Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Money matters

Find financial and money-saving discussions including debt and pension chat on our Money forum. If you're looking for ways to make your money to go further, sign up to our Moneysaver emails here.

Original poster

SAHMs, how does money work in your house now you're not earning?

38 replies

alittleteapot · 21/06/2008 22:10

I'm new at this and was a reasonably well paid freelancer before having the baby. I'm not going back for a good while so now have no income of my own though I do have savings. DP works very hard and is now the sole provider to our joint account which pays for everything household, food, and also presents etc for people we both know. I'm paying things like my phone, clothes treats etc from my savings. It's all fine right now but i feel like we should probably talk it all through so we know how we're managing it and why. We've never really addressed the bigger picture of joint finances though we've always had a joint account that we used to pay equally to.

It feels a weird having no income though obviously I also work very hard, I feel I have the better deal than DP.

Would be interested to know how you manage things in your house.

Ta.

OP posts:
Hassled · 21/06/2008 22:15

My (and DH's) view has always been that the "pot" is shared. By not working at the moment (apart from bits and bobs) I'm enabling DH to pursue his career and have the family life he wants. I contribute very little money but am cook, cleaner, gardener, accountant, childcare provider etc etc etc.

I agree you do need to talk - when your savings have ebbed away and his career has flourished, there is a real danger you will end up feeling very bitter.

mazzystar · 21/06/2008 22:16

have just started freelancing regularly again, but for three and bit years I was sahm.

dh salary paid into his account
dh pays 80% into joint account, 10% into nine and kept 10% in his own.
all bills, groceries, household expenses, childcare etc from joint account
clothes, treat and day to day expenses from own account
child allowance into my account to cover all kid-related stuff

will replicate same with my earnings as and when i actually manage to send in some invoices

morocco · 21/06/2008 22:21

we just have a joint account and pay for everything out of that
we were doing that for ages pre kids though so it was nothing new

Original poster
alittleteapot · 21/06/2008 22:23

mazzystar that's an interesting solution.

i think what's more complicated with us is i have much better savings - he has hardly any. i see those as for our joint future but still feel bit odd about whole thing.

OP posts:
mckenzie · 21/06/2008 22:24

I too earn no money now although I used ot earn slightly more than DH. Pre-children we paid an equal amount into the joint account for bills etc and kept the rest to ourselves to do with as we wished, in reason.

Now, Dh gets paid into his sole account, transfers the bulk of it to my account keeping spending money for himself. I then arrange to pay all the bills, have my monthly spending and try and save some. The child benefit goes into my sole account and I save that.
Dh does tend to buy what he wants when he wants it (I came home and found a new TV in our little gym in the loft the other day) bur likewise, he's always telling me to do the same).
I think that we are very very lucky in that we are fairly comfortable so money rows do not normally happen although I am by nature very cautious with money and find it hard to spend what I still consider, even after 7 years, to be DH's money!!

ilovemydog · 21/06/2008 22:25

We have CONSTANT rows about money.

I sold flat (in trendy and fun area) and moved in with DP (in house in crappy area). Made a decent profit on flat.

Spent a ton of money on DP's house (in my name), renovating every single room, loft conversion etc. Paid off a chunk of the mortgage, and a ton of his debts. He moans that I haven't paid all of his credit card bills off and shouldn't have put so much money in paying mortgage off!

His money is used to pay for everyday expenses.

I feel though that I have contributed, but it's really hard not having 'my own' money.

Original poster
alittleteapot · 21/06/2008 22:26

ps Hassled, see I haven't quite got the domestic goddess thing nailed yet so while i do do those things i don't do them all brilliantly. what i do do is look after our child though... i do more cooking but he does some too. we have a cleaner. so i'm not a trad housewife tho i guess i'm kind of working on it! though as i said i do work bloody hard!

OP posts:
eekamoose · 21/06/2008 22:30

We have one bank account. Only DH's earnings goes in (as I do not earn atm) and absolutely everything we buy comes out of that.

When I start earning again, my no doubt tiny salary will all go into the same joint account.

Since you are not in a position to earn it does seem skewed that you should be paying for your phone, clothes and treats out of your savings.

But then do you not really see "your" savings as a shared pot either?

mazzystar · 21/06/2008 22:31

It would be really foolish to spend your savings at this point in time - put the money away somewhere where it is harder to get at it.

IdrisTheDragon · 21/06/2008 22:32

We have a joint account. Everything anyone earns (DH quite a lot more than me) goes into it. Everything spent comes out of it.

Original poster
alittleteapot · 21/06/2008 22:44

eekamoose, i sort of do see them as mine as they are founded on an inheritance but i absolutely see them as for our future and in that sense i think it's right to safeguard them.

i think also that we haven't got round to reviewing our spending habits in light of our joint incoming essentially being halved!

OP posts:
Original poster
alittleteapot · 21/06/2008 22:58

one solution is for me to put some savings into a joint savings thing for big exceptional purchases maybe? do you all have shared savings too?

OP posts:
Tommy · 21/06/2008 23:10

DH's salary goes into joint account and we both get same amount out of that into our perosnal accounts. Joint acount is for all household expenses and our personal accounts for clothes, presents for each other etc.

