Am I wrong to ask my son for board still?

[OneSnugLimePombear]

My 28 year old son, who has always lived at home) met this girl about three months ago. He then started staying over at her house house every night. But coming home from work for a bath and a change of clothes. I do all his washing. The thing is he had always paid me £200 board and as soon as he started staying at her house he stopped giving it to me. I did suggest he just give me half for now but he won’t. Am I wrong asking for it? I only have my state pension.

I don’t think you can ask him for board if he basically doesn’t live there. Or as some suggest for storing his belongings. But you should,tell him no more laundry he does it at her place, or he pays 50 quid a month or something.

sorry op.

He's not a kid, he's 28.

Blimey, you do know it’s her son and not some random lodger right?

I mean it’s right if he’s only there for a bath and laundry it doesn’t cost him 200 a month, but I do agree he should contribute what that costs in terms of water and electricity.

but changing the locks etc, on your own kid. Fuck me.

If he's not living there any more, then he needs to move out, simple really. I am quite shocked at a 28 year old man who expects his mother, who lives on a state pension, to do his washing, give up a room in her home for all his stuff, gets to use her home as a fall back in case it doesn't work out with his girlfriend, but begrudges her £100 a month.

Definitely stop doing his washing. Does she know her 28 year old boyfriend's mother washes his underpants? That is so immensely off putting, has he no self respect asking you to do his laundry? If he's paying towards the bills he should have access to the washing machine etc to do his own laundry.

Otherwise you need to have a conversation about whether he lives with you or not. If he needs the room keeping and access to daily baths, and you need the money, it doesn't really matter where he sleeps.

If you actually need the money maybe you need the bedroom for a lodger...

You need to have a straightforward conversation.

@OneSnugLimePombear our DD is also 28. She half lives with BF, half with us (we're walking distance to her workplace).

When she came home from uni and got her first job, she was given two choices: she could clean her room and do her own washing/ironing, or she could give me £25pcm for additional cleaning hours. She chose the latter £100pcm. No quibbles and we do not need the money but that's fair in our opinion.

You do need the money and your DS is being unfair to you.

Come on, if he was renting a flat/house, met a partner and started spending his time there he'd still have the same bills. He can carry on paying while he's living at home, whether he spends the majority of time there or not.

DH works away the majority of the week, mortgage is still the same 🤷‍♀️ welcome to the adult world. Pay up or move out.

See this is how I feel but how much extra is him using the washing machine actuallu costing ! She still needs use it for her own washing too. How would you even work that out lol.

Tell him to move out if he’s not paying his board. Stop doing his washing. And I say that as someone who doesn’t believe we should charge our children rent… it’s because he was disrespectful enough to his own mother to stop paying without even discussing it and while leaving her to be his skivvy.

You need to clarify his intentions as if you are a single person you will get rebate on your council tax .

Did I just wander in to 1973?

I understand why he is witholding payment. Sort of. In turn you need to withold food laundry etc. Seriously consider getting a lodger.

Blimey, you do know it’s his mum and not some random landlord he can screw right?

I mean, he is using a room for storage that could be rented out, using the bath (he doesn't clean) and getting his mum to do his laundry. Its OK for him to use utilities, her labour and incur costs such as extra council tax but because he doesn't sleep there he should only possibly contribute the marginal extra cost of water and electricity.

but taking a unilateral decision to leave your own mum in poverty to save yourself £200 month at the age of 28. Not even taking her up on her more than generous suggestion for only £100 when you know she only has her state pension. Fuck me.

Tell him you need to let his room out if he's not living there and paying board; you need the income.

I suspect because she always has done the laundry. For her husband and for any children. And continues as he lives at home.
She may well have lived where the view was her husband goes out and does his work, her work was in the home. He didn’t do hers and she didn’t do his ( of course).
He should of course do things around the house / garden and we don’t know that he doesn’t.

Neither would I. Because, at 26, I'd be expecting him to do his own laundry.

He is not being reasonable to not continue to pay towards costs of the household. He is very unreasonable to not entertain even the reduction of his contribution to costs of living with you.

I do wonder if his new girlfriend is now in receipt of the money he gave to you.

No, you were not wrong to ask him to continue to pay.

It will be hard but as others have said, he can do his washing at his new girlfriend’s place. Rather than bringing it all home for you to do.
As he won’t pay anymore towards running costs of the household then things he will need to realise will change from your end. That includes the washing. And ironing.
I would ask him if he is having to pay her for his overnight stays.
I suspect if he takes his laundry to her then the romance might finish.

He needs to go on paying to counterbalance the fact that you cannot apply for single occupancy council tax reduction until he formally moves out, he is using your home as storage and uses the washing and laundry facilities.
Are you getting all the benefits you are entitled to?
Do not do his washing .... point him in the direction of the machine!
He needs to understand that you are in limbo financially and he needs to go on paying at the moment. He is old enough to understand this.

If he is refusing to pay board then he needs to register as living at his girlfriend’s house so you can potentially get the 25% council tax discount. Depending on your pension income you could even get pension credit.

He also needs to accept that his room is yours to use as you wish now. Also stop doing his washing & giving him access to baths etc.

He doesn’t get to choose whether he pays for things provided in your house. Either he pays or there is no bath, room or washing facilities. A working adult can pay their way when asked or actually stand on their own two feet and at 28 years old that is probably long overdue.

28 and sponging off 2 women, he sounds such a catch!

OP, I would ask him to take the rest of his stuff and give you the key back.

Let him 'board' at his gf's place for 200 a month! The cheeky twat.

A 28 year old man?

I’d stop washing his clothes for starters. He’s 28.

Stop doing his laundry and start making use of his bedroom for something else. Bag up his things. If he's not paying board, he doesn't have a bedroom for his sole use or someone to do his laundry.

You can ask but chances are at this point he’ll just move out fully. What are your plans for when that happens?