Am I wrong to ask my son for board still?

[OneSnugLimePombear]

My 28 year old son, who has always lived at home) met this girl about three months ago. He then started staying over at her house house every night. But coming home from work for a bath and a change of clothes. I do all his washing. The thing is he had always paid me £200 board and as soon as he started staying at her house he stopped giving it to me. I did suggest he just give me half for now but he won’t. Am I wrong asking for it? I only have my state pension.

Like everyone else says, he needs to fully move out if he's not paying you board money.

Where does he live for council tax purposes? If he didn't live with you, you'd get the 25% council tax discount, which could account for a lot of the £200 pm (which is a tiny amount for a working adult to pay) on it's own before all the electricity, hot water etc.

i think you’re wrong to ask for it because ‘you only have your state pension’. But not wrong to ask him to pay some rent.

absolutely stop doing his washing and I’d stop him using you like a hotel.

what’s your plan if he moves in with his g/f. Can you afford to live without his £200. Will you downsize? Or take a lodger? I’d be doing one of those in the very near future if he’s stopped paying. And having a chat with him about how he can’t just stop paying because he’s had a better offer.

Poor girl ending up with a 28 year whose mum still does his laundry 😭 I hope he’s contributing to her living costs

How embarrassing to be 28 and have your mum wash your skivvies.

if he moves out fully you will still only have your state pension. You shouldn’t be doing your laundry for him though.

Stop doing his washing and then dont charge him.

Sit him down and ask him how long will the current half-and-half situation last, because you need a deadline. Suggest another 2 weeks, and fix a firm date for his official moving-out date.
By that time he has to clear ALL his belongings out of your house, and change his address on all documents (phone, driving licence, etc) to his new address i.e. his girlfriend's house.

Tell him you will then be claiming single person's discount on the council tax, so he can't have any documents saying he still lives at your address.

Tell him you will need to get another lodger in his room, so all his stuff has to go, into a storage unit if there is no room at his new address. (Note: you don't actually have to get a new lodger, just tell him that you are going to. It takes time to find the right person so you can always say later on that you are still looking).

If he doesn't want to do any of this, then he has to pay you the 'rent' he owes, plus all back rent he missed.

Time for some tough love.

Stop doing his washing regardless. It is ridiculous you are doing washing for a 28 year old. Do yourself and him a favour and just stop.
Then I would ask him where he is living. If you, he needs to pay the (paltry) rent. Regardless of how much he uses his room. That is how rent works.
If not you, personally I would choose to make the point by simply asking for his key back. People who don't live there don't get house keys, they are guests. You can then choose to answer the door to him (or not) anytime you want.
If he won't give you the key back, I'd change the lock. If you get into an argument and he won't make a decision as to where he lives or states that he lives with her but still needs access for his stuff etc etc (basically any prevarication other than agreeing to pay the rent), I'd change the lock.
Given the amount you are charging and the likely additional cost of utilities and lack of council tax reduction, not to mention the washing service, he is severely taking the piss. If his actions are so reasonable, let him try to find a private landlord where he can shower and wash and store his stuff for free!

Is it just the two of you living at your house? If it's just you, you could claim single person council tax, so he should at least cover the difference. I also think that he should be paying you at least half of his usual rent for you to keep his room available.

Well he needs to move his stuff out then doesn’t he. Also why are you doing a 28 year old mans washing? X

It’s unreasonable he won’t pay half. Just explain to him it’s not really fair to not want to contribute at all and to use your home like that on a daily basis. The board wasn’t for him to sleep at your house it was for all the associated costs of hm living there, many of which are still there. Ask him to pay a relevant portion of the hot water etc as he is still using it, so if three adults in your house he pays a third of the costs of water and heating? Also come up with a plan for his room even if it’s turning it into a nicely decorated guest room he could still use occasionally, and ask him to start sorting his stuff out and boxing things up for storage. He should definitely do his own laundry.

He's 28. He needs to move out properly. I presume you're paying more council tax because he technically lived with you? And gas and electric, food etc? Can you estimate the actual cost to you and ask for that? Or he moved out.

Stop doing his laundry. He's fully capable of doing it himself!

Tell him if he doesn't contribute financially you will not allow him to use your home as a free hotel. Good advice re council tax deduction. Also if you are struggling perhaps look into getting a lodger. Google the rent a room scheme gov uk.

He can only do all of those things if you put up with it.

You surely can not have expected him to stay forever and pay just because you only have a state pension? I know its hard but it is not his responsibility. And doing laundry should be done out of love not financial gain.

Use the home as a free hotel? Its his mothers house, is this really how people feel about their adult kids?

Why are you washing his clothes? He's nearly 30.

Is he paying his girlfriend any rent or is he trying to mooch off both of you because he’s not really living anywhere full time?

If he’s refusing to pay board, then you no longer do his clothes I think, it’s only fair. I mean he’s still using energy to run a bath every day from work which will cost you, but if he’s refusing to pay board I’m not sure he’ll contribute to this.

Tell him since he lives with her he needs to clear out his room as your getting a lodger. And he will need to wash his clothes at his girlfriends

@Teainapinkcup

How many men do laundry as an act of love?

You are just being unkind to the op.

Why is 28 years old dictating to his mother how he uses her and her house? Why is he not contributing for what he uses knowing his mum only has a state pension to live on?

@opwould you be paying less council tax if you were in the property alone? ( the single occupancy 25% off).

He's 28 not 10. At that age I was married and a mother with my own home. This perfectly encapsulates what's wrong with society these days!

Edited to add: from the age of 15 when I left school and got a part time job, I paid board and did so till I moved out. My parents didn't need the money but it was a lesson for me and one I'm glad they taught me too.

@Teainapinkcup do you think it's the mother's responsibility to launder her able bodied 28 year son's clothes? What age is suitable for a mother to stop babying her adult child in your opinion?

He doesnt live there anymore or did I not understand. I am not being unkind. Op needs a plan for finances now her son is out. Doing laundry is either done as he asked his mum or the mum stops, its not right to charge for laundry only.

At 28, why are you doing his laundry?

Tell him to do it at his girlfriend's house, and give her the £200. Ask for your key back. Wish him well.