How much financial support do you give once your children turn 18?

[etchedinstone]

Just after a bit of perspective really. Dd is 18 and hopefully going to uni in September. Obviously we will give her what student finance expect, which is about 5.5k a year. We’ll help more if we can but I was hoping to start paying off debt /saving at some point as well. She also has a £20k trust fund to help her through uni.

She is going on 2 post-A level holidays (and our family holiday). We’ve obviously paid for the family holiday but have also paid for one of the other holidays, which was 1K. She paid for the other herself and I’m expecting her to use her money from part time job/savings/ trust fund for spending money.

However, she appears to be the only one of her friends in this position, with parents bankrolling everything. Quite a few don’t have part time jobs and no intention of getting one as parents give them so much money. They have a summer of even more holidays/ trips than my ‘3 holidays daughter’ (which I would have bitten someone’s hand off for at her age). My dd is also one the few who doesn’t have her own car (although full use of mine, which I paid an extra 1K insurance on).

Anyway, I sway between thinking this is bloody ridiculous and she’s really lucky that we give her this and also it’s important to have a job and realise the value of money. Then I feel a bit guilty that she’s hard done by compared to her friends.

Do parents really continue to fund the lifestyle of their kids well into their 20s and not expect them to work? My parents were lovely but I had my last family holiday at 16, paid for holidays/cars/insurance myself after that and worked part-time all the way through uni.

imo It’s important to have a job not just to appreciate the value of money, but also for cv. Dd has three jobs over the summer break: cleaning rooms at our local university, swimming teacher and tutoring maths. Her friends also have jobs.

To be fair, just because their parents are paying for everything this summer, when they’re 18, it doesn’t mean they’re going to be paying for them ‘well into their 20’s’. It could just be that they’re funding this summer before they head off to uni.

Mine are teens. I plan to get them a (cheap) car (we live rurally), and they're welcome to stay in the house as long as they are being reasonable (eg. not rolling in late crashing and banging/eating all the food/using all the hot water - note that I don't expect them to do this!) and in education. Once they are in a job (or not in a job) they will be expected to pay some keep.

As things stand, my court order says they are entitled to maintenance from their dad until they are 23 as long as they are in full time education - so I'm certainly happy to use that to pay for them while it lasts.

Our eldest turns 18 tomorrow. All his summer travel is being funded by himself. We haven’t bought him a car either. He has a lot of wealthy friends who are still being bank rolled by parents but I don’t think it’s very productive not to teach kids the value of money.

But then there was a thread a couple of days ago where posters were trying to claim that 16 was far too young to be working and kids should just be kids 🙄. Crazy. Mollycoddling our kids and handing everything to them on a plate does them no favours 🤷‍♀️

In my opinion, if a parent is in debt and has little/no savings, and their child has a £20k trust fund, that parent isn’t in a position to buy them a car, pay for their holidays with mates, or give them an allowance to cover all of their “fun” spending.

With the way the jobs market is now, I’d say that working as soon as possible, doing anything at all is going to stand them in the best possible stead for when they end university. The kids who never work and leave uni with nothing on their cv for work set themselves far behind those who can show they are workers. So just on that basis it’s great she works and pays for stuff.

I also wouldn’t be encouraging an 18yo with a £20k trust fund to blow a chunk of it on holidays—trust funds are usually to set young people up for their future.

Why does she need additional money at university and a car/holiday paid for if she has student finance and a £20k trust fund? She has £500 a month for 3 years of university. If she blows the £20k too quickly then she needs a job.

I echo what PPs have said, part times jobs are more important than ever - especially in the current job market, for graduate job applications, surely with all else being equal those with no work experience at all will be shuffled below those who have that experience.

DC is yr 3 uni and has had a holiday job since 6th form, bought their own car and has savings for holidays etc. They’re now on a yr 3 placement (which is a full time paid job) so it’s a bit different this year as they’re funding everything themselves, but in a regular uni year which they’ll go back to in Oct their student loan pays for their rent, we pay a weekly amount for food, bills, travel etc and we agreed to tax /insure their car while they were at uni, everything else is on them.

If she has multiple friends that don’t work, their parents all bought them a car and they are all funding their DC for 4+ holidays this summer, I’d say that was pretty unusual and a very affluent area.

My ds is a qualified pool lifeguard and has been working on Saturdays for the last year. He's off to uni in September. I'll pay his halls room, he has about £5k of his own and he'll get a job (I hope) while he is there.

He doesn't drink and the uni is car-free so his living costs will be mainly food & books. He has chosen not to take the maintenance loan, at least not yet.

We'll review money at Xmas but he plans to work part time, for the income but also because he enjoys it.

I'm 60, he's a strapping 6'2" 18yo with endless energy. It is right for him to shoulder some of the load.

