Secret bank account

[ameliaj1993]

Does anyone else have a bank account they put money into secretly for if anything happened which resulted in separating from their partner.

I was made to feel really guilty about it by a family member but I just see it as safeguarding myself in the event that me and my partner were to separate so I could set myself up in a new house or adjust to being a one income household.

Yes. I do now as I discovered H had a joint account with his mum. I’ve squirrelled away my pay rise when I was on temporary promotion.

Well it’s not a secret because dh knows I have another account that’s not for anything joint and not for my personal spends, he has one too. I don’t know how much is in his (never asked), he doesn’t know how much I have in mine (he’s never asked).
We have joint accounts for various things, bills, house stuff, kids uni stuff and so on, then our own personal spends accounts and then our own separate savings accounts. We both mostly use ours for things like holidays with friends that are nothing to do with family but it builds up quietly and slowly and I could look after myself for a while if I needed to. That’s fundamentally what it’s there for I suppose.

Yeah it’s absolutely fine, sensible, as long as you don’t mind if he has the same.

It’s not a secret - my OH knows I have access to savings in my own name if the shit hits the fan - but he knew he was with someone who’s Mum and Nan instilled in me to never be financially reliant on a man. He has no issue with it whatsoever - whilst if I was with a complete dickhead or someone who was funny about stuff like that, I would still have it and they would absolutely not know about it.

Everyone should have money that is theirs alone, ie separate from joint family money. It is up to you what you do with it, but it would be wise to save some, rather than blow it all on day to day non essentials.

It doesn't need to be a secret, and if it does, you've got bigger issues, but it is entirely your business what you spend it on, or how much of it you save, without fear of judgement from your partner, or anyone else for that matter.

Unless you've been squirelling away family money at the expense of household essentials or your partner/DCs wants and needs, then your family member needs to butt out.

This, are you happy with him having his own savings too?

Pretty common I think whether as as go to fund it it all goes titzup or just for spending you'd rather you kept to yourself.

Yes I do. Always have had.

No and I’d be angry if I found out DH had one.

Well, it’s not secret if you’re telling other people about it!

im like the others up thread, I have my own account as does dh but don’t know how much each other has. Its good to have some autonomy and a back up.

I have a savings account that I stash monies into. Its not really a secret as bank info cones through the post. But think DP would be surprised at how much is in there.

For me it comes from childhood and seeing some of our family lose everything. It was horrid. I think I was struggling to process how the wife knew nothing/had nothing. I mentally need to know I have £xxxx just in case.

In our day to day handling of monies, we have a joint account for household//shopping/petrol and I can use what I want of it. I also have a bank account for stuff like pilates classes, expensive shampoo! etc... DP has his own bank account. We have our own credit cards too but I'm a pay it all off each month dullard.

It works for us, DP has been great at recognising that since having children my journey up the career ladder halted and deviated. They've never made me feel that they are the main earner and I am beholden to them.

No, why would money in your own named account need to be a secret? Both DH and I have our own savings accounts. That’s normal surely? Are you being financially abused hence keeping things secret?

My DH doesn't know what savings and investments I have, I would tell him but he's not really interested. I know all of his as I keep the family accounts and update things monthly. I guess it would all be marital money anyway.

No. DH and I each have accounts with the same amount in that would be more than enough for solicitors fees and a deposit on a rental if we needed it. But they’re kept at the same amount and are both visible to each other.

If I had a relationship where I felt like I needed a secret account, I would be leaving the relationship imminently. If I had a DH that didn’t appreciate that we both need enough available funds to leave if we wanted or needed to, again I’d be finding a new DH, not setting up a just in case fund.

I would advise anyone to do this tbh.

It isn’t a secret now because you told someone! Don’t tell anyone else.

Yeah I'm fine with him having his own savings, my worry is he earns alot more than me which Is why I set up the safety fund.

This. But I don't think they should need to be secret.

There was a similar thread recently and iirc from the posts there it was pretty normal and a sensible thing to have if finances allow.

None of us know when we might need money in the future

Why are you discussing it with family members, what business is it of theirs?

Well he sees finances as his vs mine nothing is together how I feel it should be in a partnership so I need to make sure I'm ok in the event of what if

My husband did before we divorced!

So if your finances are entirely separate why would you need a secret account? Surely it’s just yours?

Because he checks my account and sees all my balance and transactions

Why are you letting him do this? Wha the actual fuck is that about?

Just to add, even if you were ok with that, which would be weird, but why would you need to hide money from him? How do you even do it if he is checking your banks transactions?

OP it sounds like you are being financially abused.

If you earn less because you do more at home, you should have equal access to family money and an equal amount of personal spending money.

You should be able to spend or save this money as you wish without him checking your account and seeing your balance and transactions.