Housing deposit

[GardenPosie]

Hi,

My partner and I bought a house a few years ago. I paid the entire deposit. We agreed before purchase we would get a legal agreement to reflect this.

Unfortunately things were very busy and we didn't set this up. I have mentioned it to my partner a few times and it seems they are no longer happy with it.

They have not communicated this with me verbally but every time I mention it they go quiet and if I mention it online they completely ignore me.

So I can tell they do not want this.

I think they take it personally that I assume they will screw me over but I don't know because they completely shut down every time I talk about it.

Part of the reason I haven't sorted it yet is because I feel a bit guilty or like I am being unreasonable by not trusting that if things went wrong he would not take my money. But it also seems to be a bit foolish not to get it. Especially since I am a woman and will likely end up financially disadvantaged in other ways if we have children because I'm likely to sacrifice my career more than him and I've already sacrificed my career to some degree by moving very close to his job and far away from mine, where I can't access promotion opportunities due to my preference/need for home working.

Should I just bite the bullet and get the agreement even if it puts my partners nose out of joint or to some degree erodes the trust between us?

I kinda wish I hadn't put the money in but it was the only way we would be able to buy a property together.

It's a sum of money that I will likely never be able to save again in my life as I saved it when I used to work a lot of hours and lived with my parents. It would probably take me about 15 to 20 years to save that again if I kept my current income and was sensible about my savings, which are not likely to happen.

Will he agree to it now though?

Surely you will both need to sign a legal agreement? I don’t think it is something you can unilaterally put into place after the event.

If you are actually married, this is largely moot b/c the property is part of marital assets.
What is on the deed?

You could set up an appt. with a solicitor and the two of you could go ...

Do you have any evidence that "we agreed before purchase"? Messages, email, anything documented at all?

Normally you sign documents during purchase which say what the ownership of the house will be (joint tenants / tenants in common %). What did you agree to there?

Hello,

We would be getting a legal agreement - albeit a bit late!

We are not married.

I don't think he will disagree to getting the agreement as such but I can tell he doesn't want to do it.

I don't think I have any evidence that we previously agreed it.

Did you not buy as tenants in common? You’ve left yourself in a very vulnerable and naive position.

I think the only way of getting the agreement will be if he, um, agrees to it. Also beware that a solicitor who can see he "doesn't want to do it" might be able to note concerns over that. (if witnessing the signature)

Not what you asked, but you realise the best way to financially protect yourself from all that you quite reasonably said about career sacrifice is to get married, right?

Can you dress it up as one or the other? We do the traditional thing and get married or we take an alternative approach and split the house ownership based on contributions in some way?

Please get it done!

my mum made me do it when we bought our a house and I was against it, because why would he and thinking we wouldn't split up.

10 years later we've split and I'm so glad she made me get it as he forgot about it and said he gets half the deposit I put in.

Yeah unfortunately I should have sorted this as part of the purchase but I managed all that myself and there was a lot going on so I felt quite overwhelmed. Ever since the purchase has happened I feel guilty for wanting it, like if I want it I am not commited to the relationship enough.

We have a joint mortgage, I can't remember technically what it is but it's the one where we both own the house equally from a legal point of view.

He was totally fine with the idea of the legal agreement before we purchased and was very reassuring that the deposit was my money and that I owned more of the house but has since seemed unhappy about the idea of getting an agreement and that is making me feel quite nervous because if he's like that now what would he be like if we split up in 10 years, like @Sunshineclouds11 has said he might even forget the money is mine or how much is mine.

I feel nervous that he doesn't seem supportive of this any more because to me it seems like a really logical thing to do and I would never feel uncomfortable or not want it if it was the other way round. Which makes me wonder if he now feels entitled to that money for whatever reason.

But he earns more than me, we live close to his work so he can build his career and we split absolutely everything half way. I don't let him pay for more etc because he earns more. Maybe different if we had kids.

You need to put the legal agreement in place as you previously discussed. If it 'puts your partners nose out of joint' then I am afraid you don't have much of a relationship.

It’s called a declaration / deed of trust, ours was done at point of purchase and we specified the amount as I was paying the full deposit

I’m not sure how it works doing it after purchase is already completed

If you later marry it could potentially render this invalid, it’s complicated so definitely legal advice needed

Are you in Scotland? When we bought we were undecided re doing a written agreement re deposit and were told it had to be done prior to purchase and the mortgage etc being undertaken. Not sure if it’s the same everywhere. We did do the written agreement and it’s filed away with our deeds for peace of mind. Hopefully you’re not too late!

speak to a solicitor about what your rights are to do this now. also if you earn less then why are you 50/50 on bills giving him more disposable income.
if you can't have the big conversations about money then it may be time to sell and go back to your job and earn more. you should also not be looked over for promotion either so raise this with your boss about what you can do. if you need to be in office more then making the bills a split based on income will allow this. or you look for a job closer to home.

Yes, carry on with the declaration of trust and get it registered against your property at the Land Registry.

If he earns more than you he should be paying more.

Fucking hell, these men are everywhere. He's not proposed either I assume?
Whats yours is his and whats his is his, how very convenient.

Was silly not to get this sorted before completing.
Youre just going to have to insist on getting it done now and hope he agrees.
Nothing to feel guilty about - when we bought our place my partner put in 6x the amount I did and I completely understand that he wants to protect this (some of it his parents saved for decades). If we split and sell we both get our deposits back and then everything from that point on is split equally. He does pay significantly more than me each month as he earns a lot more, but we see this money as shared money.

