I start uni sept and have been avoiding discussing it with h, we have been seperated a year and he knew i was accepted but if I give him too long to think over something he tends to throw up every hurdle possible.
I was accepted for uni when we were still together and he discussed using his mum who was working part time for childcare which I didn't agree with as I felt they needed time away (she mollycoddles them lol)
I want a good friend to childmind them, she's a registered childminder and very professional. As I'm currently a childminder myself I know all the local ones and there is probably three I'd trust with my children if I'm entirely honest. One is her, one is another lady who is full and doesn't do ds's school, and another is full and doesn't do ds's school except a friday. I wouldn't use a day nursery either, plus I don't want to seperate them. Ds is already starting full time school at the age of 4+5. I don't want too mcuh to change, this childminder is one of my best friends and they see her a lot and me leaving them there wouldn't even seem a seperation for them.
I told h on the phone today (we don't see each other at all bar drop off/pick up and even then its tense) about starting uni and using CM and he said he's not happy as the children spend too much time in 'my circle of friends' and need to socialise with other children. I explained that there are no other options realistically (I know he wasn't happy putting ds in nursery when younger so he'd only agree to one now out of spite) and he suggested his mum again - hardly with more children! She works four days a week so it would only be a very part time option, but I don't consider her reliable - she has spent at least 16 out of the last 40-odd weeks abroad on holiday and her work changes at the last minute so even for one day thats not the best. So I said well I have to pay for a fulltime space anyways so she can always have them when she likes anyways.
But then he said I had to prove all earnings/outgoings to prove I could support them while at uni - my course is bursary funded which is why I can afford to go and he knows this, and also knows I wouldn't go if I couldn't, but he's always liked control. He said i agreed to it at mediation - i didn't! I said it was controlling and refused! But he had insisted and the mediators said it sounded like a good idea and he's taken it as gospel. So he's coming over thursday (urgh he's never been in my house) for me to 'prove' my finances and THEN we will talk about childcare.
SO (sorry for rant!) my question - can he stop my kids using this CM? Cos if they don't go with her tbh I won't go because I won't be comfortable using any other care. And it's the best solution for their happiness. And I don't think I could afford it because she's very generous with flexibility. Which then means in september i will actually be unemployed.