Would I be wrong to report my mother over Attendance Allowance?

[Tallularx4]

Id really like some advice about my mother. I’ve come to this forum because my daughter is a member and after having her little boy, my grandson she found it invaluable.

My mother was awarded Attendance Allowance 5 years ago whilst my Dad was alive. He had Vascular Dementia and was blind. He needed a lot of care and help and was very deserving of this money. My mother played on being unwell and incapable of doing things and was awarded it too.

fast forward 5 years and she’s still getting it. Myself and my 2 siblings have told her that she doesn’t qualify for this benefit and would be in trouble if the DWP discovered it. She’s mobile, can wash and cook for herself and lives in a retirement home where she’s out at the pub with friends frequently.

The allowance is almost £500 a month, my mother is almost 85 and I’m almost 60. The fact she openly tells people she gets it when she’s probably the fittest there does annoy me.
My siblings and I have never had a good relationship with my mother after a very bad childhood with her. She shows no love to us or Empathy and it’s almost impossible to listen to her at times.
my siblings want to report her for fraud. She has my Dad’s pension which is very good and her state pension and now the AA and brings in £2,145 a month.

Would I be that awful daughter for reporting or should I just forget about it and let her live with the money. It’s eating away at the me with the pressure from my siblings and the constant reminders from her she is now ‘rich’
I don’t need to be told I’m awful for thinking like this, I already know I just want some solid advice.
Thank you so much 😕

Surely he had AA award not her? Unless she has disability or care needs too. Did DWP not cancel it on his death?

No. They’re not allowed to. It’s private.

You could ‘need’ care, but you’re not obliged to have it.

They both had it.

The bar for claiming AA is fairly low, even if you reported her (and tbh your reasons sound borne of spite) she’d probably still be awarded it.

My parents can both wash themselves and cook but are well over the threshold of meeting the criteria.

She is 84. Her needs are only going to increase. Leave it alone. Next werk she could break her hip and be immobile
Focus on yourself and family who support you

No no checks.

They do not necessarily need someone there overnight, it's more abut having difficulties at night so the form looks at things like difficulties getting out of bed, to the toilet, being able to sleep comfortably, being able to turn themselves in bed.

My father’s in law is in a home and qualifies for AA. what sort of home is your mother in and who lays for it.

It reads to me less like being good citizens and reporting a “benefit cheat” (which she isn’t) and more like you all getting your own back for perceived bad parenting. Leave the poor woman alone she may not have many years left.

Yes people in care homes who are self funding can claim AA. they cannot if the local authority is funding them. Most people claiming AA are not in care homes, many don't have carers at all.

Hmm. Seems somewhat unlikely that a DWP worker would come to your parents house, with an AA form for your mum on a whim.

Sounds like they were helping with firm for the Dad and realised Mum might qualify too.

You are going to report your 85 year old mother?

Reporting her is not going to make you feel any better or fix the relationship you have with her.

Focus on yourself and your health.

I think you might benefit from talking to someone and getting some counselling to help you deal with your anger and to support you through your illness.

Focusing on getting revenge/finding ways to hurt your mother is not going to help you in any way.

My mother has only just got AA- she was refused once before. She’s 88 and should be in a nursing home imo. She can barely stand up some days. Of course if she’d quit smoking and ever bothered to do a second of exercise she might have ended up in better shape….

If she is in a care home she can continue to get AA if she is self-funding her place. If the local authority pay for her place then the AA stops.

IIRC you have to provide medical evidence, so there must be some genuine reason she was awarded it. It is to help people maintain an independent life. The only reason it would be withdrawn is if she went into residential care which was fully funded by the Local Authority. Self funders retain AA.

Maybe you need to focus more on yourself and less on your mother and what your siblings say.

I can’t imagine what kind of a person you have to be to consider reporting your 85 year old mother for fraud.

My biggest question is why you have waited 5 years? It makes it seem spiteful to me, rather than a moral obligation or whatever.

Yes you'd be an awful daughter for reporting your own mother. She's 80 years old. Leave her be.

Isn’t she stealing from the tax payer? I think so, so why should she get a free pass just because of her age?

I wouldnt report her but I would take a dim view on her actions and if she came for assistance, I would encourage her to use the AA to pay for the necessary care.

Ah ok. Thank you!

You want to try and get your own 85 year old mother into serious trouble because you don't think she does enough for you.

Wow!

I'm so sorry you have cancer and hope your treatment goes well.

Regarding your mum, I wouldn't report her but I wouldn't sympathise with her if she got caught. TBH I'd be keeping away from her as much as possible. She's badly affected your life and seems to have plenty of company in the pub. I'd let her get on with it.

How mean spirited of you. How is it actually affecting you? She’s been deemed to qualify, direct your spite elsewhere.

Do you think elderly people should be excused for crimes they commit because they’re old?