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Original poster

BF run up huge debts in my name

26 replies

marmitebutty · 20/10/2008 13:59

Have been with BF for 6 years and have 3 DC together. He decided to set up his own business 3 years ago and we took some equity out of the house to set it up but the money soon went and he didn't earn any so he persuaded me to take out a loan and 3 credit cards to fund our living expenses etc until he started earning. Basically, each credit card was used to pay off the other until my credit expired and now we don't have any money to pay the debts and he says I'll have to go bankrupt.

I couldn't work during this period because he didn't want to take on the childcare as he needed all his time to work on his new business project. I was a nurse before the DC so that would have meant evening shifts and weekend work which he didn't want to do.

I feel it's unfair that he has made all these decisions on my behalf and I haven't had any input into the situation and now it seems that I'm going to be left with all the problems. I had to apply for the credit because he couldn't as he has a IVA against his name.

I can't stay on this thread this afternoon but I'll keep looking at it all week when I can. I'd be very grateful if anyone can give me any advice at all. It must look as though I've been very stupid to allow this to happen but it was very difficult to say no to him as he kept telling me there was no other option as I didn't have a job which would pay all our overheads.

OP posts:
ninedragons · 20/10/2008 14:17

Jesus Christ, what an irresponsible, self-indulgent shit your BF is.

What is he doing now? Still arsing about with his failed business?

You need to go to the CAB and get advice tailored to your situation and your needs. Don't listen to a word your BF says - he does not have your best interests in mind.

Original poster
marmitebutty · 20/10/2008 14:31

Thanks for your response, ninedragons. Have been thinking that's my best option. Am very worried that we could lose our home and not be able to even rent somewhere as I won't be able to get financial refs. Have had several rows about it all and he gets angry at me for being so negative. Can't believe he'd put his DC at risk of being homeless.

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PhantomOfTheChocolateCake · 20/10/2008 14:36

Oh dear. I agree with ninedragons, you need to go to the CAB and get the right advice for you. Bankrutcy is the last resort. Take all of your bills and paperwork and they will help you. He sounds like an idiot by the way. Sorry

solidgoldskullonastick · 20/10/2008 14:39

Yes, go to the CAB, and as well as getting advice on sorting out your finances, get advice on getting rid of your partner. Though TBH he will probably leave pretty soon anyway. He has bled you dry and will be lining up another woman to leech off while telling her that you never understood him and weren't supportinve.

Do you have any way of getting in contact with any of his XPs btw? Because it's quite likely that he has done this more than once and there is a possiblity that he can be prosecuted for obtaining money by deception.

lulumama · 20/10/2008 14:39

i totally agree you need to go to the CAB and get independent debt advice..bankrupcy is an absolute last resort, it will ruin your credit rating

and he already has an IVA

i would not trust him with the children's piggy banks, never mind anything else

i hope he is out looking for a job that will bring in income

living on credit cards and loans is impossible to maintain

can i ask what his business project was/is?

reikimarie · 20/10/2008 14:44

Sounds like a trip to the CAB is in order - just heard today on radio 4 that out of 1 in 7 cases ends up in court, which is a very low statistic, so that shows how efficient they are! This is cases which the CAB gets involved in.

Good luck with it.

Blu · 20/10/2008 14:55

Whatever else you do to sort this out, I would apply for nursing work asap and put him on compulsory childcare duty. An income is surely the best start to managing the debt - and better than bankruptcy.

Original poster
marmitebutty · 20/10/2008 15:01

Don't know how to contact his XP's solidgold but even if I did, suppose they didn't want to comment on any possible debts if they don't want to risk it becoming public knowledge? There's no guarantee that I could learn anything from them. Even if CAB can stop me going bankrupt, it'll take a lifetime of scrimping and scraping to pay it all back as well as meaning that my DC will have to go without loads of things.

OP posts:
Original poster
marmitebutty · 20/10/2008 15:03

Have been looking at nursing vacancies and am hoping to get something soon despite not working for 5 years but he seems to prefer me going bankrupt. The reason for me not working was alway what he wanted not what i wanted.

OP posts:
janinlondon · 20/10/2008 15:14

I'm sorry you're in this situation, and agree you should go to see CAB, but "I had to apply for the credit because he couldn't as he has a IVA against his name." Did this not ring any alarm bells? You must have signed the forms.....? He hasn't done anything illegal, but you have agreed to some pretty silly stuff here and I think the CAB will probably point this out to you, so you should be prepared.

