Money getting me down - any ideas?

[Nikki3009]

A bit of background... At 52 I left a 20-yr abusive relationship pretty much with the clothes on my back and the furniture from my daughter's bedroom!
I went into a shared ownership 2-bed house, it's what I could afford and it's a safe little home for myself and my DD, who, at 21 is in her final year at uni and living in student accommodation in London.
I work full time and earn just over £30k. My daughter gets full maintenance loan and lives off that plus I buy a lot of her food, do all her washing and try and help her out with travel costs. (her Dad isn't in the picture much but occasionally sends her some pocket money).

I feel overwhelmed financially. My old car just about scraped through it's MOT yesterday but there are several important advisories to fix. Today I got a letter to say that the rent portion of my home is going up by £50 per month. There's lots of things I'd like to do in my home but just know that I don't have the disposable income to do them.

In short, money is getting me down, as I'm sure it is for a lot of people! I live pretty frugrally. I cook from scratch, never eat out/takeaway, a friend does my hair every couple of months, I don't drink, don't smoke, haven't had a holiday for 6 years and I'm feeling that I am literally working to pay bills. I'm wondering if I should try and find an evening job in order to have a bit of extra pocket money? Is anyone else finding this? Any good tips for saving money/side hustles etc.

Lone parents, I salute you - this is hard. My daughter is home for reading week and mentioned that both her flatmates have gone away on holiday with their parents for the week. I know she didn't say it to upset me but it did highlight to me that I'm only able to provide the basics and I'd love to be able to take her away on holiday - we've been through a lot and I'd like to think we both deserve it :-) but I need a bit of disposable income to save for a holiday fund!

Your daughter needs to get a part time job. It’s that simple really. Mine is at uni and working to support herself because I am not in a position to do so. And when she leaves this year she will then be working full time.

Didn’t you get anything from the divorce? I would definitely try and get your abusive ex to pay a lot more towards his daughter’s education.

Are there any promotion opportunities at work? What about looking at other companies for similar roles but better paid?

Her father needs to step up massively! DD can work part time and in holidays.

I hear you. Our rent is going up by £80 a month and council tax will rise as well. Husband is retired. Literally working to pay the bills. DS doesn't live at home, step son recently moved out. I'm starting a secondment at the end of march which I hope will give me a bit of disposable income (though it's beginning to look like any increase is going to be swallowed up by bill increases) if you do look at additional work, make sure you calculate how much your net income would actually increase as obviously you're then paying tax etc at a higher rate.

I worked though uni because my parents couldn’t help me. An evening job that I’m still do 15 years later (as a second job, I have my full time career too).

It’s shit, whilst I would never give up that second job because it’s much more than a job. Without that money (DH does it too) life would look very different for us. It shouldn’t be like this!!

I don’t have any advice, but I hope someone comes along with something helpful.

Have you thought of doing Bank (casual) work as a support or care worker?

Also, your daughter should be working part-time.

My daughter gets full maintenance loan and lives off that plus I buy a lot of her food, do all her washing and try and help her out with travel costs

You shouldn't be doing this on such a low income.

Your DD needs to work, live off her loans and perhaps apply for grants and hardship funds. Also using the money her father gives her. You shouldn't be giving her so much when you cannot afford it.

Sorry it's been tough.

You only have two options really, increase income and reduce costs.

On the cost reduction, you are supporting your DD more than you absolutely need to. But I get she is near the end and you are probably proud you have managed to do so. Make sure you are clear the financial help stops when she finishes, or she starts contributing at that point. That will help a lot.
Do you track spending, know where every £ goes? It usually helps identify where money is frittered away.

Increasing income - might this be possible in your current role? What would you need to do? Are there roles in other organisation/ departments that would pay more? What do you need to do to be suitable?

Good luck.

Your daughter should be working to pay for her own food and travel costs.

