that you lived 'separate and apart' ie you did not sleep together, you did not do his washing, ironing, cleaning or cook for him etc. If you go ahead on a 2 years separation petition, in your affidavit in support of petition (a statement that you need to lodge at the Court after petition is issued and after he has filed the acknowledgement of service form) you need to set out where you have both lived and that you have basically lived separate lives.

Your friend is wrong about having to petition in SA just because you married there. As long as you are domiciled/living in the UK and have been for the last 12 months you can petition there. When you think how many people now marry abroad it would be crazy to expect them to pop back to exotic destinations all over the world just to get divorced! Years ago I married in the States and did my divorce in my local County Court in the UK

Thats what i thought. Does it make a difference that he is in South Africa?

Any idea how much these things cost?

It makes no real difference where he is to be honest, except that the papers have to be sent to him by the Court so hopefully the postal system is reliable. As long as he signs the acknowledgement of service form that is sent to him with the divorce papers and returns it to the Court the divorce will be able to progress. Its only if it doesn't it will get complicated as you will then need to prove he has received the papers, ie by using a process server to physically serve the papers upon him and then file an affidavit (statement) proving he has received them. If you are going ahead on 2 years separation however he MUST sign the papers to show his consent to the divorce so it really is best to test the water asap to see whether he will agree to it before you waste time and money issuing if he is not going to consent.

Ref costs, if straightforward and he will consent (assuming you have no children? so no need for other complicated forms) then there is no reason why you can't act in person. You could obtain the necessary forms from the local county court office and the staff can often be quite helpful although they are not allowed to give legal advice but can give guidance for completion of the forms. First of all though, decide on the grounds (ie if he will consent and you don't mind waiting til the 2 years is up go on that ground or if not, you might want to consider either unreasonable behaviour or adultery if applicable).

You will have to lodge the papers at the Court in duplicate (or triplicate if you want a sealed copy for yourself) together with the marriage certificate (this is retained by the Court so its sensible to keep a photocopy of this before you take it to the Court) There is also a fee to pay which I think is around £300 at the moment although it might be slightly more or less (not issued proceedings for a while as abroad) If you act in person,the only other fees you will have to pay are a swear fee (£7) when you do your affidavit in support of your petition (if you prepare this yourself you will need to go to a solicitor and swear an oath that the contents are true and you have to pay the small charge to them) and then on applying for Decree Absolute there is a fee (think its £40 but don't quote me on this)

If you need anymore advice, I'm happy to guide you through the completion of the petition once you've decided on the grounds. I'm normally lurking here and in relationships threads.

Thank you mumoverseas!

To be honest, there is no way i could afford a divorce

Would exdh be willing to pay?

you shouldn't let the costs put you off if you have decided you want the divorce. Like LadyMuck says, ask your husband if he would be willing to pay or at least contribute to the court fees. In the case of petitions on 2 years separation its quite common practice for the costs to be shared between the parties and if on his behaviour/adultery it is common to put in a request that he be ordered to pay the costs (although enforcement could be difficult as he is in another country if he refuses to pay)
If you are in person for the divorce if straightforward it should only cost you around £350 which is the court fees whereas if you instructed a Solicitor to represent you you'd probably be looking at around £1,000.
If you are on a low income or benefits you may be able to get a fee exemption which means you wouldn't have to pay the court fees so if you are in that situation, talk to the Court office staff and see if you are eligible.

No, my ex wouldnt pay a penny - im am so in debt because of him. That was half our problem. So where would my first port of call be?

well if you are on benefits/low income you may be eligible for public funding (legal aid) so make enquiries with a family lawyer that has a public funding franchise or if you think you can do the divorce yourself, talk to the staff in the local county court office who will be able to tell you whether you'd have to pay the court fees or not.
If not eligible then your only option is to try to save the money up for the court fees. Like I said, if straightforward and you do it yourself (with guidance from on here) then the maximum costs should be around £350

Slight highjack - what is the difference between a separation agreement and a divorce? Is there any point getting a divorce if there is no one else involved at present?

