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Original poster

Rather sensitive problem

32 replies

vowella · 16/02/2026 06:38

Hello,

I have a problem that has a troubling context, but I just need some practical advice.

My son lives with me. He is a lovely, caring and very vulnerably young man. However, he has an eating disorder that means he spends a lot of money on food.

He is receiving help and I am sure he will come through this difficult time. However, once or twice, he has borrowed my bank card and copied it onto Google pay on his phone. This has played havoc with my budgeting and I have had to cancel my card and get a new one. Unfortunately, the card copying has occurred again, and I am about to cancel my card.

I do not need advice re my son's behaviour, I know what it is, but I would like to know if there is any way I can prevent my card from being used for Google Pay. It seems like the only practical measure that I can take when this occurs is to cancel and change my bank card.

Thanks

OP posts:
PersephoneParlormaid · 16/02/2026 06:40

Do you need a card, can you put it on Apple Pay, then hide it?

EvangelineTheNightStar · 16/02/2026 06:41

How old is he and how is he getting access to steal your card?
is he buying takeaways or going to the shops and buying snacks?

Womaninhouse17 · 16/02/2026 06:42

Isn't the answer to just make sure that he never gets hold of your bank card? When you say he borrowed it, do you mean you lent it to him or that he took it without you knowing? Once he's got your card or knows all the numbers on it, he'd be able to use it for anything, not just Google Pay.

Meadowfinch · 16/02/2026 06:45

Surely just don't give him the card. Hide it or lock it away. Carry it in a money belt. And have one discussion with your ds. If he ever uses your card again, you will report him to the police for theft.

If he uses your card again, follow through on the threat. He's an adult. It's time to tell him No.

TeenagersAngst · 16/02/2026 06:46

Can’t remember how I set up my cards on Apple Pay but is there an option to turn on two factor authentication? Eg via the app - so when the card is added you also need to authenticate?

puppyparent · 16/02/2026 06:47

surely the most important practical measure you can take is to stop him from getting a hold of your card in the first place. Hide it?

somanychristmaslights · 16/02/2026 06:54

I can’t remember the last time I used my physical card. Cut it up and just use your phone to pay.

Hodgemollar · 16/02/2026 06:54

Surely it’s not once or twice that he’s stolen from you then if it’s done this much damage to your finances?
The only way you can stop your car being used for google pay is by not sharing the details with someone. You need a new card and you need to keep it away from your son.

Original poster
vowella · 16/02/2026 08:59

Thank you. I do tend to keep my card in my bag and carry it with me. There are however, occasions when I may have left it downstairs when I have gone to bed, or when I have (stupidly) given it to him to pay for petrol when we are out.

With respect to the damage that can be done. The binges involve food items of up to £100 a day. A few days of that causes serious damage to my account. I think you are right, a money belt or something similar may be the solution.

OP posts:
TeaRoseTallulah · 16/02/2026 09:04

You need to take full responsibility for your card, he's stealing from you and you need to prevent it. Never let him anywhere near it for his sake and yours.

KeepOffTheQuinoa · 16/02/2026 09:04

My friend keeps her card down her bra.

Summerhillsquare · 16/02/2026 09:41

It's a short term fix though, what treatment is he getting for his eating disorders?

Carrotsandgrapes · 16/02/2026 10:12

The easiest thing to do here is to physically prevent access. To add a card to his Google Pay he will have needed your card and probably also your phone (most banks will send a text message or bank app notification for you to confirm you want to add the card).

So :

  1. Never leave you card unattended. Hide it or buy one of those lockable cash boxes and lock it away. You're just going to have to get into the habit of doing this.
  2. Change the pin on your phone - he probably knows it. When you're around him, only log in to your phone using fingerprint or face, so he can't "shoulder surf" and find out your pin
  3. Change your phone settings so that when you get a text message, it doesn't show on the lock screen.
  4. Keep some cash on you. So, like in your example, you're filling up in petrol and he's going in to pay, you can just give him the right amount of cash, rather than your card. But don't leave cash around either - as he might start stealing this as an alternative!
Carrotsandgrapes · 16/02/2026 10:20

Just thought of something else - most banking apps let you temporarily freeze your card (in case you lose it etc). Could you keep your card frozen and only unfreeze it when you're about to pay for something?

Arcticbattle32 · 16/02/2026 11:47

Could you get a revolut card and only put on there what you are happy for him to spend? Or get him his own revolut card and manage funds via the app? And not allow access to any other cards?

noidea69 · 16/02/2026 11:49

What does he say when you point out to him that he has stolen your card details and bought £100's worth of food.

EvangelineTheNightStar · 16/02/2026 11:52

vowella · 16/02/2026 08:59

Thank you. I do tend to keep my card in my bag and carry it with me. There are however, occasions when I may have left it downstairs when I have gone to bed, or when I have (stupidly) given it to him to pay for petrol when we are out.

With respect to the damage that can be done. The binges involve food items of up to £100 a day. A few days of that causes serious damage to my account. I think you are right, a money belt or something similar may be the solution.

He’s spending £100 a day of your money? Does he have an income of his own? How does he fund his car?

G5000 · 16/02/2026 11:53

your bank should be able to block the card from being provisioned to digital wallets. Mine even has that option in the bank app.

beadystar · 16/02/2026 12:19

Replace your card and keep it hidden/locked away. As a precaution, you can also freeze it on your app. Get your son a Revolut account or similar and you can transfer what he needs. Then he has his own card. Does he have consequences for stealing?

ByQuaintAzureWasp · 16/02/2026 12:30

I would not allow him access to my card. You know he will attempt to use it yet you are leaving your card around?

FcukBreastCancer · 16/02/2026 12:32

My Google Pay needs a finger print authorization
Op. You need to check all your settings and hide the card

FcukBreastCancer · 16/02/2026 12:35

I also get a notification every time my Google Pay is used. So you definitely can limit the damage!

TeaRoseTallulah · 16/02/2026 13:57

I would put a lock on my bedroom door and keep my handbag in there when at home or I'd end up forgetting my card if I kept it elsewhere in the house.

ResultsMayVary · 16/02/2026 20:29

I think it's important that you make it clear that he must pay back the stolen funds. You shouldn't be the one carrying the consequences and of he gets away scott free it really doesn't help him at all.

Zanatdy · 17/02/2026 05:37

I keep my card in the back of my phone case so it’s with me at all times.