Feeling strange about spending

[MiserWantsToSpend]

Name change for this.. I'm man, a widower, age 79. Both my wife and I were brought up in large families, and both of our families were very poor. During our long marriage, we never spent any money except on necessities - my wife was just as frugal, maybe more so.

Now, I'm living alone in a house that's far too big for me. I have almost £1 million in savings and investments. My health is okay, more or less, but I want to move to a retirement home, partly to have someone else do the cooking and cleaning, and partly for the activities.

The range of prices for these homes is from £3,000 to £6,000 per month. The one I am looking at is about £4000 a month. The building has a swimming pool, a gym, underground parking, and lots of activities for residents.

It would be cheaper, of course, to stay in my house. One of the children has pointed out, correctly, that if I paid even one year's home fees to a builder, the house could be extensively renovated.

But you know, I like the idea of being part of a community, getting involved with activities, and living out my life in a beautiful building. (I should point out that none of the children are thinking of a possible inheritance.)

How do I talk myself in loosening the purse strings, after a lifetime of being frugal?

Just do it!!!

read this:
https://amzn.eu/d/0aQw05mD
links come up a bit dubious looking for anyone scared of clicking weird links search for Lionel Shriver Should We Stay or Should We Go)

Plus stop hogging a (presumably) large family home which are in such short supply in this country! Let a new family enjoy it whilst you enjoy a (presumably) better standard of living in a community home!

1m plus the value of the house when sold

The one problem with buying into this is that when you pass away your children have the problem of trying to sell it and will have to continue paying any service charges.

What about renting a retirement place for the company and having someone prepare meals for you. The one thing I would not do is stay in the large property and undertake adaptations.

Good luck with whatever you decide

No, the OP is proposing renting.

If OP was considering buying a retirement place, his estate pays any fees after his death, not his DC. It would still be a perfectly legitimate way to spend his own money.

He‘s planning on renting though…

A million invested will easily produce in interest the £4000 a month rent conservatively just a 5% yield covers the payment the more likely 70-80k gives him enough for cruises etc. his state pension will cover food toiletries etc . The value of his home and the 1million invested sHould still be enough for his children to inherit

Sorry, yes I'd read it as £4000 pw, thinking of a care home.

At £4000 pm, with that kind of income and investment behind you, an absolute no brainer OP.

And the child who thinks you could have a full refurbishment on your current home for £48k is likely delusional, even if that was an appealing option.

OP, is the flat you've seen through a national company? Could you name them? It really does appeal to me.

If I were you I would sell and travel first. There are options for long cruises that would probably be cheaper than renting (although that’s not why I’m suggesting it) you could go to lots of great places but do as much or as little as you want to. Pick a ship with amenities you like and join in with activities or pick one that’s a specific longer length so you could make friends on board and then come back to the rental when you are bored

Hi @MiserWantsToSpend .
You got me at it has a swimming pool!
Do it!

Sounds mint to me OP. What's stopping you?

@Wiresring "I'm a bit uneasy about this because I suspect a 79yo man has not come to MN as his first call for advice."

Oh dear, what a suspicious mind you have. MN is not my "first call", I have talked to my sister, the children, and my financial adviser. I don't have any close friends any more, the old buggers keep dying on me!

When my wife was dying of cancer, I started looking on the elderly parents board - the "parent" in my case being my terminally-ill wife, and I still poke my nose in there to read about adult children worrying about their elderly parents.

Do it! My mum moved into an independent living complex 6 years ago......she's living the life of Riley!
She does swimming, Thai chi, learnt conversational Italian and then took a 3 week break to Italy with 3 of her girlfriends ( all who live at the same complex), they have regular evening entertainment in the bar area, a coffee shop/ cafe and a lovely restaurant, go on regular theatre trips and days out ...the list goes on!
She recently had a hip replacement and all her after care and rehab was done in her own apartment (the additional care did cost extra but was brilliant)
She is very happy and most importantly for me, as I live abroad, she is safe. This is what her and my father saved all their lives for, unfortunately he didn't live long enough to benefit from his savings. Life is for living you've earned it!