Basically a separation agreement sets out the formalities for a legal separation but does not end the marriage. People have various different reasons for opting for a separation agreement over a divorce, the main one being that they don't want a divorce for religious reasons. If you enter into a separation agreement, it will set out the formalities of the separation and can incorporate any agreements reached with regards to interim financial matters. Parties sometimes opt for this rather than go down the divorce route on the grounds of adultery or unreasonable behaviour (the only two grounds upon which you can commence proceedings immediately). Often, once the parties have been separated for two years, they then go ahead with a divorce on that basis and if they have already resolved a lot of the financial issues in a separation agreement, it can make things proceed more smoothly. With a separation agreement the husband and wife are still legally married and therefore should something happen to one of them the other will automatically be their next of kin and should benefit from their estate (if they die intestate - ie without a will).

With a divorce, once Decree Absolute (the second of two decrees) is pronounced this formally ends the marriage and the parties are no longer next of kin and therefore will not automatically benefit on the others death.
I would always recommend that if the parties are absolutely certain that the marriage is over then it would make sense to go ahead with a divorce as then everything is finalised once and for all. Also, by going with a separation agreement and then a divorce in 2 years time, a lot of additional costs are incurred.

Just because someone else isn't involved isn't really a good reason to not bother with a divorce. Also, if things are left too long it could become more different, ie if one party moves away and cannot be traced.

Thank you.

So where would my first port of call be?

You can phone your county court for the forms to fill in if you are doing it yourself. I have recently done this and the £300 petition (and later) costs can be recovered from the other party if the court awards them to you, so as in my petition which was done on grounds of adultery, I will recover the costs. I also didn't have to pay any swear fees, as you can do this for free at the court, or as MOS said, you can pay a small amount to do it infront of a solicitor. The second fee is £40 as she guessed.

MOS obviously has lots more knowledge of this than me, but I have gone through the process for my own benefit recently, and the forms were fairly simple. I'm not sure how easy it is to get the fees back from your ex in practice, as I have other items to split with my ex and so have removed that from what i will be paying him. I presume the court would help you to chase any costs if they were awarded to you. It may be best practice to take the hit of the costs yourself in the case of a no fault divorce to oil the wheels and keep things amicable.

The CABtold me today that i'd need a lawyer as iarried under South african law. Is this true? There is NO WAY i could afford that

The CAB are numpties and have no idea what they are talking about. Bear in mind that the majority of them are little old ladies who know bugger all about the law and have just got nothing better to do.
Its crap, you don't need a lawyer, go to your local county court office and talk to the staff there, get the relevant forms (someone on here will be able to guide you through completing) them and check out whether you are fee exempt. From what you have been told on here I would imagine you have more legal knowledge than the person you spoke to at the CAB!

Like I said before, I married years ago in the States and got divorced in the UK and acted in person. If you are living/domiciled in the UK then the UK courts have jurisdiction to deal with the divorce. Don't let idiots who don't know what they are talking about put you off.

Great - im a bit less frightened now!!

no worries, you'll be fine. The court staff are generally very helpful with practical technical advice but can't give legal advice. I would imagine that more and more people are acting in person for divorces now as they simply can't afford to instruct Solicitors so you won't be alone. I know there are a few family lawyers who hang out on this thread and I'm sure you'll get all the help you will need to complete the divorce petition and other papers you need. As long as you've got your marriage certificate you'll be fine.

On the practical side, is there any difference between waiting for the 2 year seperation compared to just getting on with it?

oh that's utter nonsense what you've been told at CAB.

I was married in Zimbabwe. Not divorced yet, but hoping that exH and I DIY it when we get round to it as we're very amicable, have nothing to split (the house will be long since repossesed by the time we get round to it) so not really antyhing to argue over.