Feeling strange about spending

[MiserWantsToSpend]

Name change for this.. I'm man, a widower, age 79. Both my wife and I were brought up in large families, and both of our families were very poor. During our long marriage, we never spent any money except on necessities - my wife was just as frugal, maybe more so.

Now, I'm living alone in a house that's far too big for me. I have almost £1 million in savings and investments. My health is okay, more or less, but I want to move to a retirement home, partly to have someone else do the cooking and cleaning, and partly for the activities.

The range of prices for these homes is from £3,000 to £6,000 per month. The one I am looking at is about £4000 a month. The building has a swimming pool, a gym, underground parking, and lots of activities for residents.

It would be cheaper, of course, to stay in my house. One of the children has pointed out, correctly, that if I paid even one year's home fees to a builder, the house could be extensively renovated.

But you know, I like the idea of being part of a community, getting involved with activities, and living out my life in a beautiful building. (I should point out that none of the children are thinking of a possible inheritance.)

How do I talk myself in loosening the purse strings, after a lifetime of being frugal?

I think the retirement home sounds great, as it’s not just about having a house that’s suitable, but the company / activities that a home offers, plus of course someone to cook your meals etc.

There are no pockets in a shroud as the old saying goes.

There's a movement/theory in investing called 'die with nothing', you're late to the party but if you move into one of these homes, you'd have a good go at it .

Even if you renovate your current home it will still be too big, you'll still need to do your own cooking and cleaning and it could still be too much for you eg if there's a big garden with steps etc, and you'd have to live with the disruption while it's done. It could also affect the resale value if a family home is refurbished to be accessible. People who don't need this will probably want to remove bathrooms etc.

But if you sold your house and with your current £1M, the interest/growth would likely pay a lot of the cost, so it's not like you'll run out of money - if you're not already set up, perhaps talk to a financial planner to see whether you can afford this even if you live another 10/20 years or more.

They're also good at showing that you have a huge amount of money that will never run out so why not spend it, also advise on IHT tax planning, because it sounds like currently if you don't spend your money on this move, a lot will go on inheritance tax anyway, so why not spend it on a comfortable later years for you instead of giving it to the government?

Of course, make sure you fully understand the costs and what it includes. Are the activities, pool, restaurant, cleaning, utilities etc included or do you have to pay for certain things?

At that price I'd hope it's fully inclusive and all you have to pay is your own personal spending eg books, clothes, toiletries etc, but worth checking.

If it's renting and you can walk away if you don't like it, need to go into a care home (although is this place already set up for a certain level of care?) or when you die, that's good.

But you might be aware that there's these types of home where people buy a unit but there's also huge service charges and they're effectively worthless and people have been unable to sell them if they're no longer required for whatever reason. There's even descendants of owners who can't sell or almost give away the places but they still have to pay the fees, so worth avoiding those.

If this move what you want, go for it.

It’s hard for a lot of people that have “saved” all their life to let go. It’s an inbuilt habit

if you have a million in investments and the new place is £4000, you”re still going to be able to live out the next 15 years without getting through your investments. There’s going to be money left over for a few world cruises

you don’t need anything left, that’s the hard part to convince yourself

Thanks for your comments. I've had a financial advisor for 20 years, ever since I sort-of noticed the savings were piling up. It is unlikely I will run out of money, unless I live to be 100.

This retirement home is "independent living", though assistance with personal care is available for an extra price. The "suite" as they call it, is rented, not bought. Residents sign a 1-year lease, and after that the rent is month-to-month, with 30 days notice required to leave.

As someone said after a lifetime of saving and being frugal, it is hard to switch to suddenly spending £50,000 a year. And of course, if I go the renovations route, even then I will have to have someone look after the garden, clean, etc, and I might break my neck on the stairs.

My grandad moved to a similar place when he was mid eighties and it was perfect for him.

He still had his independence and his own flat, but he could opt into afternoon tea with everyone if he felt sociable, or stay in his room with beans on toast if he just wanted to sit and watch the racing.

Good luck.

Renting is much better than owning your home in this situation because you can easily move elsewhere if your needs change.Why not move to this place you like since it's affordable?

Do the places you are looking at do test stays? That might be a way to convince yourself.

Move now. Do not hesitate. I have so so many friends whose parents stayed on in houses that are unsuitable and are lonely. They often now have conditions that mean they cant be accepted into these homes any more. The ones I know whose parents moved to retirement homes have all said why did I not do this earlier.
You will get companionship and activities and all these things on your doorstep. You wont be able to have this in your current home. Move before it is too late.

Could you let your current house out (either through a letting agent with management services so you don’t have any hassle with day to day problems or ask one of your children to manage it) and then the rent would go towards the rent in your retirement home. That might feel more comfortable, and if it doesn’t work out you could move back.

Definitely do it, the point of having money is to spend it at the appropriate time. Now is the appropriate time, you get a community, will eat better and have a better life and a lot of fun.

My mum has moved to a care home and loves it. The social life and lots of activities that she can join in or not as she fancies. She loves the fact she never has to cook or even make a cup of tea again!

Move now, all your kids see is their inheritance being spent.

My MIL won’t move in to a place like this I actually wish she would, instead she plods on. You are at the sort of health level where you can still move but the older you get the harder it gets.