Good for you, for joining the parenting board. Everyone is welcome on the board and its anonymous so I don't really see the "unease" at asking a question on the board - especially on the money section.

Some on mn have very different ideas, some even think im a man as I use Mike as he first part of my user name - its just a silly play on word names.

I'm just keen you.spend and gain enjoyment from the money you have accumulated

I know financial advisers say that the hardest part of their job is to get people to spend their money. I'd say it's a pity you and your wife didn't enjoy it more when you were younger. Can't turn the clock back but you can take this opportunity to get something for yourself out of a lifetime of frugality. Go for it.

I think it sounds like a fantastic idea. I only wish we'd been able to convince my DF to move to somewhere like that when he was still physically and mentally able to cope with a big change.

I actually think £4k per month sounds pretty reasonable if it includes all your bills (council tax, heating, food, activities, cleaning, gardening etc). If you're living in a large family house it's probably costing you £1.5-2k per month just to be where you are.

I think this sounds like a great idea and renting is exactly the right approach. My only word of caution would be to check the provisions regarding rent increases and build that into your planning- PP is right that you can easily fund the current rent through investments but presumably you can expect at least inflationary increases so do make sure that's factored in. But I imagine your financial adviser is fully across that.

You should also talk to him or her about the IHT implications and whether your estate would be eligible for downsizing relief.

Once you make the move and start spending it will quickly feel normal. Make the leap! There are bound to be activities. And women.Just make sure you are not paying a fortune extra housekeeping expenses. Hidden costs. Grrr.

Wow, sounds great, no cooking, cleaning and a pool, i want to move in now.............except my sons would wonder where their tea was🤔

I totally understand the frugal mindset having always had to budget carefully, I now could spend more, although not to your level but find it hard to spend on myself, still bargain hunt! Sell up and go for it, you must have worked awfully hard to have accrued such savings and you deserve to spend your last years in comfort and how you want to!👍

This is so fantastic to read! Well done to your mum.

This is 100% what I intend to do when I’m your age OP! I wish I could have persuaded my parents to do the same (they are in their 90s now and they would find the move too difficult now).

I have a friend in her late 70s in a similar set up and it has really kept her young. She was getting quite lonely before she moved. Hers costs a lot more though (about £8k per month) so fo be sure of the costs. But with £1M in liquid assets and £1M in property you should have £80k a year in interest to play with before you start your deplete capital. VERY affordable.

Also see if you can have a trial so you can make sure it’s as good as you think.

My PIL lived like paupers, refused to plan for the future despite having over £1m assets. Their health predictably deteriorated and they muddled on, hitting a low point when SIL was called to haul a naked FIL out the bath.No dignity, no pride. He died and MIL is now in care. If she lives another ten years they will still be liable for IHT. Their four GS in the meantime, struggle with student debts, driving lessons, buying houses etc.
Spend it and enjoy it, give some away. Why wait? DH inherited well from his father but tbh we didn’t need the money mid 50’s, but it would have much more use twenty years ago.
I’ve been in and out of care homes all my working life and the best care is not always that privately provided. Get spending. Die with zero!

Sorry ignore, can see you realise you've misread figures

I think if your wife was still here and asked you to make this move, you would not hesitate. I think she wouldn't want you to feel lonely as you wouldn't for her if the boot were on the other foot. Be as generous to yourself as you would to her. This is what money is for, you exchange it for things you need and want. If you don't spend it, it has no meaning. Be as kind to yourself as you would a loved one.

We save in life to give ourselves options.
My partner and I have always lived frugally but after finding myself out of work a year ago and then seeing the benefit of being there for my children we have made the decision to adjust our plans for quality of life over financial quality. Our past frugality means when I do go back to work we have the flexibility for me to go back part time without an impacting or short and longer term plans.

You have saved to give yourself options now and I would absolutely be shifting from what is the best decision from a financial to a quality of life perspective.