I'd START with legal advice, as it will vary based on location. Find out if its even POSSIBLE to do this now. No point in falling out over something you can't do.
IF its possible, you need to consider whether you will split the equity based on a set "sum of money" or a percentage. Ie, if you put £100k down, and took out a mortgage for £200k; are you saying you'd want the first £100k ring fenced, or a 33% share of the value?
IF his attitude towards this, is reflective of his attitude towards money and your contribution to the relationship overall, then you might need to have a serious think about whether this is the man you want to spend the rest of your life with, and be the father of your children. If you "jeopardise" your own career to support his, and have a family, will he set up a separate pension fund for you?

When my DH and I bought our house he put down the entire deposit. The solicitor recommended we make an agreement like this to ensure he got the full amount back should anything happen as we weren’t married. I was was happy to do it. It wasn’t my money! I was not at all offended. I could have spent years saving up but I hadn’t and I was very grateful that he had so we could buy our lovely house. Although to be fair to myself, I was in education a good while and only working top up jobs. Anyway, we since got married so it’s irrelevant now anyway.

have you asked him why he’s resistant to getting the agreement now? Does he feel that you wanting one makes you less committed? Is he worried about the relationship? Does he just feel entitled? This is (possibly) the first of many decisions and potential conflicts that you’ll have to navigate if you intend to build a life together, have kids etc.
I was in your position 16 years ago and full disclosure, I didn’t do this. I put in all of the deposit quite happily, but we were married. I earned less and so laid Jess towards mortgage and bills. Since then we’ve had 3 kids, all our money now goes into one pot and my husband has financially supported us for the large part, with me on Mat leaves, a period as a SAHM and now working part time.
I suppose it depends on what your long term plan is. If you ring fence the house deposit, will he get pissy about paying for more when you’re on mat leave? Or will you try to keep paying your half, struggle, be (quite rightly) annoyed etc.
I think it’s fine to say you want to ring fence it for now. You’re not married, you don’t have kids. But I think you need to both communicate better about this deposit and also your future intentions when it comes to money.

How much was the deposit? I think the amount would sway me as to whether it was worth pursuing.

What exactly did you agree beforehand? Were you to own a larger percentage or would your deposit be ring fenced in the event of sale/transfer?

You need to go back to your conveyancing solicitor and ask them if it’s possible to prepare the necessary paperwork now. It should have been discussed at the time with your solicitor. Was it? If not, you might struggle to prove the terms of your agreement, especially since your DP won’t confirm anything in written communication with you - he just ignores it?

How much deposit did you provide? What was Purchase price.

i think you said above that you split mortgage payments 50/50, even though he earns more. Did DP make any unequal contributions either prior to or since purchase, e.g.paid more rent on shared accommodation, purchased/provided all household contents, pays more outgoings currently etc?

Bit late now. You can't make him.do.it

Your conveyancing solicitor should have advised you about the two different types of joint ownership, and taken your instructions as to which type you required. If they did not do this, you may have grounds for a complaint. They may have included written advice about this sent with the huge amounts of paperwork which sometimes we don’t always read fully, especially if we are busy with other stuff. They still should have checked though. Something as important as this shouldn’t have been overlooked.

-joint tenants = assumption of 50/50 and your share automatically passes to the surviving owner on your death.

-tenants in common = can specify percentage of ownership but assumed to be 50/50 if not specified/ there is no registered deed of trust. This type of ownership allows you to recognise different contributions towards purchase price. On your death, your share forms part of your estate and passes to whoever you leave it to in your will or under intestacy rules. As you’re not married, if you don’t have a will, your estate will pass in the following order, to: your children; your parents; your siblings; your grandparents; your aunts/uncles. A partner/boyfriend/girlfriend does not usually inherit under intestacy rules.

You need to speak to your conveyancing solicitor to see which type of ownership you have. If it is joint tenants, you may be deemed to have gifted 50% of the deposit you put in to your partner 😬

Please note, if you are tenants in common and unmarried, you may become the joint owner of your home with one of your partners family members or the local dogs home, if he were to die! A family member would be likely to inherit his share of your home in the absence of a will specifying you as his beneficiary.

I hope your solicitor advised you to make wills!

You definitely need to check this all out now.

Get the agreement drawn up now. Significant sums of money. If he gets his hurt feelings you’re the one that loses out.

I had one drawn up with my now DH 14/15 years ago as I moved uni his house which he bought with inheritance from his granny. Gave everyone peace of mind.

As we got married, moved etc we never redid it. However when we were starting out it was the right thing to do.

Thanks everyone

The deposit was £40,000.

He is happy to try to get the agreement, I spoke to him, but need to find out if it's still possible. He doesn't think it is necessary though because he said he would never take £20,000 from someone.

Our solicitor when we bought the house was really terrible. We had grounds for complaint for something else on this but we had too much else going on. They didn't tell us any of this information! They didn't even explain the different ownership types.

I said before to my partner I am concerned what would happen if either of us die, especially as I have so much more to lose financially and he was convinced it would pass to the partner but I said that isn't necessarily true and these are all legal things so you can't just have whatever you want. Neither of us has a will.

We've always paid everything completely equal. That was what I mostly wanted as I am far more financially stable than he is although I do earn quite a bit less.