I’m kicking my spending habit one day at a time

[helpmepleasepls]

I had a thread about my spending in AIBU - https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5532304-i-have-a-spending-problem-and-i-need-some-harsh-truths?utm_campaign=thread&utm_medium=app_share

But im now in the phase of actually kicking the habit and I just wanted a place to share about it without constantly putting that thread into the top of AIBU as it just leads to some not so helpful advice 😂

im 5 days into a no spend and I can already feel the urges abating, im saving everything I would’ve normally picked up and realising after a couple of days that I don’t actually want it.

My rules are simple:

£100 discretionary spending money a month, but once it’s gone it’s gone.

I’m not counting things like transport to work because I have to buy that no matter what

As a summary - I bring home just shy of £1700 a month. I was putting aside about £650 for my non negotiable costs and the rest was being burnt through. I would “save” at the start of each month and by halfway through the month I’d spent so much I was taking it out and spending it.

Savings are now being set aside and I have a spreadsheet laying out the budget. I tallied it up yesterday and it’s all lining up so far. My savings are in an account where I don’t have the app on my phone so transferring out would mean getting my laptop.

I’ve cancelled all subscriptions like Amazon prime and removed all shopping apps from my phone. I am avoiding physically going in and shopping in shops until I feel ready. I am really, really determined to kick this habit.

Well done! That's amazing progress already.
If you want something to do when you are not spending money have a look at Atomic Habits by James Clear (take it out of the library; do not buy it obviously!) - he describes ways to embed habits by making small steps.

Thank you! I’ve read that book, I just think it hadn’t pulled through to this aspect of my life because I wasn’t really ready to admit I had a problem before now

I used to be a complete spendthrift (about 10 years ago) but now I am a saver. During the week the only money I spend is a couple of train fares. I really think carefully what I am spending on now, and why. In my case, it was boredom. It was an hobby for me, with financial penalties. And I had a need for external validation - people saying I looked good in my many new outfits. I mend stuff now. I don’t care whether people like what I am wearing, I don’t care about validation now, don’t care that I have had that top 5 years. I only care about experiences. The only time I feel the urge to splurge is after looking at Instagram. It does the seeds of discontent- but I just give my head a wobble and resist. I don’t have the lifestyle of some lady who lunches who has a swimming pool in the Home Counties so I resist their blandishments. I lead an ordinary life and that is okay. So, if you are an Instagram scroller I would resist looking there.

If I really want something I can have it, but it has to be something that I really wanted rather than to fill a void. Most of the stuff available these days is such crap quality I don’t see much I like anymore. I also don’t want to make rich people richer. On my feed a Victoria Beckham make up item kept appearing. I almost got sucked in, but they are a greedy family, I don’t need the make up, they don’t need the money, so I resisted. I looked for a dupe and then said no to that, because I have plenty of make up. Having an excess of stuff is meaningless, although you can never have too many books!

I have saved so much money in the last 10 years, I kick myself for not doing it before. I wince at the waste, I could be in a better house by now. I still go on great holidays, eat well etc. I still plan for big adventures. But I want to amass savings rather than buy things so I can do exciting things, plus to retire early.

Removing apps, unsubscribing from emails, finding a hobby to fill up time rather than shopping. Work out why you burn through the money - are you comparing yourself, want approval, feel a lack? Give yourself a first target to save and watch it grow, put it in an ISA. Look at Money Savings Expert for top recommendations plus the forums are a good source of support for people who have money issues or who are trying to get out of debt, or just money saving tips. Do you like nature, never underestimate the value of sitting under a tree with a book and an icecream. If there is a National Trust near you get a membership card. It gives you access to beautiful places and nature.

Spending money is just an addiction. It is something that can be broken.

I’ve “broken” the streak. I’ve spent £4.39 on edible glitter for a birthday cake I’m making.

To me that’s not the worst thing in the world to spend on, and my challenge to myself now is stopping myself from spiralling with this and spending a lot more money. It’s £4, get over it and move on without spending more.

"How" did you buy it? Did you think "I'll need to decorate the birthday cake; I think edible glitter will be good. I'll go out and get some" or were you in a shop, saw it, and bought it just because you liked the look of it, and justified it to yourself later? The first is a better mindset habit to get into.

But either way, you have allocated yourself £100 of disposable spending money; you have chosen to spend some of it and now have £95.61 left. No problem at all.

The first one. I’ve been thinking of the idea for a few days now, so it wasn’t an impulse.

You want to get to a neutral place with money. Don’t go too far the other way. You wanted stuff for a cake. It has a purpose. Don’t over think it. Being a skin flint or a spendthrift are just opposite sides of an obsessive coin, no pun intended. You need to break the obsession with spending, but the answer isn’t to over analyse what you do spend. If you do splurge on shite, try and return, or make sure you use it, but don’t let it derail you.