Do people actually realise how difficult it is for students to get part time jobs these days? Especially when they can't be fully flexible because they aren't available all year round if living away for Uni. There are loads of threads on MN at the moment where school leavers can't get jobs, graduates are unemployed and can't even get pub jobs and people with years of experience can't get jobs after being made redundant etc. Jobs in retail and hospitality are disappearing at an alarming rate. My ds has only ever managed to secure a few weeks of work at chrsitmas as a student throughout his whole degree. My dd cannot work around her studies because she is doing a nursing course and doesn't get the long summer holidays off and the course is intensive. therefore we have to support them both to some extent. The maintenance loan doesn't even cover their rent !

My friend's son works for a pub that's part of a chain (like Wetherspoons), does term time at Uni town pub, home in holidays at local pub near local Uni.

DD graduated in 2022. So was at uni through Covid. She worked in Morrisons, Sainsbury’s and Costa throughout. Holiday work- not in term time. Is that no longer available?

I’m not sure how easy it is to get jobs now for students I used to work in a department store at the weekends, I’ll be honest it really impacted my studies none of my friends worked I was a couple of points off a 2:1 I’m from a poor working class background I was at a RG uni - my friends went to do safari in Kenya while worked :( I didn’t know you could appeal degree scores etc it then impacted my career long term too. What I would say is maybe she can get something very part time but the important thing is getting the degree.

This is so very true. DD did have a zero hours (well 8 hours) contract job last summer, but keeping it on would have meant a long commute and even more travel expenditure so she didn't feel it was viable

I worked all throughout university - as everyone else is saying, this is the most obvious answer.

She could start looking for a full time summer job now. Although it is definitely much harder to pick up casual work right now, she needs to

Re your questions about an evening job, I know of one person who has a Saturday job she works alongside her full time job. She is saving for a house and I think it’s really helping her get there a bit faster, she also enjoys the job - it’s in a pub and she finds it pretty social. So it is possible, but defo look for a job you would enjoy!!

We werent married - he always refused to get married (I wonder why!) So I got some equity from the house which went down as a deposit on my new place but other than that zilch. He wouldn't even let me have any of the furniture because he paid for it (he was the main breadwinner whilst I was part time when our DD was small). He had accumulated a nice lot of savings and shares whilst I had next to nothing but had always paid 50% of the household outgoings - coercive/financial control is absolutely rotten.

£30k isn't much these days if you're a homeowner and have a dependent. The good news is the end is in sight for your daughter at uni - another what, 4 months max? What's her plan after that, is she moving back in? I think you need to be clear with her that she will need to contribute if so or if she is planning to live independently, she has to support herself.

Is there any scope for you to be promoted or get a higher paid job? For most people that's the best way to earn more.

How essential is a car for you? I've saved a lot giving mine up but of course it depends on public transport where you are.

This is what I'm wondering - I'm mobile, at home most evenings/weekends. It might be nice to get out of the house and earn a bit of money at the same time. It won't hurt me to look!

You are going to have to try and reduce you essential costs and/or get a better job / do some kind of job on the side / claim universal credit

I'm assuming she will move home and yes, she will have to get a job of some description and start contributing. She's talking about doing a Masters and I have made it very clear that she will have to support that herself.

No scope for me in my current role unfortunately. Changing jobs is an option, but I like my job and the people I work with so that's a risk that may not pay off. Car is deffo an essential because of where I live. I literally wrack my brains for ways to save etc, but the cost of living these days is just crazy!

Thank you :-) I think I need to track money more than I do. It just kinds of comes in and goes out...Food is a big expenditure, I'm not extravagant but I do like cooking and we all know how much the food bills have risen in the past couple of years.

I think I'll start looking very closely at my finances and see if there's anything I can save on.

DS2 and DDIL managed to work round their nursing degrees perfectly well. They had no choice really because their bursaries were a pittance, and while we and her parents helped them as much as we could we weren’t a bottomless pits. The vast majority of their friends all worked alongside their studies too.

Round by us pubs and restaurants can’t get staff

Yes, her father should do more, but there is no recourse to make him. In his own words... "I don't care where you two live or if you can't afford a roof over her head, that's your problem".

The job market really isn't great at the moment