Can UC make me put child in nursery before 3?

[Didibluex]

Hi all,

Looking for some advice. I’m a single mum to two young dc (youngest almost 2).

I was initially planning on going back to work last year but youngest ds has had recurrent tonsilitis (10 times since the summer with most requiring antibiotics including IV). He’s also had two chest infections in that period with the last resulting in him being admitted to hospital for oxygen treatment. He always gets a petechial rash with the tonsilitis so has had numerous blood tests at A&E

ENT have said they won’t remove his tonsils until 2 and he’s also been referred to paediatrics for immunology panel before they remove them (which he had before Christmas but they couldn’t get a sample so waiting on that). On the other hand, my elder son is very rarely ill despite being in school full time and wasn't as a baby/toddler.

I have 3 monthly meetings with UC and work coach is very nice and understanding but I keep getting sent notes on journal about childcare and asked which nurseries I’ve put him down for. I’ve put him on the waiting list for the local ones.

So my question is, can they make you put them in nursery before 3? I’m aware at 3 he will need to be in nursery as I will need to work up to 30 hours.

It’s stressing me out as he gets ill so often. I can’t imagine what it will be like when he starts nursery. Last month he had tonsilitis twice and the antibiotics he’s prescribed are 10 days each. He has to have them every 6 hours and no eating 2 hours before or 1 hour after. When he has it, he often refuses to eat and fluids are hard to get into him unless he has calpol/nurefon and difflam spray. He’s also up almost every hour crying during the night when he has it.

Just to add, his dad has moved abroad and not involved (his choice). My family all work full time so they can’t help with childcare.

Any advice greatly appreciated!

Excuse me?

Ignore @unbelievablybelievable. Anyone who gets the rage at the idea of a young child being cared for by their mum is not worth paying attention to.

Until your youngest child is 3 you do not have to work or look for work but you must be positively engaging with your work coach and preparing to start work asap once your child turns 3. So yes in some areas that will include getting your child's name onto nursery waiting lists as some nurseries have long waiting lists and you can't wait until your child is 3 to start looking. You will need a very flexible arrangement of hours for your first couple of years because your child will regularly get illnesses and infections in the first few years as their immune system learns all the bugs, so your employer will need to be ok with regularly needing to restructure your hours to be able to stay at home with a sick child.

No they can't. DWP guidance puts you in a "Work preparation" group until your DC turns 3.

Once your child has turned 3 you will be moved to the intensive work search regime where you will be expected to look for work unless there are extenuating circumstances.

@unbelievablybelievable shame on you!

Of course it isn't. Its a valid question.

In that case, every mum should be paid to stay home with their toddler until 3. No more work for me! Wahey!

I assume you are happy to take government funding (aka money) to use towards nursery for your under 3s?
What's the difference? Still government money....

There seem to be a couple of posters this morning who are going out of their way to be unpleasant, no idea why.

Whats the actual point of that comment?

I have no idea about UC, but as a parent of a child who had a different chronic ENT problem I totally sympathise.

I was only able to work as I was well established in my job, had an understanding line manager and support.
It was exhausting and relentless.

Hope he improves after surgery OP.
My daughter had grommets and things got much better.

If you have a child under 3 and are under the savings limit etc, then do it. If you’d actually rather not be a stuggling single parent on very little money then shut up.

OP no they can’t force you, I think they just start encouraging you to look for work and getting you ‘ready’. Can you also look into childminders for when it’s time?

Because most people don’t have the option to stay at home until their child is 3 - I assume that’s the youngest is 3 so could be many years of taxpayer funding.

Every mum can do so, if you are willing to live at the lifestyle level that is accessible on UC (including that you live off your own assets until your balance of assets is below £16k and that if you have a partner whose income is sufficient to keep you then they are expected to do so). I rather suspect that you chose to return to work because you knew you'd be better off in the long run and that you are living a way nicer lifestyle than OP can afford.

Thank you all for your helpful replies!

@Playingvideogames not sure if you’re deliberately being obtuse or lack comprehension skills?

As I said, I was planning on returning to work when he turned 1 but after repeated infections, antibiotics, hospital admissions and now investigations for his immune system, it’s proving harder than I anticipated. I’m pretty sure most nurseries wouldn’t allow a child to attend while on antibiotics, with a temperature and a non blanching rash? Which is occurring sometimes twice a month.

It’s because of the shortage of nursery places they want to know you have them on a waiting list.

Actually, it's the dad "choosing" not to be involved and moving abroad that pisses me off more.

(Although yea, I don't believe benefits should ever be a choice. They are a safety net for when people fall on hard times.)

Hes almost 2, not 3. Had you read the post correctly, I’ve already stated he will be in nursery and I’ll be returning to work when he turns 3.

Yes you do. You just don't have the option to stay at home and also live the lifestyle you have that's rather nicer than the life of a single mum on UC, which you can afford because you didn't choose that option. Even during the toughest years when childcare is wiping out most of your take-home salary you're still better off than OP because of the continuity of employment that will boost your finances for the next 70 years. The state supports mums like OP because it works out cheaper in the long run. Your nasty jealousy is misplaced.

As your first contribution was "is this rage bait" and this one isn't much better i get the impression you aren't here to offer any helpful input.

That’s what MOST men would do though!

Hence why most women don’t leave them as they’re too scared of the what ifs (see it on mn all the time)

As others said, he won't have to go to nursery before 3 unless you want him to. When he does turn 3, earning enough to reach the current AET will be enough to stop them contacting you - so anything above around 20 hours will suffice if you can afford it.

I’m so glad your daughter has improved after having her grommets. 😊I really hope he has the surgery soon.

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