I am sure your wife would hate to think of you as lonely. My friends daughter works in a place a bit like this. It has some to buy and some to rent. She loves her job. It’s the kind of place I would consider moving to if widowed, the one that my friends DD works in overlooks the canal and has a nice communal garden.

I'm a bit uneasy about this because I suspect a 79yo man has not come to MN as his first call for advice.

However, taking it at face value, the child suggesting house renovation as a way to avoid their inheritance being spent on a retirement home should be ashamed of themselves.

I'm also a widow, much younger than you, and the move you propose sounds like a dream to me. The idea of extensively renovating my house, now, alone, fills me with dread.

Make the move. I bet your wife would be very happy for you?

This is why you’ve saved all your life. You should relax and enjoy yourself and a retirement home is a great idea. You should do this sooner rather than later.

It’s hard to change habits of a lifetime but good grief make the move now whilst you have the energy to enjoy things - you only have one life

that accommodation is way out of my mams price range ( and wouldn’t suit her I suspect ) but I have strongly encouraged her to spend on things she will get pleasure out of - because I love her so much and I want her last years to have joy in them. To be warm and occupied with things she enjoys.

On the inheritance tax thing, get advice on the residential property nil rate part of you sell your property and don't buy another one. As long as the move is sustainable then go for it.

This is an interesting post. I really wouldn't squander so much money so quickly.

If you need actual nursing care, you could end up paying over 2k a week, and that million wouldn't last long.

I'd be inclined to get a cleaner/ housekeeper for a few hours a week, who will run errands and do your cooking and laundry. And join lots of social clubs: fitness, bridge, ramblers, gardening, supper clubs etc. It would cost a fraction of what you would pay at the retirement home.

OP still has the hassle of a home to manage and run, and you've added in "managing" help. I completely understand wanting out of that.

Presumably he also has an income, and £1m (plus the house) will also provide an income, so it's not all paid from capital. £1m is enough.

My grandmother did exactly this and we were so grateful that she was proactive. She made friends and enjoyed the pool and her home even had a cafe and playpark for when I brought my children which was wonderful. It took so much pressure of my mum as well. I would hope your children would appreciate this and aren’t just looking towards a potential inheritance but you hear horrible things.

My dad is about your age and insisting on staying in his house on his own. I’m so worried about him (I live overseas) and wish he’d spend the money on himself while he can enjoy it.

Correctly invested you're not going to be touching your capital. The interest will pay your rent.
Go for it, I say. Even if you do top up from your capital, so what. Also how lovely to maybe go on holiday and all you have to do is shut the front door with no other worries.

Squander? It’s hardly squandering ! Disgusting term designed to inflict guilt

it’s choosing a life style that will keep him happier and healthier . Got to be a good thing

The whole nonsense about saving for nursing homes - if he can’t pay then he will get looked after.

No point saving for a plush nursing home that he is unlikely to actually need , when if he did need it he would likely still have the money to get a plush rather than basic one because he has more than enough unless he lives to about 110

and if the money runs out ? At least he enjoyed it and he will still get basic care because most people can’t afford to pay for nursing homes anyway

You'd do very well to make £208k pa on £1m, but yes, there will be income to contribute.

It seems like a lot of money - but I'm also naturally tight-fisted!

I'm guessing you have a total of 2 million or so in assets, plus an income...

Have you visited the home complex you are looking at? Do you have one in mind? Do you have any friends who have done anything similar, who can advise you?

Are there any other retirement type homes where you can buy the flat/unit and just pay rent for the additional services? So you could keep an asset? Platinum Skies seem to have a few sites like this which look quite appealing to me. I'm sure there are more companies.

Overall I think it's a great idea, but I'd research it all first and see what your options are, and what would best suit you.

You could also ask on Gransnet!

A little lightheartedly saying the children might be peppering that their inheritance will be swallowed up by your enjoyment of YOUR life! Is there any pressure from them to stay as you are? I'm sure there will be plenty left for them, but maybe not as much as they had planned for....

Sorry to bring up the subject, I'm in a similar position to you but I don't have any children nor do I have as much in liquid assets either! Watching with interest....

Before I retired I worked as a gardener. Most of my clients were older folk who had grown old in houses and gardens they couldn't manage any more. They had constant concern over keeping the garden in check, making sure the roof didn't leak, worrying when something went wrong or they were taken ill.

I cannot stress enough how good an idea it is to remove yourself from this situation before you become too old or things reach crisis point.

My friend moved to a place like you describe a year ago OP. Oh my goodness she's having a wonderful time. No worries, always company when she needs it, no time spent faffing with bills, maintenance, cooking. It's taken years off of her. The social aspect, security and help if you need it is is so important.

My plan is to move to somewhere like it in the next five years.

Also, do not underestimate the upheaval of an extensive renovation. Why, at 79, would you live in that for months on end when you could be drinking coffee besides the pool and looking forward to having your dinner cooked for you? The only person who would benefit from that without expense or inconvenience would be someone who inherited a newly renovated house.

Also, do not underestimate the upheaval of an extensive renovation. Why, at 79, would you live in that for months on end when you could be drinking coffee besides the pool and looking forward to having your dinner cooked for you? The only person who would benefit from that without expense or inconvenience would be someone who inherited a newly renovated house.

Exactly that.