I've done something similar when I retired last year. If I'm out I now don't have a coffee whilst out but wait until I get home. Obviously if I meet friends then I will have a coffee or drink with them.

Don't order takeaways either. DP and I were saying the last time we had a takeaway was in 2024.

We do a food plan for the week and I shop to a list. I got rid of Prime too as I was ordering such mindless rubbish.

I’ve just totalled up for the last week and I’ve spent £9.34 this week:

£1 on a birthday at work

£4.39 on the cake glitter

£3.95 on a coffee and pastry.

I really don’t think this is bad at all after usually binging £100s every week after payday.

I am considering raising my discretionary spending budget. Only because I am going on holiday soon as as much as I want to make all my clothes I do need some bits - shoes, some dresses etc.

I am going to run the numbers when I get home tonight and see what I can afford. I’m not going to rush into it though. I will continue to save items I want to buy and consider them for a while before I actually do.

Do you really need new clothes and shoes? Surely with what you’ve been buying before you have plenty? Maybe focus the energy instead on curating outfits from what’s in your wardrobe. Otherwise it’s just an excuse to spend.

I don’t really have any summer clothes (and I’m not just saying that, I’m in the same three t shirts and trousers for most of the time!), largely due to insecurity and weight loss. All of my summer clothes from last summer were too big and have been sold on Vinted.

I don’t want a ton - just a couple of nice dresses. I still want to make the majority for myself and intend to make all pyjamas/shorts/trousers, but for t-shirts it’s not really cost effective (cotton jersey is super expensive!) and I just want a couple of really nice dresses for dinner etc., but also ones that are office appropriate so I get a lot of wear out of them

Also when I say “shoes” I mean literally one pair of sandals. But the issue is these have jumped in price so much that you can’t just grab them for a tenner anymore

Make a shopping list set an amount so if your sandals cost more your dresses will need to cost less. You can't borrow from next month's money. I would suggest not shopping online. If you do put items in basket and wait 48 hours before purchasing

I’m not borrowing from next month’s money. At the moment I have about £300 per month left over, so my thinking is that through summer I just temporarily increase the discretionary spending budget. My issue is that even a basic dress now starts at £25. I’m not making any decisions now though and even if I do increase it, I need to wait at least a week until I touch it. I’ve got a big list of things I’ve seen that I want, most of which I’d have normally bought straight away but now sit on my notes app, probably to never be bought!

I nearly caved tonight! I really want a pair of Birkenstocks but still want to hang on a little before buying them. I was scrolling asos and convinced myself that I needed to buy them right now. But I put my phone away and I didn’t, so I’m happy!

that's great Birkenstocks are good sandals and I think worth their money as will last a few summers just make sure they will go with most of your outfits and aren't just this summer's trend colour. I love my birkenstocks but i trawl ebay and vinted for new but not worn ones still not cheap but 60-70 is better than 110

They’re £85 on asos, but it’s the rule I’ve set for myself - if I still want it in a week, I’ll get it.

except for most things I forget about them after a week 🤣

That’s great to hear!
So hard at the moment while the sales are on, so tempting!
I’ve cut back in the past few years because I had so much stuff that I just didn’t use, some of it is pretty old and I struggle to let go of it.
If I see something I want I try to stop and say “Will I still like this in 10 years time or am I buying it because it’s a good price?”
That often stops me!
Ive sold quite a bit on V and sorted some things for charity/clothing recycle.
Another thing that works is to ask myself if I actually “need” it and instead of buying random stuff try to identify things I could actually use (like another swimsuit as the Lycra is going in mine).
Good luck going forward!

Well done this is brilliant ! I've been doing the same myself. I have sold loads of stuff on vinted and now have a very small budget each month. I didn't spend it all in May. Also delaying purchases and using a wish list. Stopped random coffees as well.

With clothes I always ask

1, do I have something like this already if yes why do I need a second one? If no then
2, will this new item go with at least 2-3 things I already own to make 2-3 new outfits
3, will it require a further purchase to make it work for me
4, would I even consider this if not in the sale

see if you can get some on Vinted or in a sale ? Do you have a Blue Light card ? Office and Schuh do a discount.
TKMaxx sometimes have them.

I’ve removed pretty much all marketing emails!

To be honest I’m happy to spend what they’re priced at, BUT I want to wait for at least another week. I find that I really used to rush into purchases as if they were some seriously scarce item. I might even wait until I get my nationwide fairer share payment

Thanks for posting this, OP. I read through your thread on AIBU (thought some of them were being harsh and not actually listening to what you were saying!) and it inspired me to run through my own spending with ChatGPT and get my finances in order after months and months of me saying I will do it!

Good luck with your challenge and keep posting!