My daughter is 18

just finishing her level 3

she’s worked in a pub the last few years (pot washing /cleaning and now behind the bar)

she completely funds her car (although I lent her £100 last month towards insurance as she hadn’t had as many shots as usual)
also funds all her nights out and social life.

I don’t ask for any board off her (wouldn’t while she was at college anyway) but expect her to put £100 a month into her help to save isa (she does normally make over £1000 per month)

when she’s at college I send her £4 a day dinner money , and she makes herself some food from the house (she often eats at work tbf)

she will get a treat when she’s finishes college (up to 100£ ish)

if I had millions I wouldn’t bank roll her , but she does tend to earn more then me a month !

Agreed, my kids are at an independent school and this isn’t typical even amongst their cohorts!

From my maths, dd will need £850 a month from us to cover rent and living on top of student maintenance! We’re hoping to do that for a term and she had to get a job so we can reduce it to £550/600. We also pay car insurance, uses family car as doesn’t need it at uni, phone contract so she can always call us. She’s paid for a holiday abroad this summer and camping trip. I bought her prom ticket. Occasionally I send her £200 for clothes (twice a year) but she’s got enough right now so it’ll stop with uni funding.

I think you really need to prioritise your own finances. It’s crazy to be in debt and funding your DDs holidays when she has a job and a CTF of £20k.

We don’t live in a wealthy area to be fair but most of DDs friends are staying at home for uni and have part time jobs.

With our DCs, child trust funds aren’t fun money for splurging. The CTF is a line item on the spreadsheet which counts toward the total of university costs. Yes, it’s legally in their name, and no, I will not be plugging in any shortfall if the CTF is spent elsewhere, eg, on holidays.

We sound similar to you - not much in savings. We pay for her rent too up at uni and I give her 75 a week for food / expenses- the rest she earns herself, it’s going to be tight next year when we have two of them there. Both have jobs and have worked since 16 and that has to find their cars, holidays, etc all of which they pay themselves.

We are very well off - we expect our kids to work. They worked every summer whilst at uni. We did not pay for holidays they went on with friends. They graduated we did not buy them a car - they borrowed the money off us and are paying us back. They currently live at home and contribute their share of the bills, we buy the food, we eat out frequently, we always pay. They come on holidays with us they pay for their flights, we cover everything else. They are expected to make a contribution. I know ds saves around £1500 a month. They are not extravagant spenders - they don’t covet new iPhones, designer clothing or other material items. When they settle into their jobs and decide to buy property, we will help but we won’t do it for them and they don’t know we will help, so they are saving hard. We will likely pay off their student loans in a couple of years- when we have some investments maturing - we have not shared this with them. We very much do not believe in handing them a lifestyle on a plate, if their friend's parents what to give their kids more that’s their business.

Similar to Sanseb. Privileged DC, trust funds that are significant. They had lovely holidays with us.

They contributed towards holidays with friends or paid in full.

They both earnt money in the holidays (DS caddying (lucrative), DD babysitting (again lucrative). Both had paid jobs in their gap years although we helped fund the gap activities.

We bought DS a clapped out car for his 18th which largely stayed on the drive to rack up NCB. Same for DD.

Life at uni was comfortable and they weren't skint.

The day they left uni, the allowance stopped. If they wanted spends they had to get jobs.

“Well into their 20’s”? No, but for uni, yes we will contribute as much as we can. DS uses the car (which we pay for) but won’t be taking it to uni (central London).

At Uni - they gave us their student loan, we paid for their accomodation and gave them a weekly allowance, that increased by an inflationary amount every year. They were comfortable, but on one occasion skint through lack of planning for the period between study and work - I allowed them to feel that discomfort, not terrible discomfort - they just didn't have any fun money for a few weeks - and they didn't make that mistake twice! I don't believe in always stepping in to save them (within reason).

Exactly the same as you.

Top up to full maintenance loan plus occasional extra such as a grocery shop or train fare home.
Decent CTF.
Family holidays paid.
Use of my car.

Anything else, self funded.

We could afford more but I don't think it's the right thing to do.

We're in an affluent area, but all the 6th Formers have PT jobs. DD1 is a lifeguard, we paid for her training but once she got a job she paid me back for that out of her first months pay. At Uni she'll get about £500 - £600 a month from us, she won't be working much during termtime (medicine) but will continue lifeguarding in the holidays. We haven't bought a car (some of her friends have been bought one but are expected to run it with their own wages), and won't be paying for holidays with friends, she's chosen not to go on one of the holidays planned for this sumer and will be saving her money (we've got a family holiday though that we are paying for). Post Uni we might help with house deposits, 1/3 of FTB now get money from family members to help them buy.

We’re certainly middle class but not mega wealthy! We will pay for tuition and rent. DS is a tennis coach and has been for two years so he has good savings which will help pay for his bills.