Housing deposit

[GardenPosie]

Hi,

My partner and I bought a house a few years ago. I paid the entire deposit. We agreed before purchase we would get a legal agreement to reflect this.

Unfortunately things were very busy and we didn't set this up. I have mentioned it to my partner a few times and it seems they are no longer happy with it.

They have not communicated this with me verbally but every time I mention it they go quiet and if I mention it online they completely ignore me.

So I can tell they do not want this.

I think they take it personally that I assume they will screw me over but I don't know because they completely shut down every time I talk about it.

Part of the reason I haven't sorted it yet is because I feel a bit guilty or like I am being unreasonable by not trusting that if things went wrong he would not take my money. But it also seems to be a bit foolish not to get it. Especially since I am a woman and will likely end up financially disadvantaged in other ways if we have children because I'm likely to sacrifice my career more than him and I've already sacrificed my career to some degree by moving very close to his job and far away from mine, where I can't access promotion opportunities due to my preference/need for home working.

Should I just bite the bullet and get the agreement even if it puts my partners nose out of joint or to some degree erodes the trust between us?

I kinda wish I hadn't put the money in but it was the only way we would be able to buy a property together.

It's a sum of money that I will likely never be able to save again in my life as I saved it when I used to work a lot of hours and lived with my parents. It would probably take me about 15 to 20 years to save that again if I kept my current income and was sensible about my savings, which are not likely to happen.

you don’t have to own more than 50% of the house if that is what he is worried about. All you need is an agreement that you put £XXX in and would get that back first before splitting 50/50. We had it in place as my partner put all the money in and was more than happy to sign as it was ‘his’ money before we met so should always be his. And surely your partner should be thinking the same? Or are you just a step into the property ladder to him?

But it is not his house. You should get deed of trust and depending on his contributions thereafter.
i am not sure if you get married thereafter does it negate it.
I wouldn’t be annoyed if my partner suggested this.
your head is clear now that you’re passed the stresssful purchasing and moving stage. It’s more red flags to me that he doesn’t seem to want to do it?
have you discussed marriages in the future?

Get the agreement! Don't be bashful about this - you need to protect yourself, especially since you aren't married. It is bad form on his part to be sulking about this, so ignore him, and go ahead - as long as his sulking doesn't mean he isn't going to sign the document.

You may have left it too late. Do you think you can just decide to create a legal document without reference to the other party's wishes? Speak to an estate solicitor.

Why would it not be possible at this stage? Please get legal advice and protect yourself. If he would never take 20k from anyone, then he wouldn't have a problem signing a document to say so. This isn't a question of trust, people change, especially if there is financial insecurity or any sort, and folks can get vicious during a separation. Do not think twice about this. Sort it out.

Go to a solicitor & ask if you can set something up. It may be too late and/or expensive at this stage. Ensure it is not for £40k extra to you but a percentage on the house so you set up something that shows you own e.g. 70% to ensure that the proportion at purchase is maintained, not just £40k as it will increase in value. The other option is for him to save & make an overpayment down the line when you can change the agreement.

he has massively financially benefitted from this & it is fair you protect your assets, even though you hope there’s never a need for it. Refuse to feel bad about this!

Op .. a lot of your comments show that you do not understand many aspects of personal finances . You need to discuss with a solicitor now. For example, having a joint mortgage does not mean you jointly own the property, but that you are jointly responsible for the debt .
Find out the reality of your situation and then once you have the facts you can sit down and discuss.

There's lots of shit advice here op.

You need to establish how exactly the property is owned - joint tenants or tenants in common. I am fairly certain that you can't force him to sign anything to say a certain % of the house (by way of equity) is yours after the fact, if he isn't willing to sign and you have no evidence of this verbal agreement. Even if you did have evidence it would likely sour the relationship to progress this through court (if indeed this is possible) if he refused.

He's done all right for himself though, hasn't he? Free £20k that wasn't ringfenced, no marital rights...

I'd start making him contribute more to rebuild your savings if he wants things more 'equal'. Think you'll struggle to get him to sign now tbh

Just sort it yourself, you must have proof? Get the solicitor ro confirm you paid say £10000 on 4th June 2024 in respect of a 5pc deposit on 10 Elm Grove. In the event if a split she shall receive 5pc of the sale price whatever that may be. You don't need his agreement

I think the boat has sailed. You should have had an agreement signed when you were preparing to buy the property, and you didn't do so. When your solicitor did the conveyancing they aak you how you want the property to be held - as joint tenants or as tenants in common. If you specify tenants in common you can specify an unequal split of ownership. If you put in a 5% deposit and all mortgage payments are 50:50 then once the mortgage is paid off your share is 52.5% - but that was the time to do this and whatever you did instead is now the legal position, and changing it will involve solicitor fees. Pushing for change now is a clear signal that you are getting your ducks in a row to end the relationship and that you think he's an utter bastard. I think he's not unreasonable to be grumpy about that..