PhantomOfTheChocolateCake · 20/10/2008 15:21

You need to get rid of him, he's really screwed things up or you and if you want different things then where can you go from here? Sign up with some agencies in the mean time. Anything's better than nothing. I'm sorry to say that you are liable for these debts as they are in your name and you consented to them. Go to the CAB, they will help you to sort them out.

You need to run away from this man as fast as you can.

MascaraOHara · 20/10/2008 15:24

Sorry to sound hard but you agreed to taking on all that debt so it is your debt and you will have to pay the consequences (unfortunately). you need to go to CAB or that National Debt Crisis organisation.

He had an IVA which you knew about.. you really should have aput a stop to it.. I think he's played you for a mug (sorry) you really ought to take stock of why he is in the relationship. Once he's bled you dry will he move onto the next poor victim?

lulumama · 20/10/2008 15:39

hmmm, he told you not to work, so you didn;t and you agree to take out all the credit in your name, and now he is penniless and you take the hit....

you did have the choice to say no ,i need to work, or no, i won;t take on the debt

you need to get back out there and sod him preferring you to go bankrupt, get some money coming in and find out what benefits or WTC you can get to help. surely the best way out of this mess is for both of you to work?

i would not be giving his preferences much time at the moment, if he has an IVA and oyu go bankrupt how on earth will you ever get credit or a mortgage or anything ever again in either name?

Original poster
marmitebutty · 20/10/2008 15:41

The reason why I've had to do the childcare is because our youngest DC has CP so that makes it difficult for childminders etc. Yes, I know I've been a mug and I need to leave him but I've got nowhere to go, can't even rent a flat now.

OP posts:
MadameCastafiore · 20/10/2008 15:41

Get him to take out credit cards and switch all the debt back to him and then you go out to work and make him look after the kids.

MadameCastafiore · 20/10/2008 15:41

So he is the bankrupt one I mean.

lulumama · 20/10/2008 15:43

you need independent advice

and if he is not working or is 'playing; at having his own business then you need to get yourself sorted , to protect the children

CAB is a good place to start

is he working or bringing in any income at all?

lulumama · 20/10/2008 15:44

will he get any credit cards if he has an IVA?

PhantomOfTheChocolateCake · 20/10/2008 15:46

I don't think the op will be able to transfer these debts over. I would kick him out. Seek specialist advice about going bankrupt. Your home will be at risk if you go through this route. It's really important to keep a roof over your head and your childrens. Is there anyone who can help you out financially until you work out what to do? Parents?

NotDoingTheHousework · 20/10/2008 15:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

solidgoldskullonastick · 20/10/2008 18:14

Yes, your first priority is getting rid of the abusive parasite. At least with his prior bad credit record, the house is inyour name so you could actually just change the locks. It might also be feasible, if he has expensive toys like big TV, fancy camera etc (which parasitic men frequently do) that you can keep and sell these items as part repayment of the debt.

Pawslikepaddington · 21/10/2008 00:56

The same thing happened to me, to the point where I lost the house (we were in rented) and was homeless with a 3 month old. I left him then and there and 5 years on I now have a mortgage and clear cards and loans. Get rid of him, he will never change, and contact the c/card and loan companies asap, as you are less likely to get defaults and CCJ's if they know about your difficulties xxx

unavailable · 21/10/2008 10:58

Are you still in a relationship with this man?
What does he say about the situation you are in, or does he think its your problem not his? If he is not willing to take any responsibility, get rid - he will continue to drag you down further.

Is he earning anything at all? Do you know about his finances, or just what he tells you? You have children together and he has a legal duty to support them if/when you do split. Why do you assume you will have to leave - it is the family home and you are the main carer. Go and see a divorce solicitor as well as a debt advisor.

I dont think you are as powerless in this situation as you think you are. Stand up to him now!

Good luck

Original poster
marmitebutty · 21/10/2008 18:12

Thanks for replies. No family to help out- dad died 8 years ago, mum gone to Italy with new husband so noone to fall back on. BF thinks I should take the bankrupcy option (ie it's my problem) as there is no money to pay the debts. Powerless is how i feel at the moment- hope youre right and I'm not, unavailable. All I know about his fanances is what he tells me

OP posts:
ShoppingBags · 21/10/2008 18:54

OP will be personally liable for CC debts but could she take BF to court to try and recover her losses? Surely what he's done is illegal? Think I've seen news reports of this