Would I be wrong to report my mother over Attendance Allowance?

[Tallularx4]

Id really like some advice about my mother. I’ve come to this forum because my daughter is a member and after having her little boy, my grandson she found it invaluable.

My mother was awarded Attendance Allowance 5 years ago whilst my Dad was alive. He had Vascular Dementia and was blind. He needed a lot of care and help and was very deserving of this money. My mother played on being unwell and incapable of doing things and was awarded it too.

fast forward 5 years and she’s still getting it. Myself and my 2 siblings have told her that she doesn’t qualify for this benefit and would be in trouble if the DWP discovered it. She’s mobile, can wash and cook for herself and lives in a retirement home where she’s out at the pub with friends frequently.

The allowance is almost £500 a month, my mother is almost 85 and I’m almost 60. The fact she openly tells people she gets it when she’s probably the fittest there does annoy me.
My siblings and I have never had a good relationship with my mother after a very bad childhood with her. She shows no love to us or Empathy and it’s almost impossible to listen to her at times.
my siblings want to report her for fraud. She has my Dad’s pension which is very good and her state pension and now the AA and brings in £2,145 a month.

Would I be that awful daughter for reporting or should I just forget about it and let her live with the money. It’s eating away at the me with the pressure from my siblings and the constant reminders from her she is now ‘rich’
I don’t need to be told I’m awful for thinking like this, I already know I just want some solid advice.
Thank you so much 😕

Do you think I said that?

I questioned why now, why not 5 years ago. If OP didn’t report it initially then it sounds like it is reactive and I would never condone reporting someone for something to spite them. If OP disagreed with the act immediately and reported it that would be different. But yeah, at no point was I saying old people should get away with crime, I’m simply questioning the reason.

You said: “I can’t imagine what kind of a person you have to be to consider reporting your 85 year old mother for fraud“, as if it matters who the fraudster is when deciding to report a crime. Perhaps OP didn’t have enough proof previously. Perhaps she thought her mother would see the error of her ways and stop claiming it. OP isn’t the one here who’s done something wrong.

Sounds like you don't like her, which may be entirely justified BUT
would you report this "fraud" if you did like her?

Are you sure you mean she is getting attendance allowance for her own needs? It is a very long form that needs documentary evidence for every point, so in order to get it she must have qualified.
If you mean that she is still claiming carer's allowance for looking after your father, then she is committing fraud and you should report her.
They are two distinct benefits and are claimed separately, so make sure you clarify.

Then I continued to question the reason which was my whole point and I apologise for not making it clear I see the mistake I made there by not adding the 2 together. I wonder why OP would report now but not before. Thsts all. Sorry again

Because she has lied / hugely exaggerated her symptoms. Of course they know she’s getting it, but assume she is unwell enough to warrant receiving it and clearly isn’t. But no, I wouldn’t report her.

But she would need to provide hospital letters from her consultant, letters from her GP, prescriptions, etc. Are you saying she has managed to convince all those people to provide written confirmation of all her symptoms? That is extraordinary.
I had a terrible time gathering enough evidence for FIL. He was blind, had terminal cancer and a stroke. I had to get consultant letters confirming everything. It took me a whole weekend to collate it all and complete the forms.

I have.

My 88 year father didn’t get it (and didn’t need it). My 89 year old neighbour doesn’t get it (and doesn’t need it). My husband’s aunt didn’t get it until she was 93 and her dementia got so bad that she had to move into a care home.

A 97 year old relative of mine doesn’t currently get it, though she did for a few months last year when we had to get in a couple of live-in carers for her following a fall. I applied for AA for her and she was awarded the higher rate because she needed care day and night.

The application form is very clear that you need to notify DWP of changes in circumstances, so when my relative had recovered enough to dispense with the night carer I told DWP and she was moved onto the lower rate. A couple of months later the day carer also left and my aunt cancelled her claim.

From what the OP says, it doesn’t sound to me that her mother is eligible, and probably never was.

If she lied - report it.

Oh come on! Stop this, leave her be and concentrate on something more productive.

I was talking to a couple today. Both 79, just come back from a cruise, both drive new cars. They have ailments and health problems for sure, but are fairly fit and able, bit doddery though. Both very wealthy, both have AA.

I think reporting your mother will backfire. She’s 85 and living in a care home. I mean she may be fit as a fiddle but she’s not Joe Wicks is she? She will need help with certain things. I don’t think she will be in trouble with DWP at all, it won’t be revoked.

You clearly resent her and you’ll be grassing her up to make you feel better. I would just try and let go of the bitterness.

Everyone saying OP mother lives in a care home, she said a retirement home not a care home. They are very different places.

This. If someone needs to be in a CARE home, the home claims the attendance allowance.

She won’t be claiming your Dads AA.

If she’s getting it, in her own right, then it’s been decided on her health. Whatever money she’s got is irrelevant. It’s not means tested.

Not if the person is self funding.