And yes. You need a will. If not married your estate goes to next if kin, so parent or siblings. We have just bought and I am not on the deeds at all or the mortgage as we wanted my partner to benefit from ftb discounts, I was also made redundant during the process but that's another story. Our plan is that I buy in a percentage every year and a full share when I inherit. I'm in the process of doing our wills cos at the minute I'd be homeless, but I am the beneficial person in his life insurance and death in service, pension etc

Get the agreement no matter what he says / does. Like you said it would take 20 years to save that deposit again, I wouldn't risk that for anything.

Thanks for all the comments. This will prove very useful. I have all the information I need now to move forward. Very good to have information on types of purchase agreements etc.

Your other option, is that, as he earns more than you do, he pays more into the mortgage until the unbalance is balanced.

An agreement means he must agree to it! She can’t draw one up without his consent

Do you own the house at joint tenants or tenants in common @GardenPosie ? You’re quite naive to put 40k as a deposit without ring fencing it. I put 100k deposit down and own my home as tenants in common. I made sure the solicitor wrote the Declaration of Trust BEFORE the sale went through.

if your partner refuses to sign, it’s a good lesson for other women in your life to not be as naive as you .

good luck

“Part of the reason I haven't sorted it yet is because I feel a bit guilty or like I am being unreasonable by not trusting that if things went wrong he would not take my money. But it also seems to be a bit foolish not to get it. Especially since I am a woman and will likely end up financially disadvantaged in other ways if we have children because I'm likely to sacrifice my career more than him and I've already sacrificed my career to some degree by moving very close to his job and far away from mine, where I can't access promotion opportunities due to my preference/need for home working.”

this should not be part of your consideration for this. Its very sad that this day in age its how you are thinking about having children & its financial implications.

you should be a team/family and money should be shared not his/hers.

get the agreement but then also consider is this an actual long term situation that you see yourself in

How do you own the property - tenants in common or joint tenants? If you are joint tenants you own the property equally and if either of you die, their share passes to the other - you cannot pass it to anyone else via your Will.
So you may wish to sever the joint tenancy. You can do that quite easily. Then you will be able to leave your share, whatever that is, to whoever you wish via your will. Or if no will, it will pass under the intestacy laws.
This doesn't resolve any 'dispute' about what proportion you each own, but it might help a little and/or it might prompt your partner to engage on the matter.
But really, you should take proper legal advice.

Hi op I was in a similar position as you what I did was ask dp to pay me half of the deposit back monthly so we were on an equal footing. Op so if he earns more why not ask him to pay a set of amount to you what’s comfortable for him and put it a savings account and just tell him you hope it never happens but life can change and you don’t want to fight about money if he is the higher earner and loves and respects you this should be an easy solution for both of you. Then you have some of your savings as security.

It’s not a case of thinking the relationship won’t last but that a partnership should be just that, you partner the responsibility and finances. Have a word with citizens advice

Our deposit was split 1:4 with my partner putting the bigger share in. We had a deed of trust saying that we get out deposits back and split the rest of the equity 50:50. We overpaid equally so we never had to factor in any other differences. When we moved we added equally to the sale of the previous house so the only bit that wasn't equal was the initial deposits used for the previous house. So we redid the deed of trust for the new property reflecting just the initial deposits. We have since had a civil partnership which does nullify the deed of trust.
We are tenants in common, with the first house we were 38:62 split and with the new house it's more like 44:56.

Regarding the day to day we have a joint account and we pay into that an appropriate proportion of our salaries. When we earn about the same we pay in equally, when it's unequal we work out proportions based on take home pay. At the moment I'm out of work and on maternity leave. My maternity pay goes into the joint account and my partner pays the rest. We are paying into my pension from the joint account and into savings in my name and I am using this for pretty much all of mine and the families spending. Once I'm back in employment we were work out a fair divide.

What fears you more having the conversation or not having it? If he would be unreasonable when you have the conversation you can bet your deposit that he would be unreasonable should you split up and need to divide your assets!

Yes absolutely get it sorted. Tough if he isn’t keen - at the end of the day you need to protect yourself and you see everyday on here where people lose half their deposit as they didn’t protect it. When I bought a house with my ex years ago, he paid all the 30k deposit and I was the one to suggest he legally protect it. I’d have never taken it, but he couldn’t be sure of that, and he saved that money before he met me.

Thanks everyone, sorry I haven't managed to like / engage with all the comments but appreciate your time and feedback.

I have spoken to a solicitor who said it is possible to do this retrospectively so we will get it sorted. In case anyone else reads and is in similar position. Though some of the other options in the thread sound interesting, like me paying into the mortgage less so the difference is made up over time.

If he doesn't want to do it now, you’ve got no chance.