Neither of us had many savings so that bit doens't really count! (I have £20 in my running away account which wont get me very far will it? )

EmmaDilemma · 21/06/2008 23:19

no shared savings here but recent inheritance considered to be ours although from my fathers estate.

DH works freelance & I'm SAHM, cook, cleaner and do all the other home jobs there are. His invoices are paided into his business account & £££ skimmed off for tax bill. When his balance allows I'm given just enough to pay all bills including mortgage, energy bills, food, council tax, kids clothes & shoes. I analyse monthly expenditure & give myself a target spend on all costs including those already mentioned but also gifts, petrol, spending on home maintenance and days out. I usually hit target & when I don't I make sure I reduce spending the following month. DH loves the fact I'm very conscious of how "we" spend "his" money. Child allowance & tax credit goes into seperate account & used for special purchases. Unfortunately all this means I'm poorly dressed & poorly shod these days but who cares, I never was a big shopper & have little reason for dressing up these days!

PInkyminkyohnooo · 21/06/2008 23:31

We've had one joint bank account and a couple of joint savings accounts for years. Nothing has changed re-our financial arrangements, except there's a lot less in the bank now! We have pooled resources through ups and downs in our careers for years, no change here in that regard.

littleboyblue · 21/06/2008 23:34

Dp won't really talk about it. We both agreed I'd stay at home after we saw a program about childcare and nurseries that left us chilled to the core.
Pre-ds, I was earning a good wage and my company paid my rent nd all the bills so there was never an issue with outgoing poayments.
Now, he says he can support us and pay our new mortgage on his own, but he won't sit and actually work it out and I'm scared!

Minum · 22/06/2008 07:26

We have a joint account, and everything comes in/out of that. If I take on another contract the proceeds will go in there, but for now its DH salary only.

Works fine without any tension.

Hoonette · 22/06/2008 07:40

All our money was shared before I stopped working and is still shared now.

laura032004 · 22/06/2008 08:00

We've shared everything from day 1 when we were students and had nothing. Then we had lots when we were DINKY's, and now that has halved as I'm a SAHM. It's still our money. I have no qualms whatsoever spending it on whatever I want. However, I'm not really frivolous with money, and love a bargain be it from the sales, car boot sale or ebay. DH thinks that he actually saves more money being with me as if he was on his own he thinks he'd just fritter away all of his earnings on cr@p. I am continually surprised that all relationships don't operate like this, and should probably count myself lucky.

CoteDAzur · 22/06/2008 08:03

All our money is in joint accounts, including a long term savings account. DH brings the money and has no idea how much we have or where it is spent. I pay bills, save, invest a bit.

I think you need to have a conversation not only about how money will be spent now but also your intentions for the future.

MrsTittleMouse · 22/06/2008 10:17

We are lucky that we have very similar attitudes to money. So it's not a problem for us to have a joint current account for all the bills. We each take out a little for fun stuff, but neither of us would spend more that £20 without consulting the other anyway.
I am the accountant of the family, and I manage our accounts and pay the bills on a daily basis. Our savings are in my name to avoid income tax, and I hunt around for good deals. The decisions about long term investment and pensions are made jointly.

WheresTheAuPair · 22/06/2008 10:32

Tax credits and child benefit go into my account which I use for shopping and house related stuff. DH pays pretty much all of the bills from his account. anything sold on ebay goes into joint account as do any random cheques! I freelance on a very occasional basis and whatever I make goes into the pot. So far our ad hoc system works out ok. When we met I was a student and DH used to help me out loads. Then he was a student and I did the same. Now he works and we just muddle through and put money where it is needed..and of course try not to spend money!

notcitrus · 22/06/2008 14:49

We thought about getting a joint account when we moved in together, but it seemed to be a lot of hassle, and with internet banking, not much point. He's generally earned more than me, but is terrible at paperwork (severely dyslexic). So he pays the mortgage and I handle all other bills.

For the last few years I've made regular payments to him for mortgage overpayments, and have organised ISAs and other savings accounts when we've had the money. We discuss regularly if I need to cancel an overpayment and how much we can afford to spend on holidays etc, and it's worked well so far. But having similar attitudes to spending has helped more than anything else!

Fizzylemonade · 23/06/2008 07:40

We are very similar to laura032004

I am sahm, DH works and has a credit card, I am the additional card holder. We have always had the same attitude toward money so I buy everything we need, food, clothes, shoes etc and the card gets paid off every month.

Child benefit goes into my sole account, I use that as a cash account for play days, food whilst we are there etc.

Any large purchases we discuss before hand otherwise I am free to spend our money as I see fit. I have always been sensible with money and never frittered it away.

Before I was sahm I earned half of what DH does so I have never had loads of money but we always pooled our wages together.

We have a joint account that our bills are paid from, mortgage, gas, phone etc on direct debit and the credit card gets paid from that account too.

Original poster
alittleteapot · 23/06/2008 21:19

Thanks everyone, this is all really helpful. I think it just hasn't been an issue till now as we've both been very relaxed about money and sharing it. Still are but I do think we have to lay out how we're dealing with things now I'm not earning.

OP posts:
Swipe left for